think before you say something essay

How to T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak and Not Put Your Foot in Your Mouth

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Published Date : October 31, 2020

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Do you remember all the situations where you said something you regretted deeply? All the times where you wished to have thought a little bit better before speaking and avoided the embarrassment you faced. I can surely make a long list for the same and I’m sure you have plenty of those just like me, right? To think before you speak is a much-needed skill and today in this blog, we’ll talk about just that along with tips on how to think before you speak.

Read on because, by the end of this blog, you’ll know all my top tips and tricks on how to think before you speak and not put your foot in your mouth!

How difficult can it be to think before you speak?

Thinking before speaking isn’t rare; it’s almost human nature to feel the need to contribute to a conversation. Sometimes, you may feel emotional about a topic and may not think before you talk about it. Hence, it can be pretty hard to stop yourself from blurting out the first thing that pops into your head. There are a variety of reasons that can prevent you from thinking before speaking. So, don’t beat yourself about it if it happens to you.

That being said, you do need to remember that we as humans are social beings and need to communicate effectively in our everyday lives. Communication is the key to happy and sorted relationships. Hence, it’s important to inculcate the habit of being able to think before you speak with anyone.

Why should you think before you speak?

A colleague once asked me why I should think before speaking? How does it even matter!

I didn’t know how to respond then because it just does; thinking before speaking is pretty much a life skill. Here are some basic reasons for you to think before you speak :

It’s essential for your credibility because if what you communicate isn’t credible or useful, people won’t respect you or your words. Imagine that you are in a group discussion around international relations and you mistakenly mention that the capital of Japan is Beijing in a hurry. If it wasn’t because you didn’t know that Japan’s capital is Tokyo but because you didn’t take the time to process or think before you speak. Such an incident will reduce your credibility but could’ve been easily avoided if you had taken a pause to think.
Another reason for you to think before you speak is that if you do not think before you speak, you might end up hurting someone. Sometimes when we get emotional, it’s easy to get carried away and react to everything negatively. This is pretty common when we are arguing with our loved ones and hence, can impact our relationships severely. Hence, the ability to think before you speak can be fruitful in such scenarios.
Thinking before speaking can also help you stay out of trouble in several ways. Let’s say you’re in a meeting and your boss asks for a volunteer to take over the operations for your company’s newly acquired venture in Yemen. You say yes, just to please your boss without understanding the whole deal and now, you don’t know how to refuse. Had you listened and thought before speaking, you’d save yourself from the trouble of explaining yourself.

I hope you got enough reasons to think before you speak now? Great. Now, let’s move on to our next pertinent question.

Why does it happen? Why is it so hard to think before you speak?

The answer to this often has to do with impulse control or to be precise, the lack of it. Impulse control is simply the ability to control an urge to do something or control a reaction to anything. So, it’s possible that you can not think before you speak due to Impulse control issues.

I’m sure you’ve asked yourself, “Why can’t I think clearly when talking to people?” or “Why do I always end up saying the wrong things?” Trust me, because even I have. There are many reasons for this but in general, you don’t think before you speak :

a lack of patience,

the lack of listening skills, or

due to impulsiveness.

The Lack of Patience

Talking about the lack of patience , it’s pretty self-explanatory. Our urge to contribute to a conversation or the urge to be an active part of a discussion can sometimes be problematic. The lack of patience in such scenarios can lead to you interrupting others before they’re done and saying something incorrectly. It’s not easy to be patient and take a pause especially while talking about something we’re passionate about and thus, can lead to speaking before thinking.

The Lack of Listening Skills

Listening skills are as important for effective communication, if not more, than speaking skills. It’s nearly impossible to add something of value to a discussion or carry a conversation forward without listening actively. A lack of listening skills can even negatively impact your relationships as you might end up saying something you don’t mean. Hence, listening is essential to think before you speak. Head to our blog on listening for actionable tips and tricks like here .

Being Impulsive

B eing impulsive is another trait that can be the reason behind your inability to think before you speak. Impulsiveness (or impulsivity) is the tendency to act on a whim, displaying behavior characterized by little or no forethought, reflection, or consideration of the consequences. So, being impulsive can lead to you not thinking before speaking too.

You know enough about why you can’t think before you speak normally now, right?

But should you always think before speaking?

I’d say you should mostly think before you speak, it’ll save you a lot of trouble. But if you’re just hanging out with friends and not really discussing anything specific, it’s okay to just go with the flow as well. Overthinking everything just like underthinking can be problematic.

So, yes always try to think enough before you speak but don’t venture into the territory of overthinking. You can read more about overthinking here .

Now that we’ve covered a bunch of questions about why we can’t think before speaking and why we should, let’s get into the ways to achieve it, shall we? I’m going to tell you all actionable ways on how to think before you speak.

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The THINK Acronym

The ultimate think before you speak trick is the word THINK itself, confused? Don’t be, let me explain. Think of THINK as a think before you speak acronym (you see what I did there?).

Before speaking anything, just THINK; this is to ask yourself five questions: Is what I’m saying True, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Necessary, and is it Kind enough?

T For True: Always make sure whatever you are saying is true. Don’t try to make something up or add fuel to gossip just to have something to say. Just be honest and your words will immediately be more impactful.
H For Helpful: Helpful words are usually appreciated by everyone. So, if you have something to say that can be of help to someone, go ahead. But if you think that your words might be hurtful or mocking, then avoid speaking.
I For Inspiring: Saying something that’s encouraging, motivational, or inspiring is always a good idea. It can be anything from giving someone a small compliment on someone’s presentation to inspiring others to achieve their goals with your story.
N For Necessary: Speak when necessary or try not to speak. Often we need to warn people before they do something they shouldn’t or even explain a necessary concept to someone.
K For Kind: If you don’t have something positive and kind today, don’t say it. Humans are emotional beings and need reassurance from time to time. So, try not to be harsh with your words and don’t hurt others. It’s important to speak considerably and kind to everyone.

This is the golden rule on thinking before you speak, once you ask yourself these questions and get yes as the answer. You’re good to go! Because if what you speak passes this method with flying colors, it’s undoubtedly worthy of being said. As a bonus, this think before you speak acronym is pretty easy to remember. Head to this video to read about this method in detail. Also, you can even put up a think before you speak poster in your room if you’d like to remember this method.

Wait, that’s not all; we’ve got more tips coming up right away for you.

The Power of Mental Pause

Next up, utilize the power of your mental pause. In the words of Buddha, “Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace.”

Simply put, take a breather and compose your thoughts before jumping on the speaking train. Hasty words can trouble you for a long time, even after they have left your mouth. So, learn to press the pause button. Imagine it as a pause button that you use to rewind your thoughts, think of the right response, and finally, press play.

We all have a mental pause button that we can learn to use over time. It’s the time we take to respond and it’s absolutely normal. So, make it a habit to utilize your mental pause button to master how to think before you speak.

If you find the silence disturbing, just say, “I need a minute to ponder over this, thank you” before speaking. It’s always better to take some time to think before you speak. The pause helps you respond instead of reacting. You can also say, “I don’t think I know enough on this topic,” instead of forcing yourself to speak without knowledge.

Now on to the third tip, listen and listen carefully. A significant part of effective and thoughtful communication is listening. If you listen to others intently, you’ll be able to converse better and also partake in conversations without saying something awkward.

To give you an example, once at a social gathering, I was talking to a bunch of vegans. One of them probably mentioned that they do not think it’s okay to eat animal products, but I was busy using my phone and misunderstood because Ied didn’t listen properly and blurted out “Of course, non-vegetarian food is great.” And went on to talk about non-vegetarian food. I didn’t realize right away but it got awkward pretty quickly. So, it’s better to just listen and avoid such a blunder. Make sure you listen with your ears open if you’d like to think before you speak. We’ve talked more about how to listen in this blog that you can check out!

How to get into the habit of thinking before I speak?

One way of honing this habit is to have practice conversations with friends or peers about some impromptu topics. This will challenge you to think on the spot and you can then think before you give each response. First, start by taking as much time as you need and measure each response time. After a while, you can start running an actual or mental timer of a few seconds to think of a proper response before the time runs out. This will not only help you practice how to think before you speak but will also help you hone the skill of quick thinking on the spot. Such skills are very helpful in personal and professional situations in which you are required to think on the spot and showcase your intelligence or responsiveness. There are other ways to become a better quick thinker as discussed below.

Becoming A Quick Thinker

The sure-shot way of mastering thinking before speaking is becoming a quick thinker and improving your responses over time. Becoming a quick thinker makes your impression on people around you better and helps you perform well in unpredictable situations when you are required to speak. Many times you might have come across situations in your personal and professional life where you had to think on your feet but you could not come up with a proper response because you spent too much time thinking before you speak. Here are a few tips on how you can tackle such situations better:

1. Note down some responses you would like to give in these situations in the future.

2. Plan some generic positive remarks, comments, or stories you can use when asked to speak up without notice.

3. Think of some questions you can ask to change the conversation topic or deflect the conversation to another person

These handy tips can help you go a long way in saving time when thinking before speaking and make you come off as intelligent and quick but still thoughtful.

The THINK before you speak acronym

Using your Mental Pause

Listening properly before speaking

Improving your quick thinking skills

So, I’m sure you understand how important it is for you and humans, in general, to think before we speak. It’s a life skill that can help us grab opportunities and excel professionally and personally. Refer to the above table to get a quick glance at everything we’ve discussed and worked on your mental pause. I hope that I could help you with some useful tips! If you want to learn tips on how to practice Public Speaking  Public speaking refers to any live presentation or speech. It can cover a variety of topics on various fields and careers (you can find out more about public speaking careers here: https://orai.com/blog/public-speaking-careers/. Public speaking can inform, entertain, or educate an audience and sometimes has visual aids.   Public speaking is done live, so the speakers need to consider certain factors to deliver a successful speech. No matter how good the speech is, if the audience doesn't connect with the speaker, then it may fall flat. Therefore, speakers have to use a lot more nonverbal communication techniques to deliver their message.   <h2>Tips for public speaking</h2>   <ul> <li>Have a sense of humor.</li> <li>Tell personal stories that relate to the speech you're giving.</li> <li>Dress appropriately for the event. Formal and business casual outfits work best.</li> <li>Project a confident and expressive voice.</li> <li>Always try to use simple language that everyone can understand.</li> <li>Stick to the time given to you.</li> <li>Maintain eye contact with members of your audience and try to connect with them.</li> </ul>  " href="https://orai.com/glossary/public-speaking/" data-gt-translate-attributes="[{"attribute":"data-cmtooltip", "format":"html"}]" tabindex="0" role="link">public speaking , click here .

Practice your Speech A form of communication involving spoken language, it is used to express ideas, share information, tell stories, persuade, or entertain. Public speaking is a powerful tool used in diverse contexts, ranging from casual conversations to formal presentations. <h2 data-sourcepos="5:1-5:27">Components of a Speech:</h2> <ul data-sourcepos="7:1-10:0"> <li data-sourcepos="7:1-7:73">Content: The information, message, or story conveyed through words.</li> <li data-sourcepos="8:1-8:106">Delivery: The vocal and physical presentation, including clarity, volume, gestures, and eye contact.</li> <li data-sourcepos="9:1-10:0">Structure: The organization of the content, typically following an introduction, body, and conclusion.</li> </ul> <h2 data-sourcepos="11:1-11:21">Speech in Action:</h2> <ul data-sourcepos="13:1-17:0"> <li data-sourcepos="13:1-13:88">Informing: Sharing knowledge and facts, educating an audience on a specific topic.</li> <li data-sourcepos="14:1-14:119">Persuading: Advocating for a particular viewpoint, using arguments and evidence to influence thoughts or actions.</li> <li data-sourcepos="15:1-15:93">Motivating: Inspiring and energizing an audience, fostering action and positive change.</li> <li data-sourcepos="16:1-17:0">Entertaining: Engaging and delighting an audience through humor, storytelling, or creative language.</li> </ul> <h2 data-sourcepos="18:1-18:32">Public Speaking and Anxiety:</h2> Many people experience public speaking anxiety, a fear of speaking in front of an audience. While it's common, effective preparation, practice, and breathing techniques can significantly reduce anxiety and improve delivery. <h2 data-sourcepos="22:1-22:32">Different Types of Speeches:</h2> <ul data-sourcepos="24:1-28:0"> <li data-sourcepos="24:1-24:81">Informative speech: Focuses on conveying information clearly and concisely.</li> <li data-sourcepos="25:1-25:102">Persuasive speech: Aims to convince the audience to adopt a particular viewpoint or take action.</li> <li data-sourcepos="26:1-26:99">Motivational speech: Inspires and energizes the audience, building enthusiasm and commitment.</li> <li data-sourcepos="27:1-28:0">Entertaining speech: Aim to amuse and delight the audience, often using humor, storytelling, or anecdotes.</li> </ul> <h2 data-sourcepos="29:1-29:33">Crafting a Compelling Speech:</h2> <ul data-sourcepos="31:1-35:0"> <li data-sourcepos="31:1-31:106">Know your audience: Tailor your content and delivery to their interests, needs, and prior knowledge.</li> <li data-sourcepos="32:1-32:107">Have a clear message: Identify the main point you want to convey and structure your speech around it.</li> <li data-sourcepos="33:1-33:111">Engage your audience: Use varied vocal techniques, storytelling, and visual aids to keep them interested.</li> <li data-sourcepos="34:1-35:0">Practice, practice, practice: Rehearse your speech out loud to refine your delivery and build confidence.</li> </ul> <h2 data-sourcepos="36:1-36:13">Remember:</h2> Speech is a powerful tool for communication, connection, and influence. By understanding its elements, addressing potential anxieties, and tailoring your delivery to different contexts, you can harness the power of speech to achieve your intended goals and captivate your audience. " href="https://orai.com/glossary/speech/" data-gt-translate-attributes="[{"attribute":"data-cmtooltip", "format":"html"}]" tabindex="0" role="link">speech with Orai and get feedback on your tone, tempo, Confidence In the context of public speaking, confidence refers to the belief in one's ability to communicate effectively and deliver one's message with clarity and impact. It encompasses various elements, including self-belief, composure, and the ability to manage one's fear of public speaking. <h2 data-sourcepos="5:1-5:16">Key Aspects:</h2> <ul data-sourcepos="7:1-12:0"> <li data-sourcepos="7:1-7:108">Self-belief: A strong conviction in your knowledge, skills, and ability to connect with your audience.</li> <li data-sourcepos="8:1-8:95">Composure: Maintaining calmness and poise under pressure, even in challenging situations.</li> <li data-sourcepos="9:1-9:100">Assertiveness: Expressing your ideas clearly and concisely, avoiding hesitation or self-doubt.</li> <li data-sourcepos="10:1-10:104">Positive self-talk: Countering negative thoughts with affirmations and focusing on your strengths.</li> <li data-sourcepos="11:1-12:0">Strong body language: Using gestures, posture, and eye contact that project confidence and professionalism.</li> </ul> <h2 data-sourcepos="13:1-13:27">Benefits of Confidence:</h2> <ul data-sourcepos="15:1-19:0"> <li data-sourcepos="15:1-15:99">Reduced anxiety: Feeling confident helps manage fear of public speaking and stage fright.</li> <li data-sourcepos="16:1-16:133">Engaging delivery: Confident speakers project their voices, hold eye contact, and connect with their audience more effectively.</li> <li data-sourcepos="17:1-17:137">Increased persuasiveness: A confident presentation inspires belief and motivates your audience to listen and remember your message.</li> <li data-sourcepos="18:1-19:0">Greater impact: Confidently delivered speeches leave a lasting impression and achieve desired outcomes.</li> </ul> <h2 data-sourcepos="20:1-20:15">Challenges:</h2> <ul data-sourcepos="22:1-26:0"> <li data-sourcepos="22:1-22:112">Overcoming fear of public speaking: Many people experience some level of anxiety when speaking publicly.</li> <li data-sourcepos="23:1-23:101">Imposter syndrome: Doubting your abilities and qualifications, even when objectively qualified.</li> <li data-sourcepos="24:1-24:92">Negative self-talk: Internalized criticism and limiting beliefs can hamper confidence.</li> <li data-sourcepos="25:1-26:0">Past negative experiences: Unsuccessful presentations or negative feedback can erode confidence.</li> </ul> <h2 data-sourcepos="27:1-27:24">Building Confidence:</h2> <ul data-sourcepos="29:1-36:0"> <li data-sourcepos="29:1-29:102">Practice and preparation: Thoroughly rehearse your speech to feel comfortable with the material.</li> <li data-sourcepos="30:1-30:101">Visualization: Imagine yourself delivering a successful presentation with confidence and poise.</li> <li data-sourcepos="31:1-31:100">Positive self-talk: Actively replace negative thoughts with affirmations about your abilities.</li> <li data-sourcepos="32:1-32:106">Seek feedback: Ask trusted individuals for constructive criticism and use it to improve your skills.</li> <li data-sourcepos="33:1-33:157">Consider a speaking coach: Working with a coach can provide personalized guidance and support to address specific challenges and confidence barriers.</li> <li data-sourcepos="34:1-34:114">Start small: Gradually increase the size and complexity of your speaking engagements as you gain experience.</li> <li data-sourcepos="35:1-36:0">Focus on progress: Celebrate small successes and acknowledge your improvement over time.</li> </ul> <h2 data-sourcepos="37:1-37:282">Remember:</h2> Confidence in public speaking is a journey, not a destination. By actively practicing, embracing feedback, and focusing on your strengths, you can overcome fear of public speaking and develop the confidence to deliver impactful and memorable presentations. " href="https://orai.com/glossary/confidence/" data-gt-translate-attributes="[{"attribute":"data-cmtooltip", "format":"html"}]" tabindex="0" role="link">confidence , and Conciseness In the realm of public speaking, conciseness refers to the ability to express your message clearly and effectively using the fewest possible words. It's about conveying your ideas precisely, avoiding unnecessary details and rambling while maintaining your message's essence and impact. <h2 data-sourcepos="5:1-5:33">Benefits for Public Speakers:</h2> <ul data-sourcepos="7:1-11:0"> <li data-sourcepos="7:1-7:137">Engaged audience: A concise speech keeps your audience focused and prevents them from losing interest due to excessive information.</li> <li data-sourcepos="8:1-8:117">Increased clarity: By removing unnecessary clutter, your core message becomes clearer and easier to understand.</li> <li data-sourcepos="9:1-9:137">Enhanced credibility: Concise communication projects professionalism and efficiency, making you appear more confident and prepared.</li> <li data-sourcepos="10:1-11:0">Reduced anxiety: Knowing you have a clear and concise message can help manage public speaking anxiety by minimizing the pressure to fill time.</li> </ul> <h2 data-sourcepos="12:1-12:35">Challenges for Public Speakers:</h2> <ul data-sourcepos="14:1-17:0"> <li data-sourcepos="14:1-14:126">Striking a balance: Knowing where to draw the line between conciseness and omitting important information can be tricky.</li> <li data-sourcepos="15:1-15:115">Avoiding oversimplification: Complex topics may require elaboration to ensure clarity and understanding.</li> <li data-sourcepos="16:1-17:0">Overcoming natural tendencies: Some speakers naturally use more words than others, requiring a conscious effort to be concise.</li> </ul> <h2 data-sourcepos="18:1-18:41">Strategies for Achieving Conciseness:</h2> <ul data-sourcepos="20:1-25:0"> <li data-sourcepos="20:1-20:92">Identify your core message: What is your audience's main point to remember?</li> <li data-sourcepos="21:1-21:128">Prioritize and eliminate: Analyze your content and remove any information not directly supporting your core message.</li> <li data-sourcepos="22:1-22:133">Use strong verbs and active voice: This makes your sentences more impactful and avoids passive constructions that can be wordy.</li> <li data-sourcepos="23:1-23:109">Simplify your language: Avoid jargon and technical terms unless they are essential and clearly defined.</li> <li data-sourcepos="24:1-25:0">Practice and refine: Rehearse your speech aloud and identify areas where you can tighten your wording or eliminate redundancies.</li> </ul> <h2 data-sourcepos="26:1-26:20">Additional Tips:</h2> <ul data-sourcepos="28:1-31:0"> <li data-sourcepos="28:1-28:93">Use storytelling: Engaging narratives can convey complex ideas concisely and memorably.</li> <li data-sourcepos="29:1-29:110">Focus on the visuals: Powerful visuals can support your message without extensive explanation.</li> <li data-sourcepos="30:1-31:0">Embrace silence: Pausing deliberately can emphasize key points and give your audience time to absorb your message.</li> </ul> <h2 data-sourcepos="32:1-32:404">Remember:</h2> Conciseness is a powerful tool for public speakers. By eliminating unnecessary words and focusing on your core message, you can create a more engaging, impactful, and memorable presentation for your audience. This can also help manage public speaking anxiety by reducing the pressure to fill time and enabling you to focus on delivering your message with clarity and confidence. " href="https://orai.com/glossary/conciseness/" data-gt-translate-attributes="[{"attribute":"data-cmtooltip", "format":"html"}]" tabindex="0" role="link">conciseness

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13 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

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Let me guess. You're here because you don't think before you speak and the habit keeps getting you into trouble. Welcome to the club! My quick candor is both a virtue and a vice that's gotten me into a pickle countless times. I've improved, thanks to Ecclesiastes 5:2 , “Do not be rash with your mouth ” and other strategies I'll share with you.

I understand that, as a straightforward person, it can be challenging to withhold yourself… especially when you believe you're offering useful advice. Changing the habit might be easier once you review the reasons why thinking before speaking is a more acceptable approach.

I will also touch on the T.H.I.N.K strategy to help you along as you aspire to make the change. You stand to benefit in multiple ways, from improved communication to a more satisfying social experience .

Table of Contents

How Do I Learn to Think Before I Speak?

Words flow out of the mouths of quick-witted people effortlessly. They always have something to say and an instantaneous comeback. Their brain quickly processes information and they're usually so excited about getting their response out that they don't stop to formulate their answers.

Whatever comes out comes out and sometimes they're things you regret saying. It's a natural tendency, so imagine the effort you'll need to put into learning to not speak ahead of your thoughts. In a nutshell, it's going to require a major mindset overhaul, but you can do it by using the following strategies as a guide.

Know your triggers: Determine what causes you to feel the need to quickly assert yourself before even processing what the other person said. Is it insecurity, anger, the need to be heard, ego, arrogance, defensiveness, control? By figuring out your triggers, you're able to switch on your internal pause button .
Pause: Activating your internal pause allows you to figure out if a response is needed in the first place. You'll also have more control over the impulse to blurt out whatever comes to mind first .
Plan your speech: You can't go wrong with this strategy. Figure out what you wish to say first and assess the content and context. Ask yourself if what you're going to say is appropriate or helpful.
Take deep breaths: This requires you to focus on the act of breathing and gives you time to put together your thoughts before speaking.
Be mindful: Observe your thoughts as they come and ago. Acknowledge that everything thought doesn't need to be verbalized . Sometimes, people just want someone to listen to them and aren't necessarily looking for a response or advice. Listening ears and zipped lips might be all that's needed here.
Be considerate: Consider the present situation and how the other person is feeling. That's showing empathy . Bite your tongue if you don't have the right words or appropriate things to say .

I agree that it's difficult to pause to contain yourself when emotions are running high, but you'll improve with time and practice.

Everything we say to someone has a positive or negative impact. Freedom of speech allows us to say almost anything we like during face-to-face or online communications, without needing to filter our language. Crude language, judgment, insults, and bullying cause people emotional distress and can trigger a mental breakdown. Those on the receiving end may feel unworthy or pushed to take their own lives.

Filtering our speech will help prevent the far-reaching negative consequences. As the world grows colder, more callous, and increasingly insensitive, choose to cogitate first and be kind with words. Dare to be different as you explore the importance of taming your haste to speak.

1. It puts you in control

Gathering your thoughts first not only influences your speech but also tone and attitude during communication. The ability to stop and assess your own feelings and state of mind at the moment puts you in command. You're more likely to speak from a place of logic rather than emotion . If you're feeling angry, sad, stressed, anxious, or depressed, perhaps you should wait until you're in a better frame of mind to speak. It's difficult to think effectively or be calm and empathic when we're not in a good place mentally.

2. Your words reflect your personality

You are your words. Always try to let your best self shine through when communicating. At a job interview, you speak carefully and decisively in order to impress your potential employer. The interviewers don't know you personally, so they'll rely heavily on your physical and verbal presentation.

think before you speak lesson | think before you speak read before you think | think before you speak quotes

Ironically, many people aren't as caring about their language when speaking to familiar people . Your true character comes out in the manner you speak to loved ones. You're taking them for granted if you speak to them anyhow without considering their feelings.

3. Words can inspire or destroy

“Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate, and to humble.” – Yehuda Berg . In their book, Words Can Change Your Brain , the authors, Andrew Newberg, M.D., and Mark Robert Waldman wrote: “a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress .”

This is enough reason to think ahead and watch what you say. Speaking in haste can cause you to come across as tactless or cruel, even if that's not the intent. Instead of telling someone, “I'm not surprised you failed your exams. You're not that smart, anyway ,” reframe it. You could say, “I'm sorry to hear this. I'm sure you did your best. I know you have what it takes to succeed the next time.”

4. It shows that you're considerate

Taking the time to search for the right thing to say conveys that the other person's feelings matter. You're able to contemplate what to say and how best to say it , regardless of if you're communicating with an adult, child, stranger, or someone familiar.

I've seen how some customers handle people in the service industry, such as waitresses and customer service agents. They come across as frustrated, angry, and irritated if they're not satisfied with the service. You'll be mindful of your expressions if you pause to consider these are human beings and value them regardless of their social or economical status.

5. You risk saying things you don't mean

Stress, fear, and anger make it far more difficult for you to choose words wisely. There's also a chance you might raise your voice or yell. Scientists say the logical part of your brain shuts down and the emotional part takes over. Scanning and filtering for the appropriate words go out the window at this point, making it more likely for you to say things you don't mean.

When you're in this mode, you're so worked up that you no longer hear yourself. You lose control over the ability to stop and check yourself . It's only after you calm down that you realize you overreacted or behaved irrationally. All of it could be avoided if you simply said something like, “I value what you said, but I'm not in the right mindset to respond to you in a loving way.”

6. Encourages more listening and less talking

It's important to actively listen to process what's being said, communicate effectively, and be relatable. You risk appearing selfish or insensitive if you rush to vocalize every thought or dominate the conversation .

think before you speak meaning | think before you speak synonym | think before you speak examples

Have you ever encountered someone who talks incessantly and hardly stops for you to get a word in? In fact, they'll cut you off when you start speaking after you patiently waited your turn. A lot of times, they'll change the subject without notice and carry on about it as if you're invisible. It's hard to conclude that the individual was actively listening, much less thinking before blabbering on about whatever came to mind.

7. You'll avoid offending people

How many times did you put your foot in your mouth only to have to say, “I'm sorry? ” Your face is flushed with embarrassment, but it's too late to retract your statement. All you can do now is apologize for something you didn't mean to say . I've offended my fair share of people, including loved ones, because I didn't stop to ask myself , “Should I speak or should I hush up?”

I blurted out whatever I thought or was feeling at the moment. The habit left me feeling awful, once I realized the emotional damage I caused. I started journaling as a way to self-regulate . Stopping to write down my thoughts helps me to process, diffuse, and compose myself. I'm able to return to the conversation later with the right mindset, tone, and body language.

8. It minimizes the need for apologies

Apologies are welcomed and make a difference to those who are forgiving. However, how many times are you going to say “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that?” The same apology gets old and people will stop taking you seriously. After a while, you'll be regarded as someone who doesn't know how to control your tongue .

Instead of frequent apologies for speaking without thinking, consider developing the pause-breathe-think – speak habit. Remember silence is golden . It doesn't mean ignoring your loved ones. You can simply let your partner or friend know that you plan to respond at a later time.

9. The wrong words can hurt

There's a popular saying, “S ticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me .” I beg to differ, as you and I both know that words can negatively affect us for a lifetime . In fact, words are powerful weapons . My ex used to tell me, “Your words are as sharp as a sword.” I was only 25 years old back then, but age is no excuse. Oops! Now you know why he's my ex. We laugh about it now because he's seen improvement. Admittedly, I'm still a work in progress.

I once overheard a woman telling her husband, “I can't believe I married such a dumb fool like you.” Ouch! She was obviously furious. If only she had paused to process her frustration first, she might have remained silent or said something loving. Think of how those words might affect his self-esteem for a long time.

10. You get a chance to clarify

We interpret what someone says based on our level of intelligence, life experience, and personal prejudices. As such, our understanding and conclusion of what was said might differ. If you practice thinking and planning your response , you'll give yourself a chance to ask the speaker to clarify what was said. You'll minimize the chance of responding on the basis of assumptions or lashing out because you misunderstood.

11. You cannot unsay words

In your haste to air your opinions or grievances, you risk making statements you can't ever take back. Of course, you can apologize if ever you fail to think before you speak, but that shouldn't be used as your defense. No amount of, “I didn't mean to say that” or “I'm sorry” could nullify your words or undo the hurt.

Your loved ones might forgive you, but that doesn't mean they'll forget or heal from the harm caused . To quote Betty Eadie, “If we understood the power of our thoughts, we would guard them more closely. If we understood the awesome power of our words, we would prefer silence to almost anything negative.”

12. You risk alienating people

Hashtag. Unfiltered. I lost acquaintances and a fiancé when I was younger and didn't practice filtering my speech. I justified my frankness as “brutal honesty.” The thing with brutal honesty is it can be received as tactless, judgmental, insensitive, or abusive. No one enjoys talking to anyone, including their partner or friend, who doesn't know how to rein themselves in when speaking.

think before you speak synonym | think before you speak examples | think before you speak copy and paste

They'll dodge you when they see you approaching, avoid replying to your texts or emails, and send your calls to voicemail. It appears mean, but you set yourself up for this type of treatment unless you prove that you've changed. Learn to pause and check your language and know when silence is the best remedy . If you must speak, try being gentle, sensitive, and compassionate.

13. You affect your own life

The need to think before you speak applies to self-talk as well. Psychologist, Shirley Vandersteen , Ph. D., R. Psych, says “…speech influences your thinking and can alter the course of your future.” What you say to and about yourself influences your life experiences and outcomes. That's probably why positive self-affirmation is such a big thing. Positive affirmations help move your mindset away from doubts and negative self-talk that sabotages your chances for personal growth and success .

The T.H.I.N.K Before Speaking Technique

T.H.I.N.K is a technique involving five (5) words you can use to ask yourself five valid questions . It's easy to memorize. Feel free to apply it in everyday communications as you work on changing the habit of speaking before thinking .

T = TRUE: Is what I'm about to say true or just a rumor that can cause emotional pain?
H = HELPFUL: Will my statement help or hurt?
I = INSPIRING: Is it good advice or something that will uplift the person?
N = NECESSARY: Do I really need to say what I'm fixin' to say? Some things are better left unsaid.
K = KIND: Are the things I'm about to say pleasant? Unkind words can be psychologically damaging and you can't take them back, even with a heartfelt apology.

Final Thoughts on Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

Communication is a necessary part of human existence . It's how we do it that makes the difference. “Am I thoughtful, tactful, kind, considerate, and compassionate?” is a question we need to ask ourselves… perhaps even multiple times. If the answer is no, I truly believe we can change using the strategies discussed.

Finally, as a last bit of advice… whenever you find there is nothing pleasant or empowering to say, you can always choose to err on the side of caution with silence . It is also a good idea to try and put yourself in the other person’s shoes in a compassionate way .

think before you speak | think before you speak meaning | think before you speak essay

Communication

11 reasons why you should think before you speak.

Go ahead and admit it. You have said things before that you wish you hadn’t—and wanted to take back. Right? Sure, we all have.

It’s part of human nature. Sometimes we get so emotional about something that we forget to think before we speak. It’s like something paralyzes our rational and logical brain, and in the process, our emotional brain lets words come out of our mouths that never should have.

However, some people do it more regularly than others. And if you want to learn how to think before you speak, you have come to the right place.

But first, let’s talk about the 11 reasons why you should think before you speak.

Some people may have been taught by their parents to think before words come out of their mouths. But many others have not. If you are in the latter category, then you will want to seriously think about these very important reasons why you should think before you say something you shouldn’t.

1. Your Words Reflect Who You Are

When I was growing up, my mother taught me and my sisters not to use swear words. I thought she just wanted us to be lady-like, but there was an even deeper reason.

Sure, being lady-like is a nice thing. But beyond that, she was teaching us that the words you use determine your character. They affect not only yourself but also how people perceive you and what kind of person they think you are.

2. Words Have Power

I’m sure that you are aware of the politically correct language movement. Basically, it’s changing words to nicer ones.

For example, back in the 1970s, people used to use the word “retarded” to describe a person who was mentally slower than average. But since then, people have started using it as an insult. So, over the years, we have adopted different words and phrases like “special needs.”

The point is that if you make the words nicer, then they will not hold as much negativity.

3. Words Can Hurt (or Help) People

As I mentioned, words have power, and part of this power can be good or “evil.” What you say to a person can hurt them—emotionally and mentally.

And even though the saying goes “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” it is not true—words DO hurt. But they can also help. So, it’s important to make sure that the words you use help people instead of hurting them.

4. Your Emotions Can Make You Say Things You Don’t Mean

I’m sure you’ve been angry at someone and said something that hurt them. And after you calmed down, you might have thought, “gee, I didn’t mean it like that.”

You see, when you are angry, it shuts down the logical part of your brain and then your emotions rule yourself. And then when the emotional part of your brain doesn’t act as a filter for your words, you might say things you don’t mean.

5. You Might Have Assumed intention on the Other Person’s Part

You might be upset at someone because you thought they had intentions to hurt you. Then, as a result, you might lash out at them because of it.

But not everyone has the intention of hurting you. Sometimes, people say things that are interpreted as the opposite of what they intended. So, make sure you talk with them to see what they actually mean before you assume anything.

6. You Might Be Overreacting

When we think someone said or did something hurtful to us, our emotions tend to go through the roof. Our automatic instinct is to explode.

But that could very well be an overreaction . As I stated above, you should instead make sure that what they said warrants your emotional outburst because many times it doesn’t.

7. Your Relationship With Other People (or Situation) Doesn’t Warrant Your Words

It’s one thing to explode in anger to your sibling, best friend, or spouse, but it’s another thing to do it to your boss or another superior. You need to assess whether you are about to say is appropriate for the kind of relationship you have with a certain person.

By the same token, you also need to think about the situation. If it’s a time, say, when you are at work or a company party, then it’s best to keep your mouth shut and talk later.

8. You Might Be Judging Too Harshly

Too many people judge others before they’ve heard the whole story. It’s easy to jump to conclusions, get angry, and say things that may or may not be true.

If you automatically start criticizing and judging another person, they are going to get defensive. And when that happens, more negativity ensues, and the conversation (and relationship) can get ugly.

9. Words Can Destroy Relationships

Speaking of relationships, the more negative words that are spoken to another person over time, the more it damages them—and also the relationship between the two of you.

Think about it—would you want to stay with someone who was constantly calling you names and saying mean things? Of course not! Your words could absolutely destroy your relationship.

10. Words Can Affect Other People’s Actions

Let’s say you are angry at your 10-year-old daughter and you call her “fat” without thinking about it. Well, this is something that she may carry with her for the rest of her life, especially if you say it often.

She could easily become anorexic or develop some other problem. She may turn to self-loathing and start cutting herself. Words are long-lasting and affect other people’s actions.

11. You Can Never Take It Back

Once you say something, it is out there forever! You can never take it back. Sure, you can try, but it won’t work.

Taking back what you say is like trying to put air back in a balloon—it doesn’t work. It doesn’t matter how much you try, it won’t change the fact that those words are out there—forever.

What Should You Do Now?

Now that you know the reasons why you should think before you speak, how can you do that? It’s easier for some people, while others find it nearly impossible.

First, you should wait at least 5 or 10 seconds before you say anything, especially when you feel upset or angry. If you can’t keep your mouth shut, then an alternative is to just leave the room or situation. This way, you will prevent yourself from saying anything that you will regret.

When you pause for those few seconds or leave the room, you need to think about whether you have a good point to make.

Are your comments relevant, appropriate, or helpful? If not, perhaps you shouldn’t say anything.

Before you speak, consider the other person’s feelings. How will it affect them? Believe it or not, it will. And if you do find that said something that you didn’t want to, then you need to apologize and take personal responsibility for your actions and words.

Finally, don’t forget to learn from your mistakes! We’ve all said things that we regret. It happens. But the difference between people who do it all the time and the people who don’t is that the ones who don’t have learned not to do it and now know how to do it better.

Final Thoughts

If you find it difficult to think before you speak, don’t beat yourself up over it. However, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t strive for positive change.

Empathy is key—think about how your words affect others. You want to be a positive influence on other people, not a negative one. So, make sure you choose your words wisely—you won’t regret it!

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Why You Should Think Before You Speak

July 26, 2023

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What does it mean to think before you speak?

“Each of us has the responsibility to be wakeful of what effects we are producing in others’ minds when we speak; and when we listen, we also have the opportunity to enter into others’ experiences of things we cannot experience ourselves.” — Robert Thurman , Wisdom Is Bliss

The phrase “think before you speak” refers to the mindfulness practice of reflecting on the impact of your words before sharing them with others. Being a good conversationalist is an important social skill that can be cultivated through thoughtful communication, self-awareness, compassion, and active listening. Words have power, they can hurt others, negatively impact mental health, or lead to negative outcomes. However, the right words can be inspirational, lift others up, creating a positive ripple effect.

Why should you think before you speak?

couple talking at cafe, why you should think before you speak

The stories you tell yourself hugely impact how you see yourself and the world. Every time you speak about yourself, other people, or a situation, you are influencing how you will later perceive them. And the more you repeat these judgments, the deeper they become ingrained in your constructed reality.
By cultivating a conscious awareness of your words and thoughts, you can actively shape our reality, for better or for worse. “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.” —Henry Ford
The way that you communicate affects your relationships, whether it’s a family member, loved one, or stranger.
Saying the wrong thing, or even the “right thing” at the wrong time is a way to negatively impact the people around you as well as yourself.
Kind words can truly change someone’s day. You never know what someone is going through and sometimes a small compliment can make all of the difference to them. When you are kind to someone this creates a magnificent ripple effect as they tend to feel happier and share this kindness with others.
Personal growth can be an outcome of practicing thoughtful communication. Not only are you training patience, mindfulness, and focus, but the quality of your relationships will increase and consequently lead to a more joyful life.

The Buddhist perspective on thoughtful communication

“Speech is the particularly human deep way of interconnecting with the minds of others.” — Robert Thurman, Wisdom Is Bliss

Buddhism offers a holistic perspective on the importance of healthy communication, and how to be mindful of how we interact with our fellow human beings. It emphasizes that we must train our mind, using thinking skills to control our speech so it does not hurt others.

The Buddha taught thoughtful communication through the idea of “right speech.” Right speech is divided into four parts: abstaining from lying, abstaining from creating disharmony, abstaining from harsh speech, and abstaining from idle talk. The idea is that our speech should cultivate harmony and encouragement, and be appropriate for the time and place.

“Truthful speech establishes a correspondence between our own inner being and the real nature of phenomena, allowing wisdom to rise up and fathom our real nature.” —Insight Meditation Center
Speak the truth and do not try to deceive others. The Buddha saw lying as disruptive to society as we can only live in harmony if there is mutual trust. He also viewed lying as detrimental to oneself. If you lie once, you usually have to continue to lie to cover the past lies. You weave yourself into a false reality that is longer true to who you are.
One should avoid speech that alienates and creates division. It is best to focus on speech that promotes friendship and harmony.
Avoid saying things that are rooted in anger with the intention to cause pain. The Buddha described three types of harsh speech: abusive speech, insult, and sarcasm.
Avoid speech that doesn’t have purpose or depth. Don’t let the restless mind take control and search for talk that only indulges the self.
This also applies to the stream of information and distraction that we receive from modern media, such as television, movies, and social media. Some of these can be considered idle talk that stunts our spiritual growth.
It is useful to be conscious of what you are exposed to whether it is media or the people with whom you interact.

How to think before you speak

thinking before you speak, two kids using paper cups to talk

Clearly, thoughtful communication is important but how does one cultivate this useful tool and implement it into daily life? Four ways to think before you speak are to practice mindfulness, use empathy, take your time, and determine the purpose of your speech.

When one doesn’t practice mindfulness , impulsivity takes over and we can say things we later regret. Notice the first place your mind goes when you feel triggered or attacked. Notice your body language and breath.
One way to cultivate mindfulness is to practice meditation . Meditation can help you become more in tune with your emotions and thoughts even when you are not sitting down with your eyes closed.
Another quick way to become mindful is to take deep breaths during conversations or before speaking. This connects you to your body, grounds you in the moment, and creates a sense of peace so you can think and respond clearly.
Empathy allows you to imagine how your words might make others feel. Everyone perceives the world differently, the same sentence can insult one person while bringing joyful laughter to another. So make sure to consider your audience, use empathy to put yourself in their shoes, and tailor your words with compassion .
Our society is fast-paced and impulsivity has become an increasingly accepted and valued trait. It is good to remind yourself that it is okay to slow down and press the pause button. By slowing down, you can cultivate mindfulness and avoid making hurtful statements.
Take your time in conversation by either directly asking for a couple of minutes, taking slow and deep breaths, or consciously speaking more slowly.
Make sure that you are clear on the purpose or intent of your speech. Are you trying to deceive, cause harm, or create division? Or are you trying to be loving, kind, and caring?
Maybe you’ve become accustomed to gossip or fishing for conversations that feed your ego. Consider what impact these types of talks have on your life. Maybe these forms of conversation feel good in the moment, but do they improve your quality of life or foster your personal growth?
One way to consider what purpose you want your speech to serve is by using affirmations. You can start your day by repeating or writing your affirmations in order to shape your intentions for the day. Some examples are: I act with kindness, I spread love, I bring joy to others, and I make others feel heard.
You can also use meditation to set intentions for how you want to interact with the world. Loving-kindness is an especially powerful meditation that is great for cultivating love for all beings.

Disclaimer: This post is not medical advice. Before taking on specific meditation techniques or other treatments for a psychological or health problem, please consult a psychologist or medical professional regarding your specific health conditions.

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Your Words Have Impact, So Think Before You Speak Words influence others and build relationships at work and personally. Language holds massive, colossal power to manifest change, whether it's good or bad.

By Matt Mayberry Edited by Dan Bova Oct 2, 2015

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

Do you know of those people who fly off the handle without stopping to think about the consequences of what they're saying? Someone who just reacts to something someone said or did and starts attacking that person with cruel accusations? The damage could be so profound, it will forever sever the relationship. In business, this could forever impact a career in a negative way.

You've probably observed this in others many times. Maybe even in yourself. Whether it's at work, with friends or in some type of social situation, many people speak their minds before thinking. There are many who "fly off the handle" and don't stop to think about the repercussions of their words. I cringe when this happens because I know people are going to get hurt, and later on people will be sorry for what they said. But the damage is done.

Related: 5 Tips on How to Avoid Losing Your Temper at Work

How important are words and speaking to business leaders? Leaders should think about words as being so powerful that they might be the main reason a leader will succeed or fail. Sure, a leader who doesn't choose his words carefully may succeed to some degree, but the truly great leaders are great orators, as well.

Think about one of the greats: President John F. Kennedy, inaugurated on Jan. 20, 1960. He is known for his famous line: "And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

Within the words we speak is an emotional potency. Each word that we use can have a colossal impact. A word from a manager or boss, may, at first glance, seem inconsequential. But never think of words as inconsequential. Instead, think of them as powerful. Words can build up or tear down. They can motivate or discourage.

Words influence others and build relationships at work and personally. They can tear down relationships. Simply put, language holds massive, colossal power to manifest change, whether it's good or bad.

Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor from 161 to 180 AD, considered to be one of the most Stoic philosophers who ever lived, said: "Perform every act in life as though it were your last."

Related: Your Daily Interactions Make or Break Your Brand

We can take this a step further and say: "Speak every word you say in life as though it were your last."

Sometimes, it might be best to not say anything at all. I was always told that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything.

As Benjamin Franklin said, "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."

Choose the words that you speak very carefully because they have the potential of accomplishing nearly anything or destroying nearly anything. Just one negative comment can ruin a person's day. A few might even ruin the person's life. On the flip side, one positive and encouraging comment can be just enough to increase employee engagement, create healthier cultures and make more of a difference in an individual's life than you will ever know. We tend to overlook the small things in life.

The way you speak -- the attitude and tone -- reflects the person you are and impacts everything around you. It can greatly contribute to your success or "non-success" both in business and your personal life. So next time, think before you speak. It will make all the difference.

Related: 5 Tips for Becoming a Brilliant Conversationalist

Keynote Speaker and Peak Performance Strategist. CEO of Matt Mayberry Enterprises

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Do You Think Before You Speak? 7 Keys To A No Regrets Conversation

We’ve all been there.

That moment when you speak too quickly without thinking first.

The words that spill out of your mouth cause you instant regret.

If you had just held your tongue for a moment, you could have prevented the cringe-worthy situation from occurring.

You wouldn't have to experience the repercussions of offending, wounding, or embarrassing someone else.

Maybe you thought you were being clever or funny with your remark.

Maybe you were angry and in the moment felt justified with your remarks. Maybe you didn't know how the people around you would interpret your words.

Words have incredible power for good or ill. If spoken without consideration, you can do serious damage to yourself and others.

Do you pause to think before you speak to consider your words?

Often, we just say what is on our minds as soon as the thought enters our heads.

But taking just a few seconds before you speak to assess your thoughts, your mood, and your audience can go a long way in improving your relationships — as well as your own personal growth.

As Austrian psychologist Viktor Frankl says, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

It is not only the actual words we speak that count, but also you must consider your tone of voice, inflection, and even your body language.

Together all of these send a clear message to your listener about your intended meaning, even if the words themselves appear benign.

How to think before you speak: Seven keys to improving your speaking:

1. pause to see if you really have something to say., 2. before you speak consider your audience., 3. consider your purpose before you speak., 4. make sure you're being specific in what you say., 5. consider the words you choose., 6. don't make assumptions., 7. be aware of your body language and tone of voice., bonus: how to be a quick thinker, why it’s important to think before you speak, 1. consider the honesty in your words, 2. reflect on the helpfulness of your words, 3. assess the inspiration in your words, 4. evaluate the necessity of your words, 5. examine the kindness of your words.

Now let's go over some general strategies to help you slow down, check your emotions, and say what you really want to say in all situations.

Children are often told that if they don't have anything nice to say, they shouldn’t say anything at all.

While this admonition mainly pertains to gossip and negativity, you can take it a step further. Remind yourself to not say anything if you don’t have anything valuable to say. This is an important element of good conversation and social skills .

man sitting alone do you think before you speak

People often speak to fill an uncomfortable silence, or because it seems better to say something than to remain quiet. A gap of silence in the presence of others even causes anxiety for some. Silence is not always a bad thing. It gives the speak and the listener the chance to process and consider what has been said.

When someone else is talking, just be present and listen. Try not to think ahead to what you want to say in return.

Just hear what the person is saying, and then stop to think and respond if you have something to say.

Are you about to lose your cool in front of your boss? Is that hysterical off-color joke something you really want to share in front of your mother-in-law? Do you really want to offer your political opinion at the family birthday dinner?

All of your thoughts and feelings aren't appropriate for all people. Think carefully before you speak how your words will impact those around you — and how their response to your words might impact you.

Let's say you're in a group of friends with one or two new people you don't know well. You may be tempted to use inside jokes or make sarcastic comments that your friends “get.”

But you only have one chance to make a good first impression on the new people in the group. Speak with those people in mind first, and make sure your comments are appropriate for everyone.

If you need to offer effective feedback to someone, especially if it is negative feedback, it should be done in private. Think about who is around to hear what you are saying and if there's a possibility you could embarrass the person to whom you are speaking.

Before you speak, make sure that you have a clear purpose behind what you are saying.

Are you trying to build rapport? Share your ideas? Clarify something?

Make sure that your purpose is in line with what you are saying by measuring your words, monitoring your mood, and considering your tone of voice.

This is particularly important if you have strong feelings of anger, frustration, or hurt related to the conversation topic. If your intention is resolution or to make a clear statement about your point of view, you will miss the mark if your emotions sabotage your language.

The total package of your communication should align with your purpose — from your body posture to your choice of words. It takes a certain amount of self-regulation and practice to do this effectively, but it's well worth the effort.

When you don't provide a point of reference for your listener, you are likely to miscommunicate.

Rather than referring to specific things without naming them, be as specific as possible. For example, if you ask, “Are you sure you want to do that?” then your listener doesn't know what the “that” is you are asking for — or why you're asking if he or she is sure.

When you aren't specific and clear in your language, it leaves the listener with the job of filling in the gaps with what they assume you're talking about.

Their assumptions may be completely different from what you actually intended.

This kind of communication can be very frustrating for the listener and lead to a lack of understanding and possibly even conflict. Before you say anything, make sure to label people, objects, and places and clarify meaning so that any listeners are able to understand what you are talking about.

You can also be more specific by giving examples, painting a clear picture with your words, and giving clear and precise directives if you need the listener to act.

Our use of language provides an insight into our education, where we grew up, and our thoughts and feelings.

Are you speaking with someone who has a very different background than you do? Perhaps you need to alter your choice of words so your listener is able to feel more comfortable in the conversation .

Slang, curse words, and even humorous remarks can be off-putting or offensive to some people. If the conversation is tense, be careful about using criticism, passive-aggressive remarks, or subtle jabs.

If you know the listener well (they are a spouse, close friend, or family member), you likely know words that will trigger them negatively.

Be careful to avoid trigger words by thinking in advance of the things you have said in the past that have caused pain or anger for the person.

Sometimes we create scenarios in our heads that can cause us to speak in a way that doesn't reflect the real situation.

For example, perhaps you haven't heard from a friend for a while, and you assume he is ignoring you. When you finally do speak to this friend, thinking he's been pushing you aside, you might have a bit of an attitude or reveal your hurt feelings.

Making an assumption like this can be harmful. Perhaps your friend has a legitimate reason for being out of touch. When you assume without clarifying, you risk harming the relationship.

Sometimes we make assumptions about people based on how they look, what they do, or what others have said about them. Try not to allow your assumptions to slip into your conversation.

Appearances are deceptive, and there's often much more to a person than meets the eye. You could miss a great connection by verbally pushing them away.

It is best to not assume anything before you speak because there is a good chance your assumptions are wrong and your words may cause more hurt than good.

Remember, communication is more than just words. How you hold your body, whether or not you appear distracted, the tone of voice you use — these all contribute to the message you are communicating.

If you're unsure of your audience, or you have strong emotions going into the conversation, try to use open or neutral body language and tone of voice.

When you want to establish a connection with someone, don't cross your arms or keep your head down. Use appropriate eye contact, smile, and try to put the other person at ease with both your words and mannerisms.

It doesn't take long to pause and consider how you want to present yourself before communicating with another person. Just a few seconds it takes can make the difference in having a positive interaction or one you may regret.

As you develop the habit of thinking before you speak, it will become more and more automatic, putting control of how you want others to perceive you back in your own hands.

Whether you're in a work setting or in a personal encounter, thinking before you speak requires the ability to think on your feet — if you don't want to put one of those feet in your mouth.

Quick thinking is required in professional situations when you're asked a question you aren't prepared for, or you're called on to speak about a topic without prior notice. You need to come up with an intelligent response on the spur of the moment.

These situations can leave you floundering as your mind goes blank, and you stammer your way through what can become a nightmare moment.

In personal situations, you might be asked a too-personal question, you're put on the spot in front of others, or you are being criticized or challenged.

Your better angels implore you to say something calm, clever, and kind rather than resorting to an emotional, knee-jerk response.

We can all learn to think better on our feet and manage our responses, and the key to this skill is preparation.

Think about situations in which you've been caught off guard, and you haven't known what to say — or you've said something inappropriate, ill-conceived, or unkind.

Write down responses that you would like to offer in these situations in the future.
Come up with some positive remarks, stories, or even quotes that can add humor to the moment and deflect from the awkwardness.
Or come up with questions to divert the conversation to the other person.

When you're prepared for life's uncomfortable situations, whether at work or in your personal life, you will have appropriate responses and comments handy at the moment you need them.

Even with preparation, you need to be a quick thinker to pull these responses from the recesses of your brain. When you're in the middle of one of these awkward situations, your brain can freeze, or you can easily resort to an emotional response.

You can improve your quick-thinking skills so you're better able to clear your mind and control your words. Here's how:

Practice meditation. Meditation trains your mind to slow down and become less reactive in all situations. Just ten minutes a day can help you relieve stress and become calmer so you can think more clearly.

Reinforce self-confidence. When you lack confidence in yourself, an awkward moment is terrifying. Work on boosting your confidence so you can approach these situations from a position of power.

Minimize distractions. If you're distracted when you need to be focused on the best response, you diminish your brain power. Stay focused and attentive during interactions so you aren't caught off guard.

Practice quick thinking. But practice during non-confrontational or positive encounters. Use these easy situations to hone your skills of coming up with spur of the moment responses.

Stay well-informed. The more knowledge you have, the better able you are to come up with educated, confident responses in all situations. Stay well-informed in your profession, and learn more about emotionally intelligent communication skills.

What Is the T.H.I.N.K. Acronym and How to Use It

The word T.H.I.N.K. is an acronym that stands for:

T– Is what I'm saying True?

H– Is it Helpful?

I– Is it Inspiring?

N– Is it Necessary?

K– Is it Kind?

So before you open your mouth to say something, measure your words carefully using the above acronym. If your words fail this test, it’s best to remain silent rather than speak out of turn.

This will prevent you from making unnecessary mistakes and avoid hurting someone in the process. But how can you know if your words pass the test? Below are five ways to use the above acronym to help you:

Ask yourself if what you’re about to say is true and accurate. Ask yourself whether you got the information from a reliable source.

Don't spread rumors or gossip; think twice before forwarding unverified content.

Ask yourself if your words add any value to the conversation or not. Will you be adding any new information to the discussion, or are you simply repeating what’s already been said? If not, then your words may be better left unsaid.

Are your words uplifting, motivating, or inspiring? Or are they negative, critical, and unhelpful in any way?

The last thing you want is to bring a negative vibe to the conversation and discourage or demotivate someone with your words.

This could not only have a detrimental effect on the person but also on the entire atmosphere of the conversation.

Think about whether or not your words are necessary for the conversation. Do they add meaning and context, or is it just filler talk?

If your words do not add any meaningful value to the discussion, then it’s probably best to save them for another time.

Finally, analyze if your words are kind and respectful. Are the words coming from a place of compassion and understanding? Or are they judgemental and harsh?

While sometimes people may deserve harsh words, it is not our place to judge and criticize them. So consider whether your words will help or hurt the situation and act accordingly.

I hope you learned some useful information to help you prepare for thinking on your feet and considering what you say before you say it.

Good communication is the most essential quality in the health and success of all of your relationships. It's a skill that everyone needs to know.

Take a moment to share this valuable information with friends and family on your preferred social media platform.

5 thoughts on “Do You Think Before You Speak? 7 Keys To A No Regrets Conversation”

Thanks for information great blog.

This is a high-quality article. I can personally attest to the risk of making assumptions (no. 6)

Uncountable times, especially during my early twenties, I assumed that people didn’t want to hang out when they were in fact just busy.

Good tips. I like the fourth one! Very important to be clear and make sure you’re not misunderstood.

Good read. It is indeed important to think and listen than speak! But, we hardly realize that. It is a huge self help in the course of developing good relationships. It is difficult to undo what is said once. So, better to edit and say when saying it aloud. Do not regret over the spilled milk.

Soo helpful especially to people who easily bluff and prompt conversation’s like me..i always want to own a conversation but have realised I can own it better by speaking less and thinking more..

Comments are closed.

How To Think Before You Speak: 6 Steps You MUST Take

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young woman with open mouth as if about to speak, isolated against blue background

Have you ever said something you later regretted saying?

Of course you have.

Everybody has.

Have you ever had words spoken to you that you wished had not been said?

Everybody has had this experience.

We have no control over what others say to us. But we have plenty of control over what we say to them.

Our words can build up or tear down. Our speech can encourage or deflate. What we say can heal or harm.

Is there some means by which we won’t end up regretting the words we speak? Some way we can improve what we say?

Fortunately, our speech can improve significantly by following one simple rule: think before you speak.

Which is easy to say. But how do we go about this in a practical way?

Well, if the goal is to think before you speak, I’d like to offer an acronym that should help you do just that.

In fact, it’s very close to the word “think.” It’s the word T-H-A-N-K-S.

We would all give thanks if words spoken to us were friendly and kind. Likewise, others will give thanks if our words are positive and beneficial.

So let’s take a look at the acronym T-H-A-N-K-S, and see how it can help us avoid saying something we will one day rue.

We begin with the word true. Is what you’re about to say true? If not, it’s better to remain silent.

How do you know it’s true?

If you’re merely quoting what you heard, it’s simple. “John told me he will be in late tomorrow.”

You’re not predicting John’s arrival time. You aren’t saying that John will be late or not. You’re simply reporting that John said he will be in late tomorrow.

So what you’re saying is true.

But it’s usually more complicated than this. When we make a statement claiming to know something is true, we should be sure that it is.

What’s the source of the information? Is the source reliable? Are we sure we heard correctly? Is this merely our opinion we’re passing off as true? (hint: a bit of critical thinking helps in these instances)

If we’re saying something about another person, it’s even more important to be accurate and truthful. Gossip and rumors thrive on inaccurate information or statements that are just not true.

Don’t be a purveyor of untruth. Be sure what you say is accurate. Be sure that it’s true.

So if you don’t know, find out. If you aren’t sure, double check. If you know it’s not true, don’t say it.

H = Helpful

Speaking what is true is not enough. We also want to speak what is helpful.

We want things to be better because of what we said. We want to speak words that help rather than hinder.

There are innumerable ways we can speak words that are helpful.

Speak words of encouragement
Offer a sincere compliment
Make a helpful suggestion
Provide a friendly warning
Show appreciation
Express thankfulness

Of course, sometimes our conversation revolves around friendly exchanges that are little more than catching up. Mutually sharing information that lets people know how we’re doing or what we’re planning.

But even in such conversations, our words should help in some way. If nothing more than to assure the other person that they’re safe with us and they can be themselves around us.

A = Affirming

Though our conversations should not aim to be a mutual self-aggrandizing session, our words should nonetheless affirm those we’re speaking to.

By affirming I don’t mean paying compliments. Though compliments do affirm. I’m not talking about interpersonal pep talks. Though sometimes we need one and others need them.

What I’m talking about is speaking with other people in such a way that you affirm them as a human being worthy of respect.

You speak to them like they matter. Not just to you, but to the human race.

How do you do this? Several ways.

Make eye contact
Repeat their own words
Speak politely
Speak respectfully
Treat what they say seriously
Speak to them like you care about them as a person

We all want to feel affirmed. All of us want to believe and feel that we matter in some way.

Whoever you happen to be speaking to will want to be affirmed just like you will. So affirm them through the words you speak.

You may also like (article continues below):

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How To Speak More Clearly, Stop Mumbling, And Be Heard Every Time

N = Necessary

This is probably the most difficult one of the 6 to navigate. When is something necessary to say? When is it merely helpful? When is it harmful?

Some cases are clear…

If someone is preparing to drive home when they’ve had too much to drink, you will want to speak directly to them and tell them that it’s not safe or wise to drive home in their condition. Such words may not be appreciated, but they are no less necessary.

Other times, we choose to speak words that are not only unnecessary, they’re harmful . Maybe not in some tangible, physical way. But they do harm to the person emotionally or mentally.

Such is the foundation of nonconstructive criticism. Criticism that’s done more for the benefit of the speaker than the hearer. It’s so easy to criticize. It’s more difficult to affirm.

Is it really necessary to say to someone, “You’re always late”? Does that encourage them to be more punctual? Not likely.

It’s much better to simply remind them that it’s important to be on time when they can actually do something about it.

Is it really necessary to say to someone, “You’re never going to amount to anything”? Does this encourage them in some way? Hardly.

How much better it would be to challenge them to improve. To mention one specific change that would be beneficial. And to do it with gentleness and care.

The bottom line when it comes to necessity is to simply ask yourself before you speak, “Is this necessary?”

Just asking the question will often provide the best answer. If it’s necessary, go ahead and say it. If it’s not, keep it to yourself where it belongs.

You may have noticed that our world is a lot less civil than it used to be. There is so much hostility in modern society that it’s shocking to see people in the public square speaking kindly to others. Especially to their opponents.

Whether the other person is a life partner, friend, colleague, or adversary, you can speak kindly to them. And you should. There’s nothing to be gained otherwise.

Kind words are polite words. They’re words that convey respect . Kind words build up rather than tear down. They encourage and make another person’s day or even their life journey a bit easier and more pleasant.

Kind words are free to speak. It takes just a little bit of effort to say something kind rather than something critical, harsh, mean, or cruel .

It’s been said that words are free. It’s how you use them that may cost you.

Kind words are charitable, considerate, courteous, and friendly. A kind word from a stranger can literally make a person’s day. Be the person who offers the kind word.

As the saying goes:

As one person I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person.

Be the one who changes the world of one person through your kind words.

S = Sincere

The final test of “thanking” before you speak is sincerity. Sincerity is similar to honesty, but it’s not identical.

To be honest is to speak what is true. To be sincere is to speak what is genuine. It’s easy to be honest without being sincere. It’s more difficult to be sincere without being honest.

At the risk of generalizing, attorneys and politicians often speak words that are true but not sincere. Their words are honest to the degree that they aren’t lying. Their words are insincere in that they deliberately mislead or deceive.

There are many fine, honest, and sincere attorneys. Politicians too. But insincerity and dishonesty are common among them.

When we’re sincere, we may say something that isn’t even factual, but our purpose is noble.

There’s a time to be brutally honest. That time is usually when someone asks you to be. Other times we can be perfectly sincere without being perfectly factual. This happens all the time.

Someone asks you how you are and you respond with a friendly, “fine.” When truthfully you aren’t doing so well at that moment.

Someone may ask your preference, and you sincerely defer to them. You do have a preference, but you sincerely offer the other person the privilege of choosing.

Sometimes our words of encouragement are not 100% factual yet they are 100% sincere. We tell someone that everything will be okay, when deep down we know it won’t be. At least not in the way they think it will be.

Sometimes we sacrifice a bit of accuracy for the sake of sincerity and kindness. It makes the world a friendlier place.

I’ll close with a ditty that captures an important element of our speech.

Then deem it not an idle thing, A pleasant word to speak; The face you wear, the thoughts you bring, A heart may heal or break.

And I leave you with a sober reminder of the responsibility we have when it comes to our words:

Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, never forgotten.

About The Author

I was born and raised in northern Virginia near Washington, D.C. My dream as a child was to play professional baseball. I made it as far as a baseball scholarship to a Division 1 college. I’m a teacher at heart, and love to teach anything and anybody who wants to learn. I started out as a public school teacher. But within a few years, felt called to the ministry, where I spent 32 years as a pastor. I love the outdoors. I love to read. I love people. I love to learn. I try to take a long walk every day year-round. I’ve done that for more than 40 years. It’s where I do some of my best thinking. It also clears the cobwebs from my head and the nonsense that tries to take root there. My blog is Quotation Celebration , where I discuss the meaning and lessons contained within great quotes.

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20 T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak Classroom Activities

February 26, 2023 // by Ashley Pickens

When you’re about to speak, there’s a phrase you should keep in mind – “think before you speak”, especially in a classroom setting. T.H.I.N.K. stands for: Truthful, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, and Kind. This acronym means taking time to think through what you want to say and how it might affect someone else. Being aware of their words can help learners avoid hurtful statements, conflict, and misunderstandings. Let’s practice it with some fun, interactive activities!

1. THINK Classroom Banner

Creating a THINK banner will help students learn the difference between hurtful and helpful statements in a fun, visual way! Each day focuses on a different letter from “think”. Simply write it out, discuss it, and hang it up. By the end of the week, students will have understood the full phrase.

Learn More: Education.com

2. Print-and-Go Lesson Plan

This printable poster is here to remind you that before you speak. Teachers can print and post this in the classroom or print one for each student to keep in their class binder to serve as a close-proximity visual reminder for students.

Learn More: Teach Junkie

3. Short Story for K-3 Students

This short story teaches K-3 students the importance of thinking before speaking and reinforces kindness. It helps children apply the lessons from stories to their lives.

Learn More: Kids World Fun

4. TEDx Talk Lesson for Kids

This video presentation would be perfect for middle school & high school students. They’ll easily grasp the concept of “conscious communication” in conversational situations, i.e., how to think before they speak.

Learn More: TEDx Talks

5. Wrinkled Heart Activity Using Crumpled Paper

This crumpled paper activity is great for demonstrating the effects that words can have on others. Crumpling and then unfolding a piece of paper visually represents how words can hurt someone and why it’s important to think before speaking.

Learn More: Ripple Kindness

6. Examine Social Media Posts

Challenge your students to assess social media posts against the T.H.I.N.K guidelines and record their results. Discuss whether the posts should have been shared at all.

Learn More: Big Life Journal

7. Analyze “The Boy Who Cried, Wolf

“The Boy Who Cried Wolf” is a classic teaching tool for imparting the importance of truth and using the T.H.I.N.K criteria to evaluate consequences before taking action or speaking.

Learn More: Buddy Son Storytime

8. Hmm, Should I Say That?

“Hey, you’re bad at math.” Whoa, let’s back up! A cartoon teenager communicates the importance of using mindful speech and being considerate of our words in an understandable and relatable way, especially in social situations.

Learn More: Kid Youniversity

9. Think It or Say It Premium Printable Lesson

These fabulous scenario sorting worksheets help upper elementary students decipher if comments should be said aloud or kept as a thought. This interactive activity will be sure to have a huge impact on your student’s perception of their own words.

Learn More: Teachers Pay Teachers

10. Pause + Play Activity for Active Students

Suitable for 5th-grade students and above, this video teaches students to “press pause” and listen to their audience before speaking, to avoid saying something regrettable. Students can practice as a role-playing activity.

Learn More: Orai – AI Speech Coach

11. Can a Band-Aid Fix It?

This lesson on kindness will help you teach empathy. Cut out a silhouette of a person from construction paper. Have students write negative comments on the limbs and then tear them off. Tape the limbs back together with band-aids. Reflect & discuss how it would feel to be torn apart.

Learn More: Words On a Limb

12. Short Video Series for Middle/High Schoolers

This series of short video clips featuring middle and high-school-aged students emphasize the importance of being an ally to someone who is being bullied. The series also provides ways to intervene by thinking before you say/do something that will cause emotional or physical harm.

Learn More: StopBullying.gov

13. Time Out And Think

Taking a break allows children to think before speaking or acting, learning how to respond appropriately, reset, and regain composure. In a group setting, have students practice simple activities like counting to ten, reciting the alphabet, or taking a few minutes away from the situation to employ these strategies.

Learn More: Sandbox-Learning.com

14. Damaged Relationship Activit y

This activity is perfect for teaching students to be mindful of their words. Students will write unkind phrases, tear off an insult one at a time, and repair the relationship by brainstorming solutions. Tape the pieces back together and discuss if the relationship has been strengthened or weakened.

Learn More: Coffee and Carpool

15. Create a Classroom Bulletin Board

This bulletin board activity is great to kick-start the upcoming school year and reinforce positive communication skills. Using the prompts provided, students can engage in small group conversational tasks to decide what should & shouldn’t be said.

Learn More: School Bulletin Boards

16. Think Before You Post on Social Media

It’s easy to hide behind the keyboard and say whatever you want. Either as a whole class or in small groups, engage your students in analyzing this article that encourages learners to think before posting online.

Learn More: Honey and Lime

17. Cool Your Cookies: Breathing Exercises

Mindfulness Maya highlights that words can cause just as much pain as a physical injury in a fun, mental activity. She demonstrates how to “cool your cookie” by taking a moment to breathe and think before you speak, which will, in turn, have long-lasting impacts on students and relieve feelings of worry.

Learn More: Mindfulness Maya

18. Craft a Mouth to Teach Helpful Statements

Planning lessons don’t need to be a tedious task- a craft activity can help kids learn to think before they speak by role-playing scenarios. Making a paper face with a movable tongue is an engaging way to teach this lesson.

Learn More: Islam from the Start

19. Fill-in-the-Blank Printable Worksheet

This pre-made digital activity can help students recite THINK and comprehend the need for careful consideration of their words before speaking. Participating in manual-visual tasks, such as writing down concepts, enables them to create a stronger, more meaningful connection with the idea.

20. The Toothpaste Activity

Once you’ve said something hurtful, it’s nearly impossible to undo the damage. It’s like trying to shove toothpaste back into the tube; regardless of how much you try, it simply won’t fit. This activity highlights thinking before saying something that might upset someone else.

Learn More: Spell Outloud

The Importance of Thinking Before you Speak

Thinking is regarded as one of the three mega skills: thinking, writing and speaking.

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Think Before You Speak: Do you?

Home Self Improvement Self-help & Growth Think Before You Speak: Do you?

Often situations in life lead us to believe that if actions speak louder than words, why bother to think before you speak , isn’t it? This does not seem odd, at least initially. But the minute you encounter a situation in which the person on the other side does not intend to do what he or she says, the realization happens.

Ask yourself, what respect would you have for a person who does not mean what he/she says ? The answer to this question will make you realize the importance of the ‘ think before you speak ’ philosophy in your life. Irrespective of being in a personal or a professional scenario, it is important to be represented correctly even through your speech.

There must have been many instances in your life when you have just blurted out words from your mouth and what follows is a sheer embarrassment. Of course, this happens because you do not pay attention to your thoughts before you speak.

Unfortunately, the only option in such situations is to apologize profusely in anticipation that the person on the other side will eventually forget. But do not give up hope, with a little bit of practice, you can actually teach yourself to think before you speak. All it takes is a little bit of patience!

Summary in Infographics

Benefits of Thinking Before You Speak

SUMMARY The art of thinking before speaking teaches you to have meaningful conversations thus building stronger relationships.

So, you blurted out something you do not intend to do? What’s the big deal? Why does opening your mouth matter so much? If this is what you believe, you need a reality check. It is important to mean what you say and say what you mean. In fact, this is one of the first rules to be respected in any relationship-personal or professional.

The next time you are itching to start a conversation, stop and think about what you intend to say. This will barely take a few seconds but the result will be a far more impactful and meaningful conversation.

Now, let us take a look at why you actually need to practice the ‘think before you speak’ philosophy:

1. It Will Unlock More Opportunities

Have you ever missed an opportunity just because you said something that made others think that you were not fit for the job? I am sure most of us would have faced this problem at some point in our life, particularly in our careers. But, had you chosen to think and speak, the conversation would have been more effective.

Needless to say, the result could have been favorable. This is applicable to something as simple as a high school interaction. Therefore, take the cue and remember that if you intend to make the most of every opportunity that presents itself, you must learn to think before you speak. An interesting article that evaluates the findings of Harvard Business Review also highlights the importance of communicating correctly .

TIP If you think before you speak, you will be able to strategize your approach and achieve good results.

2. Reduce Your Regrets

When you regret what you say, it is actually a set back in the conversation. After all, words hurt the heart even when harming is not the intent. You regret it later. This regret grows into guilt and soon enough it starts corrupting the positive thoughts within you.

However, if you invest in some thinking before you speak , this regret can be avoided. Additionally, today we have access to social media where you can share your thoughts with the world almost instantly. This makes it even more important to carefully think it through.

3. You Are What You Speak

The connection between our thoughts and speech goes deeper than just shaping our intent. In fact, according to research , what we speak is deeply connected to shaping our personality. You should say what you mean !

For instance, if you are regularly using abusive language or speaking harsh/bitter words, your subconscious nudges you to start behaving accordingly. Unfortunately, the result of this gradual nudging is only revealed when the damage is done.

4. Handle challenging conversations

Thoughts are closely linked to our use of vocabulary. The secret to handling challenging conversations lies in carefully evaluating every aspect of your speech. All you need to do is choose your words wisely. You would be surprised to know that words have power, immense power!

5. Uplifting words

You can uplift spirits based on the sense that you convey through your conversation. Just remember that you need to invest thought in your speech.

6. Know what you are reacting to

This is one of the big advantages of opting to think before you speak is that you become conscious of what you are reacting to.

7. First impressions

Your conversation is important because it is how people will remember you. Therefore, thinking before speaking ensures that your first impressions are truly impressive.

8. Observation skills

Think before you act and this will help you strengthen your observation skills. Your mind would be attuned to carefully observing every detail before giving an opinion.

9. Analytical thinking

This habit helps you build your analytical thinking skills as well. It focuses on evaluating possible scenarios before you form an opinion.

10. Wellness

A clear and organised thought process is one of the first steps to ensuring the overall wellness of the heart and mind. This includes your mental health as well.

11. Stronger resilience

Over a period of time, thinking before speaking sharpens your skills and ensures that you have a better capability to cope with problems.

12. More respected

If you talk sense, people are likely to respect you more. They will be more forthcoming with their ideas and such interactions lead to innovations.

How to think before you speak?

To think before you speak will help you develop stronger and meaningful relationships with people around you. It is a simple yet extremely important skill that can contribute to a healthy and happy lifestyle. After all, clear conversations lay the foundation for a strong relationship. Unfortunately, a lot of us lose out on the benefits of a good relationship, simply because we do not follow this philosophy.

In the section that follows, we share a few simple tips on how one can learn to think before speaking. This is not as complex as it sounds, just a few changes in your attitude can help achieve it.

1 . Filter what you say

A lot of your troubles will fade away once you teach the mind to spare some though before you utter the words from your mouth. Try to put in place a basic process that will evaluate your thoughts before you make a conversation. In simple terms, share thoughts that matter with people that matter.

2. Observe before you act

Not every matter requires your opinion. Also, remember that you are privileged to be able to share an opinion. So, make it a point to observe the situation before you voice an opinion. You must be sure about all aspects and only then form an opinion. This will ensure that you are able to give an unbiased and fair opinion.

3. Think and answer in the same language

If your thoughts about a situation or a person are not positive, don’t try to manipulate your speech. Be loyal to your thoughts, this will encourage the formation of a genuine opinion.

4. Permanent solution

Life is always all about tackling problems. But there are two approaches to every problem. One revolves around finding a temporary solution or workaround the problem. The other approach revolves around finding a permanent solution. Don’t run away from a conversation that involves a face-off. As long as you keep postponing it, the problem will only grow.

5. Mind gym

In order to teach the mind to think before you speak, you need to engage it in exercises. This could be done through games like chess, bridge, etc. These games give you a chance to experience the beauty of well-thought actions. The advantages will motivate your mind to think each time you try to make a conversation.

6. Listen carefully

The urge to speak is often so strong that we forget the importance of listening. Our thoughts act as a barricade that prevents us from listening to what the other person is saying. Do not let this happen. Be a patient listener because you do not know when the other person may share some valuable information.

7. Read more

Reading books is a great way to exercise the mind to think more. For those who want to develop the habit of thinking before speaking, regularly reading books is a good idea. You can read books that you like, the impact will be extremely beneficial.

8. Accept mistakes

Your opinion is not sacrosanct or cast in stone. There is a possibility that you may be wrong. If you happen to be wrong, accept your mistake. This will only increase the credibility of your words and help you understand the importance of thinking before speaking.

9. Afterthoughts are good

Make it a practice to evaluate your conversations every night. During this evaluation, weigh the pros and cons of whatever you have said. Ask yourself if you could have made the conversation better. Feedback is a great way to improve your communication skills.

10. Adapt if required

The process to think before you speak should not be rigid. You should be willing to modify it as per the situation and the importance of the conversation. Some situations demand deep thought while others are quick decisions. Be willing to adapt your thought process according to the priority of the conversation.

The T-H-A-N-K-S Technique

SUMMARY To train your mind to think before you speak is not easy. The T-H-A-N-K-S technique of asking questions to yourself before any questions help you to do so.

If you want to teach yourself to think before you speak, take control of your thoughts. As soon as you decide to be in charge of your thoughts, you learn to listen to others and understand them better. This, in turn, initiates a positive cycle of events where you also end up getting a patient hearing.

You can also use the T-H-A-N-K-S technique to practice the art of thinking before speaking. This is a simple and easy-to-follow mantra that will teach you to improve your communication skills considerably. The T-H-A-N-KS method is all about ensuring that everything you say to anyone is True, Helpful, Affirming, Necessary, Kind and Sincere. How will you make this happen? Simple, ask yourself if what you say will be true, will it help the listener, is it affirming, is it necessary, is it kind and is it the most sincere approach.

The Technique

The T-H-A-N-K-S technique revolves around asking yourself 6 questions before any questions. Yes! Six simple questions and you have mastered the art. Let me break it up for you:

T stands for True

Are you speaking the truth? Ask yourself if what you are going to say is completely true. The idea is to ensure that you have all the authority over the information. After all, passing on incorrect information is extremely dangerous. Sadly, many people end up doing it without even realizing.

H stands for Helpful

Will your information help the listener. You should always remember that the purpose of any conversation is to ensure that the information being passed is helpful to the listener. No one enjoys meaningless conversations. Just like you would not want to waste your time listening to data that does not concern you.

A stands for Affirming

Is your conversation affirming to the listener? Often, there are conversations where people seek guidance or sometimes they just want to listen. This does not mean that you can get away from the situation by saying a few kind words. You actually need to affirm the other person and make them realize that you are there for them.

N stands for Necessary

The details that you choose to include in your conversation should be absolutely necessary. If it is not necessary, best not to mention it. After all, how would you feel if someone wasted your time saying things that meant nothing to you? Remember a conversation is not your chance to rob spotlight, it is more of knowledge sharing that you should focus on.

K stands for Kindness

What you say has to be kind? Imagine hearing unkind words from someone? It ruins your day, doesn’t it? So, why should you ruin someone’s day? Take a minute to think before you speak and be kind to people when you say something. Let me tell you, the kindness will ensure that your conversation has a greater impact.

S stands for Sincere

Sincerity is like the underdog, you often value it the least but it impacts the most. So, what does sincerity stand for? Simply, it is all about being truthful in the conversation. Do not say good things to people if you don’t mean them. No matter how long the conversation last, being authentic is extremely important.

So, all you need to ensure is that your next conversation should be aligned to the T-H-A-N-K-S mantra . If not, invest some thought and consciously work on adapting this mantra. Initially, the adoption may seem difficult but once you start practicing it, the positive results will make it addictive.

Thinking vs intelligence

Thinking is a fundamental skill that is crucial to living a good life. There is a difference between thinking and intelligence. Intelligence is genetic, but thinking is a skill that you can develop. Not just any skill, thinking is extremely important as it helps you develop the ability to decide the course of your life.

We often underestimate the power of words but history is filled with examples of great leaders who have won hearts with their oratorship skills. Thinking before speaking is a crucial step in mastering this skill.

Importance of Think Before You Speak

Many of us rarely spare the time to think before we speak. This is dangerous. Little do we realize that words can be helpful or hurtful, it all depends on the thought that goes into the speech! Once you say something wrong, no amount of apology will take back the hurt that you have caused the other person.

Here are reasons why thinking before speaking is important:

1. It is a good habit

One of the most important reasons to learn to think before you speak is that you get to develop a good habit. This simple act helps you avoid hurting people or building any negativity around you.

2. Words are powerful

Your words hold the power to influence the other person. In fact, words have been known to start revolutions. So, it is always a wise idea to invest in some thought before blurting out words from your mouth.

3. It teaches control

When we are emotional, we often end up saying things that we don’t mean. Blinded by our emotions, we do not think before speaking. However, if you start teaching the mind to think each time you speak, you will end up developing a stronger control over your emotions.

4. Reduces uncertainty

The practice of thinking before speaking also teaches you to interact and clarify your doubts. This in turn removes any uncertainty that could be arising from misreading the other person’s intentions or misunderstanding the conversation.

5. Builds relationships

Thinking before speaking helps you strengthen your personal as well as professional relationships. People see the effort that you invest in giving an opinion and automatically value it. Little do we realize that the words we speak hold the power to destroy relationships.

6. Stops you from being judgmental

The process of thinking teaches you to stop judging people and focus on improving yourself. This way you do not waste your time and energy criticizing others.

7. Spread positivity

You can use your well thought words to spread positivity, influence other people to do good.

8. Guarantees peace of mind

The thoughts that you accumulate before you speak, ensures that you speak sensibly. This way, you are not worried about manipulating your words to please others.

9. Say all you want

If you are thinking, it will ensure you collate all your thoughts. This way, when you are speaking, you don’t have to be worried about forgetting any of the important details.

10. Improves your communication skill

This habit teaches you to improve your communication skill. The different situations and practice teaches you to carefully evaluate when to speak and what to speak.

11. Diffuse situations

Words can help avoid wars.When you think, you get a chance to carefully word your opinion. Believe it or not, this can diffuse a lot of high pressure situations. Countries have avoided wars because their negotiators have had successful conversations!

12. It makes you wise

Excessive talking is often looked down upon as a sign of stupidity. But if you think before you speak, it makes you wise and your opinion is more respected.

13. Guaranteed professional growth

Thinking before speaking ensures better career opportunities. You are sure to be more focused at delivering better results at your job.

14. Feel motivated

The thoughts that you accumulate in your mind hold the power to motivate you. This is what pushes you to achieve more and scale new heights in your life.

15. Impactful conversations

The purpose of thinking before speaking is to keep your conversation short and simple. Talk less but talk to the point. This way your conversations will be far more meaningful.

Think before you speak quotes

1. “Life isn’t about just talking, it’s about thinking too.” ― Marie Symeou

All words and no thought are a dangerous combination. Your words will not have any impact if it is not backed by concrete thought process.

2. “A fool is made more of a fool when their mouth is more open than their mind.” ― Anthony Liccione

This quote beautifully explains the importance of speaking on a subject only if you have knowledge about it. In case, you are not aware of the details, do not rush to form opinions, and blurt them out. Because this way you will only make a fool out of yourself.

3. “Think before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” ― Napoleon Hill

Each time you utter some words, it actually is an opportunity to impress the other person positively. Therefore, be very careful of what you say, because you never know how it may end up influencing the other person in a big way.

4. “It’s often not what you say but how you say that matters the most.” ― Anonymous

When you think before you speak, you ensure that your body language is aligned to your thoughts and words. This will ensure a better impact on the listener.

5. “Knowledge is knowing what you say, wisdom is knowing how to say it.” ― Anonymous

Like we said, how you express yourself makes a huge difference to what you are saying.

6. “Think before you speak, read before you think, this will give you something to think about that you didn’t make up yourself.” ― Fran Lebowitz

Be well informed about the subject that you plan to speak on. Read about it, talk to people, and understand their viewpoint. This information will only help you improve your conversation about the matter.

7. “You are meant to think before you speak, every act should be a spiritual one involving your total being.” ― Jack Schwarz

You should be aware of what you say and the impact that it can have. Try to pass on the positivity as much as possible because it will help the other person and in turn you will also feel good.

8. “Men of few words are the best men.” ― William Shakespeare

You don’t need an essay to prove your point even in a job interview. If it is backed by a concrete thought process, you can make your point in just a few words.

9. “Genius might be the ability to say a profound thing in a simple way.” ― Charles Bukowski

Another one on the same lines, this quote talks about the importance of using fewer words to convey your thoughts in a simple way.

10. “Think before you speak, your words could hurt someone’s feelings more than you intended them to.” ― Musician Justin Bieber.

Sometimes we don’t intend to hurt others but the lack of control over our speech ends up doing so. The best way to prevent this from happening is to carefully think before you speak because your words can have a big impact.

Closing Thoughts

The ability to think before speaking is not an easy virtue to develop. However, if practiced regularly it can bring about a lot of positive changes in your attitude towards life. The best part is that you will experience better control over your conversation with others. People will value your opinion because you will make sense when you speak.

A freelancer by profession, Kavita writes on a variety of topics, mental health being one of her favorites. Fond of traveling, socializing and meeting new people, most of her inspiration for writing comes from real-life scenarios as well as experiences. Her motto in life has always been to look for a reason to smile.

Think Before You Speak

To be honest, it can be hysterical to hear a child say something they shouldn’t. A child pointing out a pimple may not bother you, but they can be damaging when said between students. So when you start hearing your students say something that hurts someone else’s feelings, it may be time to explain “think before you speak.”

One of the trickiest nuances of learning to think before you speak is knowing if a statement is helpful. Even adults have trouble recognizing that just because something is kind or neutral, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to say.

To help we have created worksheets for students in early elementary, upper elementary, and in middle school. Please feel free to use these PDFs in your Google Classroom or other virtual learning environment.

Recommended Grade Level : Elementary and Middle

SEL Skill(s) : Communication, Emotion Regulation

Duration: 30 minutes

Materials: Worksheets for Early Elementary, Upper Elementary, or Middle School (available when logged in to your Centervention Educator account)

Think Before You Speak Worksheet: Early Elementary

In this lesson, we’ll focus on modeling what we should think in our head and what we can say out loud, and we include a Think Before You Speak Poster ( letter size , legal size ) for your classroom as a daily reminder.

Prompt: “Sometimes we say things without thinking them through, and our words may not be appropriate. They may hurt someone’s feelings, or it may not be the right time to talk. Learning to think before we speak is important, not only because you are responsible for the things you say but also you’re responsible if those things you say hurt someone else. Today we’re going to review some words and decide if they should stay in our head or if it is okay to say them out loud.”

Read the directions on the worksheet and do one together.

* Allow students to complete the worksheet *

After students complete the worksheet, continue the lesson by hanging the THINK Before You Speak poster somewhere in the room.

Prompt: “This poster will help us remember to think about something before we say it out loud. Let’s go through this together.”

Think Before You Speak Worksheet: Upper Elementary

In this activity, students will practice filtering thoughts, deciding whether they should keep the thought to themselves, or say it out loud by sorting statements into the “Think it” or “Say it” columns.

After students complete the activity, discuss with them why the “think it” statements may hurt others’ feelings. To add to this activity, consider having students rewrite the statements in that column in a way that would make them okay to say out loud!

Think Before You Speak Worksheets: Middle School

In these worksheets, your students will consider whether their statements will be:

Not helpful

Being kind means being considerate of others feelings, showing them you care. A hurtful statement is one that is mean or hurts someone’s feelings. A statement that is helpful provides assistance, serves to meet a need, or is useful in achieving a goal. Just because something is kind or not hurtful, doesn’t mean it’s helpful or the right thing to say. And just because something’s not helpful, doesn’t make it hurtful.

Students will cut out the cards on the dotted lines. Then, they’ll read the situation and statement on each card, sorting the cards into four piles based on whether they think that statement is helpful, hurtful, not helpful, or kind for that situation. We have create two complete versions of the lesson, and you may want to use one or both with your students depending on their mastery of the subject.

Additional Resources

I Can’t Believe You Said That! by Julia Cook and Kelsey De Weerd
What Were You Thinking? by Bryan Smith
My Mouth Is A Volcano by Julia Cook
Me and My Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Understanding and Expressing Themselves by Vanessa Green Allen

Related Lessons and Programs

Following Directions at Home
Stories in Motion (Students with high SEL needs)
Think Sheet – Behavior Reflection

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Think Before You Speak

Speaking before you think is a bad habit that can get you into trouble and hurt you in the most important areas of your life. Relationships will suffer or end, your career will be stalled at a level far below your talents, and most importantly, you will have little confidence in yourself.

Your speech shapes your life. Time and again you find yourself in situations where the outcome depends on what you say and how you say it. Your words are a reflection of who you are. If your words are getting you into trouble, you’re showing others the very worst parts of you. You’re presenting yourself as being thoughtless, careless or just plain hurtful.

Not only do your words create a positive or negative reaction in the world around you; your speech influences your thinking and can alter the course of your future. Your words are a way of underlining your thoughts and reinforcing them. When your words are harsh, negative, inconsiderate, or judgmental then these are the aspects of your experience that are emphasized. It won’t be long before you have developed the habit of always focusing your thoughts on the darker side of life. You know what kind of a person this will turn you into – a miserable, depressing and mean spirited person who sees only the bad and not the good in others or in life.

If you speak before you think about what you’re going to say, you do not take the time to consider what words you will use, what these words will mean to another person, or how they will feel about what you’re saying. You are also not thinking about what these words say about you as a person or about all of the good things you may be neglecting to focus on.

To break the habit of speaking without thinking you first have to accept the fact that it is up to you to control your tongue. You are responsible for what comes out of your mouth.

Next, you have to diligently practice closing your mouth as soon as you open it. I’m not kidding. If you have this problem it means that you are reacting to the people and situations around you by opening your mouth and talking. You are not reacting by thinking. When you close your mouth, you are breaking the pattern or habit and taking control. You are giving yourself time to consciously CHOOSE what you want to say.

The third step is to say what you really mean. This is critical and you have to ask yourself if you are truly willing to do this. It’s easy to blurt something out and then say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking”. By then the damage is done. What you are really saying is that you are too lazy to put in the effort to pay attention to your words. Saying you are sorry only has meaning if you subsequently change your behavior. Ask yourself if you are prepared to think before you speak, to say what you mean, to stand behind your words, and to take responsibility for them.

Here are some other ideas for putting power into your speech and staying out of trouble.

Don’t talk too much. Excessive needless talking is usually a sign of nervousness or stupidity. Before you say something, ask yourself, “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” Speak only if the answer to these three questions is YES.

Avoid talking about bad, unpleasant, destructive subjects. Most of this is just a form of gossip whether you are talking about your friends or world events. Instead, talk about the good things you’ve seen or want to experience. If you do have to mention something unpleasant, use tact and gentleness, find something positive to say to offset the negative, and be brief.

Praise liberally. Sincere compliments, thanks, and other appreciative words are always welcome. Note the word “sincere”. The habit of giving honest praise not only will win you friendship and love, it will train you to look for the good around you. You’ll be amazed at how this rebounds in your life. The more genuine praise you give, the more positively people will respond to you, the more confidence you’ll feel, and the more successful you’ll be in your life.

Finally, speak calmly and as much as possible, avoid angry words. Angry words create enemies, drain your energy, and make you ill.

There is a saying that the tongue is a good servant but a terrible master. Put effort into controlling your words and it will change your life.

Shirley Vandersteen, Ph. D., R. Psych. Consulting Psychologist

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How to write an argumentative essay | Examples & tips

How to Write an Argumentative Essay | Examples & Tips

Published on July 24, 2020 by Jack Caulfield . Revised on July 23, 2023.

An argumentative essay expresses an extended argument for a particular thesis statement . The author takes a clearly defined stance on their subject and builds up an evidence-based case for it.

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When do you write an argumentative essay, approaches to argumentative essays, introducing your argument, the body: developing your argument, concluding your argument, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about argumentative essays.

You might be assigned an argumentative essay as a writing exercise in high school or in a composition class. The prompt will often ask you to argue for one of two positions, and may include terms like “argue” or “argument.” It will frequently take the form of a question.

The prompt may also be more open-ended in terms of the possible arguments you could make.

Argumentative writing at college level

At university, the vast majority of essays or papers you write will involve some form of argumentation. For example, both rhetorical analysis and literary analysis essays involve making arguments about texts.

In this context, you won’t necessarily be told to write an argumentative essay—but making an evidence-based argument is an essential goal of most academic writing, and this should be your default approach unless you’re told otherwise.

Examples of argumentative essay prompts

At a university level, all the prompts below imply an argumentative essay as the appropriate response.

Your research should lead you to develop a specific position on the topic. The essay then argues for that position and aims to convince the reader by presenting your evidence, evaluation and analysis.

Don’t just list all the effects you can think of.
Do develop a focused argument about the overall effect and why it matters, backed up by evidence from sources.
Don’t just provide a selection of data on the measures’ effectiveness.
Do build up your own argument about which kinds of measures have been most or least effective, and why.
Don’t just analyze a random selection of doppelgänger characters.
Do form an argument about specific texts, comparing and contrasting how they express their thematic concerns through doppelgänger characters.

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An argumentative essay should be objective in its approach; your arguments should rely on logic and evidence, not on exaggeration or appeals to emotion.

There are many possible approaches to argumentative essays, but there are two common models that can help you start outlining your arguments: The Toulmin model and the Rogerian model.

Toulmin arguments

The Toulmin model consists of four steps, which may be repeated as many times as necessary for the argument:

Make a claim
Provide the grounds (evidence) for the claim
Explain the warrant (how the grounds support the claim)
Discuss possible rebuttals to the claim, identifying the limits of the argument and showing that you have considered alternative perspectives

The Toulmin model is a common approach in academic essays. You don’t have to use these specific terms (grounds, warrants, rebuttals), but establishing a clear connection between your claims and the evidence supporting them is crucial in an argumentative essay.

Say you’re making an argument about the effectiveness of workplace anti-discrimination measures. You might:

Claim that unconscious bias training does not have the desired results, and resources would be better spent on other approaches
Cite data to support your claim
Explain how the data indicates that the method is ineffective
Anticipate objections to your claim based on other data, indicating whether these objections are valid, and if not, why not.

Rogerian arguments

The Rogerian model also consists of four steps you might repeat throughout your essay:

Discuss what the opposing position gets right and why people might hold this position
Highlight the problems with this position
Present your own position , showing how it addresses these problems
Suggest a possible compromise —what elements of your position would proponents of the opposing position benefit from adopting?

This model builds up a clear picture of both sides of an argument and seeks a compromise. It is particularly useful when people tend to disagree strongly on the issue discussed, allowing you to approach opposing arguments in good faith.

Say you want to argue that the internet has had a positive impact on education. You might:

Acknowledge that students rely too much on websites like Wikipedia
Argue that teachers view Wikipedia as more unreliable than it really is
Suggest that Wikipedia’s system of citations can actually teach students about referencing
Suggest critical engagement with Wikipedia as a possible assignment for teachers who are skeptical of its usefulness.

You don’t necessarily have to pick one of these models—you may even use elements of both in different parts of your essay—but it’s worth considering them if you struggle to structure your arguments.

Regardless of which approach you take, your essay should always be structured using an introduction , a body , and a conclusion .

Like other academic essays, an argumentative essay begins with an introduction . The introduction serves to capture the reader’s interest, provide background information, present your thesis statement , and (in longer essays) to summarize the structure of the body.

Hover over different parts of the example below to see how a typical introduction works.

The spread of the internet has had a world-changing effect, not least on the world of education. The use of the internet in academic contexts is on the rise, and its role in learning is hotly debated. For many teachers who did not grow up with this technology, its effects seem alarming and potentially harmful. This concern, while understandable, is misguided. The negatives of internet use are outweighed by its critical benefits for students and educators—as a uniquely comprehensive and accessible information source; a means of exposure to and engagement with different perspectives; and a highly flexible learning environment.

The body of an argumentative essay is where you develop your arguments in detail. Here you’ll present evidence, analysis, and reasoning to convince the reader that your thesis statement is true.

In the standard five-paragraph format for short essays, the body takes up three of your five paragraphs. In longer essays, it will be more paragraphs, and might be divided into sections with headings.

Each paragraph covers its own topic, introduced with a topic sentence . Each of these topics must contribute to your overall argument; don’t include irrelevant information.

This example paragraph takes a Rogerian approach: It first acknowledges the merits of the opposing position and then highlights problems with that position.

Hover over different parts of the example to see how a body paragraph is constructed.

A common frustration for teachers is students’ use of Wikipedia as a source in their writing. Its prevalence among students is not exaggerated; a survey found that the vast majority of the students surveyed used Wikipedia (Head & Eisenberg, 2010). An article in The Guardian stresses a common objection to its use: “a reliance on Wikipedia can discourage students from engaging with genuine academic writing” (Coomer, 2013). Teachers are clearly not mistaken in viewing Wikipedia usage as ubiquitous among their students; but the claim that it discourages engagement with academic sources requires further investigation. This point is treated as self-evident by many teachers, but Wikipedia itself explicitly encourages students to look into other sources. Its articles often provide references to academic publications and include warning notes where citations are missing; the site’s own guidelines for research make clear that it should be used as a starting point, emphasizing that users should always “read the references and check whether they really do support what the article says” (“Wikipedia:Researching with Wikipedia,” 2020). Indeed, for many students, Wikipedia is their first encounter with the concepts of citation and referencing. The use of Wikipedia therefore has a positive side that merits deeper consideration than it often receives.

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An argumentative essay ends with a conclusion that summarizes and reflects on the arguments made in the body.

No new arguments or evidence appear here, but in longer essays you may discuss the strengths and weaknesses of your argument and suggest topics for future research. In all conclusions, you should stress the relevance and importance of your argument.

Hover over the following example to see the typical elements of a conclusion.

The internet has had a major positive impact on the world of education; occasional pitfalls aside, its value is evident in numerous applications. The future of teaching lies in the possibilities the internet opens up for communication, research, and interactivity. As the popularity of distance learning shows, students value the flexibility and accessibility offered by digital education, and educators should fully embrace these advantages. The internet’s dangers, real and imaginary, have been documented exhaustively by skeptics, but the internet is here to stay; it is time to focus seriously on its potential for good.

If you want to know more about AI tools , college essays , or fallacies make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples or go directly to our tools!

Ad hominem fallacy
Post hoc fallacy
Appeal to authority fallacy
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An argumentative essay tends to be a longer essay involving independent research, and aims to make an original argument about a topic. Its thesis statement makes a contentious claim that must be supported in an objective, evidence-based way.

An expository essay also aims to be objective, but it doesn’t have to make an original argument. Rather, it aims to explain something (e.g., a process or idea) in a clear, concise way. Expository essays are often shorter assignments and rely less on research.

At college level, you must properly cite your sources in all essays , research papers , and other academic texts (except exams and in-class exercises).

Add a citation whenever you quote , paraphrase , or summarize information or ideas from a source. You should also give full source details in a bibliography or reference list at the end of your text.

The exact format of your citations depends on which citation style you are instructed to use. The most common styles are APA , MLA , and Chicago .

The majority of the essays written at university are some sort of argumentative essay . Unless otherwise specified, you can assume that the goal of any essay you’re asked to write is argumentative: To convince the reader of your position using evidence and reasoning.

In composition classes you might be given assignments that specifically test your ability to write an argumentative essay. Look out for prompts including instructions like “argue,” “assess,” or “discuss” to see if this is the goal.

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10 English Phrases to Express Your Opinion in an Essay

This is a guest post by Sam Pealing. Make sure to visit his website EnglishForStudy.com for more academic English help!

I admire international students. Seriously. If you’re a non-native English speaker doing a degree or doctorate in English, then I take my hat off to you.

I get a lot of questions about writing essays, and I’ve taught hundreds of students how to write effective essays (which get good grades). One of the most common mistakes that I see is a lack of opinion.

Most of the time, students describe a situation, but they don’t give their opinion or stance. This can really damage your grade because lecturers are always looking for ‘critical thinking’. If you don’t give your opinion in your essays, your lecturers can’t see your critical thinking.

To put it simply: If you don’t put your opinion or stance in an essay, then you’ll probably lose marks.

In this article, you’ll learn 10 effective phrases that you can use to give your opinion in your essay. I’ve also created a free lesson pack which will help you to practice the phrases in this article. CLICK HERE to download it.

Introducing the Phrases

If you’re looking for a quick fix for your essay, these phrases should help you to start putting your own opinions in your essays.

But, before you rush over to your essays to start putting these phrases in, there’s something you need to know.

If you’re writing an academic essay, you will need to support your opinions with strong evidence . This is especially true if you are using some of the stronger phrases.

This evidence can be a journal article, a lecture, a textbook, or something else which is a trustworthy source of information.

In a more informal essay, like one in an IELTS or TOEFL language test, you don’t need to support your answers with strong evidence. Your experiences or opinions will be enough.

Quick note : I know! You’re ready to see the phrases.

This won’t take long and it’s really important.

1. For these phrases to be really effective, you’ll need to review your grammar. Shayna has some great videos on her Espresso English Youtube channel .

I recommend these:

Subject/Verb agreement
Formal and Informal English
Correcting Grammar Mistakes

2. If you want to know the structure of a good essay paragraph, check my post here .

Academic English Phrases for Writing an Essay

Informal English Phrases

These phrases are suitable for language tests such as TOEFL or IELTS. In an academic essay, these phrases will probably be too informal because they are too personal.

“In my opinion, + [your sentence]”

In my opinion , a good education is more important than a good car.

“I believe that + [your sentence]”

I believe that schools should encourage students to walk or cycle to school rather than drive.

“In my mind, + [your sentence]”

“ In my mind , no-one should have to pay for medical care.”

More Formal Academic Phrases With ‘That’

These phrases are more suitable for academic essays. If you are unsure whether you should use an informal phrase or an academic phrase, use an academic one. If you think your writing might be informal, read this post to learn more.

The patterns here are quite straightforward. Just add your sentence after ‘that’.

“It would seem that + [your sentence]”

Use this when you support your opinion with evidence.

“ It would seem that children learn best when they are feeling comfortable.”

“It could be argued that + [your sentence]”

Use this when you want to challenge an existing opinion.

“ It could be argued that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks in this situation.”

“This suggests that + [your sentence]”

Use this when you don’t want to fully commit to an opinion. You’re giving yourself some distance.

“ The evidence suggests that people who speak more than one language have more job opportunities.”

“This proves that + [your sentence]”

Use this when you are confident with your opinion. This phrase is quite strong*

“ This proves that the best way to lose weight is through a controlled diet and a good exercise program.”

“This supports the idea that + [your sentence]”

Use this one when you are supporting an opinion that you have already made.

“ This new research supports the idea that successful English learners look for opportunities to use English.”

Other Ways to Express Opinion

“although [idea you disagree with], [idea you agree with]”.

Use this when you want make your opinion seem balanced.

“ Although reports suggest that cigarettes could help people to lose weight, there are too many serious health problems associated with smoking.”

Note: The ‘ although’ pattern is very effective because it shows two sides of the argument. In the example, I support the idea that smoking is bad for your health –BUT- I recognise that it could have some benefits.

Structure your ‘ although’ sentence like this: Although, [weaker argument you disagree with], [stronger argument you agree with].

Using Adverbs, Adjectives and Nouns

You can use adjectives to show your opinion.

“This research was poorly conducted with a lack of control .”

The adjective and nouns in the example are negative . You can get some good ideas from this video on Extreme Adjectives . Note: try not to use any emotional adjectives .

Make Your Own Phrases!

Of course, these phrases aren’t the only ones that you can use! You can find more – or – you can create your own by combining different patterns.

Here’s an example of #7, #9 and #10 used together.

“Although it is difficult for older adults to learn a second language, an important study by Smith (2014) proved that the elderly can successfully learn new languages.”

What Should You Do Now?

So now you should have a better idea of how to include more opinions in your essays. But that’s not all; there are probably some new words here that you don’t know.

So here’s what you should do:

Choose three of the opinion expressions and phrases that you want to try.
Practice writing sentences using them (if you don’t have a topic, try this: should students do homework? You can see examples of this in the lesson pack )
Get the Lesson Pack for this lesson (which contains the vocabulary and the phrases from this lesson) CLICK HERE to download it .

Learn more:

Basic English phrases
Intermediate English phrases
Advanced English phrases

About Sam Pealing

Sam Pealing is an English language coach who specialises in two important areas: 1. helping you to get great grades at university, and 2. helping you to become an effective and confident English user. If you’re feeling frustrated or confused with English, Sam has created the perfect email course for you! You can join his course here –or- you can read more by him on English For Study .

Get corrections on your written English:

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Hi, I’m Shayna. I create courses helping English as a Second Language learners become more fluent in just a few minutes a day – so they can speak English naturally and confidently in work and daily life.

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Think Before You Speak
Think before you speak essay
Think before you speak

COMMENTS

T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak: Case Studies in Mindful Speech
Catharine Hannay, M.A., is the founder of MindfulTeachers.org and the author of Being You: A Girl's Guide to Mindfulness, a workbook for teen girls on mindfulness, compassion, and self-acceptance.She was a teacher for twenty years, including a dozen years in the Intensive English Program at Georgetown University, and now works as a writer and editor specializing in mindfulness, effective ...
How to T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak
Note down some responses you would like to give in these situations in the future. 2. Plan some generic positive remarks, comments, or stories you can use when asked to speak up without notice. 3. Think of some questions you can ask to change the conversation topic or deflect the conversation to another person.
Think Before You Speak: 10 Reasons Why It's Important
10 Reasons Why Thinking Before You Speak is Important. 1. Your words show who you are. Words aren't simply words - they reveal your true nature. Words can determine your character and personality so it's important to always watch what you say. You wouldn't want others to perceive you as harsh and cruel, after all.
13 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak
1. It puts you in control. Gathering your thoughts first not only influences your speech but also tone and attitude during communication. The ability to stop and assess your own feelings and state of mind at the moment puts you in command. You're more likely to speak from a place of logic rather than emotion.
How (and why) to think before you speak: 12 mindful tips
Fortunately, mindful strategies can help. Deep breathing: Practice taking deep breaths when you feel pressured to respond quickly. This can help calm your mind and give you time to think. Mental reminder cues: Use a phrase like ,"Pause and think," or "Take a moment," to remind yourself to slow down.
11 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak
If you are in the latter category, then you will want to seriously think about these very important reasons why you should think before you say something you shouldn't. 1. Your Words Reflect Who You Are. When I was growing up, my mother taught me and my sisters not to use swear words.
How to Think Before You Speak: 4 Tips
Teaches Makeup and Beauty. Teaches Scientific Thinking and Communication. Teaches Effective and Authentic Communication. Teaches Sales and Persuasion. Teaches Buying and Selling Real Estate. Teaches Designing Your Career. Teaches Leading Winning Teams. Teaches Purposeful Communication. On the Power of Personal Branding.
Why You Should Think Before You Speak
Four ways to think before you speak are to practice mindfulness, use empathy, take your time, and determine the purpose of your speech. Practice mindfulness. When one doesn't practice mindfulness, impulsivity takes over and we can say things we later regret. Notice the first place your mind goes when you feel triggered or attacked.
Your Words Have Impact, So Think Before You Speak
Think about one of the greats: President John F. Kennedy, inaugurated on Jan. 20, 1960. He is known for his famous line: "And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask ...
How To Think Before You Speak (7 Steps To Avoid Embarrassment)
How to think before you speak: Seven keys to improving your speaking: 1. Pause to see if you really have something to say. 2. Before you speak consider your audience. 3. Consider your purpose before you speak. 4. Make sure you're being specific in what you say. 5. Consider the words you choose. 6. Don't make assumptions. 7.
How To Think Before You Speak: 6 Steps You MUST Take
Repeat their own words. Speak politely. Speak respectfully. Treat what they say seriously. Speak to them like you care about them as a person. We all want to feel affirmed. All of us want to believe and feel that we matter in some way. Whoever you happen to be speaking to will want to be affirmed just like you will.
PDF Strategies for Essay Writing
• You may identify a controversy that you think needs to be addressed, and you may want to ask a question about how it might be resolved. • You may notice a problem that you think has been ignored, and you may want to try to solve it or consider why it has been ignored. • You may encounter a piece of evidence that you think warrants a ...
20 T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak Classroom Activities
Let's practice it with some fun, interactive activities! 1. THINK Classroom Banner. Creating a THINK banner will help students learn the difference between hurtful and helpful statements in a fun, visual way! Each day focuses on a different letter from "think". Simply write it out, discuss it, and hang it up.
Why You Need To Think Before You Speak
Avoid Future Legal Issues — Think Before You Speak! You could say something false, misleading, or offensive when you speak without thinking. It could result in a defamation lawsuit.
How to Structure an Essay
The basic structure of an essay always consists of an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. But for many students, the most difficult part of structuring an essay is deciding how to organize information within the body. This article provides useful templates and tips to help you outline your essay, make decisions about your structure, and ...
The Importance of Thinking Before you Speak
Developing Healthy Habits. Thinking before you speak is a really good habit to develop, to avoid causing trouble in your life, whether in your relationships, career or elsewhere. When you don't think before you speak, you're more likely to make badly informed statements and reduce your credibility, let alone hurt someone by 'putting your ...
Think Before You Speak
Just remember that you need to invest thought in your speech. 6. Know what you are reacting to. This is one of the big advantages of opting to think before you speak is that you become conscious of what you are reacting to. 7. First impressions. Your conversation is important because it is how people will remember you.
Think Before You Speak
Think Before You Speak Worksheet: Upper Elementary. In this activity, students will practice filtering thoughts, deciding whether they should keep the thought to themselves, or say it out loud by sorting statements into the "Think it" or "Say it" columns. After students complete the activity, discuss with them why the "think it ...
Think Before You Speak
Think Before You Speak. Speaking before you think is a bad habit that can get you into trouble and hurt you in the most important areas of your life. Relationships will suffer or end, your career will be stalled at a level far below your talents, and most importantly, you will have little confidence in yourself. Your speech shapes your life.
How to Write an Argumentative Essay
Make a claim. Provide the grounds (evidence) for the claim. Explain the warrant (how the grounds support the claim) Discuss possible rebuttals to the claim, identifying the limits of the argument and showing that you have considered alternative perspectives. The Toulmin model is a common approach in academic essays.
10 English Phrases to Express Your Opinion in an Essay
1. For these phrases to be really effective, you'll need to review your grammar. Shayna has some great videos on her Espresso English Youtube channel. I recommend these: Subject/Verb agreement. Formal and Informal English. Correcting Grammar Mistakes. 2.
How to Start an Essay: 7 Tips for a Knockout Essay Introduction
Share a shocking or amusing fact. One way to start your essay is with a shocking, unexpected, or amusing fact about the topic you're covering. This grabs the reader's attention and makes them want to read further, expecting explanation, context, and/or elaboration on the fact you presented. Check out these essay introduction examples that ...
Essay Writing in English: Techniques and Tips for Crafting ...
Capturing the reader's attention. Think of your introduction as a gateway to your essay. Engage your reader with a captivating opening sentence that sparks curiosity and makes them want to read further. For example, suppose we were to write an essay on Mary Jackson, the first Black woman to work at NASA.

How to T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak and Not Put Your Foot in Your Mouth

How difficult can it be to think before you speak?

Why should you think before you speak?

Why does it happen? Why is it so hard to think before you speak?

The Lack of Patience

The Lack of Listening Skills

Being Impulsive

But should you always think before speaking?

The THINK Acronym

The Power of Mental Pause

How to get into the habit of thinking before I speak?

Becoming A Quick Thinker

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Useful Links

13 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

How Do I Learn to Think Before I Speak?

1. It puts you in control

2. Your words reflect your personality

3. Words can inspire or destroy

4. It shows that you're considerate

5. You risk saying things you don't mean

6. Encourages more listening and less talking

7. You'll avoid offending people

8. It minimizes the need for apologies

9. The wrong words can hurt

10. You get a chance to clarify

11. You cannot unsay words

12. You risk alienating people

13. You affect your own life

The T.H.I.N.K Before Speaking Technique

Final Thoughts on Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

Communication

1. Your Words Reflect Who You Are

2. Words Have Power

3. Words Can Hurt (or Help) People

4. Your Emotions Can Make You Say Things You Don’t Mean

5. You Might Have Assumed intention on the Other Person’s Part

6. You Might Be Overreacting

7. Your Relationship With Other People (or Situation) Doesn’t Warrant Your Words

8. You Might Be Judging Too Harshly

9. Words Can Destroy Relationships

10. Words Can Affect Other People’s Actions

11. You Can Never Take It Back

What Should You Do Now?

Final Thoughts

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