essay about taking care of ourselves

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Jen Ashley is a writer living in Charleston, South Carolina who seeks to find the humor and humanity in all things. Yes, Ashley is her last name.

Taking Care of Ourselves

By jen ashley.

This essay has an associated podcast episode. Listen now .

My friends know me as ‘Jen’, but marketing agencies know me as ‘a mid-20s American woman.’ I am the target demographic for those shilling self-care products, and I am bombarded with ads for them constantly. If they knew me a little better, though, they might realize that no essential oil diffuser in the world could calm these ever-fraught nerves, and even if it could, I wouldn’t be able to afford it.

The term ‘self-care’ took off in the late 2010s as a means to combat the growing trend of burnout. At the heart of the concept was self preservation . It wasn’t about fixing your problems, it was about coping with them: “Your life sucks. Treat yourself to 10 minutes of meditation, or a manicure!”

Newsletters and blogs devoted to self-care started springing up. The faces of stylish, beautiful women in the bylines tell us in gentle, feminine tones that we should buy that sponsored eucalyptus candle or vegan yoga mat as if that will satisfy our growing desperation for peace.

Search the hashtag #selfcare on Instagram, for instance. In between pastel graphics featuring inspirational quotes, you’re bound to find numerous product posts: alternative medicine, moisturizers, crystals, throw pillows, detoxifying teas and low-calorie ice creams. “We can make you feel a little better,” the brands promise, “ for a price. ”

After a year filled with fear, loss, sickness, change, and uncertainty, the need to address my own physical and mental wellbeing reached an all-time high. I wasn’t happy, and I could no longer believe the lie, “If I can just get through this week , my schedule will start clearing up.” I realized I too had a need for self-care, but the online discussion around it felt less like a resource and more like a marketplace oversaturated with overpriced hokum.

Self-care may have started out as a good faith movement for combating burnout, but it has grown into a $450 billion industry that preys upon those who are burnt out. But if life is so hard for so many people, imagine how much harder it must be for those who can’t afford to pamper ourselves with $100 facials? Aren’t they, too, deserving of self-care? And if so, where does it leave them?

Maybe we shouldn’t be listening to the marketers who tell us that we are too old, too ugly, or too imperfect, and that we need to be fixed. Maybe we should listen to ourselves instead.

Should we purchase blue light glasses to protect our eyes from the excessive screen time, or should we quit scrolling our timelines? Should we download a freemium meditation app, or should we take a walk outside? Are we practicing self-care, or have we lost our sense of self?

One evening recently, I was feeling particularly exhausted. All I wanted to do was sit on my sofa and pretend that I did not exist. When I, shoeless, stepped on a spill on the floor, I seriously considered returning to the couch with dirty bare feet. Instead, I forced myself to go to the tub and wash them. It sounds odd, but the quiet and solitary act of washing my own feet felt incredibly therapeutic. It occurred to me that maybe what I was doing was, technically, self-care.

When reflecting more on the concept, I realized I’d been framing it the wrong way – starting with the very term. I began to put intention not into ‘self-care’, but ‘taking care of myself.’ Simply by making it an active phrase rather than an ambiguous term, it instantly became less like an impulsive purchase or an elitist indulgence and more like a necessity.

It is a mantra. When I feel a sense of dread sweeping over me at the thought of doing the laundry, or flossing my teeth, or responding to an email, I now think: “By doing this, I am taking care of myself.” It doesn’t necessarily make these tasks enjoyable, but it does give me a sense of mindfulness.

While self-care is a reactionary measure, taking care of myself is a lifestyle. I no longer make to-do lists for the day, where work deadlines are prioritized above all else. Instead, I make a schedule that incorporates an even mixture of chores, work and self. Lunch breaks are just as important as a mandatory Zoom call. My career will not end if I opt to take a 20-minute walk over a doom-scroll through my inbox – and if that was actually a possibility, would I really want that career?

I challenge you to stop thinking that life is inevitably stressful and that your only option is to take the occasional vacation or book a quarterly massage to patch up your feelings of burnout. You can still book that yoga retreat or buy that candle if you can afford it, but you should think of those purchases as treats, not band-aids. Your wellbeing is not a commodity. Take care of yourself.

A tall Victorian at the end of the line for the J-Church streetcar was home to The Integral Counseling Center. I caught the streetcar a block from my apartment on that most rare of things in San Francisco, flat ground, and rode the car as it lurched around the curves up a very steep grade.

There is no magic deeper than re-telling a story, for you are giving yourself agency to assign meaning and (most importantly) to assign usefulness to time and events. When fairytale writer Hans Christian Andersen wrote, “Our lives are fairytales written by God’s fingers,” it was not just a cute ditty— it was a magic healing spell. 

Self-Care: 12 Ways to Take Better Care of Yourself

Exhausted, uninspired, or unwell read these self-care tips to take care of you..

Posted December 28, 2018 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

• What Is Stress?
• Take our Burnout Test
• Find a therapist to overcome stress
• Self-care, which includes nutrition, stress reduction, and exercise, helps keep a person happy, healthy, and resilient.
• Me-time is usually last on the agenda for most people, largely due to technology and job stress.
• Things like taking a trip or simply getting outside can contribute to lowering one's stress level and increasing life satisfaction.

It’s so important to make sure you take good care of your body, mind, and soul every day, not just when you get sick. Learning how to eat right, reduce stress, exercise regularly, and take a time-out when you need it are touchstones of self-care and can help you stay healthy, happy, and resilient .

Why Do We Often Fail at Self-Care?

Practicing self-care isn’t always easy. Most of us are crazy busy, have stressful jobs, or are too consumed with technology to make time for ourselves. Me-time is usually last on the agenda. Worse, we can sometimes feel guilty about taking the time required to take care of ourselves. So getting started with self-care can be challenging. In my new book, Outsmart Your Smartphone: Conscious Tech Habits for Finding Happiness, Balance, and Connection IRL , I teach folks how to find time and make space for self-care. But here are some additional tips that you won't find in the book to get you started with your self-care.

How Do You Engage in Self-Care?

Fortunately, there are many things you can do to engage in self-care. You can read about self-care strategies, join self-care programs, or work with a coach or therapist who can help support your progress . No matter what you choose, the goal is to figure out which self-care strategies work best for you, learn how to use these strategies, and implement them in your regular routine so you can boost your well-being not only today but forever.

Here are 12 ways to get started with your self-care.

1. Make sleep part of your self-care routine.

Sleep can have a huge effect on how you feel both emotionally and physically. Not getting enough can even cause major health issues. But stress and other distractions can wreak havoc on our sleep.

What do you do to make sleep part of a self-care routine ? Start by thinking about your nightly routine. Are you eating or drinking immediately before bed? If so, it's especially important to stay away from caffeine and sugar, which tend to keep you awake.

Reducing stress is also key. If you have work-related stress , think about the best ways to calm yourself after a hard day or relax more while on the job. You might talk to your employer about lessening your workload or settle a disagreement with a coworker.

Next, make sure your bedroom is the best possible place for you to get good REM sleep. It should be free of distractions (such as a television, laptop, cellphone, etc.). And make sure you have room-darkening curtains to keep the sun from waking you up too early in the mornings.

2. Take care of yourself by taking care of your gut.

Your gut health can have a significant impact on your health, well-being, and feelings of vitality. The types of foods you eat crucially impact the bacteria that live in your stomach, resulting in a cascade of either positive or negative outcomes. Healing the gut can lead to an unhappy person, and vice-versa.

3. Exercise daily as part of your self-care routine.

We all know exercise is good for us, but do we really know how good it is? Daily exercise can help you both physically and mentally, boosting your mood and reducing stress and anxiety , not to mention helping you shed extra weight.

Of course, it might be hard to go to the gym every day, so try to incorporate other exercises, such as walking, tennis, or yoga, which may be able to fit into your schedule more easily. The most important thing is to create a routine that works for you.

4. Eat right for self-care.

The food we eat has the potential to either keep us healthy or contribute to weight gain or diseases such as diabetes, but it can also keep our minds working and alert. Eating the right foods can help prevent short-term memory loss and inflammation, both of which can have long-term effects on the brain and, in turn, the rest of the body. Some of the most amazing self-care foods include fatty fish, blueberries, nuts, green leafy veggies, and brassicas, like broccoli.

5. Say no to others, and say yes to your self-care.

Learning to say no is really hard; many of us feel obligated to say yes when someone asks for our time or energy. However, if you’re already stressed or overworked, saying yes to loved ones or coworkers can lead to burnout, anxiety, and irritability. It may take a little practice, but once you learn how to politely say no, you'll start to feel more self-confident, and you'll have more time for your self-care.

6. Take a self-care trip.

Taking a self-care trip can make a huge difference in your life. Even if you’re not feeling particularly stressed, getting away for a weekend every now and then can help you disconnect, relax, and be rejuvenated. These self-care trips don’t have to be costly; simply drive to the next town over and see the sights, or go camping nearby. The goal is to veer away from your normal schedule and take the time to do something just for yourself.

7. Take a self-care break by getting outside.

Spending time outside can help you reduce stress, lower your blood pressure, and live in the moment. Studies have even shown that getting outside can help reduce fatigue, making it a great way to overcome symptoms of depression or burnout. Getting outside can also help you sleep better at night, especially if you do some physical activity, like gardening, hiking, or walking while you are outside.

8. Let a pet help you with your self-care.

Pets can bring a boost to our lives. From giving unconditional love to providing companionship, pets can be hugely beneficial for our self-care. Dogs especially can help reduce stress and feelings of anxiety and can even lower blood pressure. In fact, many people who suffer from disorders like PTSD have benefited from working daily with animals, which is why service dogs have become so helpful for these individuals.

9. Take care of yourself by getting organized.

Getting organized is often the first step to becoming a healthier you because it allows you to figure out exactly what you need to do to take better care of yourself. A small change, like keeping a planner or a calendar on the fridge, can help you write down all your responsibilities and appointments, while at the same time keeping your life a bit more organized. You can also create an area to keep keys, purses, backpacks, briefcases, and coats, and make sure they’re ready to go for the next day.

10. Cook at home to care for yourself.

Many people don’t take the time to make themselves meals, preferring instead to stop for fast food or popping a pre-made meal in the microwave. But these "fast" meals aren’t usually sufficient when it comes to feeding your body the right kinds of calories and nutrients. Even if it’s only once a week, consider making a healthy meal for yourself or your whole family. You could even look into a meal delivery service or meal kit that can help you get started.

11. Read a book on self-care for self-care.

In today’s fast-paced world, we tend to turn to our phones for entertainment or comfort, scrolling through news feeds that can contribute to our stress and worries rather than helping it. Instead, consider bringing a self-help book with you when you leave the house. Even better, bring books on self-care so that you can learn more about how to take care of yourself while you are taking care of yourself. You might be amazed at the difference it can make when you slow down instead of always looking at your phone. Not only can it help improve your mood, but it can also help you to stay more present and mindful .

12. Schedule your self-care time, and guard that time with everything you have.

It can be hard for us all to find extra time. But it’s extremely important to plan regular self-care time. Moments alone can help you to ponder the best ways to move forward in your life and keep you grounded. And moments with friends can help you feel more connected and relaxed.

Whether you decide you want to go for a long walk, take a hot bath, or enjoy a good movie with friends, taking self-care time is imperative. Look for small ways you can incorporate it into everyday life; for example, you might wake up 15 minutes earlier to sit with a cup of tea and practice deep breathing before the chaos of the day begins, or you might take a walk around the block on your lunch break. The more you can work self-care time into your schedule, the better you’ll be able to grow, enjoy your life, and thrive.

This post was co-written by self-care advocate Brad Krause .

To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory .

LinkedIn Image Credit: Izida1991/Shutterstock

Tchiki Davis, Ph.D. , is a consultant, writer, and expert on well-being technology.

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The Spotlight

Mind, Body, and Soul: The Importance of Self Care

Sarah Jacobson , Editor-in-Chief | January 31, 2019

Sarah Jacobson

Some options for self care include journaling, taking a bath, reading, or exercise.

The busy schedules of many high school students inevitably lead to one thing: stress. We often spend so much of our day completing homework, writing essays, and studying for tests that we forget to spend time on ourselves. One of the best things we can do for our mental health is set aside a little bit of time everyday to assess how we feel mentally, and then address any negative emotions.

Oxford Dictionaries defines self-care as, “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.” Self-care is any activity that helps improve a person’s mental health. This activity is completely up to the individual, and can be anything, from running to reading. In order for the activity to constitute as an act of self-care, it only needs to positively impact your mental state.

“[Self care is] taking care of yourself and making sure… that you’re staying healthy and that you put yourself first sometimes because that’s really important,” sophomore Michelle Li said.

The mental health benefits of self-care are extensive. The whole purpose is to provide yourself with a mental break from your day-to-day stress. According to the National Alliance of Mental Illness , stress can cause headaches, low energy, gastrointestinal issues, and insomnia. In addition, chronic stress can lead to mental illness, and is an overall negative component of a person’s life.

Taking regular breaks from stressful situations is important. To reduce the chances that your stress will lead to mental illness, you should plan some breaks throughout the school or work day, so that you can practice meditation, read, or do something that takes your mind off of your troubles.

“I value self care,” senior Alyssa Kovacs said, “because just like you would care of yourself when your body is physically sick, you should take care of your body when you’re not feeling well mentally.”

The physical health benefits of self care are not quite as plentiful, but they do go beyond just reducing the physical symptoms of stress. While self-care doesn’t always directly affect any particular aspect of your body, you benefit from a phenomenon called the relaxation response. Mosby’s Medical Dictionary describes the relaxation response as a protective mechanism against stress that can cause decreased heart rate, lower metabolism, and decreased respiratory rate. This response can be triggered through activities like yoga and meditation.

Self-care can be positive for physical health in more ways than just initiating the relaxation response. For example, if you rarely do stretches for physical therapy, then taking some time out of your day to do those stretches will not only provide a mental break but also some positive physical benefits.

“I practice mindfulness which means to grow an awareness of how our body communicates. I have learned to recognize what anxiety feels like in my body or what anger feels like in my body,” said science teacher Mr. David Dougherty, who advises the “Finding Peace Within” club during Spartan period. “When I recognize the experience, I stop and simply notice my breathing and focus on breathing and relaxing. It is a wonderful practice.”

When life gets stressful, sometimes the things we should be doing, like laundry, gets pushed aside in favor of work. Taking the time to make sure that your personal affairs are in order is just as much an act of self-care as doing a facemask. For some people, doing some chores or taking care of one’s physical health is more relaxing and beneficial.

“I make sure to take a few breaks between studying, and read a book or something to ease my mind, so I don’t have to think so much about everything that I’m stressed about,” Li said. “I make sure that I have specific routines during the evening to make sure that I’m not stressed out.”

Many people are often skeptical of self-care because they view it as selfish. This raises the question of whether or not it is selfish to put yourself first in some situations. In my opinion, it is absolutely not selfish. Sometimes you need a break from the fast-paced world around you, and it’s okay to recognize that and act upon it. In fact, self-care can, in some ways, be seen as a selfless act; if you’re not putting 100 percent into all that you do, then you are doing those around you a disservice.

Self-care is wonderful for everyone’s mental and physical wellbeing. Taking a break and making the time to assess and manage your mental health helps ensure that you are able to put your best foot forward no matter what life brings.

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Senior Sarah Jacobson is a third-year staff reporter, former Our World editor, and current Editor-in-Chief of the Spotlight. She is also the head of social...

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• Tiny Buddha’s Breaking Barriers to Self-Care

“Be there for others, but never leave yourself behind.” ~Dodinsky

Sometimes, when we’re feeling stressed and running around taking care of everybody else, the healthiest thing we can do is to stop and consider how we can take care of ourselves.

While this seems obvious to some people, many of us struggle with the idea of putting ourselves first. We were raised to think we should always put others before ourselves and ignore our own needs—that it is somehow arrogant or self-centered, and not a nice thing to do.

So why is self-care not held in high regard as the essential practice that it is for our well-being?

Here, I take a look at some misconceptions that hold us back from looking after the most important person in our lives, explore why self-care is better for others around us, and share my own list of self-care commitments, as somebody who has struggled with this in the past.

1. We think self-care means being selfish.  

Taking care of ourselves is the opposite of being selfish, as it strengthens us and enables us to support our loved ones better. We are no use to anyone if our energy is depleted because we have given every last bit of it away. Self-care is an antidote to stress, as it builds resilience so we can better cope with challenges.

Just think how they tell us to put on our oxygen mask first on an airplane before we help others. Yes, absolutely support others, but nurture yourself first.

2. We confuse “rescuing” with caring.

We often sacrifice self-care because we’re too busy trying to save everyone else. But people have to learn their own lessons in life, however painful that is. Who are you to decide that you know what is right for them? Now that is selfish, as it’s based on your own desires for them, which may not truly be in their best interests.

The way we can really help is to focus on ourselves and stop trying to run others’ lives. While we think we’re caring by “rescuing” them from unpleasant experiences in their lives, we are denying them the opportunity to face their own challenges, and grow stronger or learn a lesson from doing so.

This has been a hard truth for me to face, as I always thought I was being nice and caring. It’s even tougher to accept now that a close family member of mine is very ill, mostly caused by their own actions. I have an overwhelming desire to help, and have tried on numerous occasions, but I now realize that they have to want to change.

By rescuing them every time, out of what we believe is love, the rest of the family are enabling this person to stay feeling helpless, and we are burning ourselves out with stress.

I don’t mean we should never help people, but there is a difference between providing support for somebody who asks and taking it upon ourselves to save somebody and make their life turn out in a way that we think it should.

3. We are accustomed to relationships based on neediness, not real love.

We often fall in love with the idea of being in love because we watch Hollywood films that portray love as dramatic and needing to be with somebody 24/7.

When we give from this place, we give too much because we believe we have to die for that person and other such dramatic statements. As Ernest Hemingway wrote in Men Without Women , “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.”

Instead of spending our every waking hour thinking about that other person and forgetting ourselves, we (and our partners!) would be better served by focusing on ourselves. This way, we’ll be able to give from a place of wholeness, without expecting anything in return or feeling resentful.

As Rollo May said, “Love is generally confused with dependence; but in point of fact, you can only love in proportion to your capacity for independence.” If we take care of ourselves , we are more independent, less needy of getting attention or affection, and more capable of truly connecting with another human being.

4. We don’t realize we teach people how to treat us.

We teach people how to treat us by our own actions and attitude toward ourselves. By putting signs out there that you are a rescuer and will sacrifice yourself to help others , you attract the sort of people who want to be rescued and for whom it has to be all about them—not a balanced relationship.

Then, you have made it a self-fulfilling prophecy, by effectively bringing about what you always complain that you attract: people who take advantage of your good nature.

Here, it is useful to question whether they have really taken everything we have or if we have voluntarily given it all to them. Yes, they have played a part, but we can’t change them. We only have control over our own actions, so what part did we play?

Also, although this can be hard to hear, there is always a pay-off for us. Is it that you always get to be the “nice guy” or the “victim”? Take a long hard look now…

5. We expect others to take care of us.

While we might believe that our actions are purely altruistic and caring, are we actually expecting something in return?

I have previously been guilty of giving everything and believing I was being nice, but then feeling resentful when they inevitably didn’t give back in equal measure.

I complained to my friends that this or that person didn’t give me enough (and, in some cases, I wouldn’t have been wrong!) It’s easy to complain about what others aren’t doing. It’s hard to accept that we have chosen to give all our love to them and keep none for ourselves, expecting them to fill a gap they couldn’t fill, because it was our own self-esteem that was missing.

Yes, somebody may take advantage of your caring nature, but if you lie down to be walked on, you can’t be surprised when people treat you like a doormat. Your self-care is your responsibility, nobody else’s.

6. We don’t realize our worth.

Ultimately, it boils down to the fact that we think others are worth more than us. If we are confident in our love for ourselves and treat ourselves as if we are worthy, then that is what we will attract back.

Yes, I’m afraid it comes down to that whole self-love thing again! There is a reason why this is a cliché, though, because the key to meaningful relationships really is to love ourselves first.

So, What Does Self-Care Look Like?

Self-care is essential for us all, but looks different from person to person. We are all individuals with different preferences. Listen to your inner voice to find out what makes you content. Sometimes we can’t even hear our own inner voice because we are so busy anticipating the needs of those we care about, so you might have to listen carefully at first.

Below is my own personal list of self-care practices . I hope it gives you some inspiration for ways to take care of yourself.

I commit to:

1. Being fully in and embracing the present moment—mindful living

2. Preparing and eating three healthy meals a day, avoiding sugar fixes

3. Getting outside every day

4. Exercising every day

5. Doing something I enjoy every day—being creative

6. Spending time with positive people

7. Setting healthy boundaries— saying no more often

8. Identifying negative self-talk and changing it to positive

9. Pausing before reacting—do I really want to do this?

10. Getting one thing done every day, and celebrating this achievement

11. Looking after my health, body, skin, hair, teeth—regular appointments

12. Being grateful—starting each day with at least three things I am thankful for

13. Regular yoga and meditation

14. Laughing more and starting the day with a smile

15. Singing or dancing whenever possible

16. Having more fun and taking life less seriously

17. Treating myself with love and compassion—being my own best friend

18. Focusing on myself and prioritizing my needs —not focusing on the lives of others

19. Spending time alone and being still every day

20. Being my authentic self, not what others want me to be

21. Listening to my inner voice/intuition and doing what feels right for me

22. Avoiding over-analyzing a situation

23. Limiting my time on Facebook

24. Not worrying about what other people think about me

25. Getting a good sleep every night

26. Being patient with myself

27. My self-development, no matter how challenging

What’s your most important self-care practice?

About Jo Ritchie

After working in the corporate world for seventeen years, Jo redesigned her life to follow her bliss. She now travels the world running workshops and retreats and speaking about her experiences. Jo uses her background in martial arts, with her training in yoga teaching, coaching, and NLP, to help others find their power within. Visit her at  joritchie.com  and  followyourblissblog.com .

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To Take Care of Others, Start by Taking Care of Yourself

• Whitney Johnson

Most of us are not on the overtaxed frontlines of the healthcare battle, but all of us can be first responders to the need for emotional support. Almost everyone needs connection to others and the opportunity to give and get support right now. So, how can you shore up your mental health and deepen your own emotional reservoir? The author offers four suggestions: 1) Start with self-care. We can’t share with others a resource that we lack ourselves. 2) Ask for help when you need it. If you don’t ask for that support, the need for it will be revealed in ways that don’t serve you. 3) Ask others “How are you?” Take time to listen to their full answer and walk through your personal rollercoaster ride. 4) Look for the positive and say it aloud. Express appreciation, give compliments, and call out triumphs, no matter how small. If you see something good, speak up.

In these difficult times, we’ve made a number of our coronavirus articles free for all readers. To get all of HBR’s content delivered to your inbox, sign up for the Daily Alert newsletter.

As businesses and schools are shuttered, economic uncertainty encroaches, and a pandemic rages worldwide, there is plenty of anxiety to go around. We’re watching our healthcare system be pushed to its limits, but the grief and trauma we’re seeing presages a second wave of need: Before long, our mental healthcare system is going to be stretched to the breaking point as well. As physical distancing continues, we need to make sure that we help alleviate the isolation, loneliness , depression, anxiety, and other mental health impacts that will result, driving a potentially system-overwhelming curve of their own. And now is the time to head off this second crisis.

• WJ Whitney Johnson is the CEO of Disruption Advisors, a tech-enabled talent-development company and author of Smart Growth: How to Grow Your People to Grow Your Company .
• AH Amy Humble  is the co-founder and  President of Disruption Advisors ,  an executive coach, and  former ly  Chief of Staff to Jim Collins .

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