psychology relationships essay

Psychology and Enduring Relationships Essay

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Introduction

Psychological stances, additional evidence, reference list.

Relationships are often linked with many social and psychological benefits, such as improved health, low-stress levels, a sense of belonging, and even longer life. However, these benefits can only be realized when connections last long. In line with this view and drawing on the link between the length and benefits of coupling, it is important to understand the psychology of enduring relationships to predict the extent that people stay together.

This study investigates this topic in two parts. The first one highlights attachment and cultural psychology as two theoretical predictors of enduring relationships, while the second one interrogates additional evidence from peer-reviewed journals regarding the psychology of enduring relationships and their connection with the two theoretical foundations mentioned above. In the last section of the paper, a summary of the two contextual arguments is provided.

Attachment Psychology

Holliman and Critten (2015) explained the concept of childhood attachment as a set of social and emotional relationships that a person develops with their primary caregivers during their first years of development. It stems from developmental psychology and early childhood development studies, which presuppose that childhood relationships are the foundation of adult unions (Holliman and Critten, 2015).

Stated differently, in their arguments, proponents of the attachment theory believe that infants develop bonds of attachment with their primary caregivers during their formative years and use the same basis of interaction to nurture relationships as adults (Holliman and Critten, 2015). Therefore, it is believed that infants develop fundamental ideas about intimacy and attachment in their formative years of growth (Parolin and Simonelli, 2016).

The theory of attachment also suggests that the predisposition of children to their caregiver’s control and influence during early childhood development shapes their perception of intimacy in relationships (Gabb and Fink, 2015). Therefore, based on varied childhood experiences, it is possible for partners, in the same relationship, to have different levels of intimacy. This statement explains the basis for the existence of different versions of love and friendship in society because partners may have diverse opinions about what friendship and love mean to them, subject to their needs of attachment developed during childhood (Alinejad, 2019).

Gabb and Fink (2015) use people’s diverse interpretations of emotional attachment to demonstrate that love is a “slippery” concept because it has no common definition. In other words, they suggest that although couples may invoke the concept of love at one point in their relationships, its meaning and articulation are debatable (Gabb and Fink, 2015). Relative to this assertion, Watts and McDermott (2015) say that varied interpretations of love and friendship significantly impact how people endure relationships. Therefore, conceptions of intimacy have to be understood within the framework of how partners view the attachment in relationships.

Cultural Psychology

Cultural psychology is the second basis for understanding endurance in relationships because attachment can explain how relationships evolve and are sustained within sociocultural contexts. Stated differently, a child’s interpersonal bonds that are developed during childhood may be replicated in families and across generations, thereby drawing a link between how communities view intimacy and how their members endure relationships.

Therefore, it is possible to identify causality when analysing how long people stay together. For example, diversity in parenting styles across different regions, cultures, and societies provides a broad contextual understanding of how partners endure relationships. They also draw attention to the arguments made by proponents of the attachment theory, who trace people’s conceptions and ideas of intimacy and love, to their childhood experiences (Duschinsky and Solomon, 2017; Rapoza et al. , 2016). These factors predict how couples satisfy their needs for security in their childhood and adult years (Prager et al., 2019).

Cultural differences have implications on how couples endure relationships because it is difficult to sustain such unions if two people do not share the same meaning of love. This argument can be extrapolated to explain how people gift each other in relationships. While some cultures may deem gifting as an act of kindness, the feelings underlying the process are more important in predicting the level of satisfaction that partners would have in their relationships.

This is why some societies may consider a simple act of love, such as picking a rose from the garden, as more meaningful than buying a bouquet at the florist. Such variations in perceptions of love stem from people’s socialization processes that eventually influence how they endure relationships. The common understanding of love and friendships also infer the same reasoning because it is built on communication and trust between partners. Furthermore, it draws on theories of attachment and relationships, especially when deconstructing ideas of love and intimacy in a sociocultural context.

The link between attachment, culture, and adult intimacy is highlighted in many pieces of literature, such as those authored by Velotti et al. (2018), Graci and Fivush (2017), and Toft and Yip (2018). They suggest that behaviours of love and intimacy are based on the type of relationship a child was exposed to during childhood. For example, Velotti et al. (2018), Toft and Yip (2018) suggest that a person who grew up in an abusive household may tolerate the same vice from a partner because of the false belief that they are “enduring” out of love. In such a case, love is linked to abuse.

The opposite is also true because a child who grows up in a happy and loving household may not tolerate abuse as an adult. After all, it contradicts their ideas of love and intimacy in relationships. Therefore, Velotti et al. (2018), Graci and Fivush (2017) provide additional evidence showing the extent that endurance can be measured by assessing childhood conceptions of attachment.

The concept of shared time also contributes to the attachment theory because it is important for partners to set some time aside from their busy schedules to nurture their relationships. Albury and Byron (2016) support this view through their investigations of intimacy in relationships. They reinforce the position that shared time is essential in nurturing long-term relationships. Relative to this assertion, Gabb and Fink (2015) demonstrate the importance of striking a balance between work and relationship commitments because, in as much as shared time is desired, partners also need some time apart to work on personal goals. This balance creates the foundation for fulfilling and happy relationships.

Additional literature from van Lankveld et al. (2018), Denes, Afifi and Granger (2017) also supports the use of cultural conditioning as a basis for predicting endurance in long-term relationships because they say that communication is a by-product of sociocultural factors, such as religion, societal beliefs, sexual norms, intimacy and other aspects of interpersonal bonding.

These attributes reinforce long-term relationship building. Based on this reasoning, Gabb and Fink (2015) suggest that good communication is linked to the idea of “having a laugh,” which is also integral in sustaining relationships because fulfilling unions are fun. Consequently, humour is a product of good communication and it plays an integral role in deescalating conflicts among couples and building satisfactory relationships.

Lastly, Gabb and Fink (2015) also draw attention to the subjectivity of intimacy as a predictor of long-term relationships. They explain their views by highlighting the importance of practising good communication styles in sustaining long-term relationships. Stemming from this view, Monteiro and Balogun (2015) also add those in-depth conversations and casual chats between partners could help to predict how long couples endure relationships. They further argue that the closeness formed between partners (through effective communication) plays an integral role in managing the stresses of being in long-term relationships (Monteiro and Balogun, 2015). Given that communication styles are products of sociocultural conditioning, the importance of understanding the sociocultural influences of relationship-building suffice.

The insights provided in this paper draw attention to the need to respect diversity in understanding how people endure relationships. A link has been established between the concepts of endurance, love, and intimacy because they are predictors of lasting relationships among partners. Attachments developed during infancy have also been cited as possible predictors of how couples endure relationships. Subject to cultural influences, it can be deduced that although who and how people love is changing, the common desire to be in a relationship lives on. Such desires influence intimacy and affect how people develop trust in relationships or manage challenges that arise from them.

They also influence how partners understand the emotional and practical efforts needed to sustain long-term relationships. This is why partners from diverse backgrounds may have varied communication styles while pursuing the same goal – to be loved. Such social constructs of intimacy and love explain how relationships are sustained within each cultural context. Lastly, differences in attachment among partners also highlight communication as a possible basis for developing intimacy in relationships.

Furthermore, effective communication among partners confers the importance of time and mutual respect in relationships. Indeed, by listening to each other, couples tend to understand and reassure themselves of their love and commitment. Broadly, these findings influence how couples perceive the everyday mundanities required in making long-term relationships work.

Albury, K. and Byron, P. (2016) ‘Safe on my phone? Same-sex attracted young people’s negotiations of intimacy, visibility, and risk on digital hook-up apps’, Social Media and Society , 2(1), pp. 1-10.

Alinejad, D. (2019) ‘Careful co-presence: the transnational mediation of emotional intimacy’, Social Media and Society, 5(3), pp. 1-10.

Denes, A., Afifi, T. D. and Granger, D. A. (2017) ‘Physiology and pillow talk: relations between testosterone and communication post-sex’, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , 34(3), pp. 281-308.

Duschinsky, R. and Solomon, J. (2017) ‘Infant disorganized attachment: clarifying levels of analysis’, Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry , 22(4), pp. 524-538.

Gabb, J. and Fink, J. (2015) Couple relationships in the 21st century. London: Palgrave Macmillan.

Graci, M. E. and Fivush, R. (2017) ‘Narrative meaning-making, attachment, and psychological growth and stress’, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , 34(4), pp. 486-509.

Holliman, A. and Critten, S. (2015) ‘What is the point of childhood? Early experiences and social relationships’, in Capdevila, R., Dixon, J. and Briggs, G. (eds.) Investigating psychology 2 from biological to developmental . Milton Keynes: The Open University, pp. 59-81.

Monteiro, N. M. and Balogun, S. K. (2015) ‘Psychosocial predictors of relationship conflict styles as mediated by emotional intelligence: a study of Botswana adults’, SAGE Open , 1(2), pp. 1-10.

Parolin, M. and Simonelli, A. (2016) ‘Attachment theory and maternal drug addiction: the contribution to parenting interventions’, Frontiers in Psychiatry , 7(1), pp. 152-154.

Prager, K. J. et al. (2019) ‘Withdrawal, attachment security, and recovery from conflict in couple relationships’, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , 36(2), pp. 573-598.

Rapoza, K. A. et al. (2016) ‘Attachment as a moderating factor between social support, physical health, and psychological symptoms’, SAGE Open , 6(4), pp. 1-10.

Toft, A. and Yip, A. (2018) ‘Intimacy negotiated: the management of relationships and the construction of personal communities in the lives of bisexual women and men’, Sexualities , 21(2), pp. 233-250.

van Lankveld, J. et al. (2018) ‘The associations of intimacy and sexuality in daily life: temporal dynamics and gender effects within romantic relationships’, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , 35(4), pp. 557-576.

Velotti, P. et al. (2018). Exploring relationships: a systematic review on intimate partner violence and attachment. Frontiers in Psychology , 9(1), pp. 1166-1168.

Watts, S. and McDermott, V. (2015) ‘Why would I hang around with you? The psychology of personal relationships’, in Capdevila, R., Dixon, J. and Briggs, G. (eds.) Investigating psychology 2 from biological to developmental . Milton Keynes: The Open University, pp. 231-269.

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The psychology of love: 10 groundbreaking insights into the science of relationships

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In the quest to understand the complex dynamics of love and relationships, recent scientific inquiries have unveiled fascinating insights into how our connections with others shape our mental health, preferences, and overall happiness.

From the profound impact of romantic relationships on psychological well-being to the evolutionary roots of love, these studies offer a comprehensive look into the forces driving our closest bonds. This article delves into the latest research findings, shedding light on the science behind love, attraction, and the deep psychological interplay at the heart of human relationships.

The exploration into the psychology of love spans various disciplines, including social psychology, neuroscience, and evolutionary biology, each contributing unique perspectives to our understanding of romantic connections.

These studies collectively reveal how aspects such as relationship quality, partner preferences, humor, and even our value systems play pivotal roles in the formation and maintenance of romantic relationships. Through a closer examination of these elements, we can begin to appreciate the intricate web of factors that not only draw us together but also sustain love over time.

1. The Link Between Romantic Relationships and Mental Health

In a study published in Current Opinion in Psychology , researchers Scott Braithwaite and Julianne Holt-Lunstad explored the intricate relationship between long-term romantic relationships and mental health. They delved into the question of causality—whether being in a marriage leads to better mental health or if individuals with better mental health are more likely to get married. Their review of both cross-sectional and longitudinal studies revealed that while married individuals generally exhibit better mental health than their non-married counterparts, the direction of causality leans more significantly from the quality and presence of romantic relationships towards improved mental health outcomes. This suggests that being in a committed relationship, such as marriage, tends to enhance one’s mental health more profoundly than less committed forms of cohabitation.

The study highlights the significance of relationship quality, noting that individuals in healthy and satisfying relationships experience better mental health. Moreover, improving the quality of a relationship was found to precede improvements in mental health, reinforcing the idea that positive relationship dynamics play a crucial role in fostering mental well-being. This insight underscores the greater impact that negative aspects of mental health, such as depression and depressive symptoms, have on romantic relationships compared to positive mental health constructs. The researchers emphasized the importance of focusing on preventing negative relationship patterns as a means of safeguarding mental health.

The implications of this research are profound, suggesting that interventions aimed at enhancing relationship quality could be as effective as those targeting individual mental health issues. The findings advocate for a shift in focus towards preventing dysfunctional relationships as a strategic approach to improving overall mental health. By establishing that healthy romantic relationships act as a protective factor against mental health problems, the study underscores the necessity of nurturing positive relationship dynamics. This reinforces the concept that investment in the health of personal relationships can lead to significant benefits for mental health, highlighting relationships as a cornerstone of human well-being.

2. Evolving Preferences in Partner Selection

In a fascinating study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , researchers led by Julie Driebe delved into how life events and personal growth influence people’s preferences in choosing a romantic partner over time. This research aimed to bridge gaps in understanding whether individuals’ ideal partner preferences evolve and if people are aware of these changes. Through a longitudinal approach, spanning 13 years from an initial speed dating experiment, the study revisited participants to reassess their partner preferences. The findings revealed a complex picture: while core preferences remained relatively stable, significant shifts did occur, notably with less emphasis on physical attractiveness and wealth and more on kindness, humor, and shared values as people aged. The influence of major life events, such as becoming a parent, was also highlighted as a factor contributing to these changes in preferences.

Driebe’s team’s methodology involved recontacting participants from the Berlin Speed Dating Study conducted in 2006, analyzing their responses to understand changes in eight key dimensions of partner preference. Despite the inherent stability in preferences over time, the study identified nuanced shifts, especially an increased value placed on status, resources, and family orientation as individuals aged. Interestingly, the study also discovered discrepancies between participants’ perceptions of their changing preferences and the actual changes observed, particularly regarding status, resources, and intelligence. This discrepancy points to the complexity of self-awareness in how personal growth and life experiences shape partner selection criteria.

The implications of these findings are profound, shedding light on the dynamic interplay between personal development, life experiences, and mate selection. The study underscores the importance of considering how individual experiences and the passage of time mold our desires in romantic partners, suggesting a fluidity in mate preferences that reflects broader personal evolution. Despite limitations, such as the reliance on a specific sample group and the unexplored influence of cultural factors, this research opens new avenues for understanding how and why our criteria for a romantic partner may change as we navigate through life’s milestones. It highlights the importance of acknowledging personal growth and life events in the study of mate selection, suggesting that as individuals evolve, so too do their preferences for a partner, with some changes more perceptible to the individual than others.

3. The Role of Humor in Romantic Attraction

A recent study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin has illuminated the significant role humor plays in romantic attraction, suggesting that a good sense of humor is not just a desirable trait but is perceived as an indicator of a partner’s creative problem-solving abilities. This research, spearheaded by Erika Langley, a PhD candidate in social psychology at Arizona State University, and her colleague Michelle Shiota, an associate professor, aimed to dissect the underlying reasons why humor is so universally valued in romantic partners. Through a series of six comprehensive studies involving various scenarios—from first-date impressions to long-term relationship dynamics—the researchers discovered that individuals with a keen sense of humor are more appealing as potential partners due to the association of humor with creativity, intelligence, and social competence.

The initial studies focused on participants’ reactions to hypothetical first-date scenarios, revealing that humor significantly influenced the perception of a partner’s creative ingenuity, irrespective of the participant’s gender. This suggests that both men and women value humor for similar reasons, associating it with a partner’s ability to navigate complex situations with inventive solutions. Interestingly, the effect of humor on the perception of creative problem-solving skills was consistent across different relationship contexts, whether the participants were considering a potential partner for a short-term fling or a long-term commitment. Furthermore, humor was valued not only for the immediate joy it brings to interactions but also for the implied cognitive abilities it suggests in a partner, especially in the context of overcoming life’s challenges together.

The latter studies extended these findings, exploring how humor portrayed in online dating profiles and video dating scenarios influences perceptions of potential partners. Profiles and responses infused with humor were not only seen as more creative but also more socially competent, enhancing the individual’s attractiveness for initiating romantic relationships. This comprehensive investigation into the role of humor in romantic attraction underscores its significance beyond mere entertainment, highlighting humor as a key indicator of desirable traits such as creativity and social adeptness.

4. Understanding Love Through the Brain’s Reward System

A study published in Behavioral Sciences by Adam Bode and Phillip S. Kavanagh has unveiled a compelling link between the brain’s reward system and the intensity of romantic love. By crafting a new scale, the Behavioral Activation System Sensitivity to a Loved One (BAS-SLO) Scale, researchers have illuminated how the Behavioral Activation System (BAS)—a mechanism in our brain that drives us towards rewards and motivates our actions—is intricately tied to the depth of romantic feelings we experience. This finding enriches our biological understanding of love, suggesting that the strength of romantic emotions is partially influenced by the same internal system that propels us towards goals and rewards.

The first part of the study involved developing and validating the BAS-SLO Scale with over 1,500 young adults who identified as being in love. This new tool, adapted from the existing Behavioral Activation System Scale, aimed to measure the BAS’s response specifically in romantic contexts. Participants answered questions about their reactions and feelings towards their partners, alongside completing the Passionate Love Scale—30, a measure assessing the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral aspects of romantic love. The results indicated that the new scale was reliable and valid for measuring the role of BAS in romantic love, showing that the brain’s reward responsiveness, drive, and fun-seeking behaviors in relation to a partner were closely linked to romantic love intensity.

In the second phase, with a subset of participants, the study further explored how the BAS-SLO scores correlated with the intensity of romantic love, finding that higher sensitivity in the Behavioral Activation System towards a romantic partner was significantly associated with stronger feelings of love. This correlation accounted for almost 9% of the variance in the intensity of romantic feelings, underscoring the substantial role of the BAS in shaping romantic love. Despite some limitations, such as the need for replication in different samples and controlling for the normal functioning of BAS, this research marks a significant step forward in understanding the biological underpinnings of romantic love, opening new avenues for exploring the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral mechanisms that fuel our love lives.

5. Positive Communication’s Impact on Romantic Outcomes

A new study published in Sexual and Relationship Therapy offers insightful findings on the dynamics of positive communication within romantic relationships and its impact on sexual and relationship satisfaction. Conducted by Christine E. Leistner and her team from the Department of Public Health and Health Services Administration at California State University, Chico, the research utilized data from 246 couples to explore how expressions of affection, compliments, and fondness contribute to the satisfaction and desire among partners. Utilizing both traditional statistical analysis and advanced machine learning techniques, the study revealed that positive communication, encompassing acts like showing affection and giving compliments, consistently leads to higher levels of satisfaction and desire in relationships for both individuals and their partners. Interestingly, the study also found nuanced differences in how various forms of positive communication, such as fondness and compliments, uniquely influence sexual satisfaction and desire.

The research highlighted that the impact of positive communication on relationship and sexual satisfaction is complex, with certain combinations of communication types producing different effects based on factors like age and the balance of compliments and affection. For example, while fondness and compliments were identified as strong predictors of sexual satisfaction, the interaction between high levels of compliments and affection showed a surprising nonlinear relationship with sexual satisfaction. In some cases, an abundance of both compliments and affection predicted an increase in sexual satisfaction, whereas, for others, it led to a decrease. Furthermore, the study uncovered age-related differences in how perceived affection from a partner influenced sexual desire, indicating that younger individuals might experience higher sexual desire with less perceived affection, in contrast to older individuals who showed an increase in desire with more affection.

These findings underscore the importance of positive communication in enhancing the quality of romantic relationships, while also pointing to the intricate ways in which such communication interacts with individual and relationship factors. The study’s use of machine learning to reveal nonlinear interactions offers a nuanced understanding of the relationship between communication practices and satisfaction outcomes, suggesting that the effects of positive communication are not universally linear or positive for all couples.

6. Romantic Love’s Evolutionary Roots

In a thought-provoking article published in Frontiers in Psychology , researcher Adam Bode introduces a new theory suggesting that the phenomenon of romantic love may have evolved from the neurobiological and endocrinological mechanisms initially developed for mother-infant bonding. This theory challenges the traditional view, proposed by Helen Fisher, that categorizes sex drive, romantic attraction, and attachment as three distinct emotional systems evolved independently. Bode’s theory posits that romantic love and mother-infant bonding share significant psychological, neurological, and hormonal similarities, indicating that romantic love might be an adaptation of the bonding process between mothers and their infants.

The evidence supporting this theory includes observed behaviors and emotional patterns common to both mother-infant bonding and romantic love, such as intense emotional connections, a desire for physical closeness, and exclusive attention to the loved one. Brain imaging studies have also shown overlapping activity in regions associated with love and bonding, including areas rich in oxytocin and vasopressin receptors, which are crucial for social and emotional behaviors. Furthermore, the presence of high levels of oxytocin in individuals in the early stages of romantic relationships mirrors the hormonal patterns observed in new mothers, reinforcing the idea that these types of love share common biological pathways.

Bode’s theory suggests a fundamental shift in how we understand romantic love, framing it as an evolutionarily repurposed mechanism that builds on the foundation of maternal-infant attachment. This perspective not only deepens our comprehension of human emotional and social bonds but also underscores the intricate ways in which evolutionary processes have shaped our experiences of love and attachment. As this theory continues to be explored and tested through future research, it holds the potential to offer new insights into the evolution of human relationships and the universal nature of love.

7. Goal Coordination and Life Satisfaction in Couples

A study published in the International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology explored the dynamics of how romantic couples in Hungary support each other in achieving personal goals and how this support influences their life satisfaction. The research, led by Orsolya Rosta-Filep and colleagues, focused on the concept of goal coordination, which involves partners aligning their efforts and resources to help each other reach their personal objectives. Through the analysis of 215 heterosexual couples, the study found that those who effectively coordinated on their personal goals not only made more progress in attaining these goals but also experienced higher levels of life satisfaction. This suggests that when couples work together towards their individual ambitions, they not only become better partners but also enjoy a more satisfying life together.

The methodology of the study involved participants evaluating their personal projects and the level of coordination with their partners at the beginning of the study and then assessing their progress and life satisfaction a year later. The findings indicated a clear link between successful goal attainment and increased life satisfaction, highlighting the importance of communication, cooperation, and emotional support in this process. However, the study also noted that goal coordination alone did not directly lead to life satisfaction; the key was the effectiveness of these coordinated efforts. If couples felt supported by their partners and saw tangible results from their joint efforts, this led to long-term life satisfaction, underscoring the value of not just supporting each other’s goals but doing so in a way that yields actual progress.

The research provides valuable evidence on the significance of couples supporting each other’s personal goals and the positive impact this can have on their relationship and overall happiness. The findings advocate for couples to not only coordinate their efforts around each other’s goals but also to ensure these efforts are effective, enhancing both individual and shared life satisfaction.

8. Sexual Activity, Health, and Longevity in Hypertensive Patients

A recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine has found that regular sexual activity may lead to improved health outcomes and longer life spans for middle-aged individuals diagnosed with hypertension (high blood pressure). This research, which analyzed data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES) in the United States between 2005 and 2014, involved over 4,500 participants. It revealed that hypertensive patients engaging in more frequent sexual activities tend to have a significantly lower risk of dying from any cause compared to those with less sexual activity.

The significance of this study lies in its exploration of the link between sexual frequency and survival rates in people with hypertension, a condition known for its severe complications and absence of symptoms, making it a silent threat to public health. Researchers discovered that participants who reported having sexual intercourse 12-51 times a year, or more than 51 times a year, demonstrated a notably lower risk of all-cause mortality than those who had sexual activity less than 12 times a year. This association persisted even after adjusting for factors like age, gender, education level, body mass index, smoking status, and existing medical conditions, highlighting a potentially protective effect of sexual activity on overall health in hypertensive patients.

9. Humor’s Vital Role in Sustaining Romantic Connections

A study published in Psychological Science by Kenneth Tan and colleagues from Singapore Management University reveals the significant role of humor in strengthening and maintaining romantic relationships. This research, which involved 108 couples from a large university in Singapore, utilized a daily-diary method to collect 1,227 daily assessments over seven consecutive days. Participants reported their daily experiences of humor within their relationships, as well as their levels of relationship satisfaction, commitment, and perceived partner commitment. The findings suggest that humor acts as a powerful tool for signaling and maintaining interest in a romantic partner, with individuals reporting greater humor engagement on days when they felt more satisfied and committed to their relationships.

The study supports the “interest-indicator model” of humor, proposing that humor is not merely a trait that attracts individuals to each other during the early stages of a relationship but continues to play a crucial role in expressing and reinforcing commitment and satisfaction within established relationships. The researchers found that positive relationship quality was associated with increased humor production and perception, indicating that couples use humor to enhance their relationship quality and signal ongoing interest. Interestingly, the study did not find significant gender differences in the use of humor, challenging the stereotype that men use humor more frequently to attract mates.

These insights highlight the importance of humor in romantic relationships, suggesting that engaging in humorous interactions can contribute to a more satisfying and committed relationship. The research opens up new avenues for exploring the impact of humor in various relationship contexts, including work and parent-child relationships, and how humor might influence perceptions of a partner’s other positive traits, such as creativity, intelligence, and warmth.

10. The Influence of Self-Transcendence Values on Relationship Satisfaction

A study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin by Reine C. van der Wal and colleagues delves into how personal values, specifically self-transcendence values such as equality, kindness, and compassion, influence the quality of romantic relationships. Through four studies involving over a thousand participants, the researchers explored the connection between these values and relationship satisfaction. They discovered that individuals who prioritize self-transcendence values tend to report higher relationship satisfaction. Interestingly, the presence of these values in one partner did not significantly affect the other partner’s sense of relationship quality, suggesting that these values enhance satisfaction mainly for the individuals who hold them.

This research builds on Schwartz’s Value Theory, which categorizes human values into dimensions like self-enhancement versus self-transcendence and openness to change versus conservation. The study specifically found that self-transcendence values, which focus on caring for and accepting others, are positively associated with the quality of romantic relationships. In contrast, values related to self-enhancement, such as seeking power or personal success, were linked to lower relationship quality. The findings underscore the importance of altruistic values in fostering a healthy and satisfying romantic partnership, highlighting how personal values play a crucial role in relationship dynamics.

Overall, the study provides valuable evidence that prioritizing self-transcendence values within romantic relationships can contribute to greater satisfaction and underscores the potential impact of personal values on the health and longevity of these relationships.

These studies, each shining a light on different facets of romantic relationships, collectively contribute to a deeper understanding of the psychology of love. By exploring the myriad factors that influence our connections with romantic partners, science offers valuable insights into the art of maintaining healthy, fulfilling relationships.

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New sociosexuality research could revolutionize how we think about casual sex

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Survivors of childhood maltreatment at heightened risk of dating violence as teens

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The Science Behind Happy Relationships

W hen it comes to relationships , most of us are winging it. We’re exhilarated by the early stages of love , but as we move onto the general grind of everyday life, personal baggage starts to creep in and we can find ourselves floundering in the face of hurt feelings, emotional withdrawal, escalating conflict, insufficient coping techniques and just plain boredom. There’s no denying it: making and keeping happy and healthy relationships is hard.

But a growing field of research into relationships is increasingly providing science-based guidance into the habits of the healthiest, happiest couples — and how to make any struggling relationship better. As we’ve learned, the science of love and relationships boils down to fundamental lessons that are simultaneously simple, obvious and difficult to master: empathy, positivity and a strong emotional connection drive the happiest and healthiest relationships.

Maintaining a strong emotional connection

“The most important thing we’ve learned, the thing that totally stands out in all of the developmental psychology, social psychology and our lab’s work in the last 35 years is that the secret to loving relationships and to keeping them strong and vibrant over the years, to falling in love again and again, is emotional responsiveness,” says Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist in Ottawa and the author of several books, including Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love .

That responsiveness, in a nutshell, is all about sending a cue and having the other person respond to it. “The $99 million question in love is, ‘Are you there for me?’” says Johnson. “It’s not just, ‘Are you my friend and will you help me with the chores?’ It’s about emotional synchronicity and being tuned in.”

“Every couple has differences,” continues Johnson. “What makes couples unhappy is when they have an emotional disconnection and they can’t get a feeling of secure base or safe haven with this person.” She notes that criticism and rejection — often met with defensiveness and withdrawal — are exceedingly distressing, and something that our brain interprets as a danger cue.

To foster emotional responsiveness between partners, Johnson pioneered Emotionally Focused Therapy , in which couples learn to bond through having conversations that express needs and avoid criticism. “Couples have to learn how to talk about feelings in ways that brings the other person closer,” says Johnson.

Keeping things positive

According to Carrie Cole, director of research for the Gottman Institute , an organization dedicated to the research of marriage, emotional disengagement can easily happen in any relationship when couples are not doing things that create positivity. “When that happens, people feel like they’re just moving further and further apart until they don’t even know each other anymore,” says Cole. That focus on positivity is why the Gottman Institute has embraced the motto “small things often.” The Gottman Lab has been studying relationship satisfaction since the 1970s, and that research drives the Institute’s psychologists to encourage couples to engage in small, routine points of contact that demonstrate appreciation.

One easy place to start is to find ways to compliment your partner every day, says Cole — whether it’s expressing your appreciation for something they’ve done or telling them, specifically, what you love about them. This exercise can accomplish two beneficial things: First, it validates your partner and helps them feel good about themselves. And second, it helps to remind you why you chose that person in the first place.

Listen to the brain, not just your heart

When it comes to the brain and love, biological anthropologist and Kinsey Institute senior fellow Helen Fisher has found — after putting people into a brain scanner — that there are three essential neuro-chemical components found in people who report high relationship satisfaction: practicing empathy, controlling one’s feelings and stress and maintaining positive views about your partner.

In happy relationships, partners try to empathize with each other and understand each other’s perspectives instead of constantly trying to be right. Controlling your stress and emotions boils down to a simple concept: “Keep your mouth shut and don’t act out,” says Fisher. If you can’t help yourself from getting mad, take a break by heading out to the gym, reading a book, playing with the dog or calling a friend — anything to get off a destructive path. Keeping positive views of your partner, which Fisher calls “positive illusions,” are all about reducing the amount of time you spend dwelling on negative aspects of your relationship. “No partner is perfect, and the brain is well built to remember the nasty things that were said,” says Fisher. “But if you can overlook those things and just focus on what’s important, it’s good for the body, good for the mind and good for the relationship.”

Happier relationships, happier life

Ultimately, the quality of a person’s relationships dictates the quality of their life. “Good relationships aren’t just happier and nicer,” says Johnson. “When we know how to heal [relationships] and keep them strong, they make us resilient. All these clichés about how love makes us stronger aren’t just clichés; it’s physiology. Connection with people who love and value us is our only safety net in life.”

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How to Write a Psychology Essay

Saul McLeod, PhD

Editor-in-Chief for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester

Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

Learn about our Editorial Process

Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc

Associate Editor for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education

Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.

On This Page:

Before you write your essay, it’s important to analyse the task and understand exactly what the essay question is asking. Your lecturer may give you some advice – pay attention to this as it will help you plan your answer.

Next conduct preliminary reading based on your lecture notes. At this stage, it’s not crucial to have a robust understanding of key theories or studies, but you should at least have a general “gist” of the literature.

After reading, plan a response to the task. This plan could be in the form of a mind map, a summary table, or by writing a core statement (which encompasses the entire argument of your essay in just a few sentences).

After writing your plan, conduct supplementary reading, refine your plan, and make it more detailed.

It is tempting to skip these preliminary steps and write the first draft while reading at the same time. However, reading and planning will make the essay writing process easier, quicker, and ensure a higher quality essay is produced.

Components of a Good Essay

Now, let us look at what constitutes a good essay in psychology. There are a number of important features.

• Global Structure – structure the material to allow for a logical sequence of ideas. Each paragraph / statement should follow sensibly from its predecessor. The essay should “flow”. The introduction, main body and conclusion should all be linked.
• Each paragraph should comprise a main theme, which is illustrated and developed through a number of points (supported by evidence).
• Knowledge and Understanding – recognize, recall, and show understanding of a range of scientific material that accurately reflects the main theoretical perspectives.
• Critical Evaluation – arguments should be supported by appropriate evidence and/or theory from the literature. Evidence of independent thinking, insight, and evaluation of the evidence.
• Quality of Written Communication – writing clearly and succinctly with appropriate use of paragraphs, spelling, and grammar. All sources are referenced accurately and in line with APA guidelines.

In the main body of the essay, every paragraph should demonstrate both knowledge and critical evaluation.

There should also be an appropriate balance between these two essay components. Try to aim for about a 60/40 split if possible.

Most students make the mistake of writing too much knowledge and not enough evaluation (which is the difficult bit).

It is best to structure your essay according to key themes. Themes are illustrated and developed through a number of points (supported by evidence).

Choose relevant points only, ones that most reveal the theme or help to make a convincing and interesting argument.

Knowledge and Understanding

Remember that an essay is simply a discussion / argument on paper. Don’t make the mistake of writing all the information you know regarding a particular topic.

You need to be concise, and clearly articulate your argument. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences.

Each paragraph should have a purpose / theme, and make a number of points – which need to be support by high quality evidence. Be clear why each point is is relevant to the argument. It would be useful at the beginning of each paragraph if you explicitly outlined the theme being discussed (.e.g. cognitive development, social development etc.).

Try not to overuse quotations in your essays. It is more appropriate to use original content to demonstrate your understanding.

Psychology is a science so you must support your ideas with evidence (not your own personal opinion). If you are discussing a theory or research study make sure you cite the source of the information.

Note this is not the author of a textbook you have read – but the original source / author(s) of the theory or research study.

For example:

Bowlby (1951) claimed that mothering is almost useless if delayed until after two and a half to three years and, for most children, if delayed till after 12 months, i.e. there is a critical period.

Maslow (1943) stated that people are motivated to achieve certain needs. When one need is fulfilled a person seeks to fullfil the next one, and so on.

As a general rule, make sure there is at least one citation (i.e. name of psychologist and date of publication) in each paragraph.

Remember to answer the essay question. Underline the keywords in the essay title. Don’t make the mistake of simply writing everything you know of a particular topic, be selective. Each paragraph in your essay should contribute to answering the essay question.

Critical Evaluation

In simple terms, this means outlining the strengths and limitations of a theory or research study.

There are many ways you can critically evaluate:

Methodological evaluation of research

Is the study valid / reliable ? Is the sample biased, or can we generalize the findings to other populations? What are the strengths and limitations of the method used and data obtained?

Be careful to ensure that any methodological criticisms are justified and not trite.

Rather than hunting for weaknesses in every study; only highlight limitations that make you doubt the conclusions that the authors have drawn – e.g., where an alternative explanation might be equally likely because something hasn’t been adequately controlled.

Compare or contrast different theories

Outline how the theories are similar and how they differ. This could be two (or more) theories of personality / memory / child development etc. Also try to communicate the value of the theory / study.

Debates or perspectives

Refer to debates such as nature or nurture, reductionism vs. holism, or the perspectives in psychology . For example, would they agree or disagree with a theory or the findings of the study?

What are the ethical issues of the research?

Does a study involve ethical issues such as deception, privacy, psychological or physical harm?

Gender bias

If research is biased towards men or women it does not provide a clear view of the behavior that has been studied. A dominantly male perspective is known as an androcentric bias.

Cultural bias

Is the theory / study ethnocentric? Psychology is predominantly a white, Euro-American enterprise. In some texts, over 90% of studies have US participants, who are predominantly white and middle class.

Does the theory or study being discussed judge other cultures by Western standards?

Animal Research

This raises the issue of whether it’s morally and/or scientifically right to use animals. The main criterion is that benefits must outweigh costs. But benefits are almost always to humans and costs to animals.

Animal research also raises the issue of extrapolation. Can we generalize from studies on animals to humans as their anatomy & physiology is different from humans?

The PEC System

It is very important to elaborate on your evaluation. Don’t just write a shopping list of brief (one or two sentence) evaluation points.

Instead, make sure you expand on your points, remember, quality of evaluation is most important than quantity.

When you are writing an evaluation paragraph, use the PEC system.

• Make your P oint.
• E xplain how and why the point is relevant.
• Discuss the C onsequences / implications of the theory or study. Are they positive or negative?

For Example

• Point: It is argued that psychoanalytic therapy is only of benefit to an articulate, intelligent, affluent minority.
• Explain: Because psychoanalytic therapy involves talking and gaining insight, and is costly and time-consuming, it is argued that it is only of benefit to an articulate, intelligent, affluent minority. Evidence suggests psychoanalytic therapy works best if the client is motivated and has a positive attitude.
• Consequences: A depressed client’s apathy, flat emotional state, and lack of motivation limit the appropriateness of psychoanalytic therapy for depression.

Furthermore, the levels of dependency of depressed clients mean that transference is more likely to develop.

Using Research Studies in your Essays

Research studies can either be knowledge or evaluation.

• If you refer to the procedures and findings of a study, this shows knowledge and understanding.
• If you comment on what the studies shows, and what it supports and challenges about the theory in question, this shows evaluation.

Writing an Introduction

It is often best to write your introduction when you have finished the main body of the essay, so that you have a good understanding of the topic area.

If there is a word count for your essay try to devote 10% of this to your introduction.

Ideally, the introduction should;

Identify the subject of the essay and define the key terms. Highlight the major issues which “lie behind” the question. Let the reader know how you will focus your essay by identifying the main themes to be discussed. “Signpost” the essay’s key argument, (and, if possible, how this argument is structured).

Introductions are very important as first impressions count and they can create a h alo effect in the mind of the lecturer grading your essay. If you start off well then you are more likely to be forgiven for the odd mistake later one.

Writing a Conclusion

So many students either forget to write a conclusion or fail to give it the attention it deserves.

If there is a word count for your essay try to devote 10% of this to your conclusion.

Ideally the conclusion should summarize the key themes / arguments of your essay. State the take home message – don’t sit on the fence, instead weigh up the evidence presented in the essay and make a decision which side of the argument has more support.

Also, you might like to suggest what future research may need to be conducted and why (read the discussion section of journal articles for this).

Don”t include new information / arguments (only information discussed in the main body of the essay).

If you are unsure of what to write read the essay question and answer it in one paragraph.

Points that unite or embrace several themes can be used to great effect as part of your conclusion.

The Importance of Flow

Obviously, what you write is important, but how you communicate your ideas / arguments has a significant influence on your overall grade. Most students may have similar information / content in their essays, but the better students communicate this information concisely and articulately.

When you have finished the first draft of your essay you must check if it “flows”. This is an important feature of quality of communication (along with spelling and grammar).

This means that the paragraphs follow a logical order (like the chapters in a novel). Have a global structure with themes arranged in a way that allows for a logical sequence of ideas. You might want to rearrange (cut and paste) paragraphs to a different position in your essay if they don”t appear to fit in with the essay structure.

To improve the flow of your essay make sure the last sentence of one paragraph links to first sentence of the next paragraph. This will help the essay flow and make it easier to read.

Finally, only repeat citations when it is unclear which study / theory you are discussing. Repeating citations unnecessarily disrupts the flow of an essay.

Referencing

The reference section is the list of all the sources cited in the essay (in alphabetical order). It is not a bibliography (a list of the books you used).

In simple terms every time you cite/refer to a name (and date) of a psychologist you need to reference the original source of the information.

If you have been using textbooks this is easy as the references are usually at the back of the book and you can just copy them down. If you have been using websites, then you may have a problem as they might not provide a reference section for you to copy.

References need to be set out APA style :

Author, A. A. (year). Title of work . Location: Publisher.

Journal Articles

Author, A. A., Author, B. B., & Author, C. C. (year). Article title. Journal Title, volume number (issue number), page numbers

A simple way to write your reference section is use Google scholar . Just type the name and date of the psychologist in the search box and click on the “cite” link.

Next, copy and paste the APA reference into the reference section of your essay.

Once again, remember that references need to be in alphabetical order according to surname.

Want to create or adapt books like this? Learn more about how Pressbooks supports open publishing practices.

Chapter 4: Attraction/Relationships

4 – Attraction and Relationships

Introduction.

Think about your social world….friends, family, classmates, and intimate relationships in your life. How have these relationships shaped you into the person you are today? How do social relationships and social support influence us? What about dating—how do we tend to choose a mate? Do opposites indeed attract or are we more attracted to those who are similar to ourselves? In this section, we will review the importance of social relationships and social support and examine the various factors that influence social relationships and attraction. After completing the readings in this section, you will be able to do the following:

Learning Objectives

• Understand the importance of friendships and social support on our overall health and well being
• Understand and describe various factors that contribute to attraction
• Examine the impact that our physical state may have on our feelings of social connectivity
• Understand what attracts us to others.
• Review research that suggests that friendships are important for our health and well-being.
• Examine the influence of the Internet on friendship and developing relationships.
• Understand what happens to our brains when we are in love.
• Consider the complexity of love.
• Examine the construct and components of social support.

Friendship and love, and more broadly, the relationships that people cultivate in their lives, are some of the most valuable treasures a person can own. This module explores ways in which we try to understand how friendships form, what attracts one person to another, and how love develops. It also explores how the Internet influences how we meet people and develop deep relationships. Finally, this module will examine social support and how this can help many through the hardest times and help make the best times even better.

The importance of relationships has been examined by researchers for decades. Many researchers point to sociologist Émile Durkheim’s classic study of suicide and social ties ( 1951 ) as a starting point for this work. Durkheim argued that being socially connected is imperative to achieving personal well-being. In fact, he argued that a person who has no close relationships is likely a person who is at risk for suicide. It is those relationships that give a person meaning in their life. In other words, suicide tends to be higher among those who become disconnected from society. What is interesting about that notion is when people are asked to describe the basic necessities for life—people will most often say food, water, and shelter, but seldom do people list “close relationships” in the top three. Yet time and time again, research has demonstrated that we are social creatures and we need others to survive and thrive. Another way of thinking about it is that close relationships are the psychological equivalent of food and water; in other words, these relationships are necessary for survival. Baumeister and Leary ( 1995 ) maintain that humans have basic needs and one of them is the need to belong; these needs are what makes us human and give a sense of purpose and identity to our lives ( Brissette, Cohen, & Seeman, 2000 ; Ryff, 1989 ).

Given that close relationships are so vital to well-being, it is important to ask how interpersonal relationships begin. What makes us like or love one person but not another? Why is it that when bad things happen, we frequently want to talk to our friends or family about the situation? Though these are difficult questions to answer because relationships are complicated and unique, this module will examine how relationships begin; the impact of technology on relationships; and why coworkers, acquaintances, friends, family, and intimate partners are so important in our lives.

Attraction: The Start of Friendship and Love

Why do some people hit it off immediately? Or decide that the friend of a friend was not likable? Using scientific methods, psychologists have investigated factors influencing attraction and have identified a number of variables, such as similarity, proximity (physical or functional), familiarity, and reciprocity, that influence with whom we develop relationships.

Often we “stumble upon” friends or romantic partners; this happens partly due to how close in proximity we are to those people. Specifically, proximity or physical nearness has been found to be a significant factor in the development of relationships. For example, when college students go away to a new school, they will make friends consisting of classmates, roommates, and teammates (i.e., people close in proximity). Proximity allows people the opportunity to get to know one other and discover their similarities—all of which can result in a friendship or intimate relationship. Proximity is not just about geographic distance, but rather functional distance , or the frequency with which we cross paths with others. For example, college students are more likely to become closer and develop relationships with people on their dorm-room floors because they see them (i.e., cross paths) more often than they see people on a different floor. How does the notion of proximity apply in terms of online relationships? Deb Levine ( 2000 ) argues that in terms of developing online relationships and attraction, functional distance refers to being at the same place at the same time in a virtual world (i.e., a chat room or Internet forum)—crossing virtual paths.

Familiarity

One of the reasons why proximity matters to attraction is that it breeds familiarity ; people are more attracted to that which is familiar. Just being around someone or being repeatedly exposed to them increases the likelihood that we will be attracted to them. We also tend to feel safe with familiar people, as it is likely we know what to expect from them. Dr. Robert Zajonc ( 1968 ) labeled this phenomenon the mere-exposure effect . More specifically, he argued that the more often we are exposed to a stimulus (e.g., sound, person) the more likely we are to view that stimulus positively. Moreland and Beach ( 1992 ) demonstrated this by exposing a college class to four women (similar in appearance and age) who attended different numbers of classes, revealing that the more classes a woman attended, the more familiar, similar, and attractive she was considered by the other students.

There is a certain comfort in knowing what to expect from others; consequently research suggests that we like what is familiar. While this is often on a subconscious level, research has found this to be one of the most basic principles of attraction ( Zajonc, 1980 ). For example, a young man growing up with an overbearing mother may be attracted to other overbearing women not because he likes being dominated but rather because it is what he considers normal (i.e., familiar).

When you hear about couples such as Sandra Bullock and Jesse James, or Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, do you shake your head thinking “this won’t last”? It is probably because they seem so different. While many make the argument that opposites attract, research has found that is generally not true; s imilarity is key. Sure, there are times when couples can appear fairly different, but overall we like others who are like us. Ingram and Morris ( 2007 ) examined this phenomenon by inviting business executives to a cocktail mixer, 95% of whom reported that they wanted to meet new people. Using electronic name tag tracking, researchers revealed that the executives did not mingle or meet new people; instead, they only spoke with those they already knew well (i.e., people who were similar).

When it comes to marriage, research has found that couples tend to be very similar, particularly when it comes to age, social class, race, education, physical attractiveness, values, and attitudes ( McCann Hamilton, 2007 ; Taylor, Fiore, Mendelsohn, & Cheshire, 2011 ). This phenomenon is known as the matching hypothesis ( Feingold, 1988 ; Mckillip & Redel, 1983 ). We like others who validate our points of view and who are similar in thoughts, desires, and attitudes.

Reciprocity

Another key component in attraction is reciprocity ; this principle is based on the notion that we are more likely to like someone if they feel the same way toward us. In other words, it is hard to be friends with someone who is not friendly in return. Another way to think of it is that relationships are built on give and take; if one side is not reciprocating, then the relationship is doomed. Basically, we feel obliged to give what we get and to maintain equity in relationships. Researchers have found that this is true across cultures ( Gouldner, 1960 ).

“In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. They keep the young out of mischief; they comfort and aid the old in their weakness, and they incite those in the prime of life to noble deeds.”— Aristotle

Research has found that close friendships can protect our mental and physical health when times get tough. For example, Adams, Santo, and Bukowski ( 2011 ) asked fifth- and sixth-graders to record their experiences and self-worth, and to provide saliva samples for 4 days. Children whose best friend was present during or shortly after a negative experience had significantly lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their saliva compared to those who did not have a best friend present. Having a best friend also seemed to protect their feelings of self-worth. Children who did not identify a best friend or did not have an available best friend during distress experienced a drop in self-esteem over the course of the study.

Workplace friendships

Friendships often take root in the workplace, due to the fact that people are spending as much, or more, time at work than they are with their family and friends ( Kaufman & Hotchkiss, 2003 ). Often, it is through these relationships that people receive mentoring and obtain social support and resources, but they can also experience conflicts and the potential for misinterpretation when sexual attraction is an issue. Indeed, Elsesser and Peplau ( 2006 ) found that many workers reported that friendships grew out of collaborative work projects, and these friendships made their days more pleasant.

In addition to those benefits, Riordan and Griffeth ( 1995 ) found that people who worked in an environment where friendships could develop and be maintained were more likely to report higher levels of job satisfaction, job involvement, and organizational commitment, and they were less likely to leave that job. Similarly, a Gallup poll revealed that employees who had “close friends” at work were almost 50% more satisfied with their jobs than those who did not ( Armour, 2007 ).

Internet friendships

What influence does the Internet have on friendships? It is not surprising that people use the Internet with the goal of meeting and making new friends ( Fehr, 2008 ; McKenna, 2008 ). Researchers have wondered if the issue of not being face-to-face reduces the authenticity of relationships, or if the Internet really allows people to develop deep, meaningful connections. Interestingly, research has demonstrated that virtual relationships are often as intimate as in-person relationships; in fact, Bargh and colleagues found that online relationships are sometimes more intimate ( Bargh et al., 2002 ). This can be especially true for those individuals who are more socially anxious and lonely—such individuals who are more likely to turn to the Internet to find new and meaningful relationships ( McKenna, Green, & Gleason, 2002 ). McKenna et al. ( 2002 ) suggest that for people who have a hard time meeting and maintaining relationships, due to shyness, anxiety, or lack of face-to-face social skills, the Internet provides a safe, nonthreatening place to develop and maintain relationships. Similarly, Penny Benford ( 2008 ) found that for high-functioning autistic individuals, the Internet facilitated communication and relationship development with others, which would have been more difficult in face-to-face contexts, leading to the conclusion that Internet communication could be empowering for those who feel frustrated when communicating face to face.

Is all love the same? Are there different types of love? Examining these questions more closely, Robert Sternberg’s ( 2004 ; 2007 ) work has focused on the notion that all types of love are comprised of three distinct areas: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy includes caring, closeness, and emotional support. The passion component of love is comprised of physiological and emotional arousal; these can include physical attraction, emotional responses that promote physiological changes, and sexual arousal. Lastly, commitment refers to the cognitive process and decision to commit to love another person and the willingness to work to keep that love over the course of your life. The elements involved in intimacy (caring, closeness, and emotional support) are generally found in all types of close relationships—for example, a mother’s love for a child or the love that friends share. Interestingly, this is not true for passion. Passion is unique to romantic love, differentiating friends from lovers. In sum, depending on the type of love and the stage of the relationship (i.e., newly in love), different combinations of these elements are present.

Taking this theory a step further, anthropologist Helen Fisher explained that she scanned the brains (using fMRI) of people who had just fallen in love and observed that their brain chemistry was “going crazy,” similar to the brain of an addict on a drug high ( Cohen, 2007 ). Specifically, serotonin production increased by as much as 40% in newly in-love individuals. Further, those newly in love tended to show obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Conversely, when a person experiences a breakup, the brain processes it in a similar way to quitting a heroin habit ( Fisher, Brown, Aron, Strong, & Mashek, 2009 ). Thus, those who believe that breakups are physically painful are correct! Another interesting point is that long-term love and sexual desire activate different areas of the brain. More specifically, sexual needs activate the part of the brain that is particularly sensitive to innately pleasurable things such as food, sex, and drugs (i.e., the striatum—a rather simplistic reward system), whereas love requires conditioning—it is more like a habit. When sexual needs are rewarded consistently, then love can develop. In other words, love grows out of positive rewards, expectancies, and habit ( Cacioppo, Bianchi-Demicheli, Hatfield & Rapson, 2012 ).

Love and the Internet

The ways people are finding love has changed with the advent of the Internet. In a poll, 49% of all American adults reported that either themselves or someone they knew had dated a person they met online ( Madden & Lenhart, 2006 ). As Finkel and colleagues ( 2007 ) found, social networking sites, and the Internet generally, perform three important tasks. Specifically, sites provide individuals with access to a database of other individuals who are interested in meeting someone. Dating sites generally reduce issues of proximity, as individuals do not have to be close in proximity to meet. Also, they provide a medium in which individuals can communicate with others. Finally, some Internet dating websites advertise special matching strategies, based on factors such as personality, hobbies, and interests, to identify the “perfect match” for people looking for love online. In general, scientific questions about the effectiveness of Internet matching or online dating compared to face-to-face dating remain to be answered.

It is important to note that social networking sites have opened the doors for many to meet people that they might not have ever had the opportunity to meet; unfortunately, it now appears that the social networking sites can be forums for unsuspecting people to be duped. In 2010 a documentary, Catfish , focused on the personal experience of a man who met a woman online and carried on an emotional relationship with this person for months. As he later came to discover, though, the person he thought he was talking and writing with did not exist. As Dr. Aaron Ben-Zeév stated, online relationships leave room for deception; thus, people have to be cautious.

Social Support

When bad things happen, it is important for people to know that others care about them and can help them out. Unsurprisingly, research has found that this is a common thread across cultures ( Markus & Kitayma, 1991 ; Triandis, 1995 ) and over time ( Reis, Sheldon, Gable, Roscoe, & Ryan, 2000 ); in other words, social support is the active ingredient that makes our relationships particularly beneficial. But what is social support? One way of thinking about social support is that it consists of three discrete conceptual components.

Perceived Social Support

Have you ever thought that when things go wrong, you know you have friends/family members that are there to help you? This is what psychologists call perceived social support or “a psychological sense of support” ( Gottlieb, 1985 ). How powerful is this belief that others will be available in times of need? To examine this question, Dr. Arnberg and colleagues asked 4,600 survivors of the tragic 2004 Indian Ocean (or Boxing Day) Tsunami about their perception of social support provided by friends and family after the event. Those who experienced the most amount of stress found the most benefit from just knowing others were available if they needed anything (i.e., perceived support). In other words, the magnitude of the benefits depended on the extent of the stress, but the bottom line was that for these survivors, knowing that they had people around to support them if they needed it helped them all to some degree.

Perceived support has also been linked to well-being. Brannan and colleagues ( 2012 ) found that perceived support predicted each component of well-being (high positive affect, low negative affect, high satisfaction with life) among college students in Iran, Jordan, and the United States. Similarly, Cohen and McKay ( 1984 ) found that a high level of perceived support can serve as a buffer against stress. Interestingly enough, Dr. Cohen found that those with higher levels of social support were less likely to catch the common cold. The research is clear—perceived social support increases happiness and well-being and makes our live better in general ( Diener & Seligman, 2002 ; Emmons & Colby, 1995 ).

Received Social Support

Received support is the actual receipt of support or helping behaviors from others ( Cohen & Wills, 1985 ). Interestingly, unlike perceived support, the benefits of received support have been beset with mixed findings ( Stroebe & Stroebe, 1996 ). Similar to perceived support, receiving support can buffer people from stress and positively influence some individuals—however, others might not want support or think they need it. For example, dating advice from a friend may be considered more helpful than such advice from your mom! Interestingly, research has indicated that regardless of the support-provider’s intentions, the support may not be considered as helpful to the person receiving the support if it is unwanted ( Dunkel-Schetter, Blasband, Feinstein, & Herbert, 1992 ; Cutrona, 1986 ). Indeed, mentor support was viewed negatively by novice ESOL teachers (those teaching English as a second language in other countries; Brannan & Bleistein, 2012 ). Yet received support from family was perceived as very positive—the teachers said that their family members cared enough to ask about their jobs and told them how proud they were. Conversely, received mentor support did not meet teachers’ needs, instead making them feel afraid and embarrassed to receive mentor support.

Quality or Quantity?

With so many mixed findings, psychologists have asked whether it is the quality of social support that matters or the quantity (e.g., more people in my support network ). Interestingly, research by Friedman and Martin ( 2011 ) examining 1,500 Californians over 8 decades found that while quality does matter, individuals with larger social networks lived significantly longer than those with smaller networks. This research suggests we should count the number of our friends / family members—the more, the better, right? Not necessarily: Dunbar ( 1992 ; 1993 ) argued that we have a cognitive limit with regard to how many people with whom we can maintain social relationships. The general consensus is about 150—we can only “really” know (maintain contact and relate to) about 150 people. Finally, research shows that diversity also matters in terms of one’s network, such that individuals with more diverse social networks (i.e., different types of relationships including friends, parents, neighbors, and classmates) were less likely to get the common cold compared to those with fewer and less diverse networks ( Cohen, Doyle, Turner, Alper, & Skoner, 2003 ). In sum, it is important to have quality relationships as well as quantity—and as the Beatles said, “all you need is love—love is all you need.”

Test Your Knowledge

When choosing someone to date, do you find yourself drawn to others with similar opinions and views or do you tend to be drawn to those opposite of yourself? What factors lead to strong relationships? Is similarity important? Or do our differences complement one another? In the following articles, Johnson (2018) refutes the old adage that opposites attract, while Sommers (2011) addresses the idea of the matching hypothesis with regards to dating and relationships. Read the article “Opposites do not attract”

Read the article “The science of small talk”

Does our physical state influence our social relationships? Inagaki & Eisenberger (2013) examined this premise, investigating if physical warmth could impact our feelings of social connectivity. What are some ways that we can use this data to intervene with clients who may be experiencing depression or loneliness?

Read the article “The heartwarming nature of social bonds”

In the following article, Bazzini et. al (2010) review the “beauty is good” stereotype and how this stereotype may be reflected in Disney movies. As you review the article, think about the implications this stereotype may have on child development. Are there other examples of this stereotype being portrayed in other children’s shows? What about on social media sites or video platforms?

Read the article “Do Animated Disney Characters Portray and Promote the Beauty–Goodness Stereotype?”

Attraction and Relationships Resources

Brannan, D. & Mohr, C. D. (2020). Love, friendship, and social support. In R. Biswas-Diener & E. Diener (Eds), Noba textbook series: Psychology. Champaign, IL: DEF publishers. Retrieved from Love, Friendship, and Social Support

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The relative closeness or distance from a given comparison standard. The further from the standard a person is, the less important he or she considers the standard. When a person is closer to the standard he/she is more likely to be competitive.

The frequency with which we cross paths with others.

The notion that people like people/places/things merely because they are familiar with them.

The actual act of receiving support (e.g., informational, functional).

The actual act of receiving support (e.g., informational, functional)

The people who care about and support a person.

Social Psychology Copyright © by Jennifer Croyle is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License , except where otherwise noted.

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6 Types of Relationships and Their Effect on Your Life

Relationships come in many forms—and not all of them are healthy

Verywell / Laura Porter

What Is a Relationship?

Basic types of relationships, defining types of relationships in your life.

• Keeping Your Relationships Healthy

You'll have many different types of relationships throughout your life. Most tend to be categorized as acquaintances, friends, family, romantic partners, sexual partners, work colleagues, or situational relationships. Each type comes with different expectations, benefits, and challenges.

Interpersonal relationships are a vital part of life. They can range from close and intimate to distant and challenging. No matter the nature of the relationship, different types of relationships help form the social support network that is pivotal for physical and mental well-being.

At a Glance

We make all kinds of connections with other people over the course of our lives. Some of these are positive relationships that help us feel a sense of belonging. Others can be less helpful, or may even have negative effects on our mental health and well-being. To better understand and discuss these relationships accurately, it can be helpful to learn more about the different types of relationships a person can have. 

A relationship is any connection between two people, which can be either positive or negative.

You can have a relationship with a wide range of people, including family and friends. The phrase "being in a relationship," while often linked with romantic relationships, can refer to various associations one person has with another.

To "be in a relationship" doesn't always mean there is physical intimacy, emotional attachment, and/or commitment involved. People engage in many different types of relationships that have unique characteristics.

Relationships typically fall into one of several different categories (although these can sometimes overlap):

• Family relationships
• Friendships
• Acquaintances
• Romantic relationships
• Sexual relationships
• Work relationships
• Situational relationships (sometimes called " situationships ")

These different forms of relationships can vary greatly in terms of closeness, and there are also different subtypes of relationships within each of these basic types. Some of the different kinds of relationships that you might experience at some point in your life include the following.

While there are many different types of relationships, the four main types are typically identified as family relationships, romantic relationships, friendships, and acquaintanceships.

Platonic Relationships

A platonic relationship is a type of friendship that involves a close, intimate bond without sex or romance. These relationships tend to be characterized by:

• Understanding

Platonic relationships can occur in a wide range of settings and can involve same-sex or opposite-sex friendships. You might form a platonic relationship with a classmate or co-worker, or you might make a connection with a person in another setting such as a club, athletic activity, or volunteer organization you are involved in.

This type of relationship can play an essential role in providing social support, which is essential for your health and well-being. Research suggests that platonic friendships can help reduce your risk for disease, lower your risk for depression or anxiety, and boost your immunity.

Platonic relationships involve closeness and friendship without sex. Sometimes, platonic relationships can change over time and shift into romantic or sexual relationships. Examples might include a friends-with-benefits or a friends-to-lovers situation.

Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships are those characterized by feelings of love and attraction for another person. While romantic love can vary, it often involves feelings of infatuation, intimacy, and commitment. 

Experts have come up with a variety of different ways to describe how people experience and express love. For example, psychologist Robert Sternberg suggests three main components of love: passion, intimacy, and decision/commitment. Romantic love, he explains, is a combination of passion and intimacy.

Romantic relationships tend to change over time. At the start of a relationship when people are first falling in love , people typically experience stronger feelings of passion. During this initial infatuation period, the brain releases specific neurotransmitters ( dopamine , oxytocin , and serotonin ) that cause people to feel euphoric and "in love." 

Over time, these feelings start to lessen in their intensity. People develop deeper levels of emotional intimacy and understanding as the relationship matures.  

Romantic relationships often burn hot at the beginning. That's why we often feel like we can't stop thinking about the object of our affection and want to be near them all the time. While the initial feelings of passion usually lessen in strength over time, feelings of trust, emotional intimacy, and commitment grow stronger.

Codependent Relationships

A codependent relationship is an imbalanced, dysfunctional type of relationship in which a partner has an emotional, physical, or mental reliance on the other person.

It is also common for both partners to be mutually co-dependent on each other. Both may take turns enacting the caretaker role, alternating between the caretaker and the receiver of care.

Characteristics of a codependent relationship include:

• Acting as a giver while the other person acts as a taker
• Going to great lengths to avoid conflict with the other person
• Feeling like you have to ask permission to do things
• Having to save or rescue the other person from their own actions
• Doing things to make someone happy, even if they make you uncomfortable
• Feeling like you don't know who you are in the relationship
• Elevating the other person even if they've done nothing to earn your goodwill and admiration

Not all codependent relationships are the same, however. They can vary in terms of severity. Codependency can impact all different types of relationships including relationships between romantic partners, parents and children, friendship, other family members, and even coworkers.

Codependent relationships are co-constructed. While one partner might seem more "needy," the other partner might feel more comfortable being needed.

Someone who feels more comfortable being needed, for instance, may avoid focusing on their own needs by choosing a partner who constantly needs them.

Casual Relationships

Casual relationships often involve dating relationships that may include sex without expectations of monogamy or commitment. However, experts suggest that the term is vague and can mean different things to different people. 

According to the authors of one study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality , casual relationships can encompass situations such as:

• One-night stands
• Booty calls
• "Sex" buddies
• Friends with benefits 

Such relationships often exist on a continuum that varies in the levels of frequency of contact, type of contact, amount of personal disclosure, discussion of the relationship, and degree of friendship. The study found that people with more sexual experience were better able to identify the definitions of these labels compared to people with less sexual experience.

Casual relationships are often common among young adults. As long as casual relationships are marked by communication and consent, they can have several sex-positive benefits. They can satisfy the need for sex, intimacy, connection, and companionship without the emotional demands and energy commitment of a more serious relationship.

Casual relationships tend to be more common among younger adults, but people of any age can engage in this type of relationship. Consent and communication are key.

Open Relationships

An open relationship is a type of consensually non-monogamous relationship in which one or more partners have sex or relationships with other people. Both people agree to have sex with other people in an open relationship but may have certain conditions or limitations.

Open relationships can take place in any type of romantic relationship, whether casual, dating, or married. 

There tends to be a stigma surrounding non-monogamous relationships. Still, research suggests that around 21% to 22% of adults will be involved in some type of open relationship at some point in their life.

The likelihood of engaging in an open relationship also depends on gender and sexual orientation. Men reported having higher numbers of open relationships compared to women; people who identify as gay, lesbian, and bisexual were more likely to report previous engagement in open relationships compared to those who identify as heterosexual.

Such relationships can have benefits, including increased sexual freedom, and pitfalls, such as jealousy and emotional pain. Open relationships are more successful when couples establish personal, emotional, and sexual boundaries and clearly communicate their feelings and needs.

Open relationships are a form of consensual non-monogamy. While there is a primary emotional and often physical connection between the two people in the relationship, they mutually agree to intimacy with other people outside of the relationship.

Toxic Relationships

A toxic relationship is any type of interpersonal relationship where your emotional, physical, or psychological well-being is undermined or threatened in some way. Such relationships often leave you feeling ashamed, humiliated, misunderstood, or unsupported.

Any type of relationship can be toxic, including friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships, or workplace relationships.

Signs of Toxic Types of Relationships

Toxic relationships are characterized by:

• A lack of support
• Competitiveness
• Controlling behaviors
• Gaslighting
• Passive-aggressive behaviors
• Poor communication

Sometimes all people in a relationship play a role in creating this toxicity. For example, you may be contributing to toxicity if you are all consistently unkind, critical, insecure, and negative.

In other cases, one person in a relationship may behave in ways that create toxic feelings. This may be intentional, but in other cases, people may not fully understand how they are affecting other people. Because of their past experiences with relationships, often in their home growing up, they may not know any other way of acting and communicating.

This doesn't just create discontentment—toxic relationships can take a serious toll on your health.

For example, according to one study, stress caused by negative relationships has a direct impact on cardiovascular health. Feeling isolated and misunderstood in a relationship can also lead to loneliness , which has been shown to have detrimental effects on both physical and mental health.

Toxic relationships can be stressful, harmful, and even abusive. If you are in a toxic relationship with someone in your life, work on creating strong boundaries to protect yourself. Talk to a mental health professional or consider terminating the relationship if it is causing you harm.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database .

How you define your relationship depends on various factors, including what matters to you and how the other person feels. To define your relationship, it can be helpful to ask a few questions:

• Do you have romantic feelings for one another?
• What does each person hope to get out of the relationship?
• How much time do you want to spend together?
• Where do you see the relationship going?
• Are you currently involved with or want to be involved with other people?

Figuring out what matters to you and your partner is an important step in defining the type of relationships you are interested in having. You might find that you are both on the same page or discover that you want different things out of your relationship. 

Defining your relationship doesn't have to mean committing for the long term. Instead, it can be a way to help you both better understand the boundaries and expectations of your relationship.

How to Keep Different Types of Relationships Healthy

Regardless of how you define your relationship, there are important steps you can take to ensure that your connection is healthy. Strategies that can help include:

• Showing appreciation and gratitude
• Communicating openly and honestly
• Being affectionate and showing that you care 
• Mutual respect 
• Actively listening
• Showing interest in each other
• Being supportive and encouraging
• Feeling empathy for each other
• Spending time together
• Having healthy boundaries
• Being trustworthy

Communication is often the single most important thing in a relationship. Good relationships are also marked by honesty, trust , and reciprocity . This doesn't mean that the relationship is purely transactional ; it indicates that you naturally engage in a give-and-take that provides mutually beneficial support.

No matter what type of relationship you have with another person(s), it is important for it to be a healthy one. Healthy relationships are characterized by trust, mutual respect, openness, honesty, and affection. Good communication is also a key factor.

You can take steps to improve your relationships with other people. Two helpful strategies are to let others know you care and show your appreciation. 

But if a relationship is causing stress or shows signs of being toxic, look for ways to establish clear boundaries, talk to a therapist, or even consider ending the relationship if it is taking too much of a toll on your well-being.

Social relationships are important, and they come in all different types. Having a variety of relationships with different people can ensure that you have the support and connections you need, minimize your risk of loneliness and social isolation , and improve your emotional health and well-being. 

American Psychological Association. Friends wanted .

Gawda B. The structure of the concepts related to love spectrum: emotional verbal fluency technique application, initial psychometrics, and its validation . J Psycholinguist Res . 2019;48(6):1339-1361. doi:10.1007/s10936-019-09661-y

Wentland JJ, Reissing ED. Casual sexual relationships: Identifying definitions for one night stands, booty calls, f--- buddies, and friends with benefits . Can J Hum Sex. 2014;23(3):167-177. doi:10.3138/cjhs.2744

Rodrigue C, Fernet M. A metasynthesis of qualitative studies on casual sexual relationships and experiences . Can J Hum Sex . 2016;25(3):225-242. doi:10.3138/cjhs.253-a6

Haupert ML, Gesselman AN, Moors AC, Fisher HE, Garcia JR. Prevalence of experiences with consensual nonmonogamous relationships: Findings from two national samples of single Americans . J Sex Marital Ther . 2017;43(5):424-440. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2016.1178675

Birditt KS, Newton NJ, Cranford JA, Ryan LH. Stress and negative relationship quality among older couples: Implications for blood pressure . J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci . 2016;71(5):775-85. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbv023

Lavner JA, Bradbury TN.  Why do even satisfied newlyweds eventually go on to divorce? .  J Fam Psychol . 2012;26(1):1-10. doi:10.1037/a00259

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

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116 Relationships Research Topics & Essay Examples

📝 relationships research papers examples, 👍 good relationships essay topics to write about, 🏆 best relationships essay titles, 🎓 simple research topics about relationships, ❓ relationships research questions.

• Relationships Based on Power: Parents and Children Psychology essay sample: Parents play the most important role in the healthy development and growth of their children. Parents’ impact on their children can be both positive and negative.
• Counselor Roles and Relationships Psychology essay sample: A counselor utilizes empathy to create connections with their clients to help them resolve a crisis, while also collaborating with other workers to create effective techniques.
• Optimism Impact on Social Relationships Psychology essay sample: This paper provides a brief overview of an article that explores the impact of optimism on social relationships.
• Adult Attachment and Close Relationships Psychology essay sample: The results of Attachment Styles and Close Relationships test demonstrates that my attachment style is secure.
• Attachment Theory and Romantic Relationships Psychology essay sample: This paper will examine the main aspects of the attachment theory and the theories of adult behavior developed based on it.
• Low Self-Esteem and Unhealthy Relationships Link Psychology essay sample: This research seeks to study the hypothesis that people with low self-esteem are more likely to stay in unhealthy relationships.
• Advantages and Disadvantages of Multiple Relationships Psychology essay sample: Multiple relationships are potentially more damaging than positive. Despite personal responsibility for such interactions, general rules cannot be violated.
• Attachment Types in Close Relationships Psychology essay sample: The current article outlines two main approaches to the issue of exchange and communal norms within intimate connections.
• Counselor-Client Relationships and Influences Psychology essay sample: This essay aimed to analyze issues affecting counselor-client relationships. Family and values are the most cited factors.
• Reality and Family Therapy to Improve Relationships Psychology essay sample: The primary goal of the therapy is to improve the patient’s relationship with his father and help him become more conscious in terms of his life choices.
• Life Course Theory and Intergenerational Relationships in Families Psychology essay sample: The life course theory assists in identifying the factors affecting the development of individuals, families, and relationships within families.
• Relationships Between Personality and Cognitive Ability Psychology essay sample: The relationship between cognitive ability and personality has been explained based on the Big Five and investment theory of intelligence.
• Interpersonal Relationships: Dealing with Grief Psychology essay sample: Interpersonal relationships need maximum determination to nurture and sustain, and they are regarded as a connection between people.
• John Gottman on Family Relationships’ Stability Psychology essay sample: John Gottman has devoted most of his work to studying family relationships' stability. He describes the essential criteria of an apocalypse in relationships.
• Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy to Decrease the Relapse in Chronically Depressed Persons Psychology essay sample: The researchers analyze the relationships between interpersonal processes, chronic depression, and mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT).
• Changes in Relationships Through Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy Psychology essay sample: The paper aims to collect data on the positive or negative outcomes of therapy to gain a new perspective on the effect of mindfulness-based cognitive therapy.
• Freud's Child Development Theory Psychology essay sample: The theory of child development developed by Zigmund Freud is based on the belief that the child is always in conflict with society.
• The Best Solution to Predict Depression Because of Bullying Psychology essay sample: This paper examines interventions to prove that the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program is the most effective solution for predicting depression provoked by bullying.
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Partnering up can help you grow as an individual – here’s the psychology of a romantic relationship that expands the self

Professor of Psychology, Monmouth University

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Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

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It’s common to want to become a better version of yourself . Much like the desires to eat, drink and avoid harm, human beings also experience a fundamental need to learn, grow and improve – what psychologists call self-expansion .

Consider your favorite activities. Things like reading a book, spending time in nature, volunteering with a new organization, taking a class, traveling, trying a new restaurant, exercising or watching a documentary all broaden the self. Those experiences add new knowledge, skills, perspectives and identities. When who you are as a person expands, you enhance your competence and capabilities and increase your ability to meet new challenges and accomplish new goals.

Of course, you can achieve self-expansion on your own by trying new and interesting activities (like playing Wordle), learning new things (like advancing through a language app) or working on a skill (like practicing meditation). Research confirms that these kinds of activities help individuals expand themselves , which encourages them to put forth more effort on subsequent challenging tasks.

Interestingly, romantic relationships can also be a key source of growth for people. As a relationship scientist for over 20 years, I’ve studied the effects all kinds of romantic relationships can have on the self. Today’s modern couples hold high expectations for a partner’s role in one’s own self-development .

Growing in your relationship

Falling in love feels good, and spending time with a romantic partner is enjoyable, but love’s benefits run even deeper. People tend to value partners who help them become a better version of themselves.

One way to optimize self-growth in your relationship is by sharing in your partner’s unique interests and skills. When “me” becomes “we,” partners blend their self-concepts and include the other in the self . That merging encourages partners to take on each other’s characteristics, quirks, interests and abilities to some extent. Romantic partners inevitably have different life experiences, knowledge bases, perspectives and skills. Each area is an opportunity for growth.

For example, if your partner has a better sense of humor than you do, over time, yours will likely improve. If they have an eye for interior design, your ability to put together a room will evolve. A partner’s differing views on climate change, politics or religion will grant you new perspectives and a deeper understanding of those topics. Your relationship helps you become a better person .

This isn’t to say that individuals should try to completely merge, running the risk of losing themselves. Rather, each person can maintain their own identity while augmenting it with desirable elements from their partner.

Relationship consequences of more or less

The science makes it abundantly clear that couples with more self-expansion are better relationships . Specifically, people who report more self-expansion in their relationship also report more passionate love, relationship satisfaction and commitment. It’s also associated with more physical affection, greater sexual desire, less conflict and couples being happier with their sex life .

Because self-expansion is so critical, when expanding relationships end, participants describe feeling like they have lost a part of themselves . Importantly, when less-expanding relationships break up, individuals experience positive emotions and growth .

When a relationship provides insufficient expansion, it can feel like it’s stuck in a rut. That stagnant malaise has consequences. Research finds that married couples who at one point indicated more boredom in their current relationship also reported less marital satisfaction nine years later . Insufficient relationship self-expansion also encourages people to have more of a wandering eye and pay more attention to alternative partners , increases susceptibility to cheating on one’s partner , lowers sexual desire and comes with a greater likelihood of breakup .

How does your relationship measure up?

Maybe you’re now wondering how your own relationship is doing on this front. To provide some insight, I created the Sustainable Marriage Quiz . On a scale from 1 to 7, with 1 being “very little” and 7 being “very much,” answer these questions:

• How much does being with your partner result in you having new experiences?
• When you are with your partner, do you feel a greater awareness of things because of them?
• How much does your partner increase your ability to accomplish new things?
• How much does your partner help to expand your sense of the kind of person you are?
• How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities?
• How much do your partner’s strengths as a person (skills, abilities, etc.) compensate for some of your own weaknesses as a person?
• How much do you feel that you have a larger perspective on things because of your partner?
• How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things?
• How much has knowing your partner made you a better person?
• How much does your partner increase your knowledge?

Before adding up your score, know that these categories are generalizations. They suggest where your relationship may need attention, but also where it’s already strong. Relationships are complicated, so you should see your score for what it is: one small piece of the puzzle about what makes your relationship work.

• 60 and above – Highly Expansive. Your relationship provides lots of new experiences and helps you reach new goals. As a result, you likely have a more fulfilling and sustainable relationship.
• 45 to 60 – Moderately Expanding. Your relationship has produced some new experiences and additions to your self-concept, but you have some room for improvement.
• Below 45 — Low Expansion. Currently your relationship isn’t creating many opportunities to increase your knowledge or enhance you. Consequently you likely aren’t improving yourself as much as you could. Consider making an effort to seek out more new and interesting experiences with your partner. You may even rethink if this is the right partner for you.

What makes a relationship great? While there are many factors to consider, one area deserves more attention: how much it helps you grow. A relationship that fosters self-expansion will make you want to be a better person, help you increase your knowledge, build your skills, enhance your capabilities and broaden your perspectives.

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Relationships is a topic in psychology which examines evolutionary explanations for partner preference, the factors that affect the initiation, maintenance and breakdown of romantic relationships, virtual relationships and parasocial relationships.

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The Relationships That Shape Us

How attachment style impacts adult relationship satisfaction..

Posted October 4, 2021 | Reviewed by Devon Frye

• Why Relationships Matter
• Take our Relationship Satisfaction Test
• Find a therapist to strengthen relationships
• Attachment style refers to how our caregiver interactions in childhood shape how we think, feel, and act in our adult relationships.
• While attachment style, either secure or insecure, is established in childhood, it has the ability to be improved over time.
• Cultivating healthier attachment starts with processing how the past is impacting our experience of the present moment.
• By identifying our relationships patterns influenced by our attachment style, we can consciously choose to replace them with healthier ones.

As social creatures, relationships are our natural habitat. Our close bonds shape who we are and have a profound impact on our mental health and well-being.

From the moment our parents cradle us in their arms for the first time, they instantly soothe us and make us feel safe in this strange new world we’ve landed in. In the first years of our lives, our relationship with our caregivers creates a mental blueprint for what to expect from others in the future and has an imprint on our levels of trust, openness , and security in future romantic relationships . When our parents are consistently loving and supportive, we tend to feel confident and secure in our romantic bonds later in life. If our parents were dismissive or inconsistent, we can carry mistrust and insecurity into our future partnerships. The way we learn to view others based on our experience with our parents is known as our attachment style (Bowlby, 1988).

The parallels between relationships with early caregivers and later romantic partners can be boiled down to one thing: their ability to make us feel safe and cared for. In a world of infinite unknowns and uncertainty, the people close to us buffer the intolerable fear of not knowing what will happen next.

The reassurance we need in order to explore the world as young children is similar to the need for reassurance from others as we navigate the many phases and challenges of adulthood. A partner who takes an interest in our inner experience and consistently shows up for us increases our well-being and immunological functioning (Cozolino, 2014).

But what if our relationships are a source of danger instead of safety? The power of relationships to impact our lives has just as much potential for good as it does to create damage. Children who were mistreated, abused, and neglected enter into adult relationships with an unhealthy model of interacting with those close to them. They have learned that getting close to other people is a source of potential hurt and distress, causing them to act in erratic or damaging patterns with intimate partners.

Our attachment style, either secure or insecure, is a powerful unconscious force that colors our subjective experience of love and romantic partnerships. We all have one, and so do our partners, and it is continuously impacted by every close relationship we have.

Our failures and negative experiences become encoded in the fear centers of the brain called the amygdala, which is why past heartbreak tends to haunt us long after we’ve “moved on.” Even years after we get cheated on in a toxic relationship and we meet a healthy partner who is worthy of our trust, our amygdala will subtly but powerfully influence our experience.

This isn’t happening on a conscious level, so we likely won’t think “This person is dangerous and should be avoided.” Instead, our amygdala will put our bodies on alert, causing knots in our stomach during moments of intimacy, or we might find ourselves canceling plans, and avoiding getting close to that partner without understanding why. Often the why has to do with past negative experiences that have impacted our feelings of security and we’re essentially transferring them onto the present moment. When we can identify these unhelpful patterns, we have the ability to choose to respond differently.

While attachment is established in our early lives, it can be altered over the course of our lives through new experiences. Essentially, we have the ability to teach our brains to open up to new possibilities of what it means to be close to someone. If our childhoods created a negative association with being close to others, we can counterbalance this with positive experiences in adulthood. Our brains are association machines and constantly encode new information from new experiences, and we have the ability to replace old patterns with newer, healthier ones.

David Richo, the author of When the Past is Present , recommends using the acronym APRI when navigating the transfer of old emotions. This model for processing can be applied in identifying relational patterns and moving toward healthier attachment:

Address: Identify the problem.

I have a hard time trusting my partner with my feelings because my mom denied and shamed me when I experienced strong emotions as a child.

Process: Express feelings, non-aggressively without losing control.

I feel disappointed that I had to suppress so much of what I was feeling as a child and I wish I would have been given the option to experience my emotions exactly as I felt them.

Resolve: Take action.

When I feel the urge to dismiss a feeling that arises in me, I’m going to pause and remind myself that I deserve to feel whatever I feel and express it honestly.

Integrate: Reshaping our lives around the information we’ve learned.

In order to adopt this new way of processing, I’m going to tell my partner about it and ask that he patiently helps me to navigate my feelings as they present themselves rather than agreeing to my dismissal of them.

The harmonious melding of two lives into a single relationship system is a complicated and ever-moving target. In order to cultivate healthy attachment as adults, we must learn to recognize how our past comes to shape our perception of the present moment. By creating safety between partners, we can mutually explore the way that our individual needs, fears, and insecurities come to color our experience of the world. Bridging the gap between the inner workings of two people is an essential component of deep and lasting intimacy in meaningful relationships.

Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Clinical applications of attachment theory. London: Routledge.

Cozolino, L. (2014). The neuroscience of human relationships: Attachment and the developing social brain. W W Norton & Co.

Richo, D. (2008). When the past is present: Healing the emotional wounds that sabotage our relationships. Boston: Shambhala.

Lou Cozolino, Ph.D. , Chloe Drulis , and Carly Samuelson collaborate at Cozolino & Co, a psychotherapy practice based in Los Angeles.

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A LEVEL PSYCHOLOGY - RELATIONSHIPS 16 MARK ESSAY PLANS (AQA)

Subject: Psychology

Age range: 16+

Resource type: Assessment and revision

Last updated

7 March 2023

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Here you will find 10 essay plans for the relationships topic in Psychology A2 (AQA), these plans contain a detailed 16 marker plan including: suitable introduction (keywords), studies, and evaluations. (AO1, AO2, AO3)

These were very useful for a proper 16 mark essay question structure, studies and evaluations (which are super important to get the 16 marks)

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