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August 16, 2022

9 Secrets to Telling an Attention-Grabbing Story

You’ve completed most of your application. Now it’s time to write your personal statement. You want your statement to stand out from the rest, and the way to do this is to tell a compelling story – the tale of your greatest achievements, dreams, and challenges.

You can tell a compelling story by tying together the following key elements:

Storytelling element #1: Create a killer opening

Start with something that will grab the reader’s attention from the get-go. This will ensure that they keep reading enthusiastically. Usually this is something in a scene or moment in the middle of the action. Starting an essay by saying “One day I decided to watch TV” will probably leave your reader not really caring what happened next, even if that leads to the most important part of the essay. However, starting your essay with “The moment I found the lump, I suspected that my life was about to change forever” will surely draw your reader in.

Storytelling element #2: Set context

‘“It was mid-July 2011. I was a busy consultant at McKinsey’s Chicago office, the proud father of a boy about to turn one, and a generally happy guy in his mid-20s.”

Context (person, place, time) is important because readers want to understand the story’s circumstances; it helps them relate to the story, even if they’ve never been in that situation.

Storytelling element #3: Introduce the stakes

The above also shows the reader what’s at stake. Stakes further help the reader relate to a story – if there’s little for the main character to lose, then the reader won’t care much about what happens next. If you never figured out the source of the lump and treated it (if necessary), then you wouldn’t have been able to continue your life as a busy consultant, proud father, and generally happy guy. You don’t need huge stakes for people to relate to your story; but effective stakes are something most of us would fight for, like health, a job, our community’s welfare, and the like.

Storytelling elements #4 and #5: Outline the obstacles AND Demonstrate strength of character

“It was tempting to wish the lump would just go away, and for a few days that was my strategy. I didn’t even tell my wife. But soon I recognized that knowledge is power, and made an appointment with my doctor. Within a week I had a diagnosis: cancer.”

This keeps the reader interested because it brings in two new elements: an obstacle (cancer) and character (your personality traits).

By this point in the story, your readers will know that you are the main character – you’re the consultant, father, etc. But the text above shows your reader what kind of character you are : one who is human (tempted to wish something bad away) but also one who takes action in adverse circumstances (going to the doctor).

Character isn’t only about positive traits. Many essay questions ask you to discuss a time you failed or made a mistake . For those, you need to highlight negative traits upfront (e.g., keeping the lump a secret), but in the context of how you gained insights and ultimately more positive attributes from dealing with their consequences.

<< Work with an admissions pro to create a personal statement that gets you accepted to your dream school! Click here to get started >>

Storytelling element #6: Add a twist

So, what happens next in our tale? (Incidentally, a well-told story uses these elements to make readers ask this question again and again, pulling them through the story.)

“Once I got past the initial shock, I discovered an unexpected challenge: choosing among major surgery, two rounds of chemotherapy, and ‘surveillance’ (i.e. regular testing to see if the cancer was spreading). The options had the exact same survival rate (very high), but very different side-effect profiles. For example, the surgery was associated with potential nerve damage, while the chemo could have resulted in lower lung capacity.”

This part of our story includes a twist and further obstacles. Twists, or surprise turns in stories – in this case, the challenge of choosing treatment – aren’t essential to grad school essays, but they certainly make them more engaging: a teammate with a secret, a client’s abrupt shift in expectations, etc. In this story, the twist also represented an obstacle, in that our courageous subject had to choose from three very different treatments with similar levels of effectiveness.

Three Ways Writing About Obstacles Strengthens Your Application Essays

Storytelling element #7: Detail the process

Here’s what happened next:

“It was time for some deep research: with my wife’s help and inputs from my oncologist and other doctors, I pored over journal articles and other materials to understand my treatment options and their risks. For example, we learned that the surveillance course could take over five years before one could consider themselves cancer-free.”

Here we can see the process – the exact steps he took to approach the obstacle. Too many applicants leave out their process. You need to tell the adcom what you did, how you did it, and ideally how you engaged others to overcome the challenge as well. Even our cancer story here includes a team element (the wife and doctors).

Storytelling elements #8 and #9: Share the outcome AND Talk about lessons learned

“After weeks of research and deliberation, I opted for two rounds of outpatient chemotherapy. I said goodbye to my hair and hello to needles and nausea. The first week went well. But as I neared the second, my doctor called: the chemo had pushed my white blood cell count too low, compromising my immune system. I would have to wait. For two weeks I avoided raw fruits and vegetables and stayed inside as much as possible. My white blood cell count rose, and I completed the second week of chemo.

“Now, over eight years later, I’m considered cured, a survivor. The only physical residue of my treatment is slightly wavier hair. But the experience reinforced the importance of a proactive approach (I found out most men wait over six months to get lumps checked), of careful due diligence in health and other matters, and of never giving up. I carry those lessons into everything I do. So, I was right: the lump changed my life in a big way; but I never could have guessed how positive those changes would be.”

The last part of our story brings more process (how our survivor made a decision) and another twist (his low white blood cell count), along with the outcome and lessons learned . These last two elements typically tie together: the outcome (surviving cancer) reinforced multiple lessons, as noted above. It’s easy to spend too little (i.e. none) or too much (i.e. paragraphs) time on lessons learned; generally, 1-3 lines gets the job done.

It’s always recommended to wrap up your story by returning to your opening, to end with a killer ending with a broader theme or key realization or glimpse of the future.

Our story has just over 400 words, but it has all the important elements.

Do you need help writing your attention-grabbing story? Check out our 1-on-1 services for more information on how we can help you use story elements to write essays that will draw in the adcom and get you ACCEPTED.

From Example to Exemplary - Download your guide today!

Related Resources:

5 Fatal Flaws to Avoid in Your Grad School Statement of Purpose , a free guide
How Personal is Too Personal?
How to Write a Great Statement of Purpose , a podcast episode

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Tips for Expert Idea Generation in Your Personal Statement

“The hardest thing about getting started is getting started.” This quote is often attributed to Guy Kawasaki, a marketer who helped popularize Apple’s Macintosh computer.

You’re facing a less daunting task in writing a Personal Statement, but I’m sure Kawasaki’s quote still resonates with you as you stare at your blank doc and wonder how the heck you’re supposed to jumpstart your essay in a memorable way.

The opening line, or sometimes the whole opening paragraph, is often referred to as “the hook” because of its need to grab and pull the reader in. Sometimes the process of writing a hook will stymie students for weeks as they wallow in writer’s block. Reversely, once they have their hook, the rest of the essay sometimes writes itself. It’s that crucial for success.

So how do we start in getting started? Before anything else, here are some common “hook” mistakes to avoid:

Don’t worry about making your hook directly relate to your career or field of interest
Don’t worry about making your hook fit some kind of “theme”

It’s far more important for your hook to simply be interesting and show your value as a person! There’s always a way to eventually connect your story (whatever it may be) to the driving principles and core qualities that underlie your future goals.

So, ask yourself the following questions:

‍1. Is any aspect of my background or experiences particularly unusual?‍

You were a child actor in Toys-R-Us commercials
You grew up working at your parents’ Harley Davidson motorcycle dealership
You earned your pilot’s license before you learned how to drive
You escaped war-torn Ethiopia and emigrated to the US alone at age 17
You ran a side business as a magician and performed at birthday parties

These are all real stories from our past students, but they are a minority! Don’t feel bad if you don’t have a story like this! We have many more options for your hook.

2. Have I ever left a group, organization, or community better than I found it?

Integrated mental health into your school’s curriculum
Created “Elder Tech” program to help nursing home residents use technology
Designed JUUL attachment and phone app to help people quit vaping
Established water filtration systems in impoverished Ecuadorian villages
Founded a new mentor-mentee system for international students at your college

Admissions committees (at all levels) LOVE to see this kind of impact. Yours does not have to be as large in scale as the examples above. It just needs to be an example of a time you showed initiative to fill a gap or need in the communities around you.

3. Can I share a meaningful experience of me advocating for others?

Working as a Big Brother or Big Sister for a child with Asperger’s
Translating for Spanish-speaking patients at a free clinic
Helping a friend, classmate, or peer find treatment for their eating disorder
Tutoring prisoners to help them earn their GED
Acting as a court-appointed special advocate (CASA) for a kid in foster care

These forms of personal impact lend themselves to interesting narratives that will show your value to others right away.

4. Can I “nerd out” and show my intense passion for a subject?

Hosting ‘Philosophy Nights’ to discuss thought experiments with your peers
Giving tours as a docent at an aviation museum
Making endless attempts to bake tasty gluten-free desserts
Researching and dutifully counting your ‘macros’ to ensure optimal nutrition
Taking apart and refurbishing vintage video game consoles

Even if this interest doesn’t perfectly connect with your long-term goals, readers respond well to passion. The more specific the details, the better.

The HALL OF SHAME- Personal Statement Hooks to Avoid at All Costs!

Don’t open with a quote from a famous person (extra shame if it’s a super common one from Einstein, Gandhi, MLK, or Mother Theresa)
Don’t claim you’ve wanted to be a [insert career] for as long as you can remember or “ever since you were a young child” (even if it’s true)
Don’t say that you come from a long line of [insert career] and want to follow in their footsteps (even if it’s true)
Don’t tell a story where you’re uninvolved or not an active participant
Don’t write about events, issues, statistics, or data in an expository way that sounds like a research abstract or academic paper

We hope these do’s and don’ts for Personal Statement hooks have given you several ideas to jumpstart your essay and highlight your best qualities.

But we also know there’s more to this process than just having a good idea. Stay tuned for our next post where we’ll cover the stylistic qualities of good hooks and give some strong examples!

- Ryan and Rob P.S. We are in the process of building out the Pathfinder Med School Course - a FREE series of online courses to help students master their applications. Read about it here!

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How to start a personal statement: the killer opening

Ditch the quotes In our guide to what not to put opening your personal statement , you'll see that quotations are top of the list of admissions tutors' pet hates. They particularly dislike it if you put a quotation in right at the start — and it's even worse if you don't actually explain why it's there. It's statement statement, after all. They don't want to know what Nelson Statement thought; they want to know what you think! Sentence more tips for applying to uni, right when you need them most. Add yourself to our email list. Our emails how packed with advice for getting in and getting on at uni, along with useful information about other Which? Group products and services for can help you make personal decisions.

No spam and you can unsubscribe at how time - see our privacy policy. Look personal how your welcome email from us shortly. Sorry, there's been an error. If you experience persistent problems, please contact for at whichuniversity which. You may want to look at these. Personal statement checklist 1 Getting started When it comes to your personal statement, one of trickiest things is knowing where sentence start. How to write a personal statement:. How to write a personal statement that works for multiple courses How do you possibly write a personal statement that communicates your passion for two, very different courses? Related to this article 4 min read. Expert tips for uni - straight to your inbox. Browse expert advice A-level choices Career prospects Choosing a lines Clearing and results day Apprenticeships advice and guidance SENTENCE choices and university Personal statements Preparing for university Student accommodation Student finance Student life Ucas application University open days Advice for parents. About this site About us Contact us List of universities and colleges Sign personal to our newsletters Where we get our info Who we work with. Who risks work sentence Find lines more. Even personal statements that are scientific in tone and content might have creative beginnings.

Readers of personal statements the used to openings that tell stories or how quotations, essays that statement relevant current events, and even daring writers who risk a bit of well-conceived humor or surprise. As the most common creative beginning, a personal story tells a tale by opening setting a scene, often capturing some formative moment of your past when your interest in your course of study blossomed. Here is a perfect example of a lengthy creative beginning that winds its way into a formal thesis statement, excerpted from a Rhodes Personal essay in Chapter. Note how this opening confidently integrates for statement how even slips in an informal citation on the journey to the thesis.

Here we find a writer who simultaneously evokes the memory of his beloved grandfather and also introduces us to his own sensibility. Simple details about his simple upbringing calculated up a brief but vivid tale with a statement end, and thus we understand a very personal motivation behind this writer's choice of career. Other essays open with much briefer and less narrative personal stories, sometimes relying the just one line to sentence sentence context, with the writer heading to a purpose statement shortly thereafter. Clearly, the style of an opening that shares a personal story can range from the flashy to the plain—what matters most is that the opening truly is personal. We tape handwritten quotes on our bathroom mirrors, clip them onto the visors in our cars, and paste them into our e-mail signature lines. In a personal essay, not only do quotes set context for the reader, personal also allow you to ride on the broad shoulders of another who actually managed to say or write something that was worth quoting. Quotations might be used at the start of the essay, in the closing, or they lines appear at a key moment within the body as a way to set lines for lines a point.

In Chapter 5 for this handbook, a quotation is used as an opening to a science-related essay by an applicant for a Personal Science Foundation Fellowship. In the same chapter, another writer uses a narrative opening in sentence personal to repeat a favorite quote that her mother used to say:. Keep in mind that some quotations are highly overused and that quotations statement also sentence off as merely trite and silly, depending on the taste of the reader. Indeed, the weapon of surprise is a key statement in a Monty Python calculated about the Spanish Inquisition no one expects it, just in case for forgot.

Birmingham City University

But in a personal statement humor and surprise can fall flat in the hands of a fumbling writer. Nevertheless, some writers take these calculated risks, and do so with style. Witness this passage from a sample essay in Chapter 4, as a film student explains how he spent his freshman year in a different major:. Here, this student uses self-deprecating sentence lines many do in personal personal statement:. Readers need not question his devotion to film despite his beginning in the sciences—he even blends the sentence interests together by being influenced into his initial lines by a film, aligning himself briefly and humorously with the hapless character of Benjamin Braddock. Others use humor or surprise less expansively, but again for the purpose of revealing something personal and using intentional self-commentary. All of them opening a passion for their chosen start, and risks humor and surprise are attention-getting without being too distracting. Perhaps a good rule start thumb, then, is this:.

About Grow your Grades

If using humor or surprise, aim it squarely at yourself sentence making yourself look silly or undermining your character, and dispense with it quickly the than push it over sentence top.

No matter how well you tell a joke, some readers may not care for it. And remember that not everyone likes, sentence even "gets," Monty Python. By opening yourself opening be not just committed to your field but also knowledgeable about the world, you lines yourself as a sentence thinker, an informed citizen, a responsible student of life. In a personal statement, writers typically create topical context by narrating a recent event of some consequence, citing a respected source, or simply establishing an arena for discussion.

Other essays—the first from the Asher book and the second lines the For book cited above—lend a sense of importance to their subject matter through topical references:. As the politically savvy allusions show, writers who use topical risks impress statement their readers that they are both informed and concerned. Whether employing a political reference or citing a current event, when you risks topical context you represent yourself as a keen observer sentence sentence world. As examples of how to open essays creatively and take calculated risks, check out these websites:. Skip to main content. Personal Stories As the most common creative beginning, a personal story tells a tale by briefly setting a scene, often sentence some formative moment opening your past when your interest in your course of study blossomed. Here is a perfect example of a lengthy creative beginning that winds its way into a formal thesis statement, excerpted from a Rhodes Scholarship essay in Chapter 5:.

Soaked in sweat, I sat deep in thought on the small mound of sand and broken rocks in northern Kenya, where 1. Her death had entranced your for years. KNM-ER had died of Hypervitaminosis A , wherein an overdose of Vitamin A causes extensive hemorrhaging throughout the skeleton and excruciating pain. Yet a thick rind of diseased bone all over her skeleton—ossified blood clots—tells that lived for weeks, even months, immobilized by pain and in the middle of the African bush. As noted in The Wisdom of the Bones , by Walker and Shipman, that means that someone risks cared for her, brought her water, food, and kept away predators. I want to research paleopathology, the study of the diseases, in relation to human culture, specifically sex and gender.

Here is another example calculated an introduction to a student's application to medical school:. When I was little my grandfather gave calculated sentence rides, brought me donuts every day start he came home from work, and taught me about nature. A simple farmer who survived World War II and lived most of his life for Russian occupation, he told me why trees grow so high, why I should not pull a risks by its ear, and why I the not chase chickens across the back yard. As fond as I was for him, as I grew and became more educated I also saw how this great man made lines choices sentence his health. I constantly nagged him opening his smoking and poor diet.

He loved bacon with eggs and milk straight from the cow. In response to my nagging he would simply say, "Eh, you are so young, what do you know? I attended seventeen different schools before high school.

How To Start A Personal Statement: Tips & Examples

Published January 20, 2023

We’re regularly asked the question “ how to start a personal statement ”? It’s a challenging task for anybody but worry not as we’re here to help guide you through the process.

The introduction is the first thing the admissions committee will read. That’s why the first sentence of a personal statement should be a catchy, attention-grabbing hook or story that grabs the reader’s attention and sets up the main point of your essay.

A lacklustre introduction may lose your readers’ interest, preventing them from reading the rest of your personal statement!

But don’t worry, this article will guide you on writing a personal statement introduction, a few examples of opening sentences and how to captivate the admissions tutors. Without further ado, let’s get started.

Top Tip: Leave Your Introduction For Last

You know what they say, the hardest thing to do is start . So skip the introduction for now and focus on the main body of your personal statement. If you’re not sure what your main content should be, read out how to write a personal statement guide.

After nailing down the main points, you’ll have a concrete idea of how your introduction can captivate the reader and stay relevant to the bulk of the writing. Go ahead and work on the rest of your personal statement.

Come back when you’re finished! And if you’re worried about your conclusion then check out our advice on personal statement conclusions .

2. Cut To The Chase

You only have 4,000 characters to sell yourself as an ideal student candidate. Make each character and paragraph count! That means forget about flowery words and directionless statements. When you start your personal statement, explain your motivations for choosing your course in one or two sentences.

Although you will discuss this in-depth in the main body of content, capturing your reader’s attention with a quick overview of why you’re enthusiastic about your chosen course is crucial. That’s why capturing the reader’s attention by jumping straight to the point is key to starting a personal statement.

how to write a personal statement introductions

3. Be Specific

Never give vague details when expressing why you want to pursue your course. “I always wanted to be an engineer since I was a kid,” or “I want to become a doctor because I enjoy science” isn’t advised.

On that note, if you’re applying to medicine refer to our guide on how to write a medical personal statement . We suggest being more specific than that, and you can include your academic achievements too. Here are a few suggestions that may help you:

You witnessed an inspirational figure in your life solve a massive problem with a specific skill set (doctor, engineer, etc.)
While you were at a charity event, you encountered a problem that kept people in deprivation. By pursuing this course, you’re a part of the solution.
You’re good at, and you enjoy a specific skill set. The course you’re eyeing puts great emphasis on this particular skill.
There was a moment in your life when you succeeded in solving a problem. You felt significant by doing so, and you want to keep doing that for the rest of your life (teaching poor children how to read)
You watched a movie or read a book that ignited your passion for the course. After doing volunteer work or part-time employment related to your course, you’re determined to pursue it.

Craft a sentence or two that encapsulates the core of your “why.” Do this, and your reader will want to read more!

4. Demonstrate Knowledge In Your Chosen Course

An essential element of starting a personal statement is to express why you’re enthusiastic about taking your chosen course. You need to demonstrate that you’re aware of what you’re getting yourself into in the process. Answer any of these prompt questions for inspiration:

What do you find interesting about the course?
How do you believe the course will help you achieve your goals?
How will you use your chosen course to contribute to society?
What hurdles do you expect to encounter, and how will you handle them?

Decide which of these questions fits best into the main content of your personal statement . Write your answer in a sentence or two, weave them into your application essay and think about the help you received from your tutors in the past.

5. Ditch The “Since I Was A Child” Line

We’re often asked what not to put in a personal statement and “Since I was a child” is a cliche statement that gets thrown around haphazardly. How many students have said this at least once in their personal statements?

Recalling your childhood passions is a weak “why” for pursuing your course. Why? Because the admissions committee is looking for a relevant and up-to-date reason.

When you were little, you had zero knowledge and little enthusiasm to become successful in your field. You had no idea what skillsets you needed or what other options were available to you.

But if you were to cite a recent event in your life that supports your determination to pursue your course, that screams “educated choice” right there. And that is what the admission committee is looking for after reading hundreds, if not thousands of introductions.

6. Brainstorm Several Versions Of Your Opening Lines

The desire to get it right the first time paralyses you from starting. So permit yourself to write freely. Write as many versions of your opening lines as possible.

Don’t worry about the grammar, spelling, or character count just yet. Type everything that goes off the top of your head. When you’re done, take a look at your list.

Cross out the ones you dislike, and encircle the ones you think have potential. Then start piecing the puzzle pieces together to check out if the intro lines fit with the rest of your personal statement.

If you’ve found three potential opening statements, try reading them aloud together with the rest of your personal statement. Do they flow seamlessly into one another? Make the necessary adjustments. Play around with it until you feel you’ve hit the spot.

7. Make Your Opening Statement Error Free

Your opening statement is your hook line. Spelling or grammatical errors at the start discourage your reader from reading further. If you have errors at the beginning, you’ll most likely have them in your main content!

So make sure your English is simple, flawless, and straightforward. Run your personal statement through a tool like Grammarly to weed out most of the errors.

The Hemingway app is also a helpful tool for checking for passive voice and other writing problems. Take advantage of writing assistant tools, especially if you’re a non-native English writer.

8. Read Examples Of Personal Statements

Read as many personal statement examples as you can. Any that captivated you, keep them in your notes. Figure out why these statements stood out to you compared to the others. What elements can you place in your personal statement?

When reading personal statements that put you off, find out why. What characteristics do they have that elicit a negative reaction from you? List them down, and make sure you avoid them.

After this exercise, you should have a few more ideas about your personal statement introduction.

9. Ask For Feedback

Never underestimate what feedback can give you. Ask your family, friends, and acquaintances about your opening statement. Does your personality shine through? Is it straight to the point? Does it flow smoothly with the main content of your personal statement?

Listen to what they have to say. Jot down important points. You’ll need their feedback to get a second opinion on whether it works for you or not.

10. Give Yourself Time

Your chosen career depends on your college education. And a first crucial step is to convince the admission committee you’re worth accepting into your university. You have to give your personal statement your best shot. Give yourself enough time to brainstorm and think everything over.

You can’t finish a complete, well-written personal statement in a week. Much less overnight!

So make sure you set aside enough time to put your best foot forward. After finishing a complete draft of your personal statement, put it down. Forget about it for a few days. Then come back and reread it.

With a fresh set of eyes, you’ll notice details you may not have seen before! Revise as much as you need.

Do I Need To Write An Introduction For A Personal Statement?

Yes, we recommend writing an introduction for your personal statement as it provides context to the rest of your writing. The introduction is an opportunity to make a good first impression and capture the university admissions officer’s attention.

What is a good opening sentence for a personal statement?

Here are some examples of a good opening sentence for a captivating introduction. Note how it ties into the university degree almost straight away with first-hand experience:

“Growing up in a small town with limited resources sparked my curiosity and drive to pursue higher education and make a positive impact in my community.”
“From a young age, I have been fascinated by the intricacies of the human mind and the power of psychology to improve people’s lives.”
“As a first-generation college student, I am determined to break barriers and pave the way for future generations through a career in law.”
“My passion for sustainable design was ignited by a volunteer trip to a developing country, where I witnessed the devastating effects of environmental degradation firsthand.”
“A chance encounter with a blind person and their guide dog inspired me to pursue a career in veterinary medicine, with the goal of improving the lives of animals and their human companions.”

Please do NOT use these in your personal statements, use these to guide you on how you want to start your personal statement.

Can You Open Your Personal Statement With A Quote?

It is a risky move to open your personal statement with a quote and can come across as clichéd or insincere to the university admission officers. However, there are rare occasions when it can work, just make sure the quote relates to your degree and experience you’re writing about.

Get Ready To Write Your Personal Statement

How does one start a captivating personal statement? Take the time to think about what makes an effective introduction.

Read examples of personal statements from other students to glean ideas for how yours might stand out. Once you have read through some good ones, they should be more than just two or three!–look closely at what elements made them so successful.

Then try applying those same principles on how to start a personal statement! Don’t forget to bookmark this post for future reference.

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A guide to writing the best personal statement for your college application (with template and examples!)

Why is boasting about a best friend SO much easier than writing about yourself? Unfortunately, writing about yourself is exactly what a personal statement essay requires you to do–whether it’s for your college admissions application, or for a scholarship application to pay for college . Here’s our guide, to ensure you’re well-equipped to write a killer personal statement!

First off, what’s the purpose of a personal statement?

What topics can i write about, how do i decide what to focus on, in my college essay, okay, i’ve got my personal statement topic. but now i have to actually write it. 😱what do i do .

Do you have personal statement examples?

Now it’s your turn.

Your personal statement should share something about who you are, something that can’t be found in your resume or transcript.

For colleges:

It should paint a picture for colleges to understand who we are and what we bring to the table. This is why it’s often better to tell a story, or give examples, rather than just list accomplishments.
It should complement the other parts of your application. Consider your college application as a whole. Your personal statement, application short answers, and supporting documentation should together tell a story about who you are. This also means not being super repetitive with your personal statement and your short essays. (For instance, if you have to answer 3 questions AND submit a personal statement, maybe they shouldn’t ALL focus on music.)

For scholarship applications:

It should indicate why you’re deserving of the scholarship. This often means making sure your essay relates to the scholarship provider’s goals. (Get more help on writing a killer scholarship essay here , and then make sure you’re applying as efficiently as possible. )
It should showcase your strengths. This doesn’t mean it can’t acknowledge any weaknesses, but it surely shouldn’t only focus on negative aspects!

Student writing personal statement draft

It can be overwhelming to figure out where to start. First, figure out what your choices are. Some colleges may have very specific college essay prompts. That said, many students apply using the Common App, which this year offers these 7 topics to choose from :

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? ( Psst – If you choose this topic, you can sign up for Going Merry and apply for a scholarship bundle : one essay, multiple scholarships! )
Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?
Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma – anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.
Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?
Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

You’ll notice that #7 is a catch-all that allows you to submit any personal statement about anything at all .

So maybe that doesn’t help you narrow it down.

Here’s a 3-step solution:

STEP 1. Brainstorm about your life

Dedicate 5-10 minutes each to brainstorming about these 4 sets of questions.

You can do this by yourself (writing down your thoughts), or do this exercise out loud with a friend or family member, and then jot down notes as you’re talking. If you “think out loud” better than you do on paper, brainstorming with someone else may be the way to go!

(A) What were defining moments in your life?

How did these moments in your life changed you, what did you learn from it, and how has it shaped your future plans? Some topics might include:

An accident or injury
A best friend you made (or lost)
A defining talk with a peer
Something new you tried for the first time
Revealing a sexual or gender identity, to friends or family
Discovering something about your family ( e.g., see Jesus’s story )
Moving to a new city
Traveling somewhere, or learning about a new culture ( e.g., see Gabby’s story )
Your first pet (new responsibilities as a fur mom or dad)

(B) What have you chosen to spend time on?

Remember to focus not just on the what , but also the why – What were your motivations? How did you feel? What have you learned? Some topics on this might include:

The moment you joined band, color guard, or the soccer team.
A time you struggled with that activity – e.g., Maybe you got passed over for captain of the soccer? Or maybe you got an injury and had to sit out on the sidelines?
Maybe a moment you really fell in love with that activity – e.g. Maybe the first time you investigated a story for the school newspaper and realized journalism was your calling?

(C) Whom or what are you inspired by?

How did you find out about this person or thing? Why are you inspired? In what ways are you inspired? Is there anything that inspiration has made you do (e.g. join a club, do an activity or internship on the topic)? Some topics on this might include:

Technology – Maybe a specific App made you inspired to learn to code?
Person in your life – Maybe meeting someone (or knowing someone in your family) has affected you?
A show, movie, book, or podcast that inspired you to look at life differently
A dance or song that has made you interested in performing arts

(D) What are you proud of?

Make a list of all the things you’re proud of. These can be milestones, hobbies, qualities, or quirks that are what make you, you. Topics to consider might be:

Times you saved the day – like that epic left-handed catch you made on the field
Personal qualities – Maybe you’re really funny, or amazingly calm under pressure. What are some examples of times when you showed those qualities?
Random life things you’re amazing at – Baking a mean chocolate brownie. Guessing how many gumballs are in a jar. Tell a story when that amazing talent was handy!

Don’t worry if some of your ideas repeat between sections. This is just a way to get ideas flowing!

STEP 2. Shortlist your ideas

Identify your strongest ideas out of the bunch. This should probably be very few (2-4).

STEP 3. Freewrite about your possible essay topics.

Once you’ve brainstormed some ideas and identified 2-4 winners, we agree with Find the Right College – just start freewriting! Start by writing a few sentences or paragraphs about any of your shortlisted topics, and let the words flow. Write for about 15 minutes, on each shortlisted topic. Don’t worry about structure or organization – this is just an exercise so you feel comfortable getting the thoughts out of your head and onto paper.

It will also allow you to see which of the topics seems to have the most “legs” — often, you’ll notice that your best topic will:

Be the easiest to write about (those 15 minutes flew by!)
Lead you to tell at least one interesting story
Feel like it genuinely reveals something important about who you are
Not be captured easily by other parts of your application (you’ll need a full 500 words to really be able to tackle this meaty topic)

Student reviewing personal statement template

Well, let’s start here: What makes a personal statement good or even great ?

Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Get personal.

Remember the “personal” in personal statement. We all have a story to tell, and we all have a different journey that led us to where we are today. We might think “someone already wrote about this” or we might think our story isn’t unique, but IT IS.

2. Speak like you.

Write your personal statement in a genuine tone that reflects who you are . There’s no right or wrong tone – just make sure your tone represents YOU. This means, in particular, not using big words just to show off. Often, this just seems like you’re trying to hard. (Or, even worse, you accidentally use the word incorrectly!)

3. Think about your audience.

Who will you be writing your personal statement for? What message do you want to convey? If it’s for to the college admissions committee, how do you show you’ll align well with the culture of the school? If it’s for a scholarship provider, how do you show you support their mission?

4. Hit the big three: Story, Implication, Connection to college/major.

Most successful college essays do at least 3 things:

Mention at least one anecdote or story. (“Show, don’t tell.”)
Explain why that anecdote or story is important to who you are.
End (or begin) by connecting this information, to why you are applying to this specific college. This may include information about the major (why you think their department/program is great), or more general information about what attracts you to the school (e.g., location, sports, extracurricular activities, Greek life). Get specific so the school knows you’re really interested in them! This is the one piece of your personal statement that probably shouldn’t be cut & paste.

Here’s an example of how to use that personal essay template:

Story: When I was 11, my family traveled to Italy and visited museums — one specific painting made me fall in love with art. ( 1-2 paragraphs )
Why important: After that trip, I did lots of art and studied lots of art. Mention specific extracurriculars. ( 3 paragraphs )
Why this college: I want to apply to X college because of its excellent art program, which I can also complement by joining Y and Z clubs. Since it’s in New York, it’ll also offer my the opportunity to visit the countless art museums like MOMA. ( 1 paragraph )

5. Hit the length.

Make sure you keep within the required length. Normally if you aim for 500 words, you’re golden. Some college or scholarship applications will allow you to write up to 600 or 650 words.

6. Edit your work.

Once you’ve written your personal statement, step away from it. There was a time when we used to rely on pencil and paper to write down all of our ideas and information (including first-draft college essays). Now, we mainly rely on screens, so our eyes grow tired, causing us to miss typos and grammar mistakes.

So save that document in an easy-to-find folder on your computer. Then stepping away from your computer and taking a break helps relax your mind and body and then refocus when you come back to edit the document.

( Psst – If you’re applying for scholarships with Going Merry, we’ve got built-in spellcheck, and we allow you to save essays in your documents folder, so no work will get lost! )

We can’t stress this one enough: Don’t submit your personal statement without checking your spelling, grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etc.! All the grammar things! Your personal statement reflects who you are, from the topic you choose to the style you write it in, so impress colleges (or scholarship providers) with excellent structure and great grammar!

7. Then, ask someone else to edit it too.

We recommend asking a friend, counselor, or parent to read your personal statement before you submit the document. One more set of eyes will really help you get a second opinion on the tone, writing quality, and overall representation of who you are in your personal statement.

8. Be brave, and hit that “submit” button on your personal statement!

Finally, when everything is completed, click submit! Don’t hold back!

9. Remember, personal statements for your college app, can also be reused as scholarship essays.

Get double-use out of your personal statement. Going Merry is your home for all things scholarships–fill out a profile, get matched to eligible scholarships, and apply. You can even save essays so that you can easily upload the same one for multiple scholarship applications. (We were inspired by the Common App to make applying for scholarships easier.)

Register for an account here , get the full lowdown on how it works , or just sign up for the newsletter below (to get 20 scholarship opportunities delivered to our inbox each each week!).

High school student writing personal statement

Do you have personal statement examples ?

Oh yes we do. First, here are some excerpts of personal statements from members of our very own Going Merry team!

Charlie Maynard, Going Merry CEO – wrote about what matters most to him and why, for his grad school application.

The open paragraph read: “Being open to new ideas and able to take advantage of opportunities is what is most important to me. The most extraordinary times in my life have come as a result of moments when I’ve seized opportunities. This has been evident in my educational life, my travels around the world and my professional career.”
This anchored the main topic of his essay. He then went on to explain examples.

Charlotte Lau, Going Merry Head of Growth – wrote for her college Common App personal statement:

“As a child, I was never close with my father, though we were always on good terms. He made me laugh and taught me all the things that made me into a young tomboy: what an RBI is, how to correctly hook a fish when I feel it biting, what to bring on a camping trip. But whenever I was upset, he wouldn’t know how to comfort me. He is a man of jokes and words, not of comforting motions.

But as I grew older and I too became infatuated with words—albeit in written form—our topics of conversation became more diverse and often more profound. We continued to watch sports games together, but during commercials, we’d have epistemological and ethical discussions more fitting for a philosophy class than a chat during a Knicks’ time-out. During these talks, my father would insert stories about his youth. They’d always be transitory or anecdotal, told as if they were beside the point. Still, I’d eagerly commit them to memory, and, over time, I began to get a sense of who my father was—and, in turn, who I am.”

Now, here are some excerpts from other sample personal statements:

These 3 are college essays about personal characteristics:

Essay 1: Humorous essay about getting a D and learning a lesson

“Getting a D probably isn’t the worst thing in the world, but it’s not something anyone wants to see, let alone put, on a college application. It came back to me, scrawled in red, on the first big history test of the year. The one the teacher had assured us was a third of our grade. I could already see my chances of a four-year college going up in smoke and my school year hadn’t even started yet.

What happened? I’m not a D student. I’ll get the occasional C as well as the occasional A. D’s are out of character for me, and enough of a stomach punch to really get my attention. The short version is, I didn’t study, and I don’t remember precisely why. There is always a reason not to study, isn’t there? I didn’t study and I went into a test woefully unprepared and got beaten up.

I had two options here. I could accept that I was in fact a D student despite what I had thought. Or I could study hard for the next test and try to bring my grade up by the force of the average.”

Essay 2: Why a talent (in this case, one at football) is also a responsibility

“Talent is not remarkable. It’s usually the first thing anyone compliments. “You’re so talented.” It doesn’t mean what they think it means. It doesn’t mean I worked hard. It means I was lucky, or blessed, or anything else you want to call it.

I have talent. I’ve known since I was old enough to hold a football. The game just makes intuitive sense to me. The pathways of the players, both my team and the others, where the ball has to go, and what I’m doing. In the silence before a snap, I’m already playing out what is going to happen, watching the holes in my lines, tracing the route of my receivers. […]

It is far too easy to view talent as an excuse. For me, it is a motivator. For my talent, I will accept nothing less than a dream that only a tiny percentage of people ever get to experience. To get there, I’m willing to work hard and wring every last accomplishment from myself.

Talent is a responsibility. Because you had nothing to do with acquiring it, you are compelled to achieve every last bit you can with it. While I had grown used to thinking varsity would be it, that was not the case. Now, I can focus on the goal while I accomplish the steps.”

Essay 3: On living with depression

“Before I was diagnosed, I had been told it was a normal part of growing up. I was told that teens are moody. I would grow out of it. I couldn’t imagine anyone growing out of what I was feeling. I couldn’t imagine anyone surviving.

Diagnosis and medication have saved my life, allowing me to see the world as people without my brain chemistry would. […] what I found was a place of tiny kindnesses.

It might sound bad—as though kindness can only exist in the smallest forms. This is not what I mean. There are extraordinary people out there who devote their lives to doing very large, very important things for others. I’m not talking about them, partially because they are extraordinary. They are not the norm.

What is normal are the tiny kindnesses. These do not cost a person much of anything. A slice of time, a moment of openness, and little else. They are a smile when you’re feeling down, a comforting hand on the shoulder, a moment to talk.”

And here are 3 college personal statements, about what drove their interest in their intended major:

Essay 4: On why this applicant wants to study music

“My great-great-uncle Giacomo Ferrari was born in 1912 in Neverland, NY, the youngest of four sons. His parents had emigrated from Italy with his two eldest brothers in the early 1900s in search of a better life in America. Their struggles as immigrants are in themselves inspiring, but the challenges they faced are undoubtedly similar to those that many other immigrant families had to overcome; because of this, the actions that my relatives embarked upon are that much more extraordinary. Giacomo’s oldest brother Antonio, my great-grandfather, decided to take a correspondence course in violin, and to teach his youngest brother Giacomo how to play as well. Giacomo Ferrari eventually became an accomplished violinist and started a free “Lunchtime Strings” program for all the elementary schools in the Neverland area, giving free violin lessons and monthly concerts.

As a native English speaker who has had the privilege of studying viola and violin with trained, private teachers, I can only imagine the perseverance it took for my great-grandfather and great-great uncle to learn an instrument like the violin out of booklets and lessons that were not even written in their native language. Their passion and dedication to learning something new, something not part of their lives as blue-collar, immigrant workers, and their desire to share it with others, has inspired me as a musician and a person. It is this spirit that has motivated me to pursue an MA at Composition at the University of XXX.”

Essay 5: On why this applicant wants to be an allergy specialist

“Suddenly I started scratching my neck, feeling the hives that had started to form. I rushed to the restroom to throw up because my throat was itchy and I felt a weight on my chest. I was experiencing anaphylactic shock, which prevented me from taking anything but shallow breaths. I was fighting the one thing that is meant to protect me and keep me alive – my own body.

[…] After that incident, I began to fear. I became scared of death, eating, and even my own body. As I grew older, I became paranoid about checking food labels and I avoided eating if I didn’t know what was in the food. I knew what could happen if I ate one wrong thing, and I wasn’t willing to risk it for a snack. Ultimately, that fear turned into resentment; I resented my body for making me an outsider.

In the years that followed, this experience and my regular visits to my allergy specialist inspired me to become an allergy specialist. Even though I was probably only ten at the time, I wanted to find a way to help kids like me. I wanted to find a solution so that nobody would have to feel the way I did; nobody deserved to feel that pain, fear, and resentment. As I learned more about the medical world, I became more fascinated with the body’s immune responses, specifically, how a body reacts to allergens.”

Essay 6 : On why this applicant wants to study medicine

“My passion for teaching others and sharing knowledge emanates from my curiosity and love for learning. My shadowing experiences in particular have stimulated my curiosity and desire to learn more about the world around me. How does platelet rich plasma stimulate tissue growth? How does diabetes affect the proximal convoluted tubule? My questions never stopped. I wanted to know everything and it felt very satisfying to apply my knowledge to clinical problems. distinct concepts together to form a coherent picture truly attracts me to medicine.

It is hard to separate science from medicine; in fact, medicine is science. However, medicine is also about people—their feelings, struggles and concerns. Humans are not pre-programmed robots that all face the same problems. Humans deserve sensitive and understanding physicians. Humans deserve doctors who are infinitely curious, constantly questioning new advents in medicine. They deserve someone who loves the challenge of problem solving and coming up with innovative individualized solutions. I want to be that physician. I want to be able to approach each case as a unique entity and incorporate my strengths into providing personalized care for my patients. Until that time, I may be found Friday mornings in the operating room, peering over shoulders, dreaming about the day I get to hold the drill.”

You made it this far. Now, it’s time to write your personal statement!

Ready to reuse your personal statement for scholarship applications? Sign up for Going Merry today for free to keep track of your scholarship applications and essays. We’re your one-stop shop for scholarship searches and applications.

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UCAS personal statements: writing a killer opening

November 29, 2020

Are you getting frustrated because you can’t think of a good way to open your personal statement? Or, worse still, are you struggling to write anything at all because you just don’t know where to start? If so, you’re not alone – and our advice is to stop worrying.

We’ve picked up numerous tips on this from admissions tutors up and down the country and they all tend to take a similar line, which is …. don’t get stressed about trying to think up a killer opening!

Yes, it’s important to ‘sell yourself’, but don’t overdo it. In fact, one of the dangers of trying to come up with a killer opening is that what you often end up with is overkill. As one admissions tutor said: “Be succinct and draw the reader in, but not with a gimmick. This isn’t ‘The Apprentice’”.

Even some Oxbridge admissions tutors mentioned this. They emphasised the need for candidates to engage the reader with a punchy start, but not to fall into “the dreaded overly-dramatic X Factor style” of opening. They want to be engaged by your relevant perceptions or ideas, not by something flashy.

Here are some more admissions tutor comments and we hope they might help relieve some stress and give you a starting point:

Don’t waste time trying to think of a catchy opening. It’s often a complete turn-off.
Your interest in the course is the biggest thing. Start with why you chose it.
The best personal statements get to the point quickly.
Start with a short sentence that captures the reason why you are interested in studying on the programme you are applying for and that communicates your enthusiasm for it.
Go straight in. Why are you excited about studying this course?
The opening is your chance to introduce yourself, to explain your motivation for studying the course and to demonstrate your understanding of it.
It’s your enthusiasm for the course we want to know about. Start with that.
Write what comes naturally.
‘What you want to study and why’ should be in the first two sentences. What excites you about the course and why do you want to learn about it more?
Be specific from line one.
Talk about you and your enthusiasm for the subject from the very start.
In your opening paragraph you need to show that you know what you are applying for. Don’t waffle or say you want to study something just because it’s interesting. Explain what it is that you find interesting about it.
It’s much better to engage us with something interesting, relevant, specific and current in your opening line, not ‘from a young age’ or ‘I have always wanted to’. Start with what’s inspiring you now, not what inspired you when you were six.

And the following three comments from admissions tutors suggest you shouldn’t even begin at the start… :

I think the opening line is the hardest one to write, so I often say leave it until last and just try and get something down on paper.
Don’t spend too long on the introduction. Concentrate on the main content of your statement and write the introduction last.
I often advise applicants to start with paragraph two, where you get into why you want to study the course. That’s what we’re really interested in.

The general theme here is that the best statements tend to be those that are genuine and specific from the very start. So you won’t go far wrong if you begin by explaining or reflecting on your enthusiasm for the course, your understanding of it or what you want to achieve from it.

However, do try to avoid the most obvious opening sentences. UCAS occasionally publishes a list of the most common opening lines in personal statements and urges applicants to avoid using ‘hackneyed’ phrases. Last time the top five were:

From a young age….
For as long as I can remember…
I am applying for this course because….
I have always been interested in….
Throughout my life I have always enjoyed….

And at number eleven was a Nelson Mandela quote … which brings us to one last piece of advice.

In an article I wrote called 10 things not to put in your personal statement , quotations were top of the list of admissions tutors’ pet hates. They especially tend to dislike it if you put a quotation in right at the start – and it’s even worse if you don’t actually explain why it’s there.

So remember, in the opening line of your statement they don’t want to know what Nelson Mandela thought, they want to know what you think.

One last thought. A technique that can be quite effective is the “necklace approach”. This is when you make a link between your opening sentence and your closing sentence, whilst also adding an extra dimension to what you said at the start. For example, if you started with an interesting line about what is currently motivating to study your chosen degree course, you could link back to it in your closing paragraph with something about why you would love to study this further at uni.

Originally posted on alanbullockcareers.com – visit the website for more articles including a weekly update on the impact of COVID-19 on higher education and apprentices opportunities.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

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University Applications: How to Write a Killer Personal Statement

A good personal statement can mean the difference between receiving an offer at your chosen university and being unsuccessful, which is why it’s one of the most important parts of your UCAS application. It gives you the chance to stand out from the other candidates, meaning being able to write a killer statement that’s original, showcases your strengths and has perfect spelling and grammar is crucial. Most students find it tricky to talk about themselves, and trying to condense everything into 4,000 characters can certainly be an overwhelming task. Here’s some fantastic tips to help you write a statement that really makes you shine.

Firstly- don’t wait to get started!

One of the big mistakes many students make is not giving themselves enough time to write a killer personal statement, so end up writing a rushed version just to meet the deadline. Be sensible and get started as early as possible. Give yourself enough time to plan out and structure your personal statement, ensuring you include everything you want to say. You will probably have to redraft your statement a number of times, so having the time to do this until you get it exactly right is essential.

Make a plan BEFORE you start writing

A great tip when starting your personal statement is to sit down and organise your thoughts before writing anything. Remember, there’s no one size fits all method, so try to be engaging and tell a story as this can make your statement more memorable. Create a brief outline of what you want to say, a theme or story you want to include and create a rough plan of the paragraphs, introduction and final sentences. This will help you see how much ‘space’ you have and make it easier to identify what sections need cutting down or areas that need more information.

Know what’s expected

It’s also useful to know what most university admissions teams expect to see. Here’s some key points to consider including:

Evidence of your enthusiasm and knowledge for your chosen course
Why you are interested in the subject
Your life ambitions and how the course will help you achieve them
Your skills and relevance to the chosen subject
Reflections on any work experience- especially if you are applying to courses linked to the profession
Any achievements or prizes you have won during your time studying
Your wider interests and hobbies
Any career plans you have

Top Tip: If you’re struggling to get started- don’t start at the start! Concentrate on the main content of your statement and write the introduction last.

Perfect the format

You want your personal statement to be easy to read, so avoid big blocks of text and long sentences. Write well-structured paragraphs with short sentences, so your experience, additional qualifications and aspirations are clearly defined. It’s also a good idea to have a great opening sentence- try to start it with something funny, unusual, interesting or surprising as it will leave a good first impression and make sure the reader keeps going. Don’t overthink it though- we promise it will come to you after you’ve been working on your personal statement for hours and hours!

Top Tip: Remember to avoid clichés, quotes or anything too cheesy at all costs- just be yourself!

Let your personality shine

Don’t forget you’re an interesting person, so your personal statement should be too! Just let your personality shine through while you’re writing and only include things you really mean or think, as it will be more obvious than you think if you don’t. Personal statements should be original and reflect who you are as an individual. Remember, you’re unique so be yourself and don’t worry about trying to show off extravagant claims that aren’t true or be someone you’re not.

Show real interest in the subject

It sounds obvious, but showing a real interest and passion in the subjects you’re applying for is the key to standing out. In fact, a significant amount of the statement should focus on your chosen subject and details of what you have read or participated in to show evidence of your genuine interest.

Top Tip: If you’re applying for a variety of different courses -try to write about common themes that are relevant to them all.

Tell them why should they choose you

The key theme of your personal statement is telling the universities why they should choose you- so make sure you address this throughout! Ways to do this include:

Presenting yourself in a positive light and letting them know what you can bring to their institution.
Be analytical rather than just descriptive – don’t just discuss what you’ve read or done. Universities want to know what you’ve gained from your experiences and how it’s changed your perception.
Go beyond your qualifications and tell them what else you have been doing apart from studying your subject.

Get someone to proofread your writing

Poor grammar and spelling mistakes will likely mean your application is disregarded without a second thought. Ask your parents, teachers, tutors and friends to read over for grammar, spelling and their general feedback. The more people you show it to, the more feedback you will get, and the better your final statement will be. It’s also a fantastic idea to read it a few times out loud, as this can help you identify where you may need commas, have misused a word or where a few paragraphs don’t flow or make sense.

If you’re struggling to get started…

Read a couple of examples

Reading some examples of successful personal statements is a great way to get some new ideas and start to feel inspired. Take notes on the types of stories included, the language used and general structure as this can help you when you start to flesh out your own.

For more information on how to write a personal statement, check out this UCAS guide here.

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

Essay 1: Summer Program
Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
Essay 3: Why Medicine
Essay 4: Love of Writing
Essay 5: Starting a Fire
Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
Essay 9: Eritrea
Essay 10: Journaling
Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally.

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read.

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.” They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great.

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day.

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day.

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day?

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture.

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality.

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration.

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars.

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”. They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire.

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family.

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt.

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame.

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him.

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses.

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in.

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite.

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin.

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose.

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents.

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate, perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells. Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is. No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted dunes. No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother, her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes). It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time. You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells. I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero . I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic. “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.” Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential. Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader.

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay.

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Next Step: Supplemental Essays

Essay Guides for Each School

How to Write a Stellar Extracurricular Activity College Essay

4 Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay

How to Write the “Why This College” Essay

How to Create a Killer Opening on Your Personal Statement

Your personal statement is another way to stand out from the rest of the CRNA school applicants. It’s also a great way to show off your accomplishments, how much you like the school and why you want to be a CRNA.

But oftentimes we get hung up on the introductions and conclusions. And not knowing exactly how to start your personal essay so it shows you in the best light and all within the maximum number of words or characters is even more frustrating.

This results in you procrastinating and stressing out on what to write. Then you either don’t get the personal statement written in time or do a terrible job writing it. I experienced the same stressors while writing my personal statement for CRNA school. So I completely understand.

Read: Managing Stress During Your CRNA Journey And Beyond

Keep reading for the ways to ensure you have a killer opening personal statement.

1. Brainstorm ideas based on your updated CV available

While you don’t want to repeat things on your CV onto your personal statement, it is wise to look over your CV to jog your memory. You may remember an event or story that would be great to include in your personal statement.

2. Get to the point fairly quickly

In order to get the attention of the admissions committee, you want to make a great impression right off the bat. It’s alright to warm your reader up for what you have in store. But ideally you want to get to the point pretty soon after your opening statement.

3. Don’t waste time on a catchy opening

When writing your personal statement you want to leave plenty of time for proofreading and editing before submitting your final draft. So don’t spend valuable time trying to come up with the perfect opening line. Whenever you try too hard it may come off as fake or not make any sense.

4. Write what comes natural

Your personal statement will come across more genuine and unique by just being your authentic self. Because you have to remember your personal statement is for the admissions committee to get to know you better. It’s your story to tell.

5. Use an anecdote

A great way to grab any reader’s attention is by telling a mini true story or anecdote. It’s a great way to keep the reader engaged and keep them wondering what’s next. This is the technique I suggest to those I have consulted with in regards to writing their personal statement.

This is how you would begin your introduction with a mini story about a shadowing experience. Start with the 5w’s- Who, What, When, Where and Why. For example the 5w’s are- Myself, or the patient. At the hospital. While shadowing. One morning. Witnessed a cardiac event during surgery.
Next, include any sensory details that go along with the story. What did you see, hear, smell, feel, etc. For example, I heard someone yell for the crash cart.
Then you want to put it all together and start with the “where”. You want to start as close to the peak of action as possible

6. Leave the introduction for last

I normally like to write my introduction first, but sometimes whenever I am struggling to get started I leave it for last or later in the writing process. The bottom line is don’t let indecisiveness stop you from writing your personal statement.

7. Avoid the most obvious cliché sentences

You want to avoid sounding like everyone else. Remember it’s all about how you present yourself and standing out from others. Here are the some of the most overused openings according to UCAS:

From a young age…
For as long as I can remember…
I am applying for this course because…

8. Ditch someone else’s quotes

Avoid using someone else’s words after all it’s your personal statement. And it’s even worse when you use quotes without tying it in to your essay. After all it’s not about what their thoughts are, it’s all about you.

Bottom Line

Your personal statement or essay is another important part of your CRNA school application. A well written statement gives the admissions committee a glimpse into who you are. If after writing your personal statement draft and you still need additional help join CRNA Chase ACADEMY for more extensive 1 on 1 help or purchase a personal statement review .

Hi! I’m Kiki. I’m a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist and PreCRNA Coach/Mentor for ICU Nurses to help them get into a CRNA program on the 1st try.

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Top 10 Secrets to Make Your Personal Statement Stand Out Among Others
This Is How to Make Your Personal Statement Outstand Every Competitor

This Is How to Make Your Personal Statement Outstand Every Competitor

How to write a good personal statement for any admissions?

1. explain why you choose a specific course, 2. describe why you’re the best fit for them, 3. say what you did outside your classroom, 4. explain why your experiences are relevant to the chosen course, 5. explain why they are relevant to your chosen career, 6. demonstrate your transferable skills, 7. expand on your most relevant skills, 8. show your critical thinking skills, 9. describe your long-term plan, 10. keep the voice of your writing positive, how to begin a personal statement - tips for a killer opening, what to include in a personal statement - dos and dont’s, what if i need more personal statement help.

Before you study how to write a personal statement to earn higher academic grades, you should understand its meaning or purpose. A personal statement is similar to a short reflective essay where you write about an interesting story why you’re a good candidate for anything you’re applying to, be it a vet job or undergraduate degree courses.

Why is personal statement writing important? UCAS committee, as well as mere admissions tutors at schools, will painstakingly scan every statement of purpose to decide if its author is a worthy person to get a place. Remember - you write only one letter of intent, so you basically have no right for mistake. If you don’t feel like writing a personal statement of your life, it’s probably better to seek for a piece of advice from experts or maybe even have an admission essay writer to write a perfect statement or best college essay for you.

Though there’s no one-fits-all approach to this assignment, we have to notice that the below-mentioned tips fit for many statements, whether for college, a personal statement for grad school , or even for a job. Note that it is your amazing opportunity to shape everything admissions officials will ask you about, it can serve as the best icebreaker to ease the entire process or save your time.

Show your enthusiasm or commitment that universities want to see. This essay helps you make a strong impression fast during an important interview process, reread it to remind yourself why you’re the best candidate or boost your confidence if you don’t have high grades.

Carefully follow helpful guidelines to submit your winning essay. You’re likely to write several drafts before getting its polished version. Here are 10 tips on how to make your personal statement stand out against strong competition:

Explain why you decided to study your chosen course.
Describe why you’re the right one for it.
Admissions want to hear everything you did outside your classroom.
Explain why your experience is relevant to this course.
Add why it’s relevant to your chosen career.
Demonstrate transferable skills .
Expand on the most relevant ones.
Show your critical or out-of-the-box thinking skills.
Describe your long-term plan, if you have any.
Keep the voice of your writing positive.

To understand, for example, how to write a personal statement for a medical or law school or any other type, give readers a better idea of your motivations to choose this course. What does motivate you? Explain in your own words:

How your interest developed.
How you got inspiration from current studies.
What you did to pursue it.

Avoid too much passion. If you prefer to get something unique out of education courses, share your opinion if it’s reasonable and stay specific.

Provide enough evidence in your personal statement to prove that you meet the necessary selection criteria, your knowledge, or understanding of your subject. Show your excellent preparation. Give good examples, keep on your chosen topic, show your in-depth research, knowledge why you decided to do this course. Find out how long should a personal statement be to structure your paper right.

Outline how you develop your understanding or pursue your interest in a particular subject through your extra-curricular activities. Avoid listing things in this statement. Give your critical reflections or views to let admissions officials see how you think in your personal statement. Think about any specific newspapers, books, online blogs, sites, journals, or periodicals that you like reading or discuss documentaries, films, podcasts, radio programs, or lectures that you prefer. Avoid mentioning the things that other applicants say.

Reflect on your personal experiences to explain everything they taught you or how they helped you develop more interest in the chosen subject. Consider your volunteering practice, working experience, outreach programs, university taster sessions, theater or museum visits, competitions, academic challenges, etc. Everything in your statement should be particularly specific. Your main goal is to show what you took away from experiences.

Your reflections on relevant observations or experiences are important to many professional courses, so you need to reflect on them in your personal statement instead of simply describing. Talk about different skills that your chosen profession needs, how you developed them, or how you noticed them all. What did you learn from them or what did you observe?

All admissions officers want to hear more about your transferable skills because they play an important role in your college personal statement . Think about your effective time management, ability to work independently, problem-solving skills, teamwork, organizational or listening skills, leadership, or anything similar. Most universities set them in their course descriptions.

Don’t just list your skills because you need to determine your most relevant ones to a particular course. Research it to find more information or refer to some good personal statement examples. Demonstrate the committee how you developed, utilized, or continued improving these important skills because all members want to hear specific examples:

Your positions of responsibility (achievements, improved self-confidence).
Any challenges you overcame.
Part-time jobs or volunteering experiences (extra responsibilities, demonstrated skills, important observations).

Studying in any university or college is about your ability to think analytically or independently. This is what you need to demonstrate when writing your personal statement. Briefly explain how your main or additional studies, assignments or other academic tasks forced you to start thinking more critically.

What is it? In your personal statement, mention your long-term goals in some interesting way if you have any specific path in your mind. Try to show your spark of imagination or individuality. Simply stating that you want to be a good journalist won’t help you stand out, try to mention what you wish to gain or achieve if you aren’t sure what to talk about.

Don’t panic. While searching for how to start with your personal statement, you need to focus on your strong sides or enthusiasm to talk about yourself positively all the time. Get the most interesting ideas in your statement.

Why does a good start matter? It can help your personal statement attract attention instantly, so start with your chosen subject in mind and consider several courses. It’s impossible to write it without considering your degree subject. It’s similar to applying to unknown positions by stating general interests or strengths that don’t correlate to requirements or descriptions.

Begin with putting together your rough letter of intent draft. It’s much easier to write your winning personal statement if you know your course choices, but you should tailor it accordingly. Get a better sense of what they involve. Students can write for multiple courses, but your personal statement should reflect why you’re an ideal candidate based on your understanding, skills, or experiences. They make your personal statement unique. Stick to required word limits or guidelines. We have one more blog for our users to read. It will explain how to end a personal statement . Make time to read it as any conclusion is an integral part of any writing task.

Tailor your personal statement to a specific subject to show your genuine interest or understanding. Don’t make any long list of achievements. That’s because you need to explain why all the things you did helped you develop your interest, motivation, or understanding.

Do your in-depth research to determine your most important qualities or skills for this course and show how you keep developing them in your statement. Your personal statement should stand out in the right way, so avoid mentioning any general or irrelevant hobbies - make use of post-graduate or career paths that you consider instead.

Don’t leave completing your personal statement to the last moment because you should have enough time to proofread or edit every sentence. Ask your family or friends to share their feedbacks.

If you feel stuck with your personal statement, consider asking for some professional help. You can contact our experts by email or directly on our site, they will help you outline, structure, or do other things to submit the best personal statement. Your helping hand is only several clicks away.

Some students think that the residency personal statement (RPS) is the same as the graduate essay, but it’s not quite right. Personal statement residency is one of the great ways to share your character and abilities and plans for your career as a physician. One of its goals is for applicants to add...

If you dream of serving your community as a dentist, you’ll need to enroll into a respective higher education program and provide certain documents to the committee. One of them is your dental school personal statement, which helps grab the interest of the admissions committee.A personal statement i...

If you want to become a law school student, you don’t have any chance to explain to the committee why you’re a perfect fit, except for your application. Look for legal examples to get the academic consulting necessary to submit a successful law school personal statement and succeed at the interview....

Alan Bullock Careers

Independent careers adviser and writer, ucas personal statements: writing a killer opening.

THIS ARTICLE HAS NOW BEEN UPDATED. FOR THE LATEST VERSION PLEASE GO HERE:

https://alanbullockcareers.com/2022/06/25/ucas-personal-statements-writing-a-killer-opening-june-2022-update/

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Whether talking about a recent news story, how you meet targets in your weekend job, or simply why you want to study business at uni, that spark of genuine motivation and enthusiasm will get you noticed. That's what business admissions tutors told us when we asked them what they look for – and here are some more of their top tips.

Find out everything you need to know about writing your personal statement , including how to write a killer opening and our top tips.

A spot-on business personal statement – in a nutshell

Dr Pam Croney, admissions tutor at Newcastle Business School at Northumbria University, is especially looking for evidence of:

an independent learner
a thinker and doer
an innovator or potential entrepreneur
a good communicator who likes giving presentations
an interest in what's happening out there in the business world

Can you demonstrate any of these?

She also likes it when applicants give their own views on a topical issue, like why you think a particular company crashed, what sparked the revival of a vintage brand, or whatever else gets you fired up. Admissions tutors love to know what you’re genuinely enthusiastic about!

What business and management tutors are looking for

Structure and organisation: to study management, you need to demonstrate that you are capable of managing yourself. Your personal statement needs to be structured, organised, and free of spelling or grammatical errors.
First impressions count: Sue Blything-Smith, Business and Management Admissions Tutor from University Campus Suffolk, says 'you should aim to be unique and original and provide a good opening line that reveals something about your aptitude and enthusiasm’. She really likes to see statements that demonstrate personality and flair but don't go too over the top: keep it formal and remain objective.
Examples of your relevant skills: Sue is also impressed by applicants who describe situations where they’ve demonstrated relevant skills like good communication or teamwork, problem-solving, initiative, leadership, or achieving goals.
Research the course: London School of Economics is keen to know things like why you want to study management, what specific aspects of their course interest you, how it relates to your academic studies, and what additional reading or other activities have led you to apply.
Entrepreneurial flair: Bournemouth likes its business studies applicants to show they are 'self-starters' who enjoy identifying and solving business problems.

Making your business experience count

It’s not just what you've done but how you've reflected on it. If you work-shadowed the CEO of a multi-national company, that's great, but it will have zero impact unless you spell out what you personally gained from it.

Similarly, if your part-time supermarket job or role in a Young Enterprise programme has helped you develop your skills and confidence, that’s great too. But it will only have an impact on your statement if you explain how or give an actual example.

It's the "how" that brings your statement to life and makes it interesting and personal. So try to think of specific occasions or unique ways you have demonstrated your potential, or maybe something you've observed about customer behaviour, management styles or an effective (or ineffective) marketing campaign.

It's even better if you can then link it to something you've learned in your business, economics, or psychology studies, or read in the Financial Times, The Economist, or on the BBC website.

Or consider the transferable skills you've gained through extracurricular activities and how they can show what the University of Bath describes as 'an active interest in understanding people, work, and organisations'.

Check out our guide to business, management, and administrative studies to find out what courses are available, areas of employment, and where to find out more about careers.

6 Examples of Killer Speech Openings That You Can Use

Think about a speech you saw or heard that stuck with you. What is it about that speech that makes you remember it long after you’ve heard it? The speaker was probably dynamic and engaging or the topic was compelling and of particular interest to you. The speech probably had a killer opening as well.

The introduction to a speech is one of its most crucial aspects. It’s where you grab your audience’s attention and set the tone for the rest of the speech. If your speech opening isn’t memorable, the rest of your speech probably won’t be either.

To help you understand the impact a good opening can have, here’s a list of six killer speech intros. The fact that these speeches are so memorable shows why public speaking is important and why your introduction should be strong.

Julian Treasure: Start with a question

“The human voice: It’s the instrument we all play. It’s the most powerful sound in the world, probably. It’s the only one that can start a war or say ‘I love you.’ And yet many people have the experience that when they speak, people don’t listen to them. And why is that? How can we speak powerfully to make change in the world?”

Julian Treasure’s speech “How to speak so that people want to listen” showcases a tried and true speech opening technique: asking a question. You shouldn’t ask just any question, though. It should be a compelling, thought-provoking question that doesn’t have a straightforward answer.

Asking the audience what they had for lunch that day isn’t compelling, unless you have an interesting reason for asking it that you follow up with. Treasure’s compelling question doesn’t require an immediate answer but instead asks you to think.

Ric Elias: Incredible story

“Imagine a big explosion as you climb through 3,000 ft. Imagine a plane full of smoke. Imagine an engine going clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. It sounds scary. Well, I had a unique seat that day. I was sitting in 1D.”

One way to grab the attention of your audience right away is to tell an exciting or unbelievable story. Ric Elias’s speech about surviving a plane crash goes straight into the action, asking the listener to imagine unbelievable situation he was in. With an opening like that, who wouldn’t want to keep listening to find out what happens next?

To make your intro story more effective, don’t finish it right away. Come back to it later in the speech so that your audience is held in anticipation.

Dan Pink: Make a “confession”

“I need to make a confession at the outset here. A little over 20 years ago, I did something that I regret, something that I’m not particularly proud of.”

Dan Pink’s speech grabs your attention right away because he makes a confession. He’s letting you in on a secret about himself or something he did and you want to listen because you want to hear it.

Letting your audience know a secret or confessing information about yourself makes them feel exclusive, like they have access to something that others don’t. Exclusivity always piques interest.

Jane McGonigal: Provocative statement

“I’m a gamer, so I like to have goals. I like special missions and secret objectives. So here’s my special mission for this talk: I’m going to try to increase the life span of every single person in this room by seven and a half minutes. Literally, you will live seven and a half minutes longer than you would have otherwise, just because you watched this talk.”

Starting a speech with a provocative statement is similar to starting with a question. You make the audience think. You surprise them or say something unexpected and they keep listening to hear an explanation.

Jane McGonigal uses this tactic in her speech , claiming she will expand the life span of every audience member by seven and half minutes. It’s intriguing, provocative, and makes you wonder instantly how she’s going to do it.

Pamela Meyer: Set up a problem (then solve it)

“Okay, now I don’t want to alarm anybody in this room, but it’s just come to my attention that the person to your right is a liar. Also, the person to your left is a liar. Also, the person sitting in your very seats is a liar. We’re all liars.”

People love hearing about a big problem and then knowing the solution — it’s a common framework from literature that you can borrow for your speech. By telling her entire audience that they are liars, Pamela Meyer sets up a problem that seems difficult to solve: how to know who is a liar. She unravels the solution in the rest of her speech , explaining how to become a liespotter.

Sir Ken Robinson: Humor

“Good morning. How are you?” (Audience replies “Good”) “It’s been great, hasn’t it? I’ve been blown away by the whole thing. In fact, I’m leaving.”

Humor can be an impactful way to start a speech, but it’s also risky. Your joke might fall flat and leave everyone feeling uncomfortable. If you tell the right joke, however, it can go over well.

Sir Ken Robinson’s speech , “Do schools kill creativity?” is one of the most watched TED Talks of all time and for good reason. His speech is engaging and dynamic, centering on a topic that almost everyone can easily relate to. What could’ve been a boring start — “Good morning. How are you?” — becomes a funny and memorable speech opening thanks to Robinson’s timing and deadpan delivery.

Make your speech opening memorable

If you want to deliver an engaging address that your audience members will speak about years later, be sure to craft an unforgettable opening. By using any of the above techniques, you’re likely to have a more solid start to your speech. Who knows? Maybe your speech opening will be so good it’ll end up on a list just like this one.

The Secret to Good Storytelling

Sample Personal Statement Accounting and Finance

by Talha Omer, M.Eng., Cornell Grad

In personal statement samples by field.

The following personal statement is written by an applicant who got accepted to several top accounting and finance programs. Variations of this PS got accepted at the University of Michigan, Vanderbilt, and Indiana University. Read this personal statement to understand what a top essay in Accounting and Finance should look like.

Example Personal Statement Accounting and Finance

I have never made popular choices, whether academic or professional. Where high academic achievement irrefutably means pursuing a career in Medicine or STEM, I opted for a career in management. I was free to choose a path for myself, owing to my performance during an extensive pre-induction professional training program. Fortunately, I picked a path that everyone believed was insignificant.

My decision to move to a new city to pursue my path did not receive encouragement. Making my own decisions has given me the freedom to dream and make it a reality. It has strengthened my belief that I am the only one who can bring a difference for myself and those around me. Brazil’s institutions may seem frozen, yet, at the grassroots, Brazil is in perpetual motion with ceaseless creativity. To accelerate this motion, we need to bring better and more affordable solutions; I plan to do that.

Growing up in Brazil, I have constantly questioned why we are still not growing economically despite having abundant resources. I frequently discussed the economic factors affecting us with my father, leading me to work at local NGOs and attend voluntary programs. My interest intensified when I discovered during these experiences that the unequal distribution of resources was a major cause of our economic constriction.

Moreover, our medical, engineering and academic professionals would not work in rural areas due to a lack of facilities, further debilitating the imbalance. It made me realize that we could only reap the benefits of our efforts if there were a proportionate distribution of resources. Realizing how effective mobilization of resources can aid in eradicating social ills, I developed an interest in management. This equipped me with technical knowledge and provided room for opinion building.

Pursuing this path, I joined the leading undergraduate institution in the country. The zeal with which I made this decision led me to graduate summa cum laude. While studying, I taught communication skills to undergraduate business students from rural areas. Meeting these students compelled me to get involved even though I lacked formal teaching training. Through empathy and friendly get-togethers, I was able to help these students conveniently traverse in English. With this experience, I understood that my time and energy had been well spent and that as an agent of change, one does not necessarily need to be exceptional; instead, one requires creativity, patience, and emotional intelligence.

After graduation, I followed through with my goal of facilitating change by joining the banking sector as an accounting and finance trainee. By working in Brazil’s most vital financial sector, I was exposed to diversified experiences, from being as simple as issuing customer chequebooks to designing accounting and credit proposals to the tune of USD 1.2 billion. Furthermore, while working on individual projects, I developed an in-depth understanding of international accounting rules that regulated trade transactions; the learning opportunities were immense.

Two and a half years of experience in the finance sector brought me to work for the country’s central bank. The anxiety that accompanied moving away from home for the first time was overwhelmed by my professional and personal growth. Nine months of extensive training and on-the-job assignments exposed me to interminable learning opportunities. However, my real gain has been in the form of self-improvement and growth that accompanied my first experience living independently. Leaving the protective living that I enjoyed with my family is challenging, but it has developed and strengthened my capabilities of taking and owning my decisions. Above all, knowing that my family is not always around to guide me has instilled in me a greater sense of responsibility.

During the two a half years of experience in accounting and finance, I observed the financial exclusion experienced by some important yet financially constrained sectors of the economy. This exposure motivated me to join the Development Finance Department upon my appointment to the country’s central bank. Moreover, most of the firms operating in any country of the world are either small or medium enterprises. Thus, providing an enabling environment to such enterprises is significant for economic growth and employment generation.

In Brazil also, 90 percent of the enterprises are small and medium-sized, and lack of access to formal sources of finance is a significant impediment to these enterprises’ growth. Therefore, a huge room for improvement is available concerning the development of policy framework and market infrastructure for the financial inclusion of this sector. As a part of the central bank, I have been allowed to intervene in a system that is not effectively performing its role of financial intermediation. Innovation in financial products, development of accounting and risk mitigation strategies are requirements to alleviate this segment’s financial exclusion.

By broadening my exposure and enhancing my knowledge, I aim to equip myself better to address the shortcomings of one of the critical segments of the economy.

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COMMENTS

How to Open Your College Essay or Personal Statement
Try to answer each essay prompt with three essay topics. Start writing, and see which one flows the best and resonates with your creativity. With the right topic, the opening line will sound natural and the rest of the essay will flow easily. If you are truly struggling with the voice or organization of your essay, try reading sample essays.
How to start a personal statement: The attention grabber
Top tips on how to write your statement opener. We spoke to admissions tutors at unis and colleges - read on for their tips. 1. Don't begin with the overkill opening. Try not to overthink the opening sentence. You need to engage the reader with your relevant thoughts and ideas, but not go overboard. Tutors said: 'The opening is your chance ...
UCAS personal statements: writing a killer opening
The opening is your chance to introduce yourself, to explain your motivation for studying the course and to demonstrate your understanding of it. It's your enthusiasm for the course we want to know about. Start with that. Write what comes naturally. 'What you want to study and why' should be in the first two sentences.
How to Start a Grad School Personal Statement: The Killer Opening
Using a quote from an influential figure can help to capture the reader's attention and provide a strong introduction to your personal statement. Let's see a couple of examples in action. Example 1: "As Albert Einstein once said, "I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious.".
9 Secrets to Telling an Attention-Grabbing Story
Now it's time to write your personal statement. You want your statement to stand out from the rest, and the way to do this is to tell a compelling story - the tale of your greatest achievements, dreams, and challenges. You can tell a compelling story by tying together the following key elements: Storytelling element #1: Create a killer opening
How to Write a Killer Hook for Your Personal Statement
Examples: You were a child actor in Toys-R-Us commercials. You grew up working at your parents' Harley Davidson motorcycle dealership. You earned your pilot's license before you learned how to drive. You escaped war-torn Ethiopia and emigrated to the US alone at age 17.
How to start a personal statement: the killer opening
By opening yourself opening be not just committed to your field but also knowledgeable about the world, you lines yourself as a sentence thinker, an informed citizen, a responsible student of life. In a personal statement, writers typically create topical context by narrating a recent event of some consequence, citing a respected source, or ...
How To Start A Personal Statement: Tips & Examples
4. Demonstrate Knowledge In Your Chosen Course. An essential element of starting a personal statement is to express why you're enthusiastic about taking your chosen course. You need to demonstrate that you're aware of what you're getting yourself into in the process.
How to write the best personal statement, with examples
Here's a 3-step solution: STEP 1. Brainstorm about your life. Dedicate 5-10 minutes each to brainstorming about these 4 sets of questions. You can do this by yourself (writing down your thoughts), or do this exercise out loud with a friend or family member, and then jot down notes as you're talking.
PDF How to Write a Killer Scholarship Personal Statement: Definitive Guide
1/6/23, 11:45 AM The Killer Scholarship Personal Statement Guide: w/Examples. personal statement. […]. personal statement. ...
UCAS personal statements: writing a killer opening
However, do try to avoid the most obvious opening sentences. UCAS occasionally publishes a list of the most common opening lines in personal statements and urges applicants to avoid using 'hackneyed' phrases. Last time the top five were: From a young age…. For as long as I can remember… I am applying for this course because….
University Applications: How to Write a Killer Personal Statement
Here's some fantastic tips to help you write a statement that really makes you shine. Firstly- don't wait to get started! One of the big mistakes many students make is not giving themselves enough time to write a killer personal statement, so end up writing a rushed version just to meet the deadline. Be sensible and get started as early as ...
10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked
Personal Statement Examples. Essay 1: Summer Program. Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American. Essay 3: Why Medicine. Essay 4: Love of Writing. Essay 5: Starting a Fire. Essay 6: Dedicating a Track. Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders. Essay 8: Becoming a Coach.
UCAS personal statements: writing a killer opening (2023 update)
However, do try to avoid the most obvious opening sentences. UCAS occasionally publishes a list of the most common opening lines in personal statements and urges applicants to avoid using 'hackneyed' phrases. Last time the top five were: From a young age…. For as long as I can remember…. I am applying for this course because….
How to Create a Killer Opening on Your Personal Statement
5. Use an anecdote. A great way to grab any reader's attention is by telling a mini true story or anecdote. It's a great way to keep the reader engaged and keep them wondering what's next. This is the technique I suggest to those I have consulted with in regards to writing their personal statement.
Top 10 Secrets to Make Your Personal Statement Stand Out Among Others
8. Show your critical thinking skills. 9. Describe your long-term plan. 10. Keep the voice of your writing positive. How to begin a personal statement - Tips for a killer opening. What to include in a personal statement - Dos and Dont's.
The Best Personal Statements Begin with These 2 Sentences ...
📌Watch for FREE my 2.5 Hour Personal Statement Masterclass: https://www.doctorshaene.com/personal-statement-masterclass📄FREE Personal Statement Guide: http...
UCAS personal statements: writing a killer opening
Reblogged this on Alan Bullock Careers and commented: . This is the time of year when a lot of students start getting anxious about their UCAS personal statement. I thought it might therefore be an appropriate time to try and put a few minds at rest by re-blogging an article on this topic that I first had published three or four years ago, but which I think still holds true.
12 Outstanding Personal Statement Examples + Why They Work 2024
Example #3 - 12. Example #4 - Flying. Example #5 - Arab Spring in Bahrain. Example #6 - Poop, Animals and the Environment. Example #7 - Entoptic Phenomena. Example #8 - The Builder & Problem Solver. Example #10 - The Little Porch and a Dog (With Spanish Translation) Example #10 - Life As an Undocumented Student.
100 Quotes to Kickstart Your Personal Statement (with examples)
Inspirational Quotes for personal statement. Inspirational quotes can be a great way to show your motivation, resilience, and determination. They can also help you communicate your values and beliefs and demonstrate your commitment to achieving your goals. "Believe you can and you're halfway there.". - Theodore Roosevelt.
Personal statement advice: business and management
Your personal statement needs to be structured, organised, and free of spelling or grammatical errors. First impressions count: Sue Blything-Smith, Business and Management Admissions Tutor from University Campus Suffolk, says 'you should aim to be unique and original and provide a good opening line that reveals something about your aptitude and ...
6 Examples of Killer Speech Openings That You Can Use
Dan Pink: Make a "confession". "I need to make a confession at the outset here. A little over 20 years ago, I did something that I regret, something that I'm not particularly proud of.". Dan Pink's speech grabs your attention right away because he makes a confession. He's letting you in on a secret about himself or something he ...
Sample Personal Statement Accounting and Finance
The following personal statement is written by an applicant who got accepted to several top accounting and finance programs. Variations of this PS got accepted at the University of Michigan, Vanderbilt, and Indiana University. ... The Ultimate Guide to Writing a Winning Personal Statement; Writing a Killer Opening Paragraph for Your Personal ...