reflective essay on nonverbal communication

Nonverbal Communication Skills: 19 Theories & Findings

In it, he introduces the concept of dramaturgy, which compares everyday social interactions to actors’ portrayals of characters, suggesting that one’s social interactions are analogous to a string of varying performances (Ritzer, 2021).

Goffman’s work also included the concept of impression management. The key to impression management includes appearance; your manner of interacting; and the attitudes conveyed through gestures, facial expressions, and nonverbal skills (Ritzer, 2021).

William Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage.”

I’m not a trained actor, but teaching public speaking courses has made me aware that audiences seem to prefer speakers who use a variety of hand gestures. These gestures signify the speaker as “warm, agreeable, and energetic” (Goman, 2021).

Just that nugget of information has taught me to incorporate hand gestures to develop my public speaking skills.

What other nonverbal communication skills enhance daily interactions?

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This Article Contains:

What is nonverbal communication, 9 types of nonverbal communication skills, is nonverbal communication important, 2 psychology theories and models, 8 fascinating research findings, importance in counseling and healthcare, resources from positivepsychology.com, a take-home message.

Nonverbal communication is a way to convey information “achieved through facial expressions, gestures, touching (haptics), physical movements (kinesics), posture, body adornment (clothes, jewelry, hairstyle, tattoos, etc.), and even the tone, timbre, and volume of an individual’s voice (rather than spoken content)” (Navarro & Karlins, 2008, p. 2–4).

In this YouTube video, Joe Navarro explains several nonverbal communication cues, exposes some myths, and discusses his work with nonverbal communication in law enforcement.

Marco Iacoboni (2008, p. 81), author of Mirroring People , takes it a step further, stating that “gestures accompanying speech have a dual role of helping the speakers to express their thoughts and helping the listeners/viewers understand what is being said.”

To competently read body language, Navarro and Karlins (2008) provide suggestions such as rigorous observation and a familiarity with the person’s baseline behaviors. They also recommend watching for changes, or ‘tells.’

Navarro and Karlins (2008) advise becoming familiar with universal behaviors and contextualizing nonverbal cues. However, cultural norms could inhibit rigorous observation.

Characteristics of nonverbal communication

The United States is considered a low-context communication culture (MacLachlan, 2010). This means that much of the information in a message comes directly from words rather than through implication or body language.

This style of communication involves lots of verbal detail so as not to confuse listeners. Low-context cultures rely less on nonverbal communication, which can obscure or censor portions of the message.

Nonverbal communication is culturally determined, and it is largely unconscious. It indicates the speaker’s emotional state. When nonverbal cues conflict with the verbal message, it may convey confusion or deception (Navarro & Karlins, 2008).

Finally, nonverbal communication varies by gender and displays power differentials, information effective leaders can use to influence others (Hybels & Weaver, 2015; Henley, 1977).

Nonverbal communication of successful leaders

It’s essential for leaders to read body language, also known as decoding. Deciphering between engagement (e.g., nodding, tilting the head, open body postures) and disengagement (e.g., body tilting away, crossed arms and legs) can be the difference between success and failure (Goman, 2021).

Successful actors could be considered professional first-impression artists. Like actors, leaders often find themselves center stage; they must learn the art of creating first impressions.

Subjective awareness and the ability to express yourself nonverbally are known as encoding – crucial for positive first impressions. Advice from professional actors includes a maintaining a pleasant facial expression, good posture, pausing, breathing, relaxing, and avoiding hiding your hands (Shellenbarger, 2018).

This video , 8 Things Successful People Do to Look Confident , provides quick tips for confident body language even if you’re not feeling confident.

First impressions are said to be formed in less than seven seconds (Goman, 2021). In this short time, others formulate labels such as “powerful,” “submissive,” or “trustworthy.” Evolved leaders incorporate mindfulness to help.

Naz Beheshti (2018) states, “Evolved leaders… use nonverbal tools mindfully and deliberately to reinforce their message.” She goes on to say, “this lifts the value of your communication and your value as a leader” (Beheshti, 2018).

Awareness of self, others, and the situation (mindfulness) allows us to ensure that our gestures and body language align with our spoken words. This creates congruence and generates trustworthiness (Beheshti, 2018; Newberg & Waldman, 2013).

This means we are analyzing several, simultaneous nonverbal cues. A frustrated person may tap their foot, cross their arms, and tightly squeeze their biceps (Jones, 2013). These clusters may cross over and include a variety of nonverbal categories, summarized below.

1. Kinesics

Kinesics is the study of how we move our body, specifically the head, hands, body, and arms (Jones, 2013). This includes sending messages through facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, and posture.

Haptics is the study of touch or coming into physical contact with another person (Hybels & Weaver, 2015). Throughout history, touch has been surrounded by mystery and taboo. We are perplexed by healing touch and riveted by stories of infants who perished due to lack of touch. Touch can denote relationship, status, power, and personality (Henley, 1977).

Cultural norms dictate guidelines regarding touch. Mindfulness regarding social and environmental settings is prudent. We greet a friend at an informal party differently than we would greet a boss or coworker in a professional setting.

3. Proxemics

The study of space and distance is called proxemics, and it analyzes how people use the space around them (Hybels & Weaver, 2015).

This YouTube video is a fun demonstration of students completing a school project on personal space and the discomfort felt by both humans and animals when social norms are violated.

4. Territory

Territory is often used to display power or reveal a lack thereof.

“'[P]osture expansiveness,’ positioning oneself in a way that opens up the body and takes up space, activated a sense of power that produced behavioral changes in a subject independent of their actual rank or role in an organization” (Goman, 2021).

Expansiveness conveys power.

5. Environment

Environment includes objects we use to adorn ourselves and the artifacts we surround ourselves with in order to create an impression. These objects provide nonverbal cues that help others form impressions (Jones, 2013).

6. Paralinguistics

Paralinguistics, also known as vocalics, is the study of how we speak and involves pitch, volume, rate of speech, tone, quality, tempo, resonance, rhythm, and articulation to help determine the context of the message (Jones, 2013).

7. Chronemics

Chronemics is the study of time, including how it is used. Nancy Henley (1977, p. 43), author of Body Politics: Power, Sex & Nonverbal Communication , asserts “Time is far from a neutral philosophical/physical concept in our society: it is a political weapon.”

Henley (1977, p. 47) describes the concept of “ritual waiting,” stating, “The more important the person, the longer we will ungrudgingly wait for the service or honor of attention.”

8. Attractiveness

The power of drawing attention to oneself doesn’t rely on physical appeal alone. Although facial symmetry and fashion of adornment are important (Jones, 2013), people who master good eye contact, have a lively face, offer encouragement, and use open gestures are also considered attractive (Kuhnke, 2012).

9. Olfactics

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Nonverbal communication is very important, as you could reveal unintentional information, as well as cause your communication to be misinterpreted.

Leakage: Unintentional messages

Teaching social–emotional skills to incarcerated people provided me with a powerful lesson about the nuances of nonverbal communication. On a particularly challenging day, I thought it wise to meditate and center myself prior to entering the jail. However, upon seeing me, the people inside began inquiring what was going on with me. What did they detect?

Nonverbal leakage can be shown through micro-expressions, which are “very fast facial movements lasting 1/25 to 1/5 of a second” and indicate a person’s real feelings (Ekman, 2003, p. 214).

This YouTube video is the opening scene of the series Lie to Me , based on the work of Paul Ekman regarding micro-expressions.

Varying statistics on the value of nonverbal communication may cause concern for those less practiced, but which statistics are accurate?

Crossed messages

The original research from Mehrabian and Ferris (1967) regarding nonverbal communication is widely interpreted. Elizabeth Kuhnke (2012, p. 10), author of Body Language for Dummies , interprets the study, saying, “55% of the emotional message in face-to-face communication results from body language.”

A nonverbal communication formula often cited is 7–38–55, which indicates 7% of the message comes from words, 38% vocal, and 55% facial. However, Lapakko (2007) believes this formula is reckless, faulty, and misleading. Sometimes the nonverbal elements of a message, such as gestures with directions, are incredibly important, and at other times incidental.

In addition, what something “means” in communication is connected to such variables as culture, history of the relationship, people’s intentions, personal experiences, time of day and specific words used. It would be naive to suggest all these nuances could be neatly quantified, and therefore attributing a precise formula to nonverbal communication is flawed in many ways.

So regardless of statistics and formulas, we know that nonverbal communication is essential and that people skilled at both reading and interpreting body language tend to enjoy greater success in life than those not skilled (Goleman, 1997).

Basic emotion theory

Basic emotion theory (BET) posits that emotions are a “grammar of social living” that situate us in the social and moral order of society (Keltner, Sauter, Tracy, & Cowen, 2019, p. 133). In addition, emotions structure interactions, particularly in relationships that matter. BET is integral to emotional expression.

Foundational to BET is the assumption that emotional expressions coordinate social interactions in three ways:

• Through rapid conveyance of important information to aid in decision making
• To evoke specific responses
• To serve as incentives for others’ actions

This is accomplished through reward systems such as parents smiling and caressing a child who exhibits specific behaviors (Keltner et al., 2019).

BET initially focused on six basic emotions. Literature reveals there are over 20 emotions with distinct, multimodal expressions, providing a deeper structure and highlighting the advancing nature of emotional expression (Keltner et al., 2019).

Neural resonance

Two people who like each other will mirror each other’s facial expressions, gestures, postures, vocalics, and movements. This is known as neural resonance, and it aids the accurate transfer of information from one person to another (Newberg & Waldman, 2013).

To fully understand what another is saying, “you have to listen to and observe the other person as deeply and fully as possible” (Newberg & Waldman, 2013, p. 81). Neural resonance uses mirror neurons to create cooperation, empathy, and trust.

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Studying nonverbal communication is revealing and intriguing. Most experts will include aspects such as eyes, facial expressions, and hands, but digging deeper reveals less-acknowledged nonverbal nuggets.

1. The benefits of yawning

Yawning is one of the fastest and simplest ways to lower mental stress and anxiety (Waldman & Manning, 2017). Social norms dictate that we refrain from yawning in specific settings, but yawning has many benefits. Did you know that snipers are taught to yawn before pulling the trigger (Waldman & Manning, 2017)?

According to Waldman and Manning (2017), yawning stimulates alertness and concentration; optimizes brain activity and metabolism; improves cognitive functioning; increases recall, consciousness, and introspection; decreases stress and relaxes the upper body; recalibrates a sense of timing; enhances social awareness and empathy; and increases sensuality and pleasure.

2. Feet don’t lie

According to Navarro and Karlins (2008), the most honest part of our body is our feet, as demonstrated by small children who dance with happiness or stomp in frustration. Many people look to the face for truth; Navarro and Karlins take the opposite approach:

“When it comes to honesty, truthfulness decreases as we move from the feet to the head” (Navarro & Karlins, 2008, p. 56), reasoning that emotions are suppressed through fabricated facial expression.

3. Gestures that help

Gestures improve memory and comprehension skills. Gestures may convey information that can influence how listeners respond, depending on the hand being used. “We tend to express positive ideas with our dominant hand and negative ideas with the other hand” (Newberg & Waldman, 2013, p. 44).

4. The eyes have it

“Social network circuits are stimulated through face-to-face eye contact, decreasing cortisol, and increasing oxytocin. The result is increased empathy, social cooperation, and positive communication” (Newberg & Waldman, 2013, p. 135).

Eyes reveal a lot about us. When we are aroused, troubled, concerned, or nervous, our blink rate increases. Once we relax, our blink rate returns to normal (Navarro & Karlins, 2008).

5. Power posing for success

Body language affects how others see us and how we view ourselves. In this YouTube video, Amy Cuddy discusses her research on power posing and how it affects success.

Amy Cuddy’s book is also discussed in our article listing books on imposter syndrome .

6. Fingers crossed

One explanation of the origin of crossing fingers for good luck comes from early beliefs in the power of the cross. The intersection of the digits, epitomizing the cross, was thought to denote a concentration of good spirits and served to anchor a wish until it came true (Keyser, 2014).

7. Fake positivity is harmful

Positivity that doesn’t register in your body or heart can be harmful. According to Barbara Fredrickson (2009, p. 180), “fake smiles, just like sneers of anger, predict heart wall collapse.” To truly benefit from a smile, touch, or embrace, you need to slow down and make it heartfelt.

8. Stand up straight

Poor posture can reduce oxygen intake by 30%, resulting in less energy (Gordon, 2003). Stooping over can make us look and feel old and out of touch. By straightening up, we can make significant differences in how we think and feel. The effect is bi-directional; attitude influences posture, just as posture influences attitude.

Good rapport between clients and practitioners stems from mirroring and synchronicity associated with neural resonance (Finset & Piccolo, 2011; Newberg & Waldman, 2013).

Carl Rogers’s Client-Centered Therapy is based on an empathetic understanding of clients. Nonverbal communication provides valuable information for both the client and the therapist. Showing you like and accept a client may be the most important information a therapist can convey (Finset & Piccolo, 2011).

Nonverbal patterns in therapy evolve over time. Specific behaviors that further the therapeutic process include “a moderate amount of head nodding and smiling; frequent, but not staring, eye contact; active, but not extreme, facial responsiveness; and a warm, relaxed, interested vocal tone” (Finset & Piccolo, 2011, p. 122).

Conscious awareness of nonverbal cues can aid in rapport building. Leaning toward the other signals comfort, whereas leaning away or crossing your arms signals discomfort (Navarro & Karlins, 2008).

Torsos and shoulder blades seem innocuous; however, blading away (turning slightly) from another person shows discomfort, while blading toward or facing another squarely shows a level of comfort (Navarro & Karlins, 2008).

Open palms are an ancient sign of trustworthiness that help establish rapport and are considered nonthreatening (Kuhnke, 2012). Hidden hands (placed in pockets or behind backs) signal disconnection and reluctance to engage. To display respect, keep an open posture with your muscles relaxed and weight evenly distributed.

Mirroring and matching go a long way to show synchronicity. Be careful to avoid mimicry, which signals disrespect (Kuhnke, 2012). Too much of a good thing can jeopardize credibility. An extended, fixed gaze into another’s eyes or effortful smiling can seem awkward, or worse.

This short YouTube video explains the dynamics of fluctuating facial expressions, based on the work of Charles Darwin and Paul Ekman.

This Silent Connections worksheet is an exercise for groups that combines mindfulness and nonverbal communication to build connections.

Someone who lacks the ability to make eye contact during conversation can be easily misinterpreted. To overcome this nonverbal communication issue, our Strategies for Maintaining Eye Contact can be very useful.

Our blog post 49 Communication Activities, Exercises, and Games includes six nonverbal communication activities for adults and three nonverbal exercises that work for families and children.

The blog post What Is Assertive Communication? 10 Real-Life Examples includes nonverbal qualities that complement and enhance assertive statements. Hints for eye contact, facial expressions, and posture can be found throughout.

In the blog post Cultivating Social Intelligence : 3 Ways to Understand Others , we discuss characteristics of social intelligence, including body language.

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others communicate better, this collection contains 17 validated positive communication tools for practitioners. Use them to help others improve their communication skills and form deeper and more positive relationships.

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17 Positive Communication Exercises [PDFs] to help others develop communication skills for successful social interactions and positive, fulfilling relationships.

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Nonverbal communication is an essential communication skill. Nonverbal expertise aids in delivering clear messages and forming positive impressions. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture to make a difference. Gently stroking the hand of a grieving friend speaks volumes.

Viewing life as a series of dramatic performances, as implied by both Shakespeare and Goffman, can add a sense of intrigue and adventure to enhancing nonverbal communication. These essential skills will help us achieve goals.

Just as the highly motivated thespian will study and polish their craft, anyone wanting to succeed in their career or interpersonal relationships can study and practice the nuances of nonverbal communication.

Actors and public speakers often practice their craft in front of a mirror or videotape themselves to reflect on strengths and weaknesses.

This article includes a myriad of resources to help improve nonverbal communication skills with many additional resources available.

By starting with something as simple as posture, we exit stage right, headed toward the competency of center stage. Break a leg!

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free .

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• Ekman, P. (2003). Emotions revealed: Recognizing faces and feelings to improve communication and emotional life . Holt Paperbacks.
• Finset, A., & Piccolo, L. D. (2011). Nonverbal communication in clinical contexts. In M. Rimondini (Ed.), Communication in cognitive-behavioral therapy (pp. 107–128).  Springer Science + Business Media.
• Fredrickson, B. L. (2009). Positivity . Crown Publishing Group.
• Goffman, E. (1956). The presentation of self in everyday life . University of Edinburgh.
• Goleman, D. (1997). Emotional intelligence . Bantam Trade Paperback.
• Goman, C. K. (2018, August 26). 5 Ways body language impacts leadership results. Forbes. Retrieved May 1, 2021, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2018/08/26/5-ways-body-language-impacts-leadership-results/?sh=5c1b235c536a
• Gordon, J. (2003). Energy addict: 101 Physical, mental, & spiritual ways to energize your life . Berkley Publishing Group.
• Henley, N. M. (1977). Body politics: Power, sex and nonverbal communication . Simon & Schuster.
• Hybels, S., & Weaver, R. L. (2015). Communicating effectively . McGraw-Hill Education.
• Iacoboni, M. (2008). Mirroring people: The new science of how we connect with others . Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
• Jones, R. (2013). Communication in the real world: An introduction to communication studies . University of Minnesota Libraries.
• Keltner, D., Sauter, D., Tracy, J., & Cowen, A. (2019). Emotional expression: Advances in basic emotion theory. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior , 43 (3), 133–160.
• Keyser, H. (2014, March 21). Why do we cross our fingers for good luck? Mental Floss . Retrieved May 27, 2021, from https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/55702/why-do-we-cross-our-fingers-good-luck
• Kuhnke, E. (2012). Body language for dummies . John Wiley & Sons.
• Lapakko, D. (2007). Communication is 93% nonverbal: An urban legend proliferates. Communication and Theater Association of Minnesota Journal , 34 (2), 7–19.
• MacLachlan, M. (2010, February 12). Cross-cultural communication styles: High and low context. Communicaid. Retrieved May 10, 2021, from https://www.communicaid.com/cross-cultural-training/blog/high-and-low-context/
• Mehrabian, A., & Ferris, S. R. (1967). Inference of attitudes from nonverbal communication in two channels.  Journal of Consulting Psychology, 31 (3), 248–252.
• Navarro, J., & Karlins, M. P. (2008). What every body is saying . Harper-Collins.
• Newberg, A. M., & Waldman, M. R. (2013). Words can change your brain . Avery.
• Ritzer, G. (2021). Essentials of sociology (4th ed.). SAGE.
• Shellenbarger, S. (2018, January 30). The mistakes you make in a meeting’s first milliseconds. Wall Street Journal . Retrieved May 22, 2021, from https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-mistakes-you-make-in-a-meetings-first-milliseconds-1517322312
• Waldman, M. R., & Manning, C. P. (2017). NeuroWisdom: The new brain science of money, happiness, and success . Diversion Books.

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Reflective Paper on Interpersonal Communication

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100 Nonverbal Communication Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

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• Verbal and Nonverbal Communication: Principles and Cues Humans give meaning to words, and the lack of clarity and subsequent misunderstanding in verbal communication might lead to severe consequences.
• The Psychology of Verbal and Nonverbal Communication On the other hand, one is to keep in mind that the main purpose of the kind of communication is to aid in the formulation of thoughts or ideas, which are expressed through speech.
• Nonverbal Communication in Nursing It is of utter significance for building a trusting rapport that nonverbal cues and nurses’ verbal communication transmit the same message.
• Self-Awareness in Nonverbal Communication The ability to correctly use nonverbal signs during a dialogue helps to position people and interest them in an idea or project.
• Nonverbal Communication: The Facial Expression Finally, if someone can display warmth and express interest in the person they are speaking with, it will create a connection and help them feel more open to the gospel message being shared.
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• Importance of Nonverbal Communication to Children’s Growth Since there is positive correlation between the use of nonverbal cues and emotional responses in children, the nature of families determines the extent to which the children use nonverbal communication. In addition, Nonverbal communication benefits […]
• The Use of All Senses in Nonverbal Communication In these settings, using all the senses can become a key prescription in assessing the importance of nonverbal communication. In conclusion, using all the available senses in competent verbal and nonverbal communication skills is crucial […]
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• Nonverbal Communication: Decoding and Encoding Most often, I study body language by analyzing the behavior of people in cafes and other public places; in this way, I get to study the maximum possible number of people, which allows me to […]
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• Nonverbal Communication: Proxemics, Gestures, Objects It refers to the fact that nonverbal communication conveys a sufficient amount of information that is essential in many cases. For example, it refers to those active individuals who tend to penetrate the personal space […]
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• Nonverbal Communication and Relationships at Workplace The purpose of this paper is to decompose the nonverbal communication in a supervisor-employee relationship at the author’s previous workplace. In the same manner, the supervisor established proper contact with me to show that he […]
• Nonverbal Behaviors and Cross-Cultural Communication As for the positive points of the article, it contains a lot of useful information that can be applied during everyday communication.
• Nonverbal Communication in Advertising Industry Many of those in the film and media industries have had to use it. One can also monitor the non-verbal signals and react to it with immediate effect.
• Nonverbal Communication in Business and Politics The Body Language Documentary concentrates on and illustrates the use of human body language as a means of communication. Hence, the assumption of dissimilar postures could have at least a slight impact on the way […]
• Nonverbal Aspects and Communication Climate Though people rarely give an account of the nonverbal elements of their speech and the effects that these elements have on their perception of the opponent, these elements, define the communication climate to a considerable […]
• Kinesics and Proxemics in Intercultural Negotiations There are a myriad of kinesics and it will be hard for the US Company to learn all of the applicable kinesics when relating to the Japanese people.
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The Journey to Mastery: How Self Reflection Can Improve Communication

Implement these best practices before and after both high-stakes and everyday communication to improve your effectiveness.

February 27, 2020

What does it mean to truly master communication? How can we speak and write for the most impact?

In this podcast episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart , Stanford Graduate School of Business lecturers JD Schramm and Matt Abrahams discuss how to use self-reflection for self-improvement. They also offer methods for preparing for a high stakes situation such as a pitch meeting or an everyday interaction like sending an email.

Think Fast, Talk Smart is a podcast produced by Stanford Graduate School of Business and hosted by Matt Abrahams. Each episode provides concrete, easy-to-implement tools and techniques to help you hone and enhance your communication.

Full Transcript

Matt Abrahams : With dedicated practice, self-reflection, along with a little guidance, we can all hone and improve our communication skills.

Today we will focus on the idea of communication mastery with my friend, colleague, and mentor, JD Schramm, who in addition to lecturing in Strategic Communication at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business, was recently named the Director of the King Global Leadership Program for the Knight-Hennessy Scholars Program at Stanford. Welcome, JD.

How do you define mastery?

JD Schramm : Well, thanks Matt, and thanks for having me here to have this conversation today. I love the definition of mastery that Dan Pink gives in his book Drive. Mastery is getting better and better at something that Matters. For you, for me, from any leaders that we have the privilege of working with, communication is something that matters. And you cannot reach perfection in communication. No matter how great the document is, how great the speech is, how concise the report is, you still could always make it just a little bit better. And so we look at mastery as being an aspiration, I get closer and closer and closer, but I never get to perfection. And that’s the premise of the book: how can I iterate over time and keep getting better and better and better, knowing that the goal is something I will never fully reach. And that’s part of the process, what we go through. If a leader can be self reflective, and recognize that the growth that they have had over a period of time, it is that process that is really exhilarating. And really encouraging much more than the product of that one talk, or that one deck, or that one letter.

Matt Abrahams : That notion of reflection, self-reflection that you mentioned, I think is so critical to success in any communication. But especially as we strive for mastery. I’m curious if you have any insights and thoughts about adjusting and adapting your communication to the needs of the people you’re speaking to.

JD Schramm : Two thoughts on that. One, I think it’s crucial that leaders deliver the message the audience needs to hear, more than the message the leader wants to share. And so I think to be effective as a leader, we’ve got to be very audience-centric in the way in which we design and deliver communication. And we have to be really careful. As we’re reading an audience, we could misinterpret something. We could get something wrong. So in the design of the communication, I have to really think about my audience a lot. In the delivery, I want to be sensitive to the audience. But I also wanna acknowledge I don’t have all the information. So, if I’m gonna invent or interpret what’s going on for somebody, interpret something that’s going to support me. And encouraged me, like their intent on what I’m saying, rather than assuming they’re bored by what I’m saying.

Matt Abrahams : I really liked that distinction of what you do going into the creation of the content being in service of the audience. But then in the moment of delivery, it’s a different perspective. I wanna get back to this notion of design, because we’ve talked a bit about designing messages for audiences. But one thing I appreciate so much about the work you do is you really spend time championing the establishment of what I’ll call a positive communication culture within an organization. Can you share a few examples that you think highlight best practices. Or perhaps practices to be avoided as people progress towards their own communication mastery?

JD Schramm : I love that question, Matt. So there’s a section in the book that is all about communicating from a particular perspective, or point of view, or orientation. And the groups that I chose to highlight in there, communicating as an LGBTQ leader, as a member of the gay community, I’ve done a lot of work in that. And so there’s a section on what’s distinct about being an out LGBT leader. There’s a section, honed especially from the work of Allison Kluger and Stephanie Solari on executive presence for women. And what are the best resources out there. What are some of the resources out there to avoid that are not what we would want. But in that section, I also have communicating as a military veteran. And through both the Ignite program here and the BreakLine program, we’ve been able to work with veterans. Who are going from a life of military service to a career in the civilian ranks. And many of the veterans who are in the Ignite program here were very generous with me as I wrote that and researched that. And came up with tips and stories about what that transition is like. And I don’t know that there are very many resources out there that look at that slice of communication, whether it’s somebody who’s been marginalized, or somebody who has had a distinct service experience. And how can I approach mastery when I’ve got this experience, which may be an asset or maybe a liability. But I just have to acknowledge that’s what I’m coming into the conversation with. And those stories were awesome to get to collect. And then to share back out to the men and women in the military who fed into that and have them respond to it. They were grateful to see something codified in one place.

Matt Abrahams : It’s exciting to me to know that your book not only will give general guidelines and advice, but also targets very specific experiences people have, and how they themselves then can work on their own personal mastery. Are there any specific tools and exercises you recommend people try as they journey towards communication mastery?

JD Schramm : There are several. Let me limit it to just two, and this again goes back to the concept of iteration, getting better and better at something. We include in the book and Kara Levy, who’s a communication coach here at the GSB was my co-author on this. We include a lot of examples of how to self-edit your writing. It is always useful for me to hand over an email or a report to somebody else to copy edit or be check for me. Does this hit the right tone? Is this the right level of detail for this audience? But how can I do that when I don’t have somebody to turn the document over to? Similarly, in the oral communication, being able to use our smartphones effectively to record our side of a conversation and analyze it later. To be able to hand our phone to somebody in a business meeting. And say, when I do my pitch to senior management, could you just subtly capture it on video. Or even just on audio that is completely unobtrusive in a meeting? Then I can go back. I can hear exactly what I said. I can look at the fillers. I can look at the uptalk. I can look at the long-winded sentences, or where did the questions come. And being able to use just simple tools like that in small ways, we get better and better at what we’re doing. It doesn’t have to be hiring a coach, and doing hours of rehearsal to get ready for a TED talk. It can literally be something as simple as reviewing a document after I’ve written it or audio recording a conversation that I had, and then analyzing my side of it.

Matt Abrahams : We end every one of these podcasts with three questions that I ask everybody and I’d love for you to share your answers to these three. So the first question is, if you were to capture the best communication advice you ever received as a five-to-seven-word presentation slide title, what would it be?

JD Schramm : You cannot not communicate. Regardless, I was trying to get into the five-to-seven range, so I added regardless.

No, no matter what I do, I communicate something. Whether I write an email and I sit back, and wait for a day. Whether I speak up in a meeting, or I remain silent. Whether I sigh, or I smile, you cannot not communicate. No matter what you do, you’re communicating something. So let’s take some ownership for the communication you want out there, rather than have it be just by default, what you’re doing.

Matt Abrahams : I liked how you turned a double negative into a positive bit of advice. That was cool.

Matt Abrahams : Who is a communicator that you admire, and why?

JD Schramm : I’ve gotta go to the queen, Oprah Winfrey. Her ability to tell stories that make a point, that draw you in. I’ve gotten to see her present in person twice. I spoke at a conference that she was one of the keynotes. And being able to hear her in person describe and inspire people to be their best selves. Hands down, I just think she is top of her game. And for the audience listening, I think her Golden Globe acceptance speech of the Lifetime Achievement Award two years ago. Brilliant storytelling, brilliant arc, great use of mantra, just across the board in everything she did, very effective.

Matt Abrahams : I 100% agree. That particular speech was phenomenal. Third question, what are the first three ingredients that go into a successful communication recipe?

JD Schramm : I’m going to fall back to something I teach in almost every class and every workshop, audience, intent and message. Mary Munter and Lynn Russell several years ago created the aim model. Who is your audience? I don’t know who I’m writing or speaking to. What is my intent? What do I want them to do with that after they receive it? And only once I know audience intent can I then create the message. The biggest mistake that leaders make today is they jump immediately to message without slowing down to think about who really needs to hear this. And when they hear it or read it, what’s the action I need them to take? So the three answers to me are audience, intent, and message.

Matt Abrahams : What a wonderful way to wrap up a conversation about mastery, and we all need to slow down. And think about in a very methodical, appropriate way, how we develop our communication skills written or spoken. And you’ve given us great insight In our conversation, and I and I hope everyone else looks forward to your book to give us even more information. Thank you so much for being an inspiration to me, and everybody else.

JD Schramm : Thank you, Matt. It was a privilege to get to be here. Thanks for doing the podcast.

For media inquiries, visit the Newsroom .

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February 14, 2020 How to Make Complex Ideas More Accessible In this podcast episode, we explore techniques for presenting complicated information so your audience can more easily understand.

January 31, 2020 Communicating Our Multiple Selves: How to Manage Your Reputation Learn how to shape the way others see you through your verbal and nonverbal communication in this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart.

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10 Tips for Improving Your Nonverbal Communication

Strong communication skills can help you in both your personal and professional life. While verbal and written communication skills are important, research has shown that nonverbal behaviors make up a large percentage of our daily interpersonal communication.

How can you improve your nonverbal communication skills? Paying closer attention to your nonverbal signals is an excellent place to start. You can also focus on factors such as tone of voice, eye contact, body language, and the context in which the communication occurs.

The following tips can help you learn to read other people's nonverbal signals and enhance your ability to communicate effectively. With practice, you can become more adept at conveying meaning without saying a word.

Pay Attention to Nonverbal Signals

People can communicate information in numerous ways, so pay attention to a variety of signals including:

• Body movements
• Eye contact
• Tone of voice

All of these signals can convey important information that is not put into words. For example, eye contact can help establish how attentive a person is. Tone of voice might reveal hints about their emotional state. Even posture can help convey how interested and engaged a person is in a conversation.

By paying closer attention to other people's unspoken behaviors, you will improve your own ability to communicate nonverbally.

Look for Incongruent Behaviors

You should pay careful attention if someone's words do not match their nonverbal behaviors. For example, someone might tell you they are happy while frowning and staring at the ground.

When words fail to match up with nonverbal signals, people often ignore what has been said and focus instead on unspoken expressions of moods, thoughts, and emotions . Therapists, for example, utilize these incongruencies to look for how a client might feel during a session.

So when someone says one thing, but their body language suggests something else, it can be helpful to pay extra attention to those subtle nonverbal cues. 

Be aware that other factors might contribute to these differences. Physical challenges may affect a person's ability to convey signals, so consider other reasons why words and behaviors might not match up.

Focus on Tone of Voice

Your tone of voice can convey a wealth of information, ranging from enthusiasm to disinterest to anger. Tone can be an effective way to amplify your message.

Start noticing how your tone of voice affects how others respond to you and try using your tone to emphasize ideas that you want to communicate.

For example, if you want to show genuine interest in something, express your enthusiasm by using an animated tone of voice. Such signals not only convey your feelings about a topic; they can also help generate interest in the people listening to you speak.

Researchers have found that tone of voice can affect how people respond to healthcare practitioners. Patients report greater satisfaction when treated by surgeons who use a non-dominant tone of voice. People who use more vocal variety in tone of voice are rated as more trustworthy and attentive.

Use Good Eye Contact

Good eye contact is another essential nonverbal communication skill. When people fail to look others in the eye, it can seem as if they are evading or trying to hide something. On the other hand, too much eye contact can seem confrontational or intimidating.

While eye contact is an essential part of communication, it's important to remember that good eye contact does not mean staring fixedly into someone's eyes. How can you tell how much eye contact is appropriate?

Some communication experts recommend intervals of eye contact lasting three to four seconds. Effective eye contact should feel natural and comfortable for you and the person you are speaking with.

Ask Questions

If you are confused about another person's nonverbal signals, don't be afraid to ask questions. A good idea is to repeat back your interpretation of what has been said and ask for clarification. Some examples of this:

• "So what you are saying is that..."
• "Do you mean that we should..."
• "What I'm hearing is that you think..."

Such questions can help clarify a conversation and encourage the other person to keep talking. These questions are part of active listening and help demonstrate your interest and engagement in the conversation.

Sometimes simply asking such questions can lend a great deal of clarity to a situation.

For example, a person might be giving off certain nonverbal signals because they have something else on their mind. By inquiring further into their message and intent, you might get a better idea of what they are really trying to say.

Use Signals to Add Meaning

Remember that verbal and nonverbal communication work together to convey a message. You can improve your spoken communication by using body language that reinforces and supports what you are saying. This can be especially useful when making presentations or speaking to a large group.

For example, suppose your goal is to appear confident and prepared during a presentation. In that case, you will want to focus on sending nonverbal signals that ensure that others see you as self-assured and capable. You can strike a self-confident stance by:

• Standing firmly in one place
• Keeping your shoulders back
• Keeping your weight balanced on both feet

Matching your body language to your verbal messages can help convey greater meaning and clarify your intentions. Body movements and stance are important, but facial expressions, eye gaze, mouth movements, gestures, and personal space are also essential components.

Look at Signals as a Whole

Another important part of good nonverbal communication skills involves being able to take a more holistic approach to what a person is communicating. A single gesture can mean any number of things or maybe even nothing at all.

The key to accurately reading nonverbal behavior is looking for groups of signals reinforcing a common point.

If you place too much emphasis on just one signal out of many, you might come to an inaccurate conclusion about what a person is trying to say.

For example, imagine that a person sounds and looks confident in their words and body language, but you notice that they don't make much eye contact. If you were to base your assessment on eye gaze alone, you might conclude that they were anxious or unsure, when in reality, they are just tired or distracted.

Consider the Context

When you are communicating with others, always consider the situation and the context in which the communication occurs. Some situations require more formal behaviors that might be interpreted very differently in any other setting.

Consider whether or not nonverbal behaviors are appropriate for the context. If you are trying to improve your own nonverbal communication, concentrate on ways to make your signals match the level of formality necessitated by the situation.

For example, the body language and nonverbal communication you utilize at work are probably very different from the sort of signals you would send on a casual Friday night out with friends. Strive to match your nonverbal signals to the situation to ensure that you are conveying the message you really want to send.  

Be Aware That Signals Can be Misread

According to some, a firm handshake indicates a strong personality while a weak handshake is taken as a lack of fortitude. This example illustrates an important point about the possibility of misreading nonverbal signals. A weak handshake might actually indicate something else entirely, such as arthritis.

Always remember to look for groups of behavior. A person's overall demeanor is far more telling than a single gesture viewed in isolation.

Interpreting nonverbal communication is complex and relies on various abilities, including interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence . Understanding that situations can be misread, different factors can affect how a person comes across, and the impact of your own biases can help you better interpret different nonverbal signals.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Some people just seem to have a knack for using nonverbal communication effectively and correctly interpreting signals from others. These people are often described as being able to "read people."  

In reality, nonverbal communication is a skill you can improve. You can build this skill by paying careful attention to nonverbal behavior and practicing different types of nonverbal communication with others.

By noticing nonverbal behavior and practicing your own skills, you can dramatically improve your communication abilities.

Nonverbal communication is complex and varied. There's is no single approach or signal that is appropriate in every context. Being more aware of how nonverbal signals impact interpersonal relationships can help you learn to use nonverbal communication more effectively 

A Word From Verywell

Nonverbal communication skills are essential and can make it easier to convey your point and to read what others are trying to tell you. Some people seem to come by these skills quite naturally, but anyone can improve their nonverbal skills with practice.

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By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."