i hate helping my child with homework

10 Reasons Why I Hate Helping My ADHD Kid with Homework

This is how the dictionary defines homework:

Homework /ˈhōmˌwərk/ noun

1. Schoolwork that a student is required to do at home. 2. Work or study done in preparation for a certain event or situation.

Here is my new and improved definition:

1. A medieval torture device used to tear families apart in the home. 2. The cause of parents’ instability, mood swings and excessive drinking. 3. A mass murderer of trees.

All joking aside, I get the reason for homework. Kids need to practice the new skills they’ve just acquired. I’m fine with that, except for the fact that I have a child who has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and getting them to sit and do homework is almost unbearable. Even if I can get them to sit still for five minutes, they do anything but pay attention. Here are 10 reasons why I hate helping my ADHD kid with homework:

1. I have no patience. This is not my kid’s fault. This one is all on me. Unfortunately, my lack of patience and my kid’s inability to focus is a disastrous combination. I really try not to let my lack of patience show. However, in my head, I have turned into Dr. Evil. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve told them to zip it when they have gone off on a tangent. I’m also starting to wonder if they would work harder on homework if they thought I had sharks with freakin’ laser beams attached to their heads.

2. It ruins my over-inflated opinion of them. I don’t want to admit to myself that I didn’t produce exceptionally gifted children. Working on homework with them shows me that they’re normal kids who have trouble focusing long enough to learn new concepts. The sun doesn’t shine out their asses. They’re not the next Einstein—they’re struggling with subtraction and how not to poke themselves in the eye with a pencil.

3. They have no organizational skills. Almost every day, my child’s homework is either forgotten at school or important school papers are shoved haphazardly into the black hole that is their backpack. I constantly find assignments that weren’t turned in and weeks of “misplaced” progress reports. I try to make organization fun (is there such a thing?) and to emphasize its importance. Unfortunately, all I receive for my efforts is an uninterested glare and nightmares about my child’s future as a hoarder.

4. I don’t get the way they do it. This one, again, is all on me. The school systems have recently started using the common core principles. This system is way different compared to how I was taught. I start to help with a problem, and I am informed that I’m not solving it the way the teacher does. I say, “Okay, how does your teacher do it?” My child’s reply is, “I don’t know, but it’s not that way.” I’m surprised that my hand isn’t permanently glued to my forehead and that my eyes haven’t rolled completely out of my head and onto the floor.

5. They aren’t listening to you. My blood starts to boil when I am explaining how to solve a homework problem and my child’s eyes are on the ceiling. Everything I say goes in one ear and out the other. We constantly have to start problems all over. During homework time, my ADHD child turns into Dory, the blue Disney fish from Finding Nemo . I take deep breaths and remind myself to just keep swimming, just keep fucking swimming.

6. They want me to do it for them. My daughter and I go through the same routine every damn day. She gets a list of similar problems, and she has to solve the equations. We do one together. We go over the process thoroughly. I make sure to explain every step. I tell her to do the next problem. She shrieks, “But I don’t know how, Mom!” I reply. “You do the same steps, just with this problem.” “But I don’t know how! Just do the next one with me!” It’s like my help is crack, and she’s addicted. She keeps escaping from—figure it out yourself—rehab.

7. The whining and arguing. “But Mom, it’s too hard. I’ll never get it! It’s so boring! My life is horrible, just horrible!” She doesn’t believe me when I tell her she will get it, and it will be OK. To my knowledge, math homework has never killed anyone. Then she proceeds to tell me, that I’m just doing it wrong. She knows she has the right answer. Her confidence might impress me a little, if she wasn’t screaming, “Two plus two is five! Two plus two is five, Mom!”

8. I’m too busy. I know this is a horrible thing to say. I should always make time for my kids, right? The truth is, my kids do take up the majority of my time, but you see I have three of them. When it’s homework time, I’m trying to stop my 4-year-old from “helping” my 10-year-old by coloring all over her spelling page. I’m also cooking dinner, cleaning and trying to keep my 2-year-old from either dancing on the table or from escaping out the doggie door. I wonder where she gets her ADHD from.

10. They have way too much of it. My ADHD child is in elementary school, and they have about an hour and a half of homework every night. I don’t remember getting a lot of homework in elementary school. We would get a few things here and there, but it wasn’t much. The most we had to do was create a paper mâche volcano or present a poster about why one state county is the best. The time we spend on everyday homework is ridiculous. Instead of having fun as a family, we’re all in homework hell.

11. The battle to get them to do it and to do it the right way. By now, my ADHD child has learned that they need to do their homework. When I ask them to do it, they will sit down and do it. Five minutes later, they are in the basement dancing. When I ask about their homework, they say it is done. Unfortunately, when I don’t supervise, they proceed to guess and write nonsense on every single problem. I’m lucky that I haven’t found “I like bananas” as one of the answers. I get that they would rather being doing something else, and to be honest, so would I. There are some days when I ignore my kid’s ADHD struggle and educational shortcomings. I instead focus on the fact that they are ridiculously good looking. I hope they have a successful career in modeling. We’re currently working on our blue steel poses.

Helping my ADHD kid with homework is challenging, but I do it every school night. It sucks, and I mostly hate it. I feel like I’m living in my own personal version of Groundhog Day. We go through the same infuriating routine every day. My child does their best to not listen or pay attention, and I sit there clinching my fists, trying to be patient, trying to be a good parent. I make sure that they are using their brains to solve problems. It’s a battle, but luckily there is a reward in sight. There is a particular moment that I am waiting for every day, and it’s like heaven. I’m talking about when the lightbulb in their brain finally turns on.

Everything suddenly clicks and the homework is now easy. This, for me, makes all the crappy things I just listed worth it. I feel like I am Frodo, and I just dropped the ring into the fiery depths of Mordor. We did. We made it. The battle is over—well, at least until tomorrow.

This article was originally published on Oct. 4, 2015

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August 16, 2021

Is it time to get rid of homework? Mental health experts weigh in

by Sara M Moniuszko

It's no secret that kids hate homework. And as students grapple with an ongoing pandemic that has had a wide-range of mental health impacts, is it time schools start listening to their pleas over workloads?

Some teachers are turning to social media to take a stand against homework .

Tiktok user @misguided.teacher says he doesn't assign it because the "whole premise of homework is flawed."

For starters, he says he can't grade work on "even playing fields" when students' home environments can be vastly different.

"Even students who go home to a peaceful house, do they really want to spend their time on busy work? Because typically that's what a lot of homework is, it's busy work," he says in the video that has garnered 1.6 million likes. "You only get one year to be 7, you only got one year to be 10, you only get one year to be 16, 18."

Mental health experts agree heavy work loads have the potential do more harm than good for students, especially when taking into account the impacts of the pandemic. But they also say the answer may not be to eliminate homework altogether.

Emmy Kang, mental health counselor at Humantold, says studies have shown heavy workloads can be "detrimental" for students and cause a "big impact on their mental, physical and emotional health."

"More than half of students say that homework is their primary source of stress, and we know what stress can do on our bodies," she says, adding that staying up late to finish assignments also leads to disrupted sleep and exhaustion.

Cynthia Catchings, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist at Talkspace, says heavy workloads can also cause serious mental health problems in the long run, like anxiety and depression.

And for all the distress homework causes, it's not as useful as many may think, says Dr. Nicholas Kardaras, a psychologist and CEO of Omega Recovery treatment center.

"The research shows that there's really limited benefit of homework for elementary age students, that really the school work should be contained in the classroom," he says.

For older students, Kang says homework benefits plateau at about two hours per night.

"Most students, especially at these high-achieving schools, they're doing a minimum of three hours, and it's taking away time from their friends from their families, their extracurricular activities. And these are all very important things for a person's mental and emotional health."

Catchings, who also taught third to 12th graders for 12 years, says she's seen the positive effects of a no homework policy while working with students abroad.

"Not having homework was something that I always admired from the French students (and) the French schools, because that was helping the students to really have the time off and really disconnect from school ," she says.

The answer may not be to eliminate homework completely, but to be more mindful of the type of work students go home with, suggests Kang, who was a high-school teacher for 10 years.

"I don't think (we) should scrap homework, I think we should scrap meaningless, purposeless busy work-type homework. That's something that needs to be scrapped entirely," she says, encouraging teachers to be thoughtful and consider the amount of time it would take for students to complete assignments.

The pandemic made the conversation around homework more crucial

Mindfulness surrounding homework is especially important in the context of the last two years. Many students will be struggling with mental health issues that were brought on or worsened by the pandemic, making heavy workloads even harder to balance.

"COVID was just a disaster in terms of the lack of structure. Everything just deteriorated," Kardaras says, pointing to an increase in cognitive issues and decrease in attention spans among students. "School acts as an anchor for a lot of children, as a stabilizing force, and that disappeared."

But even if students transition back to the structure of in-person classes, Kardaras suspects students may still struggle after two school years of shifted schedules and disrupted sleeping habits.

"We've seen adults struggling to go back to in-person work environments from remote work environments. That effect is amplified with children because children have less resources to be able to cope with those transitions than adults do," he explains.

'Get organized' ahead of back-to-school

In order to make the transition back to in-person school easier, Kang encourages students to "get good sleep, exercise regularly (and) eat a healthy diet."

To help manage workloads, she suggests students "get organized."

"There's so much mental clutter up there when you're disorganized... sitting down and planning out their study schedules can really help manage their time," she says.

Breaking assignments up can also make things easier to tackle.

"I know that heavy workloads can be stressful, but if you sit down and you break down that studying into smaller chunks, they're much more manageable."

If workloads are still too much, Kang encourages students to advocate for themselves.

"They should tell their teachers when a homework assignment just took too much time or if it was too difficult for them to do on their own," she says. "It's good to speak up and ask those questions. Respectfully, of course, because these are your teachers. But still, I think sometimes teachers themselves need this feedback from their students."

©2021 USA Today Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

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An Age-By-Age Guide to Helping Kids Manage Homework

Do you ever wonder whether homework is gauging the child’s ability to complete assignments or the parent’s? On one end of the spectrum, a parent might never mention homework and assume it gets done independently; on the other end are the parents who micromanage to be sure every worksheet is absolutely perfect.

Being too laissez faire about homework might deny a child the support they need to develop executive functioning skills, but being too involved could stifle their independence. So how much parent participation in homework is actually appropriate throughout a child’s education?

Basic homework tips

According to Scholastic , you should follow these rules of thumb to support your child during homework (without going overboard):

Stay nearby and available for questions without getting right in the middle of homework.

Avoid the urge to correct mistakes unless your child asks for help.

Instead of nagging, set up a homework routine with a dedicated time and place.

Teach time management for a larger project by helping them break it into chunks.

Child psychologist Dr. Emily W. King recently wrote about rethinking homework in her newsletter. King explains at what ages kids are typically able to do homework independently, but she writes that each child’s ability to concentrate at the end of the day and use executive functioning skills for completing tasks is very individual. I talked to her for more information on how much parental involvement in homework completion is needed, according to a child’s age and grade level.

Kindergarten to second grade

Whether children even need homework this early is a hot debate. Little ones are still developing fine motor skills and their ability to sit still and pay attention at this age.

“If a child is given homework before their brain and body are able to sit and focus independently, then we are relying on the parent or other caregivers to sit with the child to help them focus,” King said. “ Think about when the child is able to sit and focus on non-academic tasks like dinner, art, or music lessons. This will help you tease out executive functioning skills from academic understanding.”

Elementary-age children need time for unstructured play and structured play like music, arts, and sports. They need outside time, free time, and quiet time, King said. For children who are not ready for independent work, nightly reading with another family member is enough “homework,” she said.

Third to fifth grades

Many children will be able to do homework independently in grades 3-5. Even then, their ability to focus and follow through may vary from day to day.

“Most children are ready for practicing independent work between third and fifth grade, but maybe not yet in the after-school hours when they are tired and want to rest or play. We need to begin exposing children to organization and structure independently in late elementary school to prepare them for more independence in middle school,” King said.

Neurodivergent kids may need more parental support for several years before they work independently.

“Neurodivergent children, many of whom have executive functioning weaknesses, are not ready to work independently in elementary school. Children without executive functioning weaknesses (e.g., the ability to remain seated and attend to a task independently) are able to do this somewhere between third and fifth grade, but it’s very possible they can work independently at school but be too tired to do it later in the afternoon,” King said. “We need to follow the child’s skills and give them practice to work independently when they seem ready. Of course, if a child wants to do extra work after school due to an interest, go for it.”

For students who are not ready to work independently in middle school, it is better to reduce the amount of homework they are expected to complete so they can practice independence and feel successful.

Middle school

In sixth grade and later, kids are really developing executive functioning skills like planning, organizing, paying attention, initiating, shifting focus, and execution. They will still need your encouragement to keep track of assignments, plan their time, and stick to a homework routine.

“Middle school students need lots of organization support and putting systems in place to help them keep track of assignments, due dates, and materials,” King said.

High school

By this point, congratulations: You can probably be pretty hands-off with homework. Remain open and available if your teen needs help negotiating a problem, but executing plans should be up to them now.

“In high school, parents are working to put themselves out of a job and begin stepping back as children take the lead on homework. Parents of high schoolers are ‘homework consultants,’” King said. “We are there to help solve problems, talk through what to say in an email to a teacher, but we are not writing the emails or talking to the teachers for our kids.”

What if homework is not working for them (or you)

There are a number of reasons a child might not be managing homework at the same level as their peers, including academic anxiety and learning disabilities.

If your child is showing emotional distress at homework time, it might be a sign that they have run out of gas from the structure, socialization, and stimulation they have already been through at school that day. One way to support kids is to teach them how to have a healthy balance of work and play time.

“When we ask students to keep working after school when their tank is on empty, we likely damage their love of learning and fill them with dread for tomorrow,” King wrote in her newsletter.

King said in her experience as a child psychologist, the amount of homework support a child needs is determined by their individual abilities and skills more than their age or grade level.

“All of these steps vary for a neurodivergent child and we are not following these guidelines by age or grade but rather by their level of skills development to become more independent,” she said. “In order to independently complete homework, a child must be able to have attended to the directions in class, brought the materials home, remember to get the materials out at home, remember to begin the task, understand the task, remain seated and attention long enough to complete the task, be able to complete the task, return the work to their backpack, and return the work to the teacher. If any of these skills are weak or the child is not able to do these independently, there will be a breakdown in the system of homework. You can see why young students and neurodivergent students would struggle with this process.”

If you and your child have trouble meeting homework expectations, talk to their teacher about what could be contributing to the problem and how to modify expectations for them.

“Get curious about your child’s skill level at that time of day,” King said. “Are they able to work independently at school but not at home? Are they not able to work independently any time of day? Are they struggling with this concept at school, too? When are they successful?”

Homework anxiety: Why it happens and how to help

By Gail Belsky

Expert reviewed by Jerome Schultz, PhD

Quick tips to help kids with homework anxiety

Quick tip 1, try self-calming strategies..

Try some deep breathing, gentle stretching, or a short walk before starting homework. These strategies can help reset the mind and relieve anxiety. 

Quick tip 2

Set a time limit..

Give kids a set amount of time for homework to help it feel more manageable. Try using the “10-minute rule” that many schools use — that’s 10 minutes of homework per grade level. And let kids know it’s OK to stop working for the night.

Quick tip 3

Cut out distractions..

Have kids do homework in a quiet area. Turn off the TV, silence cell phones, and, if possible, limit people coming and going in the room or around the space.

Quick tip 4

Start with the easiest task..

Try having kids do the easiest, quickest assignments first. That way, they’ll feel good about getting a task done — and may be less anxious about the rest of the homework.

Quick tip 5

Use a calm voice..

When kids feel anxious about homework, they might get angry, yell, or cry. Avoid matching their tone of voice. Take a deep breath and keep your voice steady and calm. Let them know you’re there for them. 

Sometimes kids just don’t want to do homework. They complain, procrastinate, or rush through the work so they can do something fun. But for other kids, it’s not so simple. Homework may actually give them anxiety.

It’s not always easy to know when kids have homework anxiety. Some kids may share what they’re feeling when you ask. But others can’t yet identify what they’re feeling, or they're not willing to talk about it.

Homework anxiety often starts in early grade school. It can affect any child. But it’s an especially big issue for kids who are struggling in school. They may think they can’t do the work. Or they may not have the right support to get it done. 

Keep in mind that some kids may seem anxious about homework but are actually anxious about something else. That’s why it’s important to keep track of when kids get anxious and what they were doing right before. The more you notice what’s happening, the better you can help.

Dive deeper

What homework anxiety looks like.

Kids with homework anxiety might:

Find excuses to avoid homework

Lie about homework being done

Get consistently angry about homework

Be moody or grumpy after school

Complain about not feeling well after school or before homework time

Cry easily or seem overly sensitive

Be afraid of making even small mistakes

Shut down and not want to talk after school

Say “I can’t do it!” before even trying

Learn about other homework challenges kids might be facing . 

Why kids get homework anxiety

Kids with homework anxiety are often struggling with a specific skill. They might worry about falling behind their classmates. But there are other factors that cause homework anxiety: 

Test prep: Homework that helps kids prepare for a test makes it sound very important. This can raise stress levels.

Perfectionism: Some kids who do really well in a subject may worry that their work “won’t be good enough.”

Trouble managing emotions: For kids who easily get flooded by emotions, homework can be a trigger for anxiety. 

Too much homework: Sometimes kids are anxious because they have more work than they can handle.

Use this list to see if kids might have too much homework .

When kids are having homework anxiety, families, educators, and health care providers should work together to understand what’s happening. Start by sharing notes on what you’re seeing and look for patterns . By working together, you’ll develop a clearer sense of what’s going on and how to help.

Parents and caregivers: Start by asking questions to get your child to open up about school . But if kids are struggling with the work itself, they may not want to tell you. You’ll need to talk with your child’s teacher to get insight into what’s happening in school and find out if your child needs help in a specific area.

Explore related topics

How to help your kids with homework (without doing it for them)

Lecturer in the Faculty of Education, Monash University

Lecturer, Monash University

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The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

Monash University provides funding as a founding partner of The Conversation AU.

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Parents are a child’s first and most important teachers . Parent involvement in their child’s learning can help improve how well they do in school. However, when it comes to helping kids with homework, it’s not so simple.

While it’s important to show support and model learning behaviour, there is a limit to how much help you can give without robbing your child of the opportunity to learn for themselves.

Be involved and interested

An analysis of more than 400 research studies found parent involvement, both at school and at home, could improve students’ academic achievement, engagement and motivation.

School involvement includes parents participating in events such as parent-teacher conferences and volunteering in the classroom. Home involvement includes parents talking with children about school, providing encouragement, creating stimulating environments for learning and finally – helping them with homework.

Read more: What to do at home so your kids do well at school

The paper found overall, it was consistently beneficial for parents to be involved in their child’s education, regardless of the child’s age or socioeconomic status. However, this same analysis also suggested parents should be cautious with how they approach helping with homework.

Parents helping kids with homework was linked to higher levels of motivation and engagement, but lower levels of academic achievement. This suggests too much help may take away from the child’s responsibility for their own learning.

Help them take responsibility

Most children don’t like homework. Many parents agonise over helping their children with homework. Not surprisingly, this creates a negative emotional atmosphere that often results in questioning the value of homework.

Homework has often been linked to student achievement, promoting the idea children who complete it will do better in school. The most comprehensive analysis on homework and achievement to date suggests it can influence academic achievement (like test scores), particularly for children in years seven to 12.

But more research is needed to find out about how much homework is appropriate for particular ages and what types are best to maximise home learning.

Read more: Too much help with homework can hinder your child's learning progress

When it comes to parent involvement, research suggests parents should help their child see their homework as an opportunity to learn rather than perform. For example, if a child needs to create a poster, it is more valuable the child notes the skills they develop while creating the poster rather than making the best looking poster in the class.

Instead of ensuring their child completes their homework, it’s more effective for parents to support their child to increase confidence in completing homework tasks on their own.

Here are four ways they can do this.

1. Praise and encourage your child

Your positivity will make a difference to your child’s approach to homework and learning in general. Simply, your presence and support creates a positive learning environment.

Our study involved working with recently arrived Afghani mothers who were uncertain how to help their children with school. This was because they said they could not understand the Australian education system or speak or write in English.

However, they committed to sit next to their children as they completed their homework tasks in English, asking them questions and encouraging them to discuss what they were learning in their first language.

In this way, the parents still played a role in supporting their child even without understanding the content and the children were actively engaged in their learning.

2. Model learning behaviour

Many teachers model what they would like their students to do. So, if a child has a problem they can’t work out, you can sit down and model how you would do it, then complete the next one together and then have the child do it on their own.

3. Create a homework plan

When your child becomes overly frustrated with their homework, do not force them. Instead, together create a plan to best tackle it:

read and understand the homework task

break the homework task into smaller logical chunks

discuss how much time is required to complete each chunk

work backwards from the deadline and create a timeline

put the timeline where the child can see it

encourage your child to mark completed chunks to see the progress made on the task

4. Make space for homework

Life is busy. Parents can create positive study habits by allocating family time for this. This could mean carving out one hour after dinner for your child to do homework while you engage in a study activity such as reading, rather than watching television and relaxing. You can also create a comfortable and inviting reading space for the child to learn in.

Parents’ ability to support their child’s learning goes beyond homework. Parents can engage their child in discussions, read with them, and provide them with other ongoing learning opportunities (such as going to a museum, watching a documentary or spending time online together).

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Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

7 Ways to Stop the Parent-Child Power Struggle Over Homework

By debbie pincus, ms lmhc.

Do you find yourself in full-on homework battles most nights of the week? It’s no surprise that most children and teens will dig in their heels when it comes to doing schoolwork. Think of it this way: How many kids want to do something that isn’t particularly exciting or pleasant? Most would prefer to be playing video games, riding their bikes or driving around with friends, especially after a long day of school and activities.

As long as you believe you are accountable (or to blame) for your child’s outcome, you are under her control.

The underlying truth here is that you and your child might already be caught in a power struggle over this. Like most parents, you probably want your children to do well and be responsible. Maybe you worry about your child’s future. After all, doing homework and chores are your child’s prime responsibilities, right? Let’s face it, it’s easy to get anxious when your kids are not doing what they’re supposed to be doing—and when you know how important doing schoolwork is. And when you believe you are ultimately responsible for the choices your child makes (and many of us do, consciously and unconsciously), the ante is upped and the tug of war begins.

Nagging, Lecturing and Yelling—But Nothing Changes?

If you’re in the habit of threatening, lecturing, questioning your child, nagging or even screaming at them “do the work!” (and trust me, we’ve all been there), you probably feel like you’re doing whatever it takes to get your kids on track. But when you’re in your child’s head, there’s no room for him to think for himself. And unfortunately, the more anxious you are, the more you’ll hold on in an attempt to control him and push him toward the task at hand. What happens then? Your child will resist by pushing back. That’s when the power struggle ensues. Your child, in essence, is saying, “I own my own life—stay out!” Now the battle for autonomy is getting played out around homework and chores, and exactly what you feared and hoped to avoid gets created.

This is very aggravating for parents to say the least. Many of us get trapped into thinking we are responsible for our child’s choices in life. As long as you believe you are accountable (or to blame) for your child’s outcome, you are under their control. This is because you will need your child to make those good choices—do the work—so you will feel that you’re doing a good job. Your child’s behavior becomes a reflection of you. You are now at your child’s mercy as you trying to get him to do what you want him to do so you can feel validated as a good parent. Your child does not want to be taking care of your emotional well-being, so he will naturally resist.

When kids are not following through on their responsibilities, it can easily trigger a number of feelings in parents. Note that your child did not cause these feelings, but rather triggered feelings that already belong to you. You might be triggered by a feeling of anger because you feel ineffective or fear that your child will never amount to anything. Or you might feel guilt about not doing a good enough job as a parent. Here’s the truth:  You have to be careful not to let these triggered feelings cause you to push your kids harder so that you can feel better. One of the toughest things parents have to do is learn how to soothe their own difficult feelings rather than ask their children to do that for them. This is the first step in avoiding power struggles.

Why are power struggles important to avoid? They inadvertently create just what you’ve feared. Your child is living his life in reaction to you rather than making his own independent choices. Learning how to make those choices is a necessary skill that develops self-motivation.  How can you avoid ending up in these battles? Here are 7 tips that can really help.

1. You are not responsible for your child’s choices

Understand that you are not responsible for the choices your child makes in his life. It’s impossible to take on that burden without a battle for control over another human being. Measure your success as a parent by how you behave — not by what your child chooses to do or not do. Doing a good job as a parent means that you have done all that you can do as a responsible person. It does not mean that you have raised a perfect person who has made all the right choices. Once you really get this, you won’t be so anxious about your child’s behaviors, actions, and decisions. You will be able to see your child from objective, not subjective, lenses and therefore be able to guide their behavior, because you’ll have seen what he actually needs.

2. You cannot make someone care—but you can influence them

You cannot get a person to do or care about what they don’t want to do or care about. Our kids have their own genetics, roles, and ultimately their own free will. So focusing on getting your child to change or getting something from her will not work long-term and will most often turn into a power struggle. What you can do is try to influence your child using only what is in your own hands. For example, when it comes to homework, you can structure the environment to create the greatest probability that the work will get done.

3. Think about the “fences” you’d like to create for your child

Take charge of your own best thinking and decisions rather than trying to control your child’s. Pause, think and decide what fences you want to create for your child. What are your bottom lines? Know what you can and can’t do as a parent. Recognize that what will make the biggest difference to your child (and helping him become a responsible kid who makes good choices) will be learning how to inspire him, not control him. Building a positive relationship with your kids is your best parenting strategy. Children want to please the people in their lives that they have loving feelings toward. You cannot ultimately make them accept your values, but you can inspire them to do so. Getting a child to listen to you is primarily about setting up the conditions under which they choose to do so. In order to do this, make a conscious effort to sprinkle your relationship with more positive interactions than negative ones. Hug, show affection, laugh together, and spend time with one another. Point out your appreciations most instead of constantly correcting, instructing, teaching, yelling, complaining, or reprimanding.  Don’t get me wrong, you need to correct and reprimand as a parent. But make a conscious effort so that every time you do this, you will follow it with many positive interactions. The human brain remembers the negatives much more than the positives. Most kids will be happy to listen and be guided by the people in their lives who they like and respect.

4. Should you give consequences when kids don’t do homework?

Parents always ask whether or not they should give consequences to kids if they don’t do their homework—or instead just let the chips fall where they may.  I think you can give consequences, and that might work temporarily—maybe even for a while. Perhaps your child will learn to be more responsible or to use anxiety about the consequences to motivate themselves. You can’t change someone else, but consequences might help them get some homework done. You can’t “program” your child to care about their work, but you can create a work environment that promotes a good work ethic. Kids who regularly get their homework done and study do better throughout school and overall in life.

5. How structuring the environment can encourage studying

Again, you can’t make a child do anything that he doesn’t feel like doing, but you can structure his environment to create the greatest probability that the work will get done. When your child’s grades slip, or you find that he’s not getting his work in on time, you are automatically “invited in” to supervise and help him get on track. You can make sure that for certain periods of time, he will not be able to do anything other than schoolwork. The rule is during that time, no electronics are allowed—just homework and studying. By doing this, you are providing a structure to do what your child probably can’t do yet for himself. The hour and a half that you set aside should be a time when you will be around to enforce the rules that you have set. Give a fixed amount of time and once that time is up, your child is free to go elsewhere, homework done or not. Stay consistent with this plan, even if he fights you on it. This plan will accomplish the possibility that your child will get some homework done and maybe over time, create some better work habits. That’s all. This plan should be in place, whether or not he has homework. He can read, review or study if he doesn’t have any during that time. Let him know that these rules will change when his grades begin to reflect his potential and when you are not getting negative reports from teachers about missing homework. When he accomplishes this, tell him you will be happy to have him be fully in charge of his own homework.

6. Parents of Defiant kids

 Extremely defiant kids who don’t seem to care about consequences really try their parents. Some of these kids suffer from ADHD, ODD, learning disabilities, emotional issues and many other issues. Defiance has become a way for them to try and solve their problems. With defiant kids, parents need to be very cognizant of working to develop positive relationships, no matter how difficult. Above all, work to avoid getting pulled into a power struggle. Your child will need many more learning opportunities and more rewards and negative consequences—and more time to learn these lessons than less defiant child. And if nothing changes, and your child continues to be defiant, you must continue to work on your own patience and be thoughtful about your own bottom line. Most important, continue to love your child and keep showing up.

7. Your simple message to your child

Be clear, concise and direct. Your simple message to your kids, which does not require lectures or big sit down conversations is, “Your job is to take care of your responsibilities, which includes getting your homework done and helping out in the house. That’s my expectation for you. Once you’ve done that each day, you are welcome to do what you’d like.” Remember, as a parent your job is to essentially help your child do her job.

Related content: What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled from School “My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over School Work

About Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC

For more than 25 years, Debbie has offered compassionate and effective therapy and coaching, helping individuals, couples and parents to heal themselves and their relationships. Debbie is the creator of the Calm Parent AM & PM™ program and is also the author of numerous books for young people on interpersonal relations.

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Frustrated mom This is by far the very worst parenting advice I have ever heard. Can it be anymore vague and general? There’s literally nothing in this article that deals with actually doing homework! In fact it is more so a guide on things that most parents already know and should More be doing! The other part of this article is basically saying that you should allow your child to be their own authority. Do kids not need to learn to obey rules in today’s world? A lesson in life is that your children aren’t always going to be given a choice and when they are given a choice, it doesn’t mean they’re going to like any of the possible outcomes. Allowing them to think they have a choice in order to circumvent basic responsibilities is completely and utterly counter productive! I had to do homework when I was a kid whether I liked it or not! I knew this even as a small child. Children historically do not make the best decisions on their own. There’s a reason we have an age where it’s considered by society that you’re officially an adult. Until children reach that age, they don’t have a choice!

I am a special education preschool educator. Yes, I do send homework home for the following reasons:1. It starts good habits relating to reinforcing skills taught at school.

2. It allows me to educate and inform parents on what skills children need to be learning.

3. Some skills need more effort to be learned- such as name writing.

4. I want my kiddos to have a headstart and school is important! Homework is a way of getting kids ahead.

Hands down- my kiddos who learn skills at home- for example "economics homework" are more likely to master this skill when taught at school AND at home! It helps! Trust me! and all kiddos undergo assessments when entering kindergarten and often it is considered a predictor in success for the year!

georgeesmith Very methodical, can give a try to make it possible :)

lisakelper9 Sounds good but very hard to implement in reality. But still its a good attempt.

JackRusso1 I disagree with this as a whole. This person has no idea what children are really like. Children are stressed a lot, nagging them won't help. They don't want to talk about homework at home because then the parent asks irritating questions. It's not that they don't care, it's that More they need to do things on their own. When a parent is constantly on their backs the child gets stressed out. In my eyes, few parents understand this. Believe it or not...I'm 13 and I can do better then you. This isn't a helpful list of tips, it's a list of how to make the situation worse!

Oh my goodness!   This all sounds very charming but has no real application!  

Let me give you my scenario of raising a "Defiant" child:

Our homework structure is that she work at her well organized desk...quite charming in fact.  

She is expected to work 15 minutes per subject which is a grand total of an hour and 30 min.

No tech unless all work is complete and no matter what, no tech before 6:30 pm.

Down time for reading (which she loves) is after homework and her home chore is done.

we have a rewards currency.  We have a consequence system.  

Guess what?  It is not that simple.  She will waste her time "studying" so we require her to log notes on what she is reading so does not just sit and stare at her books for an hour and a half (which she will do).  We periodically check her log as she is working and help review info.  Again...quite charming.

She is failing most of her subjects because she does not bring ANY assigned work home.  None.  And then she lies about the work that we track down.  

She is not internally nor externally motivated. 

Sometimes a child is not emotionally mature enough to handle things like this and their brains are unable to really connect action and consequence.  Sometimes you need to let your child fail.  I hear from her teachers "I have no idea what to do with _________"  My response is....there is nothing YOU can do.  Only what ______ can do and she chooses not to.

A child who is unable to focus on learning is focusing on something else instead.  For my daughter it is the undying need for acceptance....peer acceptance.  So how to retrain the brain is tough.  Wish me luck because THERE IS NO ANSWER!  THERE IS NO FIX!

I often wonder about the value of homework. While I appreciate the article and noted some key takeaways here that will be very helpful to me, such as "Learn how to inspire, not control" and "Measure your success as a parent by how you behave"...I often find myself yelling at my seven year old angel because she just doesn't have an interest in learning..and then I spend the rest of the night disgusted with myself for being angry with her. She is the sweetest, most lovable little girl filled with street smarts. But she's behind in school, slow with reading, and fights me constantly with her homework.

I stepped up over the summer and had assignments all summer long so she could hopefully catch up. But little has changed. She continues to have no interest, which I interpret as lazy. She would much rather watch Netflix or play; something I try to balance. I wasn't a great student in school but I did love homework. I hated the "institution" and rebelled against control. But I've managed to make a good life for myself because I've been highly motivated, driven and disciplined. My concern is she doesn't seem to have those traits...yet. It might still be too soon. However, I struggle to push too hard (contrary to how it sounds) because I'm a big advocate of work-life balance.

She is busy all day with school and activities and the idea of having her do more when she gets home before she rests, plays or unwinds, seems like corporal punishment. Yes. And I'm not dramatic. But really? I get the importance of establishing a good work ethic. However,  I work all day. When I get home, I'm tired. I take a break before I tend to house chores. Nothing gets neglected but I pace myself. I also take home work but that's done later in the evening, after I've tended to my family AND had some down time. Don't kids deserve down time too?

I hate putting this pressure on my child, yet I know the pressure she feels being a slower reader, struggling with phonetics, etc. is as great if not worse. I can see her as a very successful person later on because she has very strong social skills and a kindness that far surpasses most of the other kids I've seen. But I struggle with finding that balance between pushing academics and just letting time prove itself. I am a big advocate of moderation and balance, yet I really struggle with applying that value in today's academic world which starts as young as kindergarten!

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• 1. The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework
• 2. What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled From School
• 3. "My Child Refuses to Do Homework" — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork
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Ten Homework Motivation Strategies for Children and Teens

Use these 10 strategies to end the homework wars..

Posted September 6, 2015 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

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When it comes to homework, parents get burnt out hearing these hollow and suspicious words: "I did it at school," "They didn't give homework today," "It hardly counts for my grade," "My teacher never looks at my homework anyway," "That assignment was optional." As parents, hearing these words is enough to drive you crazy.

As I write in my book, 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child , parents must not let their emotions get the best of them when their kids are not getting homework done. The strategies below are for helping your child or teen get unstuck:

• Nix the nagging! Pestering creates an adversarial, shaming dynamic that backfires. Instead, try my Calm, Firm, and Non-Controlling approach. Gently empower your child or teen by supportively saying, "I see that you are frustrated. Let's think of ways to help you get back on track with your homework/schoolwork."
• Encourage effort over perfection. Be mindful that kids tend to get intimidated when they have a hard time understanding material. They may get into negative self-talk like, "I can't do this." Even if they're truly thinking this way, parents may instead hear comments like, "I hate this." or "This is stupid." Remind your child or teen that doing his best effort is better than not doing it at all.
• Prioritize. Coach and encourage that the order that homework is done based on urgency, complexity, and workload. At the same time, realize that some students do better by starting with easier tasks and that this can help spark them to tackle more demanding assignments.
• Break it down. Reinforce breaking up homework time into manageable chunks and encourage taking regular breaks. Encourage moving around and walking away for a bit. Remind that an apple really does provide the same effect, and is healthier than an energy drink.
• Think "15 minutes of pain." Have the student set a timer for only 15 minutes. Keep it lighthearted and explain that even if it "hurts" doing the work, she can stop after 15 minutes. Like most things in life, once we push ourselves and get going, it's not so bad.
• Don't be consequence ravenous. Imposing consequences for homework not being done can backfire with defiant behavior. If you use consequences, don't present them with yelling. Keep them reasonable and ask the student to help you be able to move towards rewards (don't go overboard) and minimize consequences. Remember that real, natural consequences are the best motivators.
• Encourage connection. Encourage the student to make or re-establish a connection with his teacher. I have seen hundreds of kids "shoot themselves in the foot" with incomplete homework if they don't have a decent relationship with their teacher.
• Change up the homework/study surroundings. Try putting an inspirational poster by the desk, moving to a different room, or silencing the cell phone. New changes can create more changes.
• Use those study halls. Encourage the use of them as much as possible. Some kids lose sight of that more done at school, means less to do at home.
• Allow for some fun. Notice if your student is racing through the homework just to have fun. Fun time like, TV, phone time, or surfing the web, is welcome, but make sure you put limits on it.

Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D. , is a psychologist and the author of seven books, including 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child.

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The Best Way to Help My Kids With Homework Is to Not Help Them at All

I will do anything for my children, and whatever it is, I do my very best to fulfill their needs. But one thing that I routinely refuse to do is their homework . Now, if they ask for help, I don't deny them assistance, but I rarely give them direct answers, choosing instead to provide guidance.

It may sound harsh, but it's a decision I've put a lot of thought into. I'm the child of hard-working parents who didn't have a lot of time follow my educational activities. They let me complete my assignments on my own and rewarded me when I got good grades . In elementary and high school I was completely responsible and accountable for the outcomes of my hard work — or lack thereof. And I think it helped shape me into the adult I am today.

I know that sometimes teachers don't even have a choice as to what homework a child gets . Those decisions may be made by the school district or curriculum created by administration. Nonetheless, I would like to believe that my children's teachers appreciate the authenticity of their assignments. I can only imagine the frustration of getting back work without any errors or mistakes that was clearly not completed by a child. I think that perfect work is a missed opportunity to correct and improve a child's understanding. I want my children to mess things up while they can, while they can learn how to learn.

There is also value in not being correct all of the time. Children who get things wrong and have to work to improve learn how to maturely deal with and learn from their mistakes. Sometimes homework blunders can actually be funny for my child and myself. We find moments to have fun and be playful so that all mistakes don't automatically evoke negative feelings. Also, if my child is struggling with a particular subject, I take the situation seriously by acknowledging their feelings and offering help in a way that fosters problem-solving, stress reduction, and focus. I also have no problem involving the teacher to help us create an action plan to help improve my child's understanding.

There isn't a one-size-fits-all parenting style. Some parents are very happy to give their children answers to homework under certain circumstances. I'm just not that parent. I don't give my children answers to homework questions, nor do I create their projects for them. I'll provide all of the supplies and maybe assist in any potentially dangerous scissor use for my smaller children, but that's where my assistance ends.

But enough about what I don't do for my children.

What I do is encourage positive habits, like designating a space where they can work without distractions . I encourage them to use it as a study space, but I don't force them to make use of it because I think that learning what works for them will foster good habits into adulthood. I don't want to create a forced environment that they will potentially rebel against later in life. I also encourage and reward their completion of the work, and their attempts to complete the task well , rather than just checking a box. If their work is incorrect, I see it as an opportunity for them to learn how to do it right. That skill will serve them well when I'm not sitting next to them in the future.

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ADHD Child Refuses to Do Schoolwork: Top Tips to Help | Beyond Booksmart

By Sean Potts and Jackie Hebert

Let’s be honest… No student loves homework - and for good reason. When we consider the full school day, extracurriculars, and various social components that are all part of a typical school week, it’s no wonder why students want to relax and recharge when they finally get home. However, part of growing up is learning to roll up our sleeves and do those essential things we might not want to do - and for students, this means working through that algebra worksheet or history reading despite being drained from the 10+ hour day they just had. 

In this blog, we’re going to explore homework refusal and what you can do as a parent to nudge your student toward a healthier relationship with their homework. We’ll organize this exploration through four key questions: 

• What is homework refusal? 
• What causes homework refusal?
• How do you overcome homework refusal? 
• What outside support is there for homework refusal? 

Let’s dive right in.

1. What is homework refusal?

Homework refusal is when a student develops a strong avoidance of homework to the point of regularly refusing to complete their school work. A typical student who struggles with homework refusal may procrastinate to start their assignments, freeze up when they sit down to work, struggle to resist distractions after school, and release outbursts of anger or frustration when confronted about homework. 

Over time, these issues often devolve into worsening grades, frequent conflicts at home, and increased stress levels for caregivers and students. As a result, the parent-child relationship can become strained due to nightly battles over homework that make time at home increasingly unpleasant for the whole family. So now that we understand what homework refusal is, how does it develop in the first place? 

2. What causes homework refusal?

Homework refusal is a pattern of avoidance that’s developed to cope with the stress of completing homework. Understanding the core cause of homework refusal starts with identifying what exactly about homework is so stressful for your child. We’ll explore a few common reasons for this stress so you can identify which is most relevant to your situation. It’s also important to remember that attributing homework refusal solely to inherent character flaws (like laziness or apathy) is almost always counterproductive. Homework refusal can develop around the same age that other latent challenges around learning or mental health do. In other words, what may seem like laziness at the surface may simply be the tip of a much deeper iceberg with a core problem that exists outside of your student’s control. Let’s explore some of those potential underlying causes. (Note: It’s possible that more than one of these causes is relevant to your student - many can and do coexist.) 

Learning Differences & Disorders

If homework feels overwhelming for your student, it’s possible they might be struggling with a learning or neurological difference or disorder that makes completing homework harder than it is for their unaffected peers. These are the most common:

ADHD & Homework Refusal

One of the most common ones to consider is Attentive-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), which generally makes it harder to do difficult or boring tasks because of differences in the ADHD brain’s reward circuit. As a result, those with ADHD struggle with self-management abilities like task initiation , organization, planning & prioritizing, and emotional regulation. You can learn more about ADHD specifically here. 

Dyslexia & Autism Spectrum Disorder Impact and Schoolwork Struggles 

Two other common learning differences to consider include dyslexia, which involves difficulty reading due to problems identifying speech sounds and learning how they relate to letters, and autism spectrum disorder (ASD). ASD is a developmental disorder that impairs the ability to communicate and interact with the world. If you suspect that any of these examples could be relevant to your child, then we encourage you to have them evaluated by a neuropsychologist or other qualified clinician. Identifying the core struggle is a critical step in conquering the issues surrounding homework. Most importantly, remember that a learning difference can make work feel impossible and overwhelming, so the more parents can do to reduce that stress around homework, the more likely they'll be able to actually help their student - which leads perfectly into our next cause...

Micromanaging

When students refuse to do homework, caregivers find themselves with a difficult choice - either directly intervene to make sure homework is completed or disengage and let them suffer the academic consequences that come with missing homework assignments. Both options are unappealing, yet it can be easy to rationalize direct involvement as the best course of action. After all, you want your kid to succeed, right? If you see that a child has trouble staying motivated, organized, and on top of things, shouldn’t caregivers be willing to do whatever it takes to help them overcome that?

Not necessarily! This approach has two big problems: first, it keeps our kids dependent on us instead of helping them learn to do things for themselves. Second, in the context of homework refusal, you have to remember that a student’s avoidance is often a coping mechanism to avoid the stress of homework. When parents start micromanaging homework time by nagging them to start, hovering over them while they work, checking for completion, and enforcing their attention on the task at hand, it's actually making homework more stressful for them. As a result, our noble intention can suddenly have unforeseen consequences. If you’ve found your direct involvement with your child’s work has resulted in more conflict, more stress around school work, and continued avoidance of homework, then the evidence indicates that that approach is likely making the problem worse. Luckily, there are other options parents can do to support this issue that we’ll be covering later on in this article. 

Anxiety 

Although homework can feel stressful (even for the most successful students), it needn’t be at a debilitating level. If your student has developed high emotional responses to homework that involve crying, shaking, hyperventilating, or tantrums surrounding homework, then anxiety may be the core issue at play. If anxiety is the core issue fueling homework refusal , then micromanaging will likely make it worse. Instead, it's important to seek out mental health support for the anxiety specifically and work through the underlying beliefs around homework that are reinforcing your student’s avoidance. 

Perfectionism 

Some students set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and their work, which can make it overwhelming to finish or even get started in the first place. This phenomenon is called perfectionism , and it’s often misunderstood as only applying to the highest performing students. In reality, perfectionism does not mean your work is actually perfect. In fact, that initial expectation can significantly decrease the quality of work as students may feel they can’t reach the ideal they’ve set for themselves and decide there’s no point in trying at all. Breaking down this core belief is central to overcoming the larger issue of homework refusal and can be done with the support of a coach or mental health professional. 

Untreated Executive Dysfunction

Executive Function skills enable us to plan, focus attention, remember instructions, get started on work, and manage multiple tasks. When an individual struggles with these types of tasks on a regular basis, they're experiencing Executive Dysfunction - a catch-all term for the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral difficulties that impact one's ability to succeed in their academic, professional, and personal lives. These include issues with time management, organization, task initiation, emotional regulation, planning & prioritizing, and impulse control. Up to 90% of those with ADHD struggle with Executive Dysfunction, which impairs goal-directed behavior such as completing homework. However, you don’t need to have a diagnosis of ADHD to struggle with these skills. Many other issues, including the ones we covered so far, can cause issues in those areas. Regardless of the cause, strengthening Executive Function skills can make homework much more manageable. 

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a type of behavior disorder defined by children being uncooperative, defiant, and hostile toward peers, parents, teachers, and other authority figures. If the issue of refusal extends beyond homework, this may be a core cause to consider. Seek out a clinician who specializes in this issue, as it’s not an easy one to navigate alone as a parent. Treatment for ODD often includes psychotherapy, parent training, and could involve medication to treat underlying conditions such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD, as well.

3. How do you overcome homework refusal?

Now that we’ve covered the most common causes of homework refusal, let’s explore some of the most practical solutions available to overcome it.

If your ADHD child refuses to do schoolwork or has trouble finding motivation, simple methods like dividing homework into smaller tasks, rewarding little achievements, scheduling breaks, and modeling behavior can make a big difference in their motivation to complete assignments. It can also prove helpful to seek outside help from professionals like therapists, coaches and counselors.

We’ll break these solutions up into three categories: parenting strategies, Executive Function strategies, and seeking outside support. Let’s start with parenting solutions first.

5 Parenting Solutions for Homework Refusal

1. reconsider what your parenting role could look like .

As we explored earlier, there are a number of reasons why caregivers ideally shouldn’t be deeply involved in their student’s daily homework routine if that student is working through homework refusal. So that leaves an important question: what might the most useful caregiver role be? 

Answering this question starts with talking to your student about what they think is a fair level of involvement with their homework. Is it simply checking in to make sure they know what needs to get done or are they okay with a more involved role that includes setting the environment up for success? The answer will depend on the student, but the important thing is to involve your student in the conversation. If you can speak to them at their level and involve them in the process of establishing your role, you’re already showing them that you’re their ally - not their enemy. Over time, you can evaluate that role in action night-to-night and see how it impacts their ability to get homework done. If something isn’t working or needs to change, return to the initial conversation to come up with a new plan to experiment with. If this doesn’t work or the refusal is still extreme, then you’ll know it’s time to look for outside support, which we’ll cover near the end of this article. 

2. Set Clear Homework Expectations (and get your child’s buy-in!)

On the opposite end of micromanaging, there’s also the potential for enabling bad habits. This is why it’s important to set clear expectations around homework but also involve your child in creating those expectations. Talk through what seems reasonable and what happens if work isn’t done - and make it clear that you simply want them to succeed. Also, understand that each kid is different regarding how they feel about and approach their school work. Some may find English to be easy but have no patience at all for algebra, some may love math but get frustrated even just thinking about writing an essay. Whatever the case may be for your child, it’s important to know your child’s strengths and challenges, and what conditions allow them to learn best. This includes considering the frequency of breaks while working, how they can transition into work time, what environment allows them to be most productive, and which assignments give them the most trouble. After a month or two, you should have a clearer indication of what’s working, what’s not, and whether your child needs additional support beyond what you can provide.  

3. Celebrate Small Wins 

Completing all their homework may look like a typical night for some students, but for a student with homework refusal, it’s a big deal to even take out their materials to get started - or to have a conversation about what needs to be done. Celebrating these types of small wins with rewards or encouragement can be a great way to motivate students by reminding them that homework time doesn’t have to be such an excruciating experience. Small wins can include trying out a new tool or strategy, sitting down to focus for a given time, or starting homework without a fight. Whatever the wins might be, be sure to acknowledge them so your student knows you see the changes they're making, no matter how small. It reminds them that progress happens often a little bit at a time and even those small increments can feel really great when you shine a light on them.

4. Model What You’d Like to See 

If your child gets upset at the idea of homework, then simply staying calm through their emotional outbursts and demonstrating a solution-oriented attitude can go a long way. When kids see that their caregivers are calm, collected, and ready to find solutions, it can lay the groundwork to help them regulate themselves and mirror that calmer approach. At the very least, this technique helps caregivers be mindful of keeping their own emotions on a even keel during a challenging interaction with their child.

5. Connect with Your Child’s Teacher

As you’re working through these changes, work on building a good relationship with your child’s teacher and involve them in the process of change. Start off at the beginning of the school year by sharing your goals and worries with them, and stay in touch as the year progresses to share what you’ve been working on at home and where they can help in the classroom. Your relationship with your child’s teachers will pay off during the good times, but even more so during the challenging ones. 

6 Executive Function Strategies for Homework Refusal

Executive Function strategies are helpful for all students regardless of whether they’re a child with ADHD that refuses to do school work or any other core reason for refusing homework. We know they’re effective because our coaches use them in video sessions with the students they work with and they’ve seen how transformative they can be for all areas of a student's life, including homework. One reason that they’re so effective is that they rely on the belief that when there’s a way there’s a will . In other words, when students know how to get their homework done (the way), they’ll be more motivated to actually do it in the first place (the will). Hopefully, these strategies will help pave that road for your student’s own transformation, too.  

5-Minute Goals

Sometimes big tasks are just too overwhelming to even start. To reduce the burden and motivate students out of inaction, have them choose the first assignment to do and spend just 5 minutes on a timer seeing what they can get done.

When we’re given permission to stop after 5 minutes of work, starting may not seem so overwhelming. We’ve seen this tactic become a springboard to more extended periods of work simply due to the fact that it eliminates the fear of getting started. You may find that the 5 minutes lead your student into becoming immersed in the work at hand and continuing to work past that stopping point. If not, then try pairing this tactic with our next strategy…

Scheduled Breaks

Every homework assignment is its own task to conquer and may deserve its own scheduled break, too. Maintaining constant focus over a few hours and many assignments is challenging, even for adults. After a while, your student may lose steam and not want to do more. This is where structured breaks come in. When your student makes substantial progress or finishes one assignment, encourage them to take a timed 5 or 10-minute break to transition to their next assignment. Scheduling this into the homework session can make the burden seem less overwhelming overall and the individual assignments easier to start, knowing that there will be breaks in between. This strategy works best when the student has a say in how long the break should be relative to the assignment and what the break should consist of. Activities like listening to a favorite song, shooting a dozen freethrows, or grabbing a healthy snack can recharge a student without deraling their progress entirely

Cognitive Pairing

Homework time doesn’t always have to be just doom and gloom. One effective way to make homework time less scary is by pairing work with something fun and rewarding. This could be a pet curled up by your child’s side, their favorite treat waiting for them before they start, or a playlist of music they can enjoy listening to while they work (instrumental tends to be best!) Whatever it might be, pairing homework time with something they enjoy can greatly reduce the urge to avoid whatever assignment needs to get done.

Body doubling

One of the most challenging parts of starting homework is simply the feeling of having to tackle it alone. The chances that your student has a friend or someone from their class they can do homework with is likely high - so why not buddy up with them to get work done? This technique is also called body doubling and can be done with a friend, sibling, or even a caregiver who also needs to get work done, too. On top of making homework time less intimidating, it also can put kids on their best behavior if they’re with a friend that they’re not comfortable melting down in front of. This can be a great way for them to learn firsthand that homework doesn’t have to feel like such an unbearable burden.

The Pomodoro Technique 

The Pomodoro Technique is a method of working in pre-determined chunks of time. It’s essentially a combination of short, productive intervals (like 5-minute goals) and short breaks. For example, your student could work for 25 minutes, take a 5-minute break, and then go back to work. Coach and podcast host, Hannah Choi, encourages her clients to pay attention to diminishing returns when using the Pomodoro Technique. In this context, diminishing returns means that the effort being put in doesn’t necessarily yield the same results as it did when first starting the activity. Finding out when your student is most productive can be an effective bit of insight to have when deciding the sequence of the work they have to do. There are a number of apps that have Pomodoro Timers that can be used to set the working and break periods ahead of time ( like this one ).

Soften the blow

Transitioning from something fun or relaxing to a dreaded non-preferred task like homework is often going to pose a challenge. "Softening the blow" is one way to ease into these types of tasks or responsibilities. Some examples of this could be eating a snack, calling a friend, or even just stepping outside for a quick walk before sitting down to start homework. These all can work well as structured transitions. Best of all? In addition to reducing homework refusal, this approach also builds cognitive flexibility and task initiation - two critical Executive Function skills. 

4. What Outside Support Can Help with Homework Refusal? 

If you’ve read through all this and at any point said to yourself “this is too much for me to do alone,” then it might be worth looking for outside support. For homework refusal, one of these three options might be the best choice, depending on your student’s core challenge area. 

Executive Function Coaching

Executive Function coaches work on strengthening the core self-management skills of time management, task initiation, organization, emotional regulation, and planning & prioritizing. Since challenges in these areas can make homework much more difficult to approach (let alone finish), working with a coach 1:1 to apply strategies in their week to strengthen these key areas can prove to be the missing ingredient for overcoming homework refusal. Best of all, coaches provide a different perspective from a parent or teacher and can be viewed as an ally in a student's journey rather than another person telling them what they need to do. You can learn about our approach to Executive Function coaching here. 

Behavioral Therapy 

If your child has more involved core issues such as anxiety, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or other  neuropsychological profiles, it’s worth researching occupational or behavioral therapists near you who specialize in those particular areas. Once those support links are in place, parents, coaches, and tutors all have a much higher likelihood of success at empowering kids to overcome their homework refusal.

Tutoring 

If every Executive Function and behavioral factor are accounted for and homework is still a battle, then a tutor in the subject area your student is struggling in may be the best support option. A good tutor can fill in gaps that are holding a student back in a particular subject and give them a new teaching perspective to make the information really stick. 

The Takeaway

Your student's homework refusal can feel like an exhausting problem with no solutions, but there are a number of approaches you can use to improve the situation at home. A good combination of understanding why your child is refusing homework, what role your parenting plays in the equation, and what strategies and supports you can lean on all provide the foundation your student needs for a lasting transformation. Above all, know that change is possible!

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

About the Author

Sean potts and jackie hebert.

Sean Potts is the Marketing Specialist at Beyond BookSmart and a recent graduate of Ithaca College’s Integrated Marketing Communications program. As a former coaching client and intern at BBS, Sean has spent the better part of the last ten years witnessing firsthand the positive impact Beyond BookSmart's mission has on transforming students’ lives. Jackie Hebert is the Director of Marketing for Beyond BookSmart. Whether it's managing our websites, overseeing our social media content, authoring and editing blog articles, or hosting webinars, Jackie oversees all Marketing activities at Beyond BookSmart. Before joining Beyond BookSmart in 2010, Jackie was a Speech-Language Pathologist at Needham High School. She earned her Master's degree in Speech-Language Pathology from Boston University, and her Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts, Amherst.

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Top 5 Homework Frustrations — and Fixes for Each

Kids with adhd often struggle with homework, but each one struggles in a unique way. is your child a disorganized danny procrastinating penny distractible daria whatever his specific homework challenges, here are equally specific solutions that really work for kids with adhd..

Tired of the Homework Wars?

If your child with ADHD hates doing homework, you’re not alone. Executive function deficits, inattention, and learning challenges can make after-school assignments torture for our kids — and us parents, too! Here, Ann Dolin, M.Ed, offers specific strategies that address the most common homework-related frustrations, like disorganization or procrastination. Does your child fit any of these common profiles?

Disorganized Danny

Many children with ADHD have difficulty with paper flow, meaning they have trouble keeping track of the assignments coming in and out. Let’s call this child “Disorganized Danny.” Dealing with a messy binder can be frustrating for parent and child alike — particularly when the homework is completed and then lost before being turned in!

Solutions for Disorganized Danny

The key is to treat organization like a subject . Instead of kicking off homework time with a math assignment or a vocabulary list, start by dedicating a few minutes to organization. Go through your child’s binder with him, sorting through papers and working together on some organizational strategies. If your child struggles to file papers in a 3-ring binder, for example, ask her if she’d like to try an accordion folder instead — and teach her how to use it properly.

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The Launching Pad

Use a launching pad to help Danny handle chaotic mornings. Each night, you have your child place everything for school — backpack, library books, sports equipment, etc. — in a box placed by the front door. The next morning, he has everything he needs — and can “launch” into the day in an organized fashion.

The "Clean Sweep"

Organization won’t work unless it’s practiced consistently. That means Danny should conduct a clean sweep once a week. Every Sunday evening for 20 minutes, your child sits and organizes her binder — while you sort through your purse or the junk drawer. Everybody does something to maintain organization, and your kid gets in the habit of keeping her school things tidy.

Procrastinating Penny

We often see a child’s tendency to put off homework assignments as a character flaw; we assume she “just doesn’t want to.” But in many cases the child wants to start — she just feels overwhelmed or underprepared. This child is Procrastinating Penny.

Solutions for Procrastinating Penny

To help children who procrastinate, first  lower the barrier to entry . Make starting homework so easy anyone can do it. Here are two main strategies:

1. By task : Pick one small task that your child can do to get started. If he’s been assigned an essay, have him start by writing the title page. If she’s been assigned a math worksheet with 20 problems, get her to complete the first two — then follow up with a short break.

2. By time : Some children need a timer. I find it’s best to use 10 minutes — I call it the “Tolerable 10.” Just tell your child, “Okay just focus as hard as you can, as best as you can, for just 10 minutes.” Once time is up, allow him to walk a lap around the living room or do a quick stretch.

Whether motivated by task or by time , your child will see that once the barrier to entry has been lowered, the job isn’t really that hard.

[ Get This Free Handout: Easy Accommodations for Kids with ADHD ]

Longer Projects

Procrastinating Penny often doesn’t know how much time to dedicate to a long-term assignment — and ends up doing the whole thing in a mad rush the night before it's due. As a parent, you need to help Penny understand time in a more concrete way. Try using a simple reward system to motivate your child to complete small parts of the project. For example, take a large Tootsie Roll and break it into four parts, and say to your child, “What are four things you need to do to get this project done?” Once she’s identified four reasonable steps, explain that you’ll reward her with one piece of the Tootsie Roll each time a step is completed. Remember, we’re not trying to bribe our kids. We just want to help them think in steps, which is super valuable for long-term projects.

Distractible Daria

Distractibility comes in two forms: We have our fidgeters, and we have our daydreamers. Fidgety kids are always moving — rocking back and forth in their chair, or repeatedly clicking their pen, or twisting their hair while doing homework. For parents or tutors helping them, this constant movement can become annoying and distracting. On the other end of the spectrum are the daydreamers , who tend to take a 15-minute assignment and drag it out to an hour or longer — simply because they’re unable to stay focused. They may start looking out the window, or doodling on the corner of the paper, instead of paying attention to the task at hand.

Helping a Fidgeter

Research shows that distractible kids need to fidget in order to focus; in other words, telling them to “sit still” is actually counterproductive. Instead, give them a fidget toy , which is a small handheld object that can be fidgeted with in a non-disruptive way. I like the Tangle Junior , but you can also use a stress ball, unfilled balloons, or a small strip of Velcro taped to the bottom of the desk — your child can rub her fingers on it while she works, without anyone else being any the wiser!

Helping a Daydreamer

Use a reminder system . Ask your child how many reminders she thinks she’ll need to finish an assignment — if she’s unsure, start with three. Then, it’s your job to stick to that number — no matter what. The first time, gently call her attention to her distraction and say, “You’re working on number 5 of your math worksheet right now.” Daria will start again, and the next time you see her drifting, try again: “This is your second reminder; I’m only going to give you one more.” If you see her drifting off again, “You just have two more problems! This is the last reminder I’m going to give you, so finish up as best you can.” This strategy takes the “nagging” element out of the equation, and makes your child aware of her own distractibility.

Setting a Stop Time

You can also help daydreamers by setting a stop time . This allows the child to see an end in sight, and structure her own time accordingly. Tell your child, “It’s 4:15. This assignment needs to be done by 4:45. I’ll give you three reminders like we discussed.” Then — and this is the key part — at 4:45, you need to make sure your child puts away the assignment — completed or not. Most kids really, really hate to go to school without their work done, and this strategy helps them manage their time and see that, even if the assignment is difficult, it’s not endless.

Rushing Ryan

Then there are the kids who speed wildly through their homework, just to get it done as fast as they can. Rushing Ryan does his homework very quickly, without regard for whether it’s right or if he's showcasing his best work. He just wants it done as quickly as possible.

Solutions for Rushing Ryan

With Ryan, use a designated homework time , which is based on the premise that children of each grade level should spend a certain amount of time on homework. A good rule of thumb is that children should be spending 10 minutes per grade level each night. So a 3rd grader should have about 30 minutes of homework, while a 6th grader can have up to 60. If your 3rd grader is miraculously completing all her homework in 3 minutes, she may be a whiz — or she may be rushing through it. Parents can say, “No matter how much homework you say you have, you have to sit and do homework for 30 minutes every night. If you really run out of things to do, you can read a book or practice your math facts.” In most cases, this set period of time really reduces rushing, because your child will know that no matter what, they won’t be able to get up and play Xbox after 3 minutes.

Frustrated Frances

Sometimes, homework upsets our children. Executive function deficits, learning disabilities, or difficult subjects can make children cry or lash out during homework time. When Frustrated Frances gets upset, her amygdala (the emotion center of the brain) is on fire, and it overrides her prefrontal cortex — making her less able to focus on homework or reason her way through problems.

Helping Frustrated Frances

When Frances gets frustrated, the best strategy is to disengage . Trying to reason with a child during a meltdown often doesn’t work; they’re too upset to listen to logic, and being told to “calm down” can be invalidating. If your child gets upset, say something like, “I can tell this is difficult for you. Come and get me when you’re ready to start again.” In many cases, your child will calm down on her own terms, and start again when she’s ready.

Practicing Empathy

If disengaging doesn’t work for your child, another strategy is to name the feeling . This is a way of practicing empathy that helps kids feel like they’re being heard. Say something like, “I can tell you’re frustrated. You know what? I completely understand why you’re angry.” Or, “You’re right, Ms. Smith gave you a lot of homework tonight. I can see why you feel that this is unfair.” Naming the feeling is really powerful for kids — it helps them understand their often-overwhelming emotions, and lets them know that their feelings and frustrations matter to you.

Moving Past Meltdowns

When it comes to helping Frances move forward after a setback, parents have three options to help : do the difficult problem for him (not good!), refuse to help entirely (also not good!), or ask her to show you how to do the problem (best choice!). Ask your child to search for similar examples in her textbook or notes, or talk through how she can proceed. By asking your child to work through the problem on her own — but in your presence — it gives her the independent skills to solve her own problems, without cutting her off completely.

Asking for Accommodations

If your child is still struggling to complete their homework even after trying these strategies for a month, consider asking for an accommodation for less homework.

P.S. A great tool for homework is the Time Timer , which helps kids that don’t quite understand clock time see how much time has elapsed and how much time they have left.

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What do you do when your child gets a homework assignment that's just... dumb?

Most every family has some form of the homework wars.

Kids who are bored by it, or just hate doing it. Parents who think their kids get too much of it, and those who argue there’s not enough. Kids who are stressed about getting it done, and parents who do their kids’ assignments for them.

A recent essay in the The New York Times  raises a point about homework that’s rarely discussed, which is that Americans tend to focus on quantity of homework, rather than its quality.

 Annie Murphy Paul writes:

And evidence suggests that as of now, homework isn’t making the grade. Although surveys show that the amount of time our children spend on homework has risen over the last three decades, American students are mired in the middle of international academic rankings : 17th in reading, 23rd in science and 31st in math, according to results from the Program for International Student Assessment released last December.

Murphy Paul cites a 2008 study that finds that  “one-third of parents polled rated the quality of their children’s homework assignments as fair or poor, and 4 in 10 said they believed that some or a great deal of homework was busywork.”

Yes, we're supposed to teach our children to do their homework, strive for good grades, and value education. But what about when they get stuck with an assignment that is just – there’s no better word -- DUMB?

Here’s a personal example. Just last week, my son came home with a 4th grade assignment to do an “All About Me” poster. He was to cut out and paste pictures of his favorite things, from food to hobby to song to sports team.  ("Coloring" was highly encouraged.) The next day he had to speak about one of his favorites in front of the class. He balked at the project for two reasons: He dislikes anything arts-and-crafts related, and he said it was boring since he’d done the same thing for the past three years. (In fact, we still have last year’s poster; he asked if he could use it again. I said no.)

I’m sure the teacher (who I like and consider highly qualified) was using the project as a way to introduce the kids to each other, and being tasked to speak in front of the class is a worthy assignment. But decorating a poster of “likes”? It sure smells like busywork to me.

In our recent TODAY Moms survey of 26,000 moms , there was plenty of discussion by moms on what they do when their kids get saddled with silly homework.

We asked respondents: Have you ever done your child’s homework?  24 percent of moms of school-aged kids said "Yes."

Some homework-related “confessions” from our anonymous moms:

I do my child's homework sometimes -- word-searches for 'spelling'.  What the heck does a word search have to do with learning spelling, especially when the child is dyslexic?  It takes my children 4 hours, and me 5 minutes. . . too much torture, not enough payoff.

I'm a single parent and I sometimes do my 9 year old son's homework to save time.  I would not advise anyone to do this, because this year I discovered my child was ADHD and it was affecting his learning abilities.

This isn't exactly a secret to my kids' teachers, but I'm a horrible homework mom. I hate helping with the homework, I hate keeping track of the homework, I hate nagging about the homework, and I HATE big projects for school.

I do my kids’ homework if they are too tired.

What about you -- do you help your child with homework? What’s the best homework assignment your child has been given? What’s the worst? 

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5 things to say when your child says, “I hate homework!”

by: The GreatSchools Editorial Team | Updated: May 6, 2024

Print article

Honestly, it’s hard to argue when your child say they hate homework. But how can parents respond in a way that’s helpful, builds your parent-child bond, and reinforces the idea that your child’s education and learning are hugely important? We asked the experts to weigh in.

5 ways to respond to “I hate homework!”

“i hear you.”, “we’re in this together.”.

“Often times, parents go negative,” observes America’s Supernanny Deborah Tillman. “The child says, ‘I’m not doing my homework!’ The parent says, ‘Yes you are doing your homework!’ Then it’s back-and-forth and arguing.”

Tillman says you want to motivate your child, but you also want to make sure they understand that you’re not going to engage in a battle over homework.

“How about a snack?”

Especially when a child is having trouble with it, homework is often difficult or boring, says Christine Carter, child development expert and author of Raising Happiness . And homework time often takes place when kids are wiped out and grumpy. “You have to do homework at the end of the day when all of your self-control is depleted or your willpower is depleted. So it’s asking something very difficult of children, especially younger ones,” she says. “To reinstate that self-control, your blood sugar level needs to be rising.”

“Tell it to the teacher.”

“break it down.”.

In Bird by Bird , the writer Anne Lamott famously describes her 10-year-old brother’s despair at having left a big homework project — a report on birds — until the last minute.

“…he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother’s shoulder, and said, ‘Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.’”

Lamott took a lesson for writing from her dad’s wise words, but there’s a lesson for parents there, too. “Kids experience a lot of fear and stress doing big projects,” says Diane Divecha, development psychologist and research affiliate of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.

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How to Deal with Homework Frustration As a Parent

Last Updated: June 22, 2022

This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS . Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. This article has been viewed 7,707 times.

When your child struggles with their homework, they may become frustrated or upset. In turn, this may cause them to act out, and you may wind up frustrated yourself. Fortunately, there are ways you can help your child calm down when they begin to become agitated. There are also strategies you can use to help them work through challenging assignments, and to help ensure homework sessions go more smoothly moving forward.

Overcoming Homework Frustration Together

• Instead of becoming frustrated yourself, try talking to your child calmly. Start with a brief, sympathetic statement. For instance, say “I’m sorry your homework is stressful today,” or “I know it can be frustrating when an assignment is hard to understand.”
• Then, let your child know that there is more than just one way to accomplish a task and that you will help them to find a way that will work for them. Say something like, “There is a way for you to get this done that will be less frustrating and I will help you figure it out.”

• Direct them to breathe in through their nose deeply and slowly for five seconds, and then release slowly through their mouth.
• If you do lose your temper and shout at your child, apologize to them and remind yourself they need your help.
• Once everyone is relaxed again, say something like, “Alright let’s have a look at this homework together.”

• Listen to your child's response and respond with a way they can handle a similar situation differently in the future.
• For instance, if they say, "I got mad because it was too hard," point out that they were able to complete the assignment, and had just gotten stuck on one problem. Then say, "Next time, you know you can always ask me or your teacher about parts of your assignment that don't make sense, right?"

• Furthermore, anticipate and accept the fact that you will likely have a verbal battle about homework at one point or another.
• If you find yourself getting frustrated when your child struggles with homework, take a moment afterwards to reflect. In particular, remind yourself that growing up involves plenty of challenges for children, and that your patient support will help them immeasurably. It is very important to work through challenges with your child rather than expecting them to figure it out on their own.

Helping Your Child Work on Their Homework

• If they are not clearly able to explain the assignment, look it over yourself and see if it makes sense to you.
• If you are able to understand the assignment, help them get started - but only enough to ensure they understand what they need to do. Then allow them to finish the assignment themselves.
• Talk with your child’s teachers about the assignments and encourage your child to talk to their teachers when they don’t understand something. Let your child know that their teachers are there to help them.

• For instance, correct your child when they something like, “You’re wrong!” by saying, “It’s okay to think that I’m wrong, but try saying it differently.”
• Offer them examples too, such as “Mom, I don’t think that’s how I’m supposed to do it.”
• If your child starts to berate themselves, then correct them. For example, if your child says something like, “I am so stupid! I am never going to understand this!” reframe it by saying, “You are smart and you can figure this out.”

• For instance, maybe a grandparent can help more peacefully.
• Alternatively, consider searching for an older student to help tutor your child after school. Your child’s school may be able to help facilitate this arrangement.

• If you think the homework your child is bringing home may be too challenging for them or for students their age, don't hesitate to mention this to their teacher.
• If your child's teacher is not receptive to your input or does not provide adequate responses to your questions, speak with an administrator at the school about any unresolved concerns you have.

Encouraging Good Homework Habits

• A half an hour will often be more than enough for grade school children, while an hour may be better for middle and high school aged kids.
• Early evening is usually ideal. Avoid asking your child to do their homework right after school, unless this works for them. Some kids do better with homework on an empty stomach, while others may need to eat a meal and wait a bit before they can focus.
• Make sure to give your child a chance to relax and decompress after school before they get into their homework. For example, you might make your child a snack and let them play a game or play outside for about 30 minutes to an hour before starting their homework.

• Avoid watching television or messing around on your phone while your child is working. Not only are these potentially distracting, they may also seem unfair to your child.
• Set up a workspace for your child that is free of distractions. For example, you could clear the kitchen or dining room table so that your child can complete their homework there.

• Favor language that praises their effort, as opposed to their ability. For instance, say things like, “I can see you’re working very hard on your homework. Good job!”

Expert Q&A

You might also like.

• ↑ http://www.pbs.org/parents/education/going-to-school/supporting-your-learner/struggling-academically/
• ↑ http://www.greatschools.org/gk/articles/deal-with-homework/
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pride-and-joy/201209/battles-over-homework-advice-parents
• ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/help-teen-homework.html?WT.ac=en-p-homework-help-a#

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Help your child thrive: Back-to-school homework strategies

Orlando, Fla. (Ivanhoe Newswire) - A study of the largest urban school districts in the U.S. found that students take an average of 112 standardized tests between pre-K and 12th grade. While some students excel at test-taking, others can get stressed out.

A Washington Post study found high schoolers spend almost three hours a night studying. Experts say the right environment is key.

“Students need to learn in a state that is optimal for learning,” said Demetrie Luke, tutor and founder of Inlighten Tutoring.

Be sure to study in a space without distractions. The more multi-tasking students do, the slower their brains process information. Next, find ways to motivate them.

“It’s not just consumable things, money or this or that. Sometimes it’s just once again, attention from a loved one, right,” Luke said.

Encourage them to take practice tests. One study found students who had brief retrieval practice tests before a high-stakes test remembered 60 percent of the material, while those who only studied remembered 40 percent.

A Texas A&M study found repeating information out loud moves content from short-term to long-term memory. Also, avoid all-nighters. Cognitive performance is controlled by our body clocks, meaning our learning and memory is higher in the morning, not at night. Instead, get a good night’s sleep and study in the morning.

And don’t forget to celebrate the wins.

“The more wins that we can build into young people studying, the more likely they are to show up for studying, right? A win can simply be, either words of affirmation or just even just acknowledgment,” Luke said.

Also, try having your student teach the study material to you. Explaining it to someone else will help them remember it better, and if they’re struggling to remember something, have them look it up right away. Research shows spending too long trying to recall material can train their brains to struggle when answering a particular question.

Contributors to this news report include: Julie Marks, Producer; Bob Walko, Editor

Subscribe to the TV5 newsletter and receive the latest local news and weather straight to your email every day.

Copyright 2024 WNEM. All rights reserved.

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How to Tell if Your Teen Is Using an AI Homework Helper

As students increasingly use AI to complete assignments, experts weigh in on how to spot a teen using an AI homework helper and what steps parents should take.

mixetto / Getty Images

In 2022, OpenAI released ChatGPT—a chatbot and virtual assistant that has the ability to complete various tasks instantaneously such as composing emails and essays, explaining difficult concepts and solving math problems . Today, there are hundreds of software companies using Open AI’s technology to create AI homework helpers—which are programs that allow students to access AI technology with ease. Some of these programs require that students only submit a photo of their homework to receive the completed assignment, no prompting required. 

A recent report shows that the number of students using AI has soared exponentially. It found that 46% of students report using AI tools for their school assignments, the most popular choice being ChatGPT.

Below experts weigh in on how to tell if your kid is using an AI homework helper, and the impact AI has on students, teachers, and parents.

Why Students Are Using AI Homework Helpers

Rachel Volk, an 11th grade teacher based in Texas, believes an increasing number of students are using AI to help with their homework because of a combination of its availability/ease of use, and laziness on the student's part. “For some students, the quicker they finish their assignments, the quicker they can do other things on their computer or scroll on their phone ,” she explains.

“It is easier for a student to input their assignment questions into a service like ChatGPT, rather than do the reading to find the answers themselves. Post pandemic, myself—and several of my colleagues—have found students’ reading stamina has decreased dramatically,” she continues.

Kyla McMullen , Associate Professor in the University of Florida’s Computer & Information Sciences & Engineering Department, agrees, voicing that students' attention spans are getting exponentially shorter each year. “Producing high-quality work requires a great amount of time, concentration, and focus,” she says. “In this era of distraction, notifications, and access to quick information, AI is a quick-fix solution for those who will not concentrate long enough to put in the effort to learn the work and complete assignments.”

Some students simply don't see the value of learning the requested information. If they perceive the class’s content as irrelevant to their future aspirations, they think, 'Who cares if I learn this or not? I'll never use it again.' — Rachel Volk

Students are more anxious than ever before, experiencing immense pressure to succeed, which impacts their usage of AI. Volk notes, “Oftentimes, they incorrectly perceive the consequences of getting bad grades as life-altering. It is easier to use an AI tool to ensure that their work is correct rather than to ‘bet on themselves’ and take the chance that the work produced by your own brain is sufficient.”

How Teachers Detect AI Homework Helpers

Teachers agree that it is somewhat easy to detect AI in written work. "As the year goes on, teachers become pretty familiar with the ‘typical’ writing style of each student and understand their typical word/thought patterns when they speak or interact in class. Keeping that in mind, it can be pretty easy to tell if a student's response is AI as it doesn't match how they typically would speak or communicate," Volk says. Furthermore, some teachers at Volk's school require essays to be submitted via software like Turnitin to check for AI and other forms of plagiarism.

Professor McMullen says AI-generated solutions tend to incorporate irrelevant information to answer the question. “Even though many teachers “know it when they see it”, the difficulty with human detection is that it can only be regarded as a subjective opinion.”

Detecting AI Use in Homework

Though AI can sometimes be easy to detect due to its robotic tone, parents and teachers should know that there are 'humanizer' apps teens can use that make AI-generated text sound as though a human produced it. Which can make detection more challenging.

Andrea Forcum , assistant professor of teaching and learning at Indiana State University, says for her it’s easy to tell when kids are using AI. “I had students that were writing at about a 6th grade level suddenly turn in papers that sounded like a robot wrote them—a particularly well-spoken robot.”

“I had one student who turned in a paper that was written extremely well, but clearly was not their writing. So I asked them to tell me what a few of the words meant that they had used. They did not know, so they had to rewrite the assignment,” she recalls.

Why Students Shouldn’t Use AI Homework Helpers

In Volk’s opinion, students using AI to help with their homework decreases their knowledge retention and communication skills. “If a student has AI complete their assignment for them, they will be way less likely to retain the knowledge from a lesson. When students do the reading and craft their own responses, they are significantly more likely to remember big concepts and ideas.”

In terms of communication skills , she thinks that copying and pasting from AI chat responses does not allow students to think critically about what they learned and articulate their knowledge in their own way. “It decreases the students’ vocabulary as when they read, they typically come across unfamiliar words and must use context clues to figure out its definition. This would not happen using AI,” Volk states.

Professor McMullen shares similar sentiments. “Students that use AI to do their work will never learn the actual information. As they advance and move on to harder classes they will lack the foundation to do well in those classes because they never learned the initial information. AI has now become a crutch instead of a tool.”

“In general, students do not learn how to complete the work,” she continues. “They do not develop the critical thinking skills needed to complete assignments. They will not develop the ability to write and articulate their own thoughts. They won’t learn how to analyze and critique the work of others. As such, we end up with incompetent people entering the workforce with degrees that say they have learned certain subjects and developed certain skills, however, they are inept at their occupations.”

For Professor Forcum, it’s more about integrity. “When students use AI without permission from the teacher, it erodes their integrity. Cheating is already a major challenge and AI just makes it so much easier to do.”

Moreover, Professor Forcum says that using AI to answer everything reduces students’ critical thinking if they are not using it appropriately. “One student, for example, turned in an AI prompt answer and didn't even read it. It said in the text that AI was not going to be able to answer since it required a recounting of personal experiences.”

What to Do if Your Kid Is Using AI for Homework

Professor McMullen identifies three key ways parents can spot when their child is using AI to help with their homework:

• Know your child . If you look at their work and it seems like something that is significantly above their previously demonstrated ability or in an unfamiliar tone/voice, this may be a clue that it is AI-generated. However, parents should be cautious as not to place limiting beliefs on their students but instead enquire about how the work was produced from a lens of being impressed by the output. If the student can walk you through their process, then congratulations—they are growing as a student and wrote an assignment. If they cannot explain their work, then you know that it was likely AI-generated.
• Are they over-answering the question? AI generation tools tend to over-answer the question. Oftentimes, if the question requires a one-sentence explanation, the AI tool will give an answer with an unnecessary introduction and conclusion. This is a dead giveaway. Also, since the AI tool is not a student in the class, It does not know what has been covered. As such, it will often incorporate information that has not been covered in class and is beyond the scope of the course.
• Did they do the work too quickly? If the work was completed much quicker than expected, AI generation may have taken place. You can have them write their work in a document that saves time stamps in order to monitor the progress of the work’s development.

Furthermore, she empathizes that for parents, it will be difficult to prevent teens from using AI to do their homework since it is becoming ubiquitous. “It's futile to limit screen time because oftentimes, students need a computer or some other screen to complete their work. They may need word-processing documents to write papers or look up facts on the Internet.”

“As a parent, you can install certain plugins that can be used to block specific websites,” she advises. “This plugin could be used to block ChatGPT and other LLM websites. However, this approach is limited because more common sites, such as Google, are becoming AI-enabled. Another tip could be to perhaps limit Internet time and give students a fixed amount of time to use the Internet to look up concepts and references. However, this plan is not foolproof, given that ChatGPT can render responses in seconds.”

Tips for Getting Homework Help Online

Teens who need help with their homework can use online tools such as YouTube course materials, quiz or flash card generators, or digital tutors. These study methods could help students with the tedious parts of learning without completing the work for them.

Professor McMullen also recommends that parents encourage teens to use YouTube to get help with their homework by looking up videos that explain the covered concepts and selecting a few to watch that break the material down. The CrashCourse channel is a great example of such a resource.

In addition, Professor McMullen suggests showing them how to use AI to help them learn and prepare for examinations. “For example, students can write a prompt that turns ChatGPT into an interactive tutor that can quiz them on any topic. ChatGPT can create flashcards to help them memorize definitions. The possibilities are endless.”

Volk has a different approach for parents—encouraging students to always rewrite concepts in their own words as though they were explaining it to a kindergartener. Her biggest piece of advice is to always ask your child what they are learning about in school. “Take an active interest in your kids' schooling. Asking them what they are learning at school is also a great way to gauge how much knowledge they are retaining from class.”

High School Students’ Use and Impressions of AI Tools . ACT . 2023.

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