i am a shy type person essay

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Do you ever feel like you can't? well that's how I feel when I am shy.

People are shy for a couple different reasons. But most of all, it's a self-esteem/self-confidence issue. We don't feel like anyone cares what we have to say, or we fear being rejected or embarrassed. We fear being all alone. Shy personalities are a security blanket - if you don't put yourself out there, you won't risk getting hurt.

I would like to change my personality from being shy because I won’t lose as many opportunities, I won’t be insecure, and I can make friends easier. Initially, Being shy is not the best thing to be.Sometimes being shy can ruin many opportunities. If you are shy, your career may suffer. Whether it is at or at a job, it still can ruin your life. For instance, if you are shy, you don't present yourself well on project presentation or job interviews.

I am not good at interacting and asserting myself enough when it comes to going after opportunities. There are, in addition other reasons. Researchers have found that people who are shy tend to begin their careers later than those who are not. Shy people have a harder time developing a career character.So, while if me being shy is not a problem now, it will be in the future. This also speaks for insecurity.

This is also another serious problematic. Moreover, Being shy cause various insecurity problems. Most shy people wish they were more confident, Like me, because shyness is a symptom of being uncomfortable with who I am and with who I am around. I judge myself based on other people’s standards and spend too much time in my own head, thinking of how best to act and react in any given situation. Being shy can also cause other symptoms, for example, depression, which is a very grim symptom for anyone to have at any age.Shyness also affects the way you make friends, and the way you present yourself in front of others.

Last of all, being shy can make it hard to make friends and socialize with others. Many social settings make me feel anxious, so I try to find ways to get rid of this social anxiety. I try to make myself more social. Even if social settings make me nervous, I get into them anyway instead of avoiding them.

Even if being more talkative is challenging for me, I push myself to talk more anyway. This way, I can overcome my shy personality.In brief, being shy is something I want to overcome, and see myself overcoming in the future. Though it does seem like a problem in most cases, it isn’t always the worst thing.

Nevertheless, I do feel very annoyed with being shy but it is who I am and I am not going to beat myself up for it. Sometimes you just have to live with what you have and who you are, and if you are not happy with that, there is no problem in changing it. Yes, I still want to change my personality and that is what I wish for out of anything, but I have learned to work with it, thus the reason I will not worry myself or think of myself any less.

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

• Essay 1: Summer Program
• Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
• Essay 3: Why Medicine
• Essay 4: Love of Writing
• Essay 5: Starting a Fire
• Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
• Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
• Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
• Essay 9: Eritrea
• Essay 10: Journaling
• Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally. 

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read. 

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.”  They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great. 

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.  

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day? 

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture. 

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality. 

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration. 

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars. 

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”.  They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in. 

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose. 

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.  

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res  is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.  Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents. 

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger  waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I  am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate,  perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student  from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient  streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells.  Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and  Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books  borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is.  No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted  dunes.  No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother,  her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes).  It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too  early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal  lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no  films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus  Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time.  You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the  crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells.  I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding  against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a  sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting  in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero .  I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic.  “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.”  Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential.  Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader. 

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay. 

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Next Step: Supplemental Essays

Essay Guides for Each School

How to Write a Stellar Extracurricular Activity College Essay

4 Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay

How to Write the “Why This College” Essay

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

7 Characteristics Of A Shy Person: Honest Talk About The Good And The Bad

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Some people naturally draw the social spotlight thanks to their outgoing nature. It’s not so often that we talk about the shy folks—those who need their time to let their diamond personalities shine through.

If you are a shy person and feel underrepresented by the articles online, then this one is for you! We will dissect the characteristics of a shy person and shed light on their potential struggles.

As someone who’s struggled with shyness, I can reassure you that being timid comes with its perks. The key to embracing the characteristics of a shy person is to view them as a good starting point for growth. In the lines that follow, we will analyze this and many more. So, let’s get into it!

Why Are Some People Shy?

Shyness, just like every personality trait, is complex and influenced by a variety of factors. Research suggests that shyness is influenced by a combination of genetics, environment, and early life experiences.

Recent research conducted on twins has shown that there is a hereditary component to shyness, suggesting that it can be passed down from parents to children.

Another significant factor contributing to shyness is upbringing . A study by Rubin, Burgess, and Hastings (2002) found that children who experienced less social interaction and more overprotective parenting were more likely to be shy.

Shyness can also be a result of certain life experiences . For instance, traumatic events or significant changes in a person’s life can trigger shyness. This can include moving to a new place, changing schools, experiencing bullying or social rejection, or experiencing a major loss. These events can cause feelings of uncertainty and vulnerability, leading to shyness.

Psychological factors can also contribute to shyness. According to research by Bruch, Gorsky, Collins, and Berger (1989) , individuals with low self-esteem or negative self-perceptions are more likely to be shy. This research suggests that how an individual perceives themselves can actually influence their level of shyness.

Finally, shyness can be a result of Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) , which is a more severe form of shyness. People with this disorder have an intense fear of social situations and are often overly concerned about being judged or embarrassed. It’s important to note that not all shy people have social anxiety disorder, and not all people with social anxiety disorder are shy.

Is Shyness Really a Bad Thing?

Being shy isn’t a weakness or a sign that you’re not good enough. It just means you’ve got a unique way of interacting with the world around you. Different people are shy in different ways; some only a little, some a lot. But just like any personality trait, being shy isn’t something to be seen as a problem – it’s simply part of who you are.

Sure, being shy can sometimes make things tough. For instance, if you’re shy, you might find it hard to chat freely when you’re around other people. This can make you feel alone or like others don’t really get you .

And there could be times when you’d rather step back from things, scared of being put down or laughed at. Even though these can be difficult, it’s important to remember that they don’t make being shy a bad thing – they just highlight where you might want to build up some skills to help you handle them better.

5 Benefits Of Shyness We Don’t Talk About

Shyness does not put you at a disadvantage compared to other people. Neither does it take away from your other amazing personality traits! Being timid can also inherently have many unexpected benefits.

Shy people often possess qualities such as thoughtfulness, empathy, and the ability to listen and observe carefully. These qualities can be highly beneficial in various aspects of life, including personal relationships and professional settings

Let’s dive into the untold benefits of being shy:

1. They Are Amazing Listeners

Shy people usually have a strong ability to listen well. Their natural tendency to pay close attention makes them excellent friends, partners, and colleagues. Often, they take their time to process information before responding, which makes them come across as considerate and thoughtful.

Shy people don’t feel the need to yap on and on about themselves. Instead, they know how to make you feel seen and heard.

2. They Can Pick Up The Vibe Easily

Another benefit of shyness is the ability to observe and understand situations more deeply. Shy people usually take a step back in social situations, allowing them to take in their surroundings and read the room. This allows them to understand people and situations, which can be a valuable skill in both personal and professional settings.

3. They Are Highly Self-Aware

Shy individuals often possess a high level of self-awareness . This is because they spend a lot of time reflecting on their thoughts and feelings. This introspection can lead to a strong sense of self, which is a crucial aspect of emotional intelligence and mental health.

4. Shy People Are Usually More Creative

Shyness can also foster creativity . Shy people often have rich inner lives and spend a lot of time in their own heads, which can lead to creative thinking and problem-solving. They may excel in fields that require innovative thinking or artistic expression.

5. Shyness Can Pave The Way To Deeper Connections

Finally, shyness can lead to genuine and meaningful relationships . Shy people tend to be selective about who they open up to, which can result in deeper, more meaningful connections. They value quality over quantity when it comes to relationships, which can lead to strong and lasting bonds.

Key Characteristics Of A Shy Person

1. Shy People Worry About What Others May Think Of Them

Shy individuals often exhibit a heightened sensitivity to the opinions and reactions of others. This sensitivity can lead to uncomfortable self-consciousness, as they may constantly worry about how they are perceived by those around them. The constant self-evaluation of how they appear and act may make them look aloof or indifferent.

2. Shy People Prefer To Listen Than Talk

Shy people are usually more reserved in social situations. They might prefer to listen rather than contribute to conversations, especially in larger groups. They may also avoid eye contact and have a quieter, more timid manner of speaking. It’s not because they don’t have things to say but rather because they are afraid of how they may be perceived.

3. Shy People Won’t Go For The Spotlight

Another characteristic of a shy person is avoiding the spotlight. Shy individuals often prefer to blend in rather than stand out, and they may feel uncomfortable or anxious when attention is focused on them. This can extend to a reluctance to take on leadership roles or to participate in activities that would put them at the center of attention.

4. Shy People Have Ways Of Having An Amazing Time Alone

Shy people often have a rich inner life. They may have a strong imagination, enjoy solitary activities like reading or writing, and have a deep capacity for empathy. Their tendency to observe and reflect can lead to a nuanced understanding of the world around them, which can be a strength in creative and analytical pursuits .

5. They May Find It Physically Hard To Socialize

Shy individuals may experience physical symptoms when faced with social situations. These can include blushing, sweating, a racing heart, or a shaky voice. These symptoms are a result of the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response being triggered by the perceived social threat.

6. Shy People May Prefer Solitude

Shy people often have a strong desire for personal space and solitude . While they can enjoy social interactions, they also need time alone to recharge. This is because social situations can be draining for them, as they require a lot of mental and emotional energy.

7. They May Need Their Time To Open Up

Lastly, shy individuals often have a slower approach to forming relationships. They may take longer to open up and trust others, but once they do, they often form deep, meaningful connections . This is because they value quality over quantity when it comes to relationships.

How To Embrace Shyness as Part of Your Identity

Now that we have gone through the characteristics of a shy person, it’s evident that shyness can coexist with a wealth of amazing characteristics. Working on alleviating your shyness is possible, and it all begins with self-acceptance.

Recognize that shyness is a part of your personality , not a flaw . It’s a trait that makes you unique and can be used to your advantage. Accepting that you’re shy can help reduce anxiety and increase your self-confidence .

Next, leverage the strengths that come with being shy . Shy people often possess qualities such as thoughtfulness, empathy, and the ability to work independently. They are good listeners and observers, which can make them effective in roles that require attention to detail and understanding of others.

Use your shyness as a tool for personal growth . Being shy can push you to develop skills in areas that might be more challenging, such as public speaking or networking. This can lead to personal development and open up new opportunities.

Practice self-care and stress management techniques . Shyness can sometimes lead to feelings of anxiety or stress in social situations. Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, and mindfulness can help manage these feelings and make social interactions more comfortable.

Finally, seek support if needed . If your shyness is causing significant distress or preventing you from doing things you want to do, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can provide strategies to help manage your shyness and improve your quality of life.

As we round up this article about the characteristics of a shy person, I hope that one thing stays with you: being shy is not a flaw but a unique personality trait. It doesn’t singlehandedly define you but just fills up a small spot of things that make you “You.”

Until next time, keep celebrating every aspect of who you are, including your shyness. You are pretty amazing, just as you are!

My name is Ariadne, but you can call me Annie. I am a medical student with a deep curiosity for life and personal growth. During my earlier student years, I struggled with my mental health and body image. However, that experience was life’s greatest gift - It helped me realize our unlimited potential for evolving and designing the life of our dreams. I enjoy doing yoga and Meditation and I am passionately seeking the intersection between modern and traditional medicine. I try to approach health and wellness through a no-BS filter and provide science-backed information.

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Overcoming My Shyness, Essay Example

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Introduction

Shyness is a problem that creates further difficulties in life. Indeed, when somebody is shy, they do not speak up for themselves, they are unable to communicate effectively and get their ideas across. In teaching and learning, shyness can cause several difficulties and create communication barriers. In personal life, it makes it harder to create relationships, socialize and get to know different people’s views. Indeed, shyness can be a result of technological developments of the past few decades: one can live a life, get groceries delivered, complete courses online without ever having to meet with a person face-to-face. Shyness is a problem that can be overcome with hard work and determination. The below essay will be built upon my personal experiences with overcoming this problem, enabling myself to life a fuller, more complete life.

Thesis: Shyness can be tackled by one’s self, using the combination of hypnosis, self-determination, positive affirmations and an exposure therapy.

Review of Experiences

I had been shy all my life up to the age of 20. As a child, in kindergarten, I never approached other children. I went off to play on my own, never asked to join in. In school, I only spoke when I was asked, and even then I talked very quietly. I had known that I had a problem for a long time before I started to deal with it.

When I realized that my shyness was responsible for the lack of friends, success in school and personal life, I understood that I had to deal with it. I had enough of carrying the stigma of being a “shy kid” and not being considered for leading roles in plays, speeches or performances. I started to search the Internet for resources on how to overcome shyness. I knew that being withdrawn was a result of being afraid of other people’s opinion, therefore, I searched for solutions to control this fear.

I found resources on the internet and discovered free hypnosis video sessions that are designed to help me overcome social fear and develop the capability of expressing my views in front of other people. I also understood that if I carry on avoiding others I would develop a condition called “social phobia” which is a serious mental illness. The website “Free Hypnosis Treatment” had several videos that have helped me. Over time, I created a schedule to watch the videos three evenings a week before going to bed. I did see slow changes in my attitude towards other people and started to open up.

Self-determination

Even though I did well with my online hypnosis treatment, I had difficulties with keeping up the schedule. Sometimes I did not see the point in listening to the same voice over and over again and did not fully agree that it was important to go out there. I tried to convince myself that it was OK to be shy, there was nothing wrong with me. Indeed, my unconscious mind was trying to be lazy, and in many cases, my fear of change was overcoming me. I had to re-inforce my self-determination to ensure that I keep up the schedule of the therapy. Without adequate motivation, it is hard to achieve goals, therefore, I combined self-determination with motivation. I got a blank piece of paper and wrote down the benefits of being more outgoing, open and sociable. On the other side of the paper I wrote down the consequences of not changing my attitude towards people. This way, I was able to convince myself and keep up my self-determination.

Positive Affirmations

When I did not have the piece of paper with me detailing the benefits of opening up to others, I often fell back and became withdrawn again. I soon realized that these relapses were in the way of my self-development. I created positive affirmations to use for these instances and told myself the following: “I can open up to people”, “I can be positive”, “People can find me ineresting”, “People can judge me, it doesn’t matter”. When I used these affirmations, my attitude changed and I managed to focus on my goal to overcome shyness.

The last step in my journey of overcoming shyness was to expose myself to situations I was most afraid of. For this method, I wrote down all the instances when I was feeling anxious about being seen, heard or noticed. Some of these situations occurred in the shopping mall, others in school. I started to actively seek these specific difficulties to teach myself how to deal with them. Indeed, I improved my methods of handling these difficult situations and got better at them over time, resulting in a sense of achievement and increased motivation.

While the combination of the above self-help methods to overcome shyness have worked for me, they might form a general framework. I spoke of my experience, and the success of the approaches is not guaranteed for everyone. However, self-determination and positivity are definitely needed for overcoming shyness, and if someone lacks motivation, these aspects of personality can be strengthened using the above described techniques.

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4 Ways to Overcome Shyness

1. worried about a party start by planning for it to go well..

Posted December 31, 2016 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

• What Is Shyness?
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Most people feel shy at one point or another, but for some, shyness can be so debilitating that it prevents them from participating in social situations that are important to personal or professional goals .

Shy people want to be close to others but fear being rejected or criticized, so they avoid even social events they want to attend. They often end up feeling lonely and isolated, which increases their risk for developing other problems like depression or anxiety . Sometimes people will try to overcome shyness by self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, which increases their risk for substance use disorders.

Research shows that shyness is maintained through a vicious cycle in which people approach a social situation, feel the excessive fear of negative evaluation, and then avoid the situation. This initially provides relief, however it often leads to feelings of shame and self-blame. In order to cope with these feelings, our negative emotions can turn into anger and blame toward others, and so others can be viewed as inconsiderate or unsupportive, which further reinforces the desire to avoid them. Given that social skills, like any other set of skills, are something one can develop over time, the avoidance of social settings can lead to becoming socially “out of shape.” 1

Here are four ways to increase your own social fitness:

1. Plan for it to go well.

Shyness, unlike introversion , which is associated with being quiet and reserved, is characterized by a strong tendency to overestimate negative scrutiny. There is a tremendous fear that others will evaluate you in a negative way, so a good deal of thought in social settings is spent on how to not do something wrong, instead of on how to do something right.

One way to reduce anxiety is to spend more time thinking about what you could do to make the situation a success. If you worry about making small talk, ask yourself a few questions that would help you generate some interesting topics: What are some current events I could bring up? What's going on in my life that I feel comfortable sharing? What do I have in common with the other people who will be there?

You can also give yourself an exit strategy—just try not to use it. Exposing yourself to your fear is the best way to overcome it; however, it is also important to feel like you are in control. If you know you have a worst-case scenario exit strategy, then you won’t feel trapped.

2. Be curious about others.

The very first principle in Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People is to become genuinely interested in others. Carnegie based this point on the work of psychologist Alfred Adler, who wrote, “It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life.”

In a social setting, try taking your focus off yourself. Instead, focus on being curious about others. Who are they and why are they there? What are their interests and hobbies? This gives you something different to focus on and helps you to generate conversations. Everyone’s got a story to tell. Find out what it is, then sit back and listen. People love to talk about themselves. The way to be the most interesting person in the room is to find others interesting.

3. Give yourself a role.

Many of the socially shy people I’ve worked with are highly successful professionals, including doctors, lawyers, professors, and business owners. They often comment on how confident they feel at work, but how they lose their self-confidence in situations where their role isn’t defined by their job. Having a role gives you a sense of purpose, and guidelines for how you should behave. Most people in any setting want to feel liked and accepted.

I ask my clients to give themselves the role of making other people feel the way they would like to feel. As part of your plan to have the situation go right, pick a job for yourself: It is my job to help people feel interesting or liked , or, It is my job to make people feel welcome.

4. Soften your inner dialogue.

Shy people are often highly critical of themselves and their inner dialogue can be very harsh and include things they would never say to other people. When you judge yourself harshly, you are more likely to assume that others will judge you in the same way. Your inner critic can cause a lot of emotional damage, robbing you of peace of mind and self-esteem .

The best way to defeat the critic is to have an even stronger ally on your side—an inner voice that acts as your own best friend. Start noticing the good things about yourself and learn to "talk back" to your inner critic. When the critic starts to blame you for being fearful, remember that there is not a single person who enjoys rejection, yet somehow we all manage to survive it. When your inner critic starts to tell you that no one will ever like you, remind yourself that you liking you is what matters most. By learning to talk to yourself in a kinder gentler way, social situations won’t hold as much power to hurt you because you won’t be punishing yourself. (For more on how to silence your inner critic , click here .)

Every social situation you put yourself in is a mini social-skills workout. The more you do it, the better you get. If your shyness is more severe there are effective treatments for social anxiety that include group and individual therapies, and in some cases medication . If you feel like you might benefit from these, consult a mental health professional.

Dr. Jennice Vilhauer is the director of the Outpatient Psychotherapy Treatment Program at Emory Healthcare and the author of Think Forward to Thrive: How to Use the Mind’s Power of Anticipation to Transcend Your Past and Transform Your Life .

1. Henderson, Lynne. Helping Your Shy and Socially Anxious Client: A Social Fitness Training Protocol Using CBT. New Harbinger Publications, 2014.

Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D. , is the Director of Emory University’s Adult Outpatient Psychotherapy Program in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science in the School of Medicine.

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Sticking up for yourself is no easy task. But there are concrete skills you can use to hone your assertiveness and advocate for yourself.

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How to describe your personality in a paragraph – 7 example answers

The way we ourselves rarely mirrors the reality . We tend to see ourselves better, nicer, and perhaps also more attractive than others do see us- -if they actually care. At the end of the day everything is subjective, and each person sees the world–and each living creature they interact with–with a unique pair of eyes . Nevertheless, you will often face the question about your personality , be it on a job application, in an interview, or even on a dating website. Sometimes they ask you to describe yourself in one word only, sometimes they ask what three words would your friends use to describe you , and sometimes they ask you to describe your personality in one paragraph. What do they want to hear from you in this case?

Hiring manager want to hear that you have a fitting personality for the job . Or at least that you think so :). Of course, some things change from one job to another, but certain phrases will always work, such as that you are enthusiastic about work, show initiative, are attentive to the needs of your colleagues and so on. To make your answer sound more realistic , you should add also some neutral or even negative characteristics–perhaps you get angry easily, lose patience quickly, or are overly talkative at times. Just make sure to mention that you are aware of the issue and how it impacts you at work, and that you try to work on it. You can also opt for a more humble answer, or even for a philosophical one…

Let’s have a look at 7 sample answers right now. I tried to come up with some mix, and hope you will “find yourself” in at least one of the answers . Remember that this question isn’t the most difficult interview question you may ever face, and there’s no point in overthinking it. Just be yourself, show confidence and humility at the same time, and make sure that your personality is at least somehow fitting for the job.

7 example answers to “How to describe your personality in a paragraph” question

• I would describe my personality as outgoing, friendly, and talkative. I thrive when surrounded by other people, and find it easy to connect with anyone I meet. Always looking for bridges, not fences . I would also say that I have a good sense of humor, and people generally enjoy my company. Having said all of that, I realize that each coin has two sides, and sometimes I have to be careful to make sure that I do not talk more than work in the job.
• I am rather introverted , but that doesn’t mean that I do not like people. Just enjoy keeping things to myself, focusing on the job, and doing my best every day. Having said that, if someone invites me for a conversation or something I won’t say no. I try to be attentive to the needs of my colleagues , and if I feel someone may need a helping hand, I do not hesitate to offer it. Generally I am a hardworking person, but I tend to have a low day once or twice a month , and on such a day I typically do not get much done.
• I think what describes me the best is the expression “ creative mind “. Because I always enjoy to come up with new ideas, think outside the box, or even challenge the status quo. Now it doesn’t mean that I find it hard to oblige the rules. I do that. But I do not hesitate twice to share my feedback and suggest improvements . I hope you are looking for someone with this personality, and that’s one of the main reasons why I applied for your job offer.
• Energetic, motivated, enthusiastic about work and life. Just someone it is a pleasure to have in the workplace, since such a person always lifts the morale of the entire team . At least that’s the way I see it, and also what my former managers have told about me. Having said that, I understand that enthusiasm is not enough–one needs also skill and precision in this job, but I honestly believe to have both, and am ready to demonstrate it from day one, if you give me a chance in this job.
• A team player . That sort of sums it up. Someone who thrives in a team environment. Always interested in my colleagues, their needs and feelings. Always trying my best to not let the colleagues down . Of course, this also have some drawbacks, especially when I should work on something alone I may struggle with motivation. But it is a learning process, and I hope to improve on my weakness soon, and be someone that can thrive working both independently and in a team.
• My nickname can be “never gives up” , and that sort of characterizes who I am. Maybe I am not the most talented person in the world–when it comes to any tasks, but you can be sure I always give me 100% effort , and if I fail with something I try again. I am one of those guys who enjoy reinventing themselves, trying new hobbies, learning new skills. For example at the moment I am learning to play saxophone, and I enjoy it greatly. If I should point out something negative –because at the end of the day we all have some weaknesses, I’d say that I sometimes find it hard to bear with negativity at work . But that’s just the current state of things, and I hope to change it.
• I would describe myself as a very calm and balanced person . Always try to see the brighter side of things , always looking for the good in people and in events that happen to me. I very rarely complain about everything, and do the job without unnecessary stress. What’s more, people say I am a good companion for the talk about virtually any topic, and that my inner calm help them feel good and relaxed in the workplace . I sincerely believe your team can benefit from having me onboard, and cannot wait to start working here.

Ready to answer this one? I hope so! If you’re still not sure, you can check out 7 sample answers to similar interview questions:

• Tell me three your strengths and three areas for improvement .
• How would your colleagues describe your personality?
• Tell me about a time you used data to make a decision .
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10 Oddly Helpful Benefits Of Being Shy

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Are you shy and think this is a weakness? You may be looking at shyness the wrong way. According to the latest research, somewhere between 40 and 60 percent of all adults report being shy. And while it’s easy to get down on yourself when you are shy or socially anxious, there are times when it’s a trait of real strength.

In this article, we’re going to forget about the horrors of mingling in a room full of strangers, playing icebreaker games in the office, or meeting someone in person who you’ve previously only spoken to online. Instead, we’re going to focus on the 10 positive aspects of shyness, and discover how it could just be your secret weapon for success.

1. Your modesty is endearing

Shy people are unobtrusive; they rarely whip up controversy or fight for the center stage. And they’re perceived as very personable as a result. 

While bolder types may wade in and immediately take charge of a conversation, you prefer to hold back and listen. To others, you appear modest, empathetic and non-threatening, which are all attractive qualities. So, while shy people will often ponder for a long time before they approach someone, when they do, they tend to have a consistently good experience. 

2. You cultivate more intense friendships

Shy children and adults tend to make fewer friends than their more-confident peers but those relationships are cultivated very intensely. Being less forward, you may have a little trouble forging friendships, so you treasure the ones you have. 

Plus, your naturally reserved nature makes you a more active and better listener. This makes it easy for others to open up to you and trust you. You may be able to count your friendships on one hand – but they’re likely to stick around for a lifetime. 

3. You make better decisions

Being shy means you look before you leap, and take time to think things through before making your choices. Your cautious nature stops you from being carried away by your impulses and making rash decisions you might later regret. It allows you to be a little more reasoned in your decision-making. 

At the same time, you need to make a conscious effort to avoid overthinking and working yourself up about problems that only exist in your head. But as long as you’re not being ruled by fear, your instinct is to analyze the situation thoroughly and consider all the variables before acting, which means you’re highly effective in decision-making.

4. Shyness is linked to creativity

Since shy people struggle to engage with external stimuli, they often concentrate on their inner lives and develop a rich imagination. And shy people tend to hone their creative abilities in order to get this imagination out into the world and materialize their feelings. 

From David Bowie to Adele, there are a multitude of shy musicians and writers. The poet Emily Dickinson was such a shrinking violet, she used to greet her visitors from behind a half-closed bedroom door. And Agatha Christie agreed to take over as chairman of the Detective Club on the strict understanding that she would never have to make a speech. Now that’s a job description I can get behind!

5.  You tend to be altruistic

Shy people are often altruistic – they help others. In fact, you often think far too hard about people’s reactions when figuring out how you should behave and what you are going to say. You are sensitive to what others are feeling, and this is beneficial when dealing with others with kindness and consideration. 

6. You think before you speak

Rather than rushing headlong into a solution or an answer, a shy person will generally weigh the pros and cons, think before acting, and seek consensual solutions. It’s likely you do this as a way to avoid looking stupid and embarrassing yourself in front of others, which may not make you feel especially proud of your motivations. 

But whatever your reasons for holding back, people will trust your calm and well thought-out opinions. They make a balanced counterpoint against all the spontaneous and knee-jerk reactions out there, and are especially valued in the workplace.   

7. You are extremely adaptable

Being shy can keep you from a lot of things in life that you wish to experience. There’s a natural urge to avoid situations that may be overwhelming, like having to make a presentation or attend a networking event. But life has a habit of throwing these challenges in your path and you must find ways to deal with them.  

For shy people, facing fearful situations is an everyday event. And this means you’re always finding ways to adapt by doing things in ways that make sense for you. You’re always developing strategies to cope with life's difficulties, and being a fighter has huge benefits in your work and personal life.  

8. You cope well on your own ...

First, let’s clear up some confusion – shy people are not necessarily Introverts , and Introverts are not always shy. Introversion might make you think of someone who is shy and sensitive but there are plenty of shy Extraverts, and plenty of Introverts who are self-confident. Introversion and shyness are distinct qualities. 

So when we talk about coping well on your own, we’re not talking about the introverted tendency to prefer alone-time as a way to recharge. Rather, we’re talking about the ability to focus and be productive in a solitary environment and not having to win the approval of others to validate what you’re doing. This is an area where many shy people find that they flourish. The ability to work and succeed independently is great for your self-esteem and personal growth.  

9. … and you also excel at teamwork

We don’t tend to think of shy people as being good on teams but in fact, shy people often have many of the skills that make teams succeed. They’re empathetic listeners, which makes them understand others better, and they’re often perceived as trustworthy, which means people are very willing to work with them. 

From a business point of view, it is useful to have people in your team who want to take risks and dare to discover new things. But equally, the team needs someone who is more cautious and fearful – someone who, instead of looking for new ways of doing things, is protecting what the business already has. Shy people tend not to go overboard with their reactions because they operate with a strong sense of balance. Don’t let anyone tell you that being shy is incompatible with leading projects and teams!

10. Shyness is an evolutionary advantage

If you’re used to thinking of your shyness as something wrong with you, know this: shyness is not a personality mistake, but an evolutionary advantage. According to evolutionary psychologists, the tendency to fear and avoid strangers is hardwired into our psyche. It stems from the days when tribes and village communities had to protect themselves from potentially dangerous people outside the tribe. 

Even today, it is impossible to know beforehand whether someone will be good or bad for your work team, family or friendship group. Thus, it makes sense to have a combination of bold people who can push boundaries and expand social networks, and shy people who can act with more caution and restraint. Every society (or group) needs a balance of both kinds of people to function properly. Shy people of the world, unite!

Jayne Thompson Jayne is a B2B tech copywriter and the editorial director here at Truity. When she’s not writing to a deadline, she’s geeking out about personality psychology and conspiracy theories. Jayne is a true ambivert, barely an INTJ, and an Enneagram One. She lives with her husband and daughters in the UK. Find Jayne at White Rose Copywriting .

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I'm introverted - shy, often quiet in class, and like to be alone

wolflover60 2 / 4   Oct 29, 2013   #2 I know that my opinion goes unnoticed by most, but when a teacher cares about their students and wants to see them succeed, it is one of the most important things in my life and I am grateful to have some if not the best teachers who understand how important it is to ask for my opinion and get me involved in the communication in the classroom since I am such a quiet person. This is a really long sentence that seems to ramble on. I think you could split it into a couple of sentences to make your point more clear. Also I don't think you should start your essay with the restatement of the prompt. Try to creatively introduce the subject rather than using the same wording as the prompt. It is to me feel important, I don't know what you're trying to say here. I would also look over the grammar for the essay. You're missing a lot of commas and I think you should vary the sentence structure more.

What's your personality type? Knowing your personality traits and the ability to describe them in written form will help you in all aspects of your life - from your first day in school until your last job. For instance, one practical application of such essays is to impress hiring managers with your cover letter and job interviews. Being able to answer the "tell me about yourself" query properly not only enables you to answer interview questions and explain why you fit the job description perfectly but also helps you navigate through your work-life and relationships with your co-workers.

Theory of Temperaments

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Short Essay on My Personality

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Your Portrait - Select the Key Characteristics

You don't necessarily need a personality test to know your personality. But how would you describe yourself? Talking about yourself may be hard. However, knowing yourself well is essential for profound communication skills and adaptability.

Every person has weaknesses in their personality as well. When writing your personality essay for your job application, for example, you can choose weaknesses that are unimportant to the position you're applying for, such as being shy or having limited experience. You can also include traits that you consider a weakness but can actually also be your strengths, like being self-critical or being competitive.

Theories on Personality

How does your personality develop over time? There are many explanations scattered around with different theories in various studies. One of them is the Theory of Temperaments.

This is the earliest known theory from Hippocrates. He divided personality based on four temperaments connected to bodily fluids he referred to as "humor."

Using Adjectives in Your Essay

Which descriptions fit you the best? Before you write your essay, remember that you should establish a bond between you and your reader. Using adjectives will help you in creating that connection. Adjectives are critical in expressing ourselves and how we relate with others. They help us explain and give specific information in our answers that will make others get to know us better.

Think of the words you associate with yourself the most or find synonyms you can use in your essay. You can take advantage of thesaurus sites online like WordHippo and Synonymy to properly convey your personality type. For example, you can talk about your conscientiousness or substitute it with simpler words like "dedicated" or "ethical" so your readers will easily understand what you mean.

How to Describe Your Personality in a Paragraph With Examples

When constructing a personality paragraph, it's imperative to identify and integrate aspects like values, knowledge, and behavior, to offer a rounded depiction of oneself.

Personality paragraph examples:

A well-rounded personality paragraph, brimming with real-life examples, not only describes traits but also the influences and motivations behind them, providing a more insightful glimpse into one’s character.

Crafting an authentic and introspective essay on my personality profile involves a meticulous exploration of self, allowing for a candid reflection on how I perceive and project myself.

To start, my personality essay introduction would offer a synopsis of my character, allowing a sneak peek into my temperament, beliefs, and capabilities.

Knowing how to describe your personality in an essay involves weaving a narrative that captures not only individual traits but also emotions, thoughts, abilities, and the influence of family and surroundings on one's personality.

A short personality essay should also depict my interactions with individuals, illustrating how relationships have shaped and continue to mold my character. Describing my personality essay entails delving into factual and nuanced reflections of my personal experiences and interactions, providing a multidimensional view of my individuality.

When considering how to write an essay about your personality, combining self-awareness with an honest and engaging narrative is crucial for creating a resonant and comprehensive portrayal.

Your peers may ask you to make an essay to prepare you for a situation when you will have to reply to the hiring managers' requests. An example of this essay is as follows:

Each individual has a personality that is unique to them, making them irreplaceable. This makes humans interesting because everyone has different experiences and reasons why they behave and feel the way they do. The three traits that describe me the most are as follows: honest, reliable, and ambitious.

I live by a strict code of honesty. Not only was I raised by my parents to always tell the truth but also because it became an integral part of my life that I can't imagine myself trying to lie. Being honest helped me keep my relationships with my family and friends strong. This is because, at any time that we have misunderstandings, we talk about it openly.

Me being honest contributes to my reliability. When I give someone my word, I always intend to keep it. I apply this philosophy at all times: from small routine tasks to critical projects on which many things depend.

I am an ambitious person, as I want to achieve all the goals that I set in life. New accomplishments make me extremely happy and help me to dream big!

The sample essay you have just read could be assessed with a B- grade. But how to make it an A+?

To be fair, the essay's introduction is rather good. It talks on the topic from a general perspective, narrowing it down to the essay's focus – the author's personality. However, to make this introductory paragraph a brilliant one, think of a more gradual transition, for instance:

"There are no two personalities that are the same, and that's the beauty of it! I always like seeing myself as a part of a shining galaxy, spreading my unique light among other fellow stars. If I think about what character traits make up my bright shine, the three major pillars that come to mind are honesty, reliability, and a great deal of ambition."

This introduction uses metaphors and will definitely be remembered by the reader!

The sample essay's main body also has parts that require improvement. While the paragraph about reliability has a connection with the previous one, the part where the author talks about ambition seems disconnected. Adding just one sentence could fix this issue:

"Speaking of grand projects, I have plenty – after all, I'm an ambitious person."

Also, it is highly advisable to elaborate on the topic. In this essay, for example, the author could share some plans or dreams with the reader, making the story more personal and relatable.

Finally, the sample essay is lacking a conclusion. Summarize what you've already said and make a memorable statement to end your essay, for example:

"As you can see, I am quite a mix. As challenging as being honest, reliable, and ambitious at the same time may be, I try to make the best of it!"

Tips on Creating a Brilliant Essay About Yourself

Writing an essay about your personality can be tough, especially if you're an introvert, as it's the same as showing your inner self to other people. In fact, you will need to brainstorm and explain why you have that personality trait - how you acquired it and why you're keeping it with you until now.

• Organization. Make a draft about what you want to talk about in your essay.
• Structure. Don't forget to write a great introduction, with the body supporting your points, and end it with a proper conclusion.
• Honesty. Talk about your real personality traits while highlighting the positive ones. Don't write traits you don't have.

What Questions to Answer When Writing About Your Personality:

1. What are the personality traits I have that I am most proud of?

Focus on traits that help make you an asset to anyone you work with. Play up your extraversion and downplay any neuroticism.

2. Why do I have these traits, and do I plan to keep them?

Expound on how you acquired these traits - were they because you were raised with these manners, or is it because of an experience you had where you realized these behaviors help? Make your readers relate to your encounters.

3. How will these traits help me in my daily life and at my workplace?

Elaborate on why you're proud of these traits and how they make your relationships flourish. Give emphasis to behaviors that assist you in having a better relationship with people. After all, teamwork is all about people's personalities working well together.

Find it difficult to describe your personality in an essay? You can rely on Studybay!

Our experts help students with:

• essay writing
• essay editing
• homework in different subjects

Your personality essay should include a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Begin with a general introduction of yourself, delve deeper into specific traits, values, and experiences in the body, and summarize the main points in the conclusion. Integrate real-life examples and facts to add depth and authenticity to your essay.

How can I intertwine society, understanding, and problems in an essay about my personality?

When writing an essay on my personality, briefly discuss how societal issues and what you learn from them shape your character and actions. For instance, mention a specific societal problem that has influenced your views, values, or behavior, illustrating the interconnectedness of your personality and your environment in a concise manner.

How do I ensure the situations mentioned are reflective of my personality in an essay about my personality type?

In your paper, outline your personality type clearly and illustrate with a situation showing its impact and interaction with society. Use real-life examples to demonstrate how your personality perceives and responds to societal contexts, ensuring a cohesive and authentic representation in your essay.

User ratings:

User ratings is 4.7 stars.

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Content Writer

I studied sociology and marketing at Europa-Universität Viadrina (Germany) and Universidade da Beira Interior (Portugal). When I was a sophomore, back in 2018, I decided to put what I've learned into practice, so I got my first job in digital marketing. I currently work in the content marketing department at Studybay, building strong, effective, and respectful communication between the platform and our clients.

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A well explained article here. I'm happy. Regards!

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This article is very helpful, in my opinion. I was having trouble with "how do you know your personality?" essay and this helped me a lot. 🙌

What a great article! This gave me a lot of ideas for how to begin an essay about myself and my personality.

💭 To be honest, I always find it hard to write a personality paragraph. At school, it's tough for me to figure out which of my qualities to stress, and it's difficult to stay honest and fair.

Discussing how can I describe my personality in a paragraph examples made me reflect on my own experiences. School has always pushed me to explore this but it’s never been easy.

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1st Draft of Personal Narrative Essay

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Personal narrative essay

“There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don’t know how,” this is a quote by Oasis that describes my struggle of being shy. Being shy is not something new. I have had to deal with it my whole life, and it has always been a struggle for me. Due to my shyness I have struggled through many awkward moments in my life that would have been different if I was not as socially awkward. Being shy still continues to affect me today even though it is on a much smaller scale than it used to be. When I was forced to face my shyness, I slowly started to get rid of my crutch. Throughout my life shyness has not solely affect me but it has also affected my class mates and school work, social life and my family.

Even though my personal challenge may not directly impact my classmates, it indirectly impacted them through my schoolwork. One way this happened was during my senior year of high school group work was mandatory in almost all of my classes, and because of this I was forced to face my fear. Because I did not want to face my fear so for that reason I would be reluctant to do my group work which would result in a lower group grade. My shyness did not only affect my group grades but my grades in general. Due to not liking socializing, I found myself playing videogames which impacted my schoolwork for the worse. I was so engulfed in video games that I tended to procrastinate on my schoolwork, even the important projects that require a lot of time. I would stay up all night because of my procrastination and my school work would turn out terrible. My challenge did not only stay inside of school, it extended into all of my life including my social life

My social life suffered because I was very timid. I did not like going outside of my house when it wasn’t for school or with my family. Once again I dove into video games. The reasons I like videogames is because they are a way to distract from my life struggles. The result of me playing video games frequently, was me inadvertently isolating myself as much as possible. Isolation led to a lack in friends. I was fine with because I used video games once again to close the gap. The lack of friends meant that I had no real reason to go out of my house and socialize, this led to a circle of playing video games and staying inside. I would only go out with my family. Luckily my family is very active and I got out very often. I was and still am not very good at awkward social situations myself.

Speaking of my family they are one of the main reason that I broke out of my shell. My shyness showed itself the least while I am with my family because I am the most comfortable with them my family. They helped me fight my biggest challenge that I have faced because when I am with them I can open up much easier than if I am by myself. Seeing as I only went out with them we would often be invited to parties which I did not really enjoy going to but I went because I would find it more enjoyable when I am with my family. This is how they have helped me overcome a major part of my challenge

My challenge through my whole life was facing my shyness, and it affected me and the people who are closest to me. I still am very quiet but I am not as shy as I once was. I still enjoy being left by myself and the quiet of my house. I also still enjoy playing video games but I do not use it as a replacement for friends. My school work has also improved as I have improved my group work skills. Now I am able to express myself without being self-conscious. If I had my perfect world it would be peaceful, quiet and everyone would be able to enjoy themselves any way they wanted.

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Too Shy to Be a Leader?

One woman’s struggle with shyness prompts us to explore the seeming conflict between being shy and being a leader.

• Apple Podcasts

We all have preconceived notions about which personality types are fit to be in positions of power. And as a result, a lot of incompetent men become leaders because of the confidence they give off. But being self-assured doesn’t make you good at the job. Imagine if there were more reserved but truly competent women in leadership? So what if your boss blushes easily, as long as she’s emotionally intelligent and inspires her team?

One woman’s struggle with shyness prompts us to explore the seeming conflict between being shy and being a leader. With the help of an expert, we examine the professional advantages of certain personality traits related to shyness — like sensitivity and thoughtfulness — and discuss strategies to overcome the aspects of them that may hold you back at work.

Alice Boyes is a former clinical psychologist turned writer and is author of The Healthy Mind Toolkit and The Anxiety Toolkit .

• “ How to Overcome Your Fear of Making Mistakes ,” by Alice Boyes
• “ How to Support a Colleague Dealing with Social Anxiety ,” by Janhavi Devdutt and Dr. Seema Mehrotra
• “ How to Support an Employee with Social Anxiety ,” by Ellen Hendriksen
• “ Social Anxiety and Success ,” from The Anxious Achiever podcast

Sign up for the Women at Work newsletter .

Email us: [email protected]

AMY BERNSTEIN: Recently we got an email from a listener named Laura who talked to us about a problem that really resonated with me. She suffers from what I would describe as painful shyness. She is loaded with ideas. She is highly competent, but when the spotlight turns to her, she turns boiled lobster red. That’s how she describes it. And the part that really got me was when she started to describe how this kind of extreme sensitivity and her introversion is starting to get in the way of her career advancement. I mean it has become a real barrier. You can read her frustration in her email.

AMY GALLO: Yeah, we all read that email. We thought it would make such a good episode, but of course we wanted Laura to talk with us and wondered would she actually do it. So, our producer, Amanda got her on a video call to pitch the idea.

AMANDA KERSEY: Hi. We loved your email. That was so thoughtful and gave us so much to think about.

LAURA: It was so great to hear back from you guys.

AMANDA KERSEY: Oh yeah. So, when we were trying to figure out what we would do with this episode, what this episode could be, what we would want to talk about, try to figure out what advice we might give, who an expert might be, we thought that what would really bring these questions alive and humanize the subject is obviously for you to come on the show.

LAURA: OK. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, I’m totally, I’m totally willing to do that. As a shy person, the performance-related prospect of being on the show is a little nerve wracking and just like talking about something that’s like painful and personal.

And I would want to do it for that very reason. I want to create a space where we can talk about it and not be afraid to talk about it and not be ashamed to talk about it, and to say like I’m in my 40s and I’m still grappling with this. Like I would very much love the opportunity to do that.

EMILY CAULFIELD: And I was so glad that Laura agreed to come on the show. I know how anxiety-inducing it can feel to put ourselves in such visible positions. I felt like I connected with what she revealed to us in her letter so much. I volunteered to interview her for what was one of my very first interviews. Something that I was really nervous to do, but her vulnerability made me feel comfortable to do that.

So, Laura, thank you so much for coming on the show. I am so happy to have you here.

LAURA: Thank you so much. It’s such a pleasure to be here.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Yeah. I’m also very shy, so I’m really happy that you wrote into us. So, let me ask you, how does your shyness tend to manifest itself? In what scenarios? How are you feeling?

LAURA: Well it’s definitely changed over time. It’s still something that I grapple with a lot, but it’s like way better than it was when I was a kid, or when I was a teenager. When I just found it really difficult to maintain eye contact with people, to talk to people I didn’t know, certainly anything that was public speaking or having to present myself in front of people, especially people who felt important or in a position to judge me. I’ve gotten a little bit better at that over time, just I think by experience and sort of forcing myself to endure situations where I just have to do it. But it still doesn’t feel comfortable. And, for me it’s a combination of being a naturally introverted person, so it takes me more time to warm up to people, to warm up to a room, to warm up to a team. And then it’s compounded by the shyness which to me is more of a fear of criticism, a fear of judgment, a fear of exposure, and that’s just like been with me as long as I can remember. And, the most unpleasant part about that is that I’m a blusher. So, if I’m in a situation where I feel uncomfortable or I feel embarrassed or I feel like I’m being judged, I turn bright red. And that’s awful because it’s so public. You can in some ways disguise or manage certain aspects of shyness, but that one, you can’t. It is just so apparent to everyone. And in my teens and 20s, I think there was some aspect of that that was like kind of cute, or kind of sweet, or people found it a little bit endearing, but when you’re a professional in your 40s, absolutely not.

EMILY CAULFDIELD: And is it still happening now like during the pandemic and not being in the office?

LAURA: That’s an interesting question Emily. I am actually finding this way of working to be a little bit of a reprieve. I do better on the phone because I’m not seen and I’m not watching other people and monitoring their reactions and thinking, OK, what did they think about what I just said. I can’t see that on their faces. So, I’m happier in a situation where my communications are written or they’re Zoom calls where we’re not using video. I feel like that levels the playing field a lot. I’m also a master of the chat function. So whereas my shyness might hold me back from saying something, or interrupting, or jumping in with my ideas, putting something in a chat box allows me to get my ideas out there, but I can craft the way it’s presented and people can absorb it when they see it. And I’m not going to get talked over.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Definitely. So, I guess during this time it’s the good coping mechanism is one that you didn’t necessarily choose, which is you are able to write things out more often, or speak over the phone, or not be directly in person. In other situations, have you found that other coping mechanism have been helpful for sort of getting past your shyness?

LAURA: Yeah, a few things. The first is that I discovered in nursing school that beta blockers really help. Actually, like medication. So, that was a game changer because if I knew that I was going to be doing something where I was likely to blush, or was going to get really nervous, and I was super anxious about it going in, and of course being super anxious increases the likelihood that all those things are going to happen, I could take a beta blocker. I could feel confident that I wasn’t going to have that same physiological reaction. I wasn’t going to blush, I wasn’t going to sweat. I was less likely to trip over my words. That would help me to go into a situation feeling more confident. The problem is that it doesn’t always work. The other problem is that you can’t always predict when you’re going to be put on the spot, or when you’re going to be challenged, or anyone of those situations that might trigger a sort of shy reaction. Other things are strategically avoiding certain circumstances where I didn’t feel like it was going to have negative consequences for me personally or professionally. And then the last one is that I just really over prepare. So, when I know that I’m going to need to defend myself, or take a position on something, or have a tough conversation with somebody, or be very public or have to give a presentation in front of a particular stressful group of people, I am thinking through every eventuality. I am writing everything down. I am practicing it over and over and over again, so that I can be on autopilot a little bit when I go into it and so that I feel, I feel much more in control of the situation. But that’s really time consuming, and it’s pretty exhausting ,and you also can’t also anticipate every question or every direction that a conversation is going to take.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Right. So, did something at work happen that caused you to reassess where you are with leadership and where you are in the process of trying to deal with your shyness?

LAURA: Yes. There was a situation that kind of became a real soul-searching moment for me and sort of sent me down a pathway of really wanting to interrogate this whole thing and make some decisions around it. It was a situation where I really felt like I was watching someone in a leadership position, the kind of position that I am headed for and I didn’t know if I could do it, and I didn’t know if I wanted to do it – specifically because of my wiring. And like putting myself in her shoes, I could have seen myself completely freezing, completely a deer in the headlights, freaking out, retreating, withdrawing, and not rising to the occasion. It was a really powerful moment because it sort of brought everything together. This is something I’ve been dealing with forever. It’s sort of something that I found ways to manage on a day to day basis, but it was the first time that I realized, wow, this could really be such a significant handicap that it could totally keep me from being able to grow any further than where I am right now. It came down to the question of: Am I just not a good fit for leadership because I’m introverted and shy and sensitive, and like ultimately those are just not compatible with what’s required of a leadership role? Or, is it that it’s uncomfortable for me? I’m going to need to really push myself way outside of my comfort zone, and am I willing to do that?

EMILY CAULFIELD: So, Laura, what would you like for us explore in the rest of the episode? What do you think would be helpful for you to hear, for other women like you to hear as we finish this episode up?

LAURA: So, if we’re working with the assumption that I’m going to take the leap and try to position myself for more of a leadership role, that I’m going to like tread into some uncomfortable waters and try to find a way to do that, I wanted to know others who have done this before me and who are successfully doing it, who are leaders, who are shy people. What habits do they have? What tips and tricks do they use? What advice would they give for being able to do that successfully?

EMILY CAULFIELD: I want to learn the same thing so I’m looking forward to it. Laura, thank you so much for coming on the show. I’m so happy you could be here. Thank you for writing into us. This is awesome.

LAURA: Oh, it’s been such a, such a joy. Thank you so much Emily.

EMILY CAULFIELD: So, that’s how one woman has been grappling with shyness at work. Later in the show Amy B. and I will tell you how we’ve grappled with it ourselves. But first we’ll hear from an expert I interviewed who broadened and deepened my thinking around what shyness is. Alice Boyes used to be a clinical psychologist and researcher. Now she’s an author writing about psychology. Her two books are The Healthy Mind Toolkit and The Anxiety Toolkit .

So, Alice, thank you so much for joining us today. I’m really looking forward to talking with you.

ALICE BOYES: Nice to be here.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Yes, so you heard Laura, one of our listeners who wrote into us, talking about her experience and her struggle with shyness. Can you just speak more broadly about what shyness is and how it shows up, particularly in a work setting?

ALICE BOYES: Yes, so shyness is, it tends to be something that has been a characteristic of people since childhood. So, it’s a manifestation of social anxiety generally. That as a kind of trite that people have, that shy children grow up into, to shy adults rather than a type of social anxiety that’s brought on by a trauma or by a later experience. There are some other things that can look like shyness that aren’t necessarily related to social anxiety like somebody who’s got some mild autistic spectrum stuff that can show up kind of looking like shyness, like looking like some social awkwardness. Introversion and high sensitivity can also end up looking like shyness. So, there’s a lot of overlapping concepts there, and some people who identify as shy don’t necessarily identify as socially anxious. Whereas, for some people with social anxiety and shyness, they use them as synonyms.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Mm hm. Yeah, so I was interested that Laura kind of came to understand her shyness as being this innate part of her temperament that she was always going to have. I expressed to her that I also feel pretty shy at times, and in my mind I’m kind of like, maybe I’m going to grow out of this one day. But you are of the belief that it might be part of our temperament that we have to sort of grapple with and deal with over the course of our lives, our working lives.

ALICE BOYES: Yeah, I wouldn’t, that’s not how I think about the fundamental dimensions of people. So, I would sort of break it down a little bit into the words that we use more to talk about temperament in the research literature. So, things that, the extent to which someone is bold or cautious. People vary in terms of how much they care about what other people think of them. So, some people think very little about what other people think of them, some people think a lot, and there are a bunch of people in the middle. And most people care something and that they’re highly adaptive then because it’s a survival thing. So, in an evolutionary sense they’re excluded from a tribe would be very dangerous, so it was a very good to have that skill of caring what other people think. We also have some people who are just more thoughtful than others. So, some people do a lot of reflecting and they just do a lot of thinking. Like if they’re going for a walk, or they’re in the shower, it’s called need for cognition. So, professionally I probably wouldn’t, call it shyness because there’s more specific things going on there, but I understand that shyness is the colloquial way to talk about it and how people self-identify.

EMILY CAULFIELD: So, it’s much more nuance than just the overarching, I’m shy.

ALICE BOYES: Yes. So, when you break it down you can see more how those are useful tendencies. So, when you just call it shyness, it doesn’t make it obvious why it’s an objective tendency or why we would want some people in the tribe that are more prone to being cautious and more prone to overthinking, and more prone to caring what other people think. But when you break it down in those ways, you can see more, what the adaptive vices of it is.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Yeah. That’s very interesting. So, have you seen different ways that these tendencies will show up in the workplace for people?

ALICE BOYES: Yes, so all the things that you would expect. So, the time when people are expected to speak up, especially in unfamiliar situations. So, some people become much more comfortable once they know people. Because some people, their quiet tendencies or their shy tendencies, or whatever is, possess even when they know a group of people well. And with any of these sorts of traits or issues, their issues tend to come up more when the person is going through some sort of transition, or under extra pressure. So, people develop coping mechanism and then something about their situation changes. Like the person might become a parent, and all of a sudden, they can’t over prepare as much as they usually did. And so, if something sort of disrupts peoples coping, it can show up more or something about the nature of their role changes. Like their switch changes or they get a whole bunch more responsibilities. It can first seem dormant for a while for some people, but then just crop up as a stressor when something different is required of them.

EMILY CAULFIELD: You hit on two really interesting things about the transition and also the coping mechanisms. So, maybe I’ll ask you about the coping mechanism first that Laura brought up. Do they work? Not work?

ALICE BOYES: They can work. And that’s also the problem. So, there’re a real double edge sword. And treatment of social anxiety, those are all called safety behaviors. And the way safety behaviors work is people will take a friend. Like they won’t go to a party without taking a group of friends, so they’ve got someone to talk to, so they don’t actually have to talk to anyone new. And what happens is the brain jumps to the inclusion that the only reason it wasn’t a huge disaster was that the person used their safety behavior. So, they think the only reason I was able to do well in this situation is because I really over prepared. Or, the only reason I did well in this situation was because it was one on one, all of these kinds of things. And the person never learns that they could have coped if their fears occurred, so if they did appear anxious that it would have been OK. And they never learned that maybe that they could be OK without doing all the safety behaviors. And then they never learn that they could be OK without over preparing. And then that becomes a huge problem over time where people think that the only way that they can succeed is through being like highly perfectionistic, and then when more responsibilities come in, or in situations which they can’t be super perfectionistic and super over prepared, then their wheels start to come off. Or they start avoiding situations in which they can’t do those things. They take on this, like they just keep their life low of stress and then that sort of reinforces the idea that the person isn’t robust, that they’re a bit fragile, or whatever. So, the person’s sort of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy there and that can sort of further fade into a negative self-image that they’re just not as robust and not as resilient as other people.

I mean it sounded like Laura has done an amazing, amazing job of developing strategies and coping it across her life. And she said that it was working. She said that over time it had all gotten a lot better, and she had gained some confidence. But there was still some underlying shame and stuff there. So, the most potent aspect of treatment for social anxiety is exposure. And an example in this case would be, for example with over preparing, you would make a hierarchy to practice not over preparing. You’d put some behaviors on that hierarchy, and you’d write how anxiety provoking they would be from one to 10. So, like giving a presentation, not preparing at all might be a 10. And, doing a little bit less over preparing than you usually would be sort of things lower down on the list, or not preparing for a meeting with people you know, those things might be like a three or four out of anxiety. And what you do is you have the person practice not over preparing, starting near the bottom. Starting with things that are like a three and then practice things that are a three, then a four, then a five, and then they’ll work their way up. You know, decades of literature showing that type of exposure is an extremely potent way to lower anxiety.

There are certainly some things that you can do to have a different relationship with things like rumination and over preparing, and perfectionism that’s aimed at preventing disasters or hiding say flaws and all of those kinds of things.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Yeah, I re-listened to the episode from Season Two, “ Perfect is the Enemy ,” where the team spoke to you and you had a lot of great strategies. I would encourage our listeners to definitely check that out if they haven’t already.

So, was there an aspect that you heard Laura mention that seems to be especially common amongst women?

ALICE BOYES: I think the aspect of not feeling like you fit with the traditional stereotype of a leader. We have the stereotype of a leader as being somebody that’s bold, that talks really clearly, that those skills have become very associated with leadership. A lot of that is a sexism thing, right? It’s these stereotypical masculine qualities have been associated with leadership. This podcast has talked a lot before about the double standards and how women are judged more harshly from mistakes than men are, and their mistakes are remembered longer, and all of that kind of thing. So, women tend to be driven towards perfectionism in part because of what they pick up on. For example, that you’re going to be judged on how eloquently you speak rather than the quality of your ideas, or all of those kinds of things.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Yep. So, if you’re in a work scenario and you do find yourself having a visceral reaction to something that makes you anxious or feel shy, do you have any recommendations for what would be a good thing to do, or what would be a helpful thing for that person to do?

ALICE BOYES: Yeah. So, in terms of blushing, there is not going to solve the problem of leadership being associated with bold, loud people, right, and not being associated with those qualities of quietness and shyness and things like that. She can only solve the problem for her. And it will be like creativity that comes in here, and it might be that she’s sort of radically up front about it.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Calling attention to it or something.

ALICE BOYES: Yeah. It just becomes something that she does. Again, it comes back to the shame thing. It’s not the blushing that you need to overcome, you need to overcome the shame over the blushing.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Right.

ALICE BOYES: And so, I think looking at it like that, ask yourself, if I was having this happen, and I wasn’t ashamed of it, what would I be saying? Because it’s useful for other people to understand a little bit more because others will get equally awkward. They don’t know what to do, or how to react, and they’re trying to read the situation. The more that you can help the other people feel comfortable with it, the better.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Acknowledging it, yeah.

ALICE BOYES: I think that’s even OK to say, “Hey look. I’m having this reaction now, and I’m so consumed by this reaction, I’m finding it hard to listen to what you’re saying. So, can we just go really slow with this? Or, can we like figure out what the bullet points here, or can we figure out what the plan is? Because my brain is like a little bit knocked off. Some of my processing capacity is going toward thinking about this and kind of monitoring myself and not going toward listening to what you’re saying.” And that’s what happens to a huge proportion of people in some ways. Like I’m really sensitive about my accent, right? So, if I’m highly monitoring, like are people understanding what I’m saying then it’s hard to also think about what I’m saying.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Yeah. So, I’m wondering if you’re a person who’s on the other side of this and you have a shy colleague, what would be a good way for supporting them in a moment where you notice that they’re shy or if they’ve come out and told you that they have difficulty in certain situations? Is there a good way to support a shy colleague?

ALICE BOYES: Yeah. I think one thing that’s really important is not to encourage them to be bolder. Not to encourage them to use a loud voice, or not to encourage them to mimic somebody that’s not shy. Because that’s not the idea. The idea isn’t to just conform better to the stereotype. So, helping them understand their strengths and helping them see that those strengths are valued. Helping them understand that you enjoy some aspects of them that maybe they’re ashamed of. Like you enjoy their thoughtfulness. You enjoy their sensitivity. All of those kinds of things.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Yeah.

ALICE BOYES: It’s really important that anybody has mentors and colleagues that they have a close enough relationship with that they can be honest about what the things that they struggle with are. Like I know I should be doing this, but I’m actually avoiding doing it. And looking through that kind of thing. It’s not like about the shyness or about the blushing or whatever. It’s about the shame and the avoidance. Like is there anything that the person’s avoiding and helping them figure out a way to not avoid those things.

ALICE BOYES: But there is an extent to which people don’t have to do everything. Like if public speaking is just not something that is meaningful to you, or value, then maybe it’s not something that you really want to move towards. Then on the other hand, there might be, now or in the future, a time where there’s a reason that becomes meaningful to you, and you do want to, it is something that you want to tackle. And so a lot of that will just be stage to stage, really.

EMILY CAULFIELD: So, Laura right now is at a crossroads in her career. She’s worried whether or not she’s fit for a leadership position. I wonder if there’s a way where she could sort of highlight the qualities of her that she knows are positive. Being a little bit more introverted and being very thoughtful, and if there’s a way to highlight that in her transition, or think about ways to think about herself differently as a leader, going forward.

ALICE BOYES: So, anxious people are really, really good at getting things done when they find something that’s more important to them than avoiding anxiety. So, she has to think about why she is attracted to being a leader. Like she was saying she was worried that her growth was going to be limited by her shyness. What sort of growth is she wanting? What power will she have to do things that are really important to her when she’s a leader that she doesn’t currently have? So, it really is leaning into all of those other things. You have to find something that’s more important to you than avoiding feeling anxious or looking anxious. And the other way to sort of re-conceptualize things is to recognize that the goal is not to become less anxious or to hide your anxiety better. The goal is to be less ashamed of being anxious. So, keeping really like a bullseye on that. The actual problem is shame about anxiety or shyness, and not anxiety itself. So, I got like an undercurrent, and if I could talk to her I would ask her if it was true or not, but like an undercurrent that she thought her success as a leader was going to be determined by how good she was at hiding her anxiety, or hiding her shyness, or how good she was at getting herself to do things that were out of her comfort zone. And I would re-conceptualize that and have her think about how her success is a later will be determined by how well she uses her strengths. Like she knows she’s got those strengths. She knows she’s creative. She came across as incredibly charismatic.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Yes, totally.

ALICE BOYES: Yeah, an amazing resilient, amazing problem-solver, like all of that came through and stayed. And so, her success is a little bit determined by those things and by her using those strengths, not by how well she can hide her anxiety.

EMILY CAUFIELD: Yeah. Well, Alice this was a really interesting conversation. I feel like I learned so much. Thank you so much for being on the show today.

ALICE BOYES: Sure, yeah and thank you so much to Laura. Like it was such a delight hearing her story and her struggles and I just felt so proud of her, like hearing all the amazing ways that she has worked through this and how fast she’s got in with it herself. Like there was just that sense with her that she was just so close to sort of breaking living with it, and I think that is the level of recognizing the shame is the problem.

AMY BERNSTEIN: So, Amy G., Emily and I have already hinted that we both suffer from shyness, but you don’t seem as if you suffer from shyness. What’s up with that?

AMY GALLO: Yeah, I really don’t. That phrase being shy is not something I’ve ever felt like rang true for me. And I mean I do identify as an introvert, so if I have my choice, I’d prefer a quiet night at home to a cocktail party, any day of the week. But I don’t think of myself as someone who has social anxiety or hesitates to speak up. I’m not afraid of talking in front of a group. So, it was really helpful for me to hear more about what the experience was like for both of you. And actually, it was also really interesting for me to hear Amy B., that you identify as shy because that’s not something I would have pegged you as. And I’m curious for you, how does that shyness actually manifest?

AMY BERNSTEIN: Well, now it’s more internal than anything else. Or, here’s how it feels: If I’m on a WebEx meeting, I still get that kind of like should I or shouldn’t I moment before I leap into a conversation. But I almost always decide yes, I should. I should say what I need to say. But that is, that’s a 180 from the way I was 10 years ago. You know, Alice Boyes talked about, for some people shyness arises out of a real fear of, or a real concern for what people think of you. And I think I definitely had that and more to the point, I didn’t want to come off as an idiot. I was always highly aware of what I didn’t know and what expertise I didn’t have, and I’m sure that that’s sort of a perfectionist tendency, or something. But it definitely, definitely wrapped its fingers around my throat every time I thought about contributing. I just figured it wouldn’t be smart enough. It wouldn’t add enough value, so I might as well as just shut up.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Yeah, Amy B., I feel a similar way where I, I think of myself as an extrovert, but in the workplace I definitely have this sense of nervousness or this sense of anxiety around speaking up because I’m maybe questioning the value of what I have to say, or questioning my competence. Even if I’m pretty competent at something, I’ll still doubt myself and that will come out as this type of anxiety. So, I’m wondering what you did to work through that?

AMY BERNSTEIN: What happened is I turned 50 and that was, you know, that’s just a milestone birthday. And I started to take stock and I realized that I could, I really needed to sort of take control of my life, and that any frustrations I was feeling particularly at work were mine to deal with. Like I really couldn’t continue to wait for people to recognize my value. I was being too passive, and I just had to own that.

And then at the same time, there’s something about making it to 50 that makes you stop caring what people think. Now, maybe it was just me and my circumstances and you two don’t even know what this is like because neither of you have turned 50 yet. But it was such a liberating birthday for me. And that changed everything. So, of course I want people to think well of me, but that’s sort of a free-floating thing. It’s not that kind of micro-observation in every nanosecond of every day. I don’t really care. All I know is I know I’m doing the best I can.

AMY GALLO: But Amy you had, even prior to being 50, you had a lot of career success. How did you overcome that concern? How did you force yourself to do things when you were consumed with that concern of should I or should I not speak up?

AMY BERNSTEIN: Oh, you know what’s interesting? So that question made me realize something, that a lot of it is just the discomfort of being in groups of people I don’t know very well. But if it’s people I do know well, I’m totally comfortable, and that has always been the case. The other thing is as an editor, that’s heads-down work and that’s one-on-one relationships. So, that came very naturally.

EMILY CAULFIELD: Well that was one of the things Laura was concerned about – was like, could I be a manager? Could I rise to a leadership level in my organization if I’m shy? And I feel like Amy you were the answer, the clear answer that yes you can. And I’m curious, has any of this shyness felt like it’s held you back from leading or managing in the way you want to?

AMY BERNSTEIN: Not now. Absolutely not now. In the past, definitely. The other thing is that when it came to public speaking which I found – I mean like everyone – I found it frightening, but I’d get physically ill. I realized that this is the part of Laura’s letter that really resonated with me, it’s like if she couldn’t step up and do this thing that terrified her, she realized she’d never be able to take a step forward in her career. So, what I did was I realized that I just had to make myself comfortable with public speaking. Getting up in front of a large group of people whom I don’t know. And so, I said yes to every single opportunity because I knew that to move forward, I needed to be able to put myself out there. And that eventually worked. And now I actually, instead of losing sleep for two weeks ahead of an engagement, I actually wake up in the morning and look at my calendar and think, huh? Look at this. I’m supposed to lead a Webinar today. [LAUGHTER]

AMY GALLO: Emily, can you imagine getting to that point?

EMILY CAULFIELD: I can’t, but I am kind of, of the same philosophy where I’m trying to push myself to do things that are uncomfortable. So, now if I’m in a meeting I’m trying to speak up because I know that for years, I haven’t done that. I’m trying to take on opportunities that will be uncomfortable for me because I know that growth will come from them. So, even being on the podcast, as you all know, I tell you this frequently, how scared I am to do this. But I know that this is good for me. And I probably will always be a shy person, but I’m hoping that I get to the point where Amy is, where I’ve encountered these experiences enough where I can handle them and I can be OK with doing them and not be ashamed of my nervousness that might be apparent to other people.

AMY GALLO: Yeah.

AMY BERNSTEIN: I mean even in a meeting, when you say something, and the room responds positively, how does that make you feel?

EMILY CAULFIELD: It feels great. It feels great. It feels good to know that your idea resonates with other people and to kind of be proud that you spoke up. And I have sort of been more mindful in meetings about watching how the response has happened, and on WebEx or Zoom, it’s difficult for people to sort of chime in, in that natural way. But there have been times lately where I’ve spoken up in meetings and then I’ve had somebody chat, like send me a message and a chat, and it’s felt so great. It really reinforces the fact that it’s usually good to speak up when you have something to say. It’s always good to speak up when you have something to say.

AMY BERNSTEIN: All right, I’m going to ask Emily a question directly. Then I’m going to put you on the spot. So, I have led meetings with quite a few people attending, including you, and I have purposefully called on you. I have a feeling you have something interesting in your head, and I want to hear it, and I want to encourage you. How does that feel? Should I stop doing that?

EMILY CAULFIELD: Not, necessarily. It feels good to know that you value my opinion and you value my input. So, I think that’s positive.

AMY GALLO: But I do wonder if thinking about helping someone who is shy, whether it’s someone you manage or someone you’re mentoring, is putting them on the spot like Amy B. is doing for you in those meetings, is that helpful?

EMILY CAULFIELD: I think for me at times it is because I know that the way that I want to approach my shyness is I want to like approach it head on. And I want to do the things that make me uncomfortable. So, it might not be the right option for some other people who would prefer to kind of be off in the background and maybe share their thoughts or opinions through email, or however they’d like to do that. But for me, I know that this is something I want to push past, and I want to push past it by practicing those uncomfortable moments more.

AMY GALLO: Yeah, I mean my instinct when I think about the socially anxious, or shy people I work with, my instinct is to keep giving them opportunities and to do what Alice says of the sort of exposure to the event or to the thing that makes you uncomfortable. But I do worry that that’s not always the most useful. I mean, I also think about building someone’s confidence, so when they do speak up and say something that’s really helpful or valuable, of making sure to comment on that.

AMY BERNSTEIN: Yeah and acknowledge that.

AMY GALLO: Yeah and call it out in front of other people so that they know they’re going to be rewarded for taking those risks even though they’re uncomfortable.

AMY BERNSTEIN: But you know, something that you guys have been talking about really is making me think that we have to be more nuanced as managers, and that is to sort of figure out the best way to give each person the opportunity to contribute. If the best way for someone to contribute is to write an email, I mean one of the things that hit me about Laura’s email is how beautifully written it was. I mean, first word to last, absolutely beautifully written. And clearly this is the mode of expression she’s most comfortable with. Nonetheless, for Laura to move ahead she’s going to need to standup in front of a group and speak. So, you know, even as I’m thinking about this out loud, I think that tailoring the communication to the needs of the individual team members is good on the one hand. It also may not serve their longer-term interests on the other. I think it needs to be handled carefully.

AMY GALLO: Yeah. Like actually figuring out what they feel comfortable with, what’s the right way to push them?

AMY BERNSTEIN: Yeah, but also understanding how they want to develop and where they want to go.

AMY GALLO: Yeah, right.

That’s our show. I’m Amy Gallo.

EMILY CAULFIELD: I’m Emily Caulfield.

AMY BERNSTEIN: And I’m Amy Bernstein. Our editorial and production team is Amanda Kersey, Maureen Hoch, Adam Buchholz, Rob Eckhardt, and Tina Tobey Mack.

AMY GALLO: Thanks for listening. Take care and keep in touch. You can always email us at [email protected] .

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My Uncle Donald Trump Told Me Disabled Americans Like My Son ‘Should Just Die’

W hen my uncle was elected President , I recognized what a highly privileged position I would be in. I would have some access to the White House. And as long as that was true, I wanted to make sure I used that access for something positive. I was eager to champion something my wife, Lisa, and I were deeply passionate about, something we lived every day: the challenges for individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities and their families.

Our son William, our third child, was born on June 30, 1999. Within 24 hours, he went from seemingly healthy to fighting for his life in the NICU. Raising him was different from the start. William was diagnosed at three months with infantile spasms, a rare seizure disorder which in William's case altered his development physically and cognitively. We had so many questions: What would the future hold for someone like William? How far could he go? How much could he learn? Would he ever have the chance to do the things that other children do?

We just didn’t know. It took 15 years before his medical team could accurately pinpoint the cause of his condition: a KCNQ2 mutation, a genetic misfire that the doctors called a potassium channel deletion.

In our journey with William, Lisa and I had become close to some truly inspiring parents and dedicated advocates who were doing amazing work to improve the day-to-day reality for families like ours. It’s a huge lift for caregivers, not to mention the constant need to mitigate expenses . There are so many different demands and challenges. But there are things that the government can do—some things that can only be done by the government, both federal and state. We wanted to bring knowledgeable people to the White House, to see if we could make a difference. 

Lisa reached out to my cousin Ivanka, who was working in the White House as an advisor to the President. Ivanka got right back to her and said she’d be happy to help. She provided a contact for Ben Carson , the retired neurosurgeon who was secretary of housing and urban development. We brought several talented advocates with us for a meeting with Carson and members of his senior staff in April 2017. “Look,” I said as we got started, “I’m the least important person in the room.” I wanted the focus to be on the others, who knew a lot more than I did. They immediately started floating ideas, which was exactly why we were there. Our collective voice was being heard. It was a start.

In January 2020, just before COVID hit, Lisa, myself, and a team of advocates met with Chris Neeley, who headed the President’s Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities, a much-needed federal advisory committee that promotes policies and initiatives that support independent and lifelong inclusion . We discussed the need for all medical schools to include courses that focus on people with intellectual and developmental disabilities . We emphasized how crucial it was for hospitals and other acute-care facilities to help patients transition from pediatric to adult services. We emphasized the importance of collecting sufficient data to explain medically complex disorders. This was not about more government spending. It was about smarter investing and greater efficiency.

We spent the next few months making calls and talking with officials and gathering our own recommendations, giving special attention to the critical need for housing support for people with disabilities. We were back in Washington in May.

By this time, COVID was raging. We were all masked up and COVID tested on the way into the White House Cabinet Room. Once we got inside, we sat down with Alex Azar , the administration’s secretary of health and human services, and Brett Giroir, the assistant secretary for health, both of whom served on the White House Coronavirus Task Force. The promising agency motto stated: HHS: Enhancing the Health and Well-Being of All Americans.

Sharp, direct, and to the point, Azar exhibited my kind of efficiency with no time to waste. His first question was, “OK, why are you here?”

I made a brief introduction. Our group included a leading doctor and several highly qualified advocates. What followed was a great discussion. Something clicked with Giroir—an idea for a program everyone could agree on that would cut through the bureaucracy and control costs and also yield better and more efficient medical outcomes.

Excellent. We were making progress.

“Really appreciate your coming in,” Azar finally said, more warmly than he had sounded at the start. “I know we’re going to see the President.”

The meeting I had assumed would be a quick handshake hello with Donald had turned into a 45-minute discussion in the Oval Office with all of us—Azar, Giroir, the advocates, and me. I never expected to be there so long. Donald seemed engaged, especially when several people in our group spoke about the heart-wrenching and expensive efforts they’d made to care for their profoundly disabled family members, who were constantly in and out of the hospital and living with complex arrays of challenges .

Donald was still Donald, of course. He bounced from subject to subject—disability to the stock market and back to disability. But promisingly, Donald seemed genuinely curious regarding the depth of medical needs across the U.S. and the individual challenges these families faced. He told the secretary and the assistant secretary to stay in touch with our group and to be supportive. 

After I left the office, I was standing with the others near the side entrance to the West Wing when Donald’s assistant caught up with me. “Your uncle would like to see you,” she said.

Azar was still in the Oval Office when I walked back in. “Hey, pal,” Donald said. “How’s everything going?”

“Good,” I said. “I appreciate your meeting with us.”

“Sure, happy to do it.”

He sounded interested and even concerned. I thought he had been touched by what the doctor and advocates in the meeting had just shared about their journey with their patients and their own family members. But I was wrong.

“Those people . . . ” Donald said, trailing off. “The shape they’re in, all the expenses, maybe those kinds of people should just die.” 

I truly did not know what to say. He was talking about expenses. We were talking about human lives. For Donald, I think it really was about the expenses, even though we were there to talk about efficiencies, smarter investments, and human dignity.

I turned and walked away.

When William was 9 years old, Lisa and I met with Donald and a medical fund was created for William's care by the Trump Family, a fund that was crucial to our ability to support him.

In the summer of 2018, William was in the hospital for almost three weeks with a serious case of life-threatening pneumonia. He was 19 and very sick. It was incredibly frightening for Lisa and me—and for his brother and sister too. It was always hard to know if moments like these could compromise his health to the point that we would lose him. These are the times that you reach for all the strength you have.

William came home with oxygen and a feeding tube. After more than two weeks on a ventilator, he needed to learn how to eat all over again. We were too often in these setback situations, but you move forward the best you can.

It’s times like these when family support is most needed and appreciated. At every opportunity, we let my aunts and uncles know how grateful we were for the medical fund for William’s care and recovery. We sent pictures and updates, as we had in the past. We got no personal responses, which was the norm. It was the dedicated support and genuine love of caregivers that helped us the most.

Uncle Robert died in 2020 , and the medical fund for William continued. It was enormously helpful with our home-care costs and medical expenses, and we were always grateful to my father’s siblings for contributing. But even before Robert’s death, their interest had seemed to begin waning. My cousin Eric, who was the administrator, called me to say the fund was running low. Donald was the only one contributing consistently. Eric said he’d been getting some resistance from Maryanne, Elizabeth, and Ann Marie, Robert’s widow. I really didn’t look forward to these calls.

“Why don’t you call Donald?” Eric said. “Talk to him about it.”

I thanked Eric for the heads-up and promised I would.

Soon thereafter, I was up at Briarcliff Manor, home of the Trump National Golf Club in Westchester, N.Y. Donald happened to be there.

He was talking with a group of people. I didn’t want to interrupt. I just said hi on my way through the clubhouse. I called him later that afternoon, and he answered.

I got him up to speed on what Eric had told me. I said I’d heard the fund for William was running low, and unfortunately, the expenses certainly were not easing up as our son got older. In fact, with inflation and other pressures, the needs were greater than they’d been. “We’re getting some blowback from Maryanne and Elizabeth and Ann Marie. We may need your help with this. Eric wanted me to give you a call.”

Donald took a second as if he was thinking about the whole situation.

“I don’t know,” he finally said, letting out a sigh. “He doesn’t recognize you. Maybe you should just let him die and move down to Florida.”

Wait! What did he just say? That my son doesn’t recognize me? That I should just let him die?

Did he really just say that? That I should let my son die . . . so I could move down to Florida?

I’m usually pretty good at getting my head around things that other people say, even when I don’t agree with them. But this was a tough one. This was my son.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised to hear Donald say that. It wasn’t far off from what he’d said that day in the Oval Office after our meeting with the advocates. Only that time, it was other people’s children who should die. This time, it was my son.

I didn’t want to argue with him. I knew there was no point in that, not at the same time I was calling for his help. I tried to keep my cool.

“No, Donald,” I said. “He does recognize me.”

Donald’s comment was appalling. It hurt to hear him say that. But it also explained why Lisa and I felt so strongly about advocating for our son and why we wanted to help other people understand what it was like to raise a child like William. A lot of people just don’t know.

People with these disabilities are perceived as less than in so many ways. That attitude is everywhere, even at the highest levels of policy and politics.

William deserves a life just like anyone else, and to that end, I knew I had to advocate for him in every way possible. I might never change Donald’s mind or change the mind of anyone who lacked love and compassion for those whose voices couldn’t be heard and whose lives were fully dependent on others. But I knew what I could do. I could offer my voice, my experience, and my strength to push forward for those who needed it.

The barriers are everywhere , even in communities that are generally supportive, like ours. There are still doorways that can’t accommodate wheelchairs. It is still hard to find meaningful day programs that foster independence with learning, socialization, and assistive technology. The whole narrative still needs to change.

I knew that acceptance and tolerance would only come with public education and awareness. Donald might never understand this, but at least he had been open to our advocating through the White House. That was something. If we couldn’t change his feelings about William, that was his loss. He would never feel the love and connection that William offered us daily.

(Editor’s note: TIME reached out to former President Trump for a response to the description of events in this piece and did not receive a reply.)

Copyright © 2024 by Frederick Crist Trump III. From the forthcoming book ALL IN THE FAMILY: The Trumps and How We Got This Way by Fred Trump, to be published by Gallery Books, an Imprint of Simon & Schuster, LLC. Printed by permission.

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Essay Sample: Who Am I?

26 March, 2020

7 minutes read

Author:  Richard Pircher

This essay sample is written by Handmadewriting staff as an example of a reflective essay. It will demonstrate how to craft such an essay step by step on a simple yet popular topic.

The question of who am I seems to be the simplest question one can answer. Yet, when I took the time to try and figure out Who am I, I found this question is the one that requires critical thinking. In general, the answer to this question is that I am a regular person who loves spending quality time with the people I appreciate.  In addition, I dedicate myself to completing my duties, and I have a dream of becoming a great person. However, there are so many other things that make me a person. I always try to use every opportunity to have more free time for my hobbies.

For one to be a great person in life, it is critical that they ask themselves this question, especially given that it is a question that helps a person be in a position of evaluating themselves. Overall, the question of who am I is possible to give an answer by categorizing the general characteristics of an individual’s life into three divisions.  The three categories are spiritual, personal traits and how I perceive life and the society around me.

Me as a Spiritual Identity

In terms of the spiritual division, I would consider myself as a relatively spiritual person basing on the life that I have been nurtured through. The matter is that all my life, I have been raised up by parents who are staunch Christians and who have taught me the importance of leading a spiritual life. When I was young, I could describe my life to be majorly guarded by religion since what I remembered most of the time is going to church, singing gospel songs and praying.

Whenever I was in trouble, I never thought of any other solution rather than to pray to God for help. For example, I was taught in my early life that God was the solution and provider of everything that mankind ever needed. As a result, I have lived to believe this up to now. Moreover, I can also attest that it’s through religion that all my morals are based. Nonetheless, it will be a lie if I say that I still hold spirituality dear as I used to when I was growing up. And to be honest, it’s dismal for me to admit it.

As one grows and discovers many things around the world, especially during the teenage period, we start questioning the very ideals we were taught, and in my case, spirituality. In other words, my high school moments changed me a lot. Though I eased on the issue of divinities, I still try to hold spirituality dear to me, and I can confirm that I am more independent in making spiritual decisions compared to when I was young. This is due to the shifts and turns that have taken place in my life since I was young. From my religious journey, I deemed it important to learn other religious views in order to be familiar with some of them. I strongly believe that it is very wrong to spread rivalry among religions.

Furthermore, I feel like we all have the right to worship in any dominion or religion we consider to be the closest to heart and soul. Through my study of different religions, I have become a person who loves and always supports diversity in different sectors.

Me as Personality

Regarding my personality, I think that I am a very friendly person deducing from how I relate to my peers, children and older people. Personally I like being optimistic, and I like talking about positive things in life since I believe that people have the capacity to do great things as long as they believe in themselves. Among other things, I am slow at judging people on the decisions that they make. Besides, I like treating people equally since I believe everyone has the right to be perceived so. But still it this does not mean that I am a very indulgent and naive person.

When I am wrong, I become angry, just like anyone does, and there are moments whereby I find it hard to manage my anger. Therefore, I can assert that this is the greatest challenge that I am facing. That’s why I am doing my best to learn how to make rational decisions when I am angry. I have healthy self-esteem, I am confident, and I do not easily shy away from talking to people either individually or in a group. Generally, I can say that I am a kind and loving person – someone who always advocates for the right things to be done in society.

Me as an Insightful Person

Lastly, speaking of my perception about the world and the society around me, I think that I am an open-minded individual who believes that the world is a good place to live in, only it has been destroyed by people. Therefore, it is our call as human beings to do out best and make contributions to turn the world into a much better place. I believe that change starts with an individual, but many people are afraid of this change. When evaluating the society I am living in, I believe that its imperfections is a result of human acts. Hence, a solution to the faults within the contemporary society can be implemented by teaching children to become people of integrity when they grow up. All in all, everything of the above mentioned is me – it is what I stand for.

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