how to get through a funeral speech without crying

How to Give a Speech Without Crying? 10 great tips

• Filed under: Presentation anxiety , Public speaking articles , Speech delivery , Speech preparation , Stage fear

I am often asked for tips on how to give a speech without crying. At first, I assumed these people were just nervous or perhaps suffering from stage fright. However, I soon learned that it’s sometimes simply an overwhelming emotional experience to give a speech. This may be at a wedding, a funeral, or during a graduation party for example. No matter the reason—professional or personal—I have many tips for teary-eyed speech givers.

So, how to give a speech without crying? Take deep, calming breaths. Add some humor, if appropriate. Take a moment to acknowledge the emotions involved. Don’t forget to pause for reflection and composure. Focus on the mundane.

I’ll get into the details a little bit later, but these were some quick tips for you to use. All of that is helpful advice, but if you know anything about me at all you know I’m thorough. Of course, I have so much more to tell you. Keep reading to find my best-detailed tips on how to give a speech without crying.

Also, I think you should check out these books about public speaking, which will give you even more information and prepare you for the speech even more.

Table of Contents

How to Give a Speech Without Crying

Giving a speech isn’t always about sharing new ideas, selling your products and services, or getting ahead in business. Sometimes, we are called on to give speeches of an emotional nature. Even the toughest of us have suddenly been gripped by the lump in the throat and that urge to burst into tears.

And that’s totally okay. Sometimes, being overrun with emotions can work in your favor. Depending on the situation, you may be able to use the tears to your advantage. Other times, it’s best to keep your cheeks dry.

In either case, there are many things you can do to get through your speech without crying.

#1 Breathe Deep

When we are overcome with emotion or fear, your body will register stress. One of the first ways it does this is by restricting breathing and tightening your throat. You may even completely hold your breath.

Since you need oxygen in order to give your speech, any kind of restriction in breathing will really mess you up. That’s not even talking about the increased stress you’ll feel when you realize you’re about to pass out from lack of oxygen!

The easiest remedy for this problem is to simply take a long, slow, deep breath. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, taking slow and steady breaths when your emotions are taking over can seem like an impossible task.

This is where a little preparation can come in handy. If you know that you’ll be giving a potentially emotional speech, or that a speech you must give in a business setting may cause you to cry, it’s worth the effort to learn some simple breathing techniques beforehand.

Did you know that taking even one deep, calming breath may be enough to counteract your adrenaline and your emotions? If you don’t have time for a full set of breathing exercises while your audience stares at you, just take one breath. It may be all you need.

#2 How to Give a Speech Without Crying Using Humor

“Funny people aren’t funny because funny things happen to us. We’re funny because we take the tragedy that happens to us, and turn it into comedy.” – Judy Carter

Unless your speech is happening at a solemn event, you may try adding a little humor to ease your nerves and calm your emotions. You might be surprised to learn that some somber events, such as funerals, are actually appropriate for gentle humor, too.

The key to making humor work to calm you during your speech is understanding your audience . If these are friends and family and other loved ones, humor is almost always acceptable. In fact, your audience may welcome the release that laughter brings.

#3 Acknowledge Your Emotions

It may seem counterproductive, but acknowledging your emotions may prevent you from crying during your speech . The more you fight strong emotions, the harder it is to ignore them. So stop ignoring them.

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But how do you acknowledge your emotions during a speech without breaking down into rivers of tears?

Encouraging self-talk is the best way to accomplish this. Mentally acknowledge that you are emotional. Tell yourself that it’s okay to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling. It might be fear, it might be sadness, it might be absolute excitement that is manifesting as tears. Whatever the feeling, tell yourself it’s okay to feel that.

After you’ve acknowledged your feelings, take that deep breath we mentioned in the first tip. It’s incredibly cathartic to mentally acknowledge emotional energy, then release it physically through a deep, controlled breath.

Definitely, check this guide here on how to overcome stage fright.

#4 Pause for Reflection and Composure

Some of the best speakers use natural pauses in their speeches to emphasize parts of what they’re saying . But they may also be using those pauses to compose themselves. This is especially common during emotional speeches such as during a wedding or while accepting an award.

You can find good places to pause your speech ahead of time . For example, while you’re writing your speech, you’ll probably feel some of those emotions creeping in. They’re giving you a preview of what your actual speech may be like.

Don’t force those feelings away. Use them to identify places where you should create a natural pause in your speech . Those pauses are where you should take your deep breath and acknowledge how you’re feeling.

#5 Focus on Your Notes

One of the best ways to avoid crying during your speech is to focus on your notes. A well-written speech with useful notes gives you a low-key item to concentrate on. When your emotions start to overwhelm you, simply glance down at your notes and pretend to read them for a second or two.

It may not be the most graceful method to calm your emotions, and it certainly isn’t surreptitious, but it’s also not unusual to have a speaker look at their notes. As long as you don’t stare at your notes the entire time, it’ll look perfectly natural to glance down and regain your composure once or twice.

As a side note, I wrote an article about how to use notes in your speech which you can find here.

#6 Focus on the Mundane

Maybe you don’t have notes, or maybe you’ve already looked at your notes too many times and your audience is getting suspicious. Whatever your reasons, you may need another option to stop your tears during your speech.

So, how to give a speech without crying if you can’t look at your notes? Change your focus.

Look out across the audience, avoiding any eye contact for now. Too much eye contact when your emotions are flaring may cause the dam to break and get the tears flowing. Instead, look out past the people. Find something in the back of the room that has no meaning to you.

Maybe it’s a poster on the wall or a stack of chairs. Maybe it’s the door out or a window overlooking the parking lot. Find anything in the back of the room that can help distract you from the overwhelming emotions tugging at your tear ducts.

#7 Take a Drink of Water

Have you ever seen those pitchers of water sitting next to a speech-giver? They’re not there for decoration. Professional speakers aren’t just really thirsty people either.

Water is usually provided for speakers for two reasons. The first is that speakers’ mouths often get dry. It’s simple biology.

The second is that taking a sip of water is a well-known way to relax your throat , give you a moment to compose yourself, and helps you focus on something other than your speech for a moment.

If you notice, taking a drink gives you the opportunity to use several of the tips already listed here. It’s an unobtrusive way to get through a speech without crying.

#8 Practice, Practice, Practice!

If you’re really panicking about becoming emotional and bursting into tears during your speech, plan ahead. Be prepared! You can breathe all you want, drink gallons of water, and stare at the windows, but if you don’t practice your speech ahead of time, you’re doing yourself a major disservice.

Practicing starts when you first put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). As mentioned earlier, writing your speech will be the first chance you get to see where your emotional triggers may happen. Pay attention to those.

As you write your speech, stop and practice it out loud. If you choke up in the same places each time, mark those spots and move on.

Once you finish your speech, practice in front of a mirror or better yet – in front of the camera. Practice looking up at yourself (or at the camera) as you recite the speech. Glance at your notes often, paying attention to where you marked the emotional parts.

Take note of how you’re feeling as those places come up. If you feel the lump forming in your throat, try adding a pause before or just after that point. Practice taking a sip of water.

The more you practice and make it through your speech, the easier it will become . If you can condition yourself to avoid or work past those emotional spots alone, you have a better chance of making it through on the big day.

But there’s a lot more to it so I wrote a complete guide (10 effective tips) on how to practice a speech you.

#9 Choose a Handheld Distraction

Another good trick to avoid crying during a speech is to bring a distraction with you. Something small that you can hold in your palm, keep on the lectern, or hide in your pocket can help you stay calm and collected.

When you feel the emotions begin to rise, simply palm your distraction item and give it a good squeeze. If you practice with this item while practicing your speech, you may be able to train your brain to recognize it as the “calm” object.

It’s a bit like Pavlov’s dog. If you can train your brain to associate the distraction item with calm or intense focus, you can derail your emotions before they ruin your speech.

If you don’t have a pocket to hold an item or you aren’t able to bring something small up with you, you can always use your own hands. Practice ahead of time doing a casual hand fold on the lectern. While your fingers are laced together, you can give them a gentle squeeze to help center yourself.

If there is no lectern, fold your hands in front of you.

#10 Rewording Your Speech

If you still find it difficult to get through the speech without crying, even after all of this advice, there’s still more you can do.

Try rewording the most intense parts of your speech. Subtlety has its place in speeches, just as clear and concise word choice does. It’s okay to allude to something emotional without coming right out and saying it.

Chances are good that your audience is also feeling emotional, and rewording more intense parts might be a kindness to them as well.

Bonus tip: Use Emotions to Empower Yourself

You came here wondering how to give a speech without crying, but you may be looking at this the wrong way. Let me explain.

In some situations, crying and other shows of emotion can actually work in your favor. Look at the emotional speeches you’ve seen in the past as examples.

When an actor cries at the podium after receiving an award, your first thought isn’t that this person is a weakling. More likely you understand that the tears show the world how grateful they are to be acknowledged.

What about graduation celebrations? Those are notoriously emotional. Look at the tears that stream down cheeks during graduation speeches. Clearly, the people speaking have poured heart and soul into these words. Does it dampen the mood or take away from the speech because they’re crying? No way!

If anything, tears during a speech show your audience that you are invested in this topic. You care. You connect with whatever it is that you’re talking about.

Tears don’t always show weakness. In some situations, they show in an obvious, nonverbal way that you care deeply enough to be moved to tears.

Related Questions

How to talk without getting emotional? Keep your speech simple, concise, and on point. Breathe deeply in and out. Pause for composure and to catch your breath.

How to keep from getting choked up? Depending on the situation, you may be able to bring humor into the moment. Laughter helps relieve stress. It may be appropriate to allow yourself to become choked up anyway.

How to write a speech? How to write a speech depends on many factors. For example, type of event (official or unofficial), listeners (acquaintances or strangers), time (short or long speech), etc. (read full article here )

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Reading at a funeral – 16 tips to help you get through

Whether you have been asked to read at a funeral, or you have chosen to, delivering a funeral reading can be a daunting prospect. 

Public speaking is ranked highly in any poll of fears – in fact, it’s often said that people are more afraid of speaking in public than they are of death itself! Add to that the emotional distress of the grief you are likely to be experiencing, and you can see why being asked to read at a funeral feels like a very big deal indeed. 

You might be reading a poem or you could be delivering a eulogy or tribute. Short or long, remember that reading at a funeral is an honour, so however nervous you might be, this role is an act of love and respect for the person who has died. However, I do realise that can add to the pressure even more…

Never fear! This post will get you through!

Let’s look first at the different types of funeral reading:

If you are reading a funeral tribute, the likelihood is that you wrote it yourself (see ‘ how to write a funeral tribute ’ for tips on how to do this), and so you will have the advantage of it being in your ‘voice’ already. This will make it more comfortable to read, especially if you write it in a speaking style. However, due to the nature of a tribute or eulogy, you will be more likely to be at the lectern for longer. There is advice below for getting through it.

Prose readings might be shorter, but they could contain phrases or words that don’t roll off the tongue so easily, especially if they are religious texts or written in a very formal or old fashioned style. Don’t panic if your funeral reading is like this though – all the tips below will help you read with confidence.

There are a lot of funeral poems out there, and poems make up the majority of funeral readings. But poems aren’t always the easiest thing to read, even though they’re often the shorter option and therefore tempting for the nervous reader. Again, don’t worry – we’ve got you covered for reading a funeral poem with style!

How to read at a funeral with confidence – 16 tips to help you through

1. remember you have a safety net.

A good celebrant will be able to take over at any point during your funeral reading. I always ask readers to give me their words ahead of time so that I can do this. If we haven’t met before, I will introduce myself to you before the funeral. When it comes to your reading, I’ll announce it but I’ll be looking out for your subtle acknowledgement you’re ok to go ahead. If I see you shaking your head, I’ll read it on your behalf. 

Or, if you are halfway through your funeral reading and just can’t carry on, a short nod to me will tell me to take over. 

There is no shame in this whatsoever, so please don’t beat yourself up if you find you can’t go through with a funeral reading you had planned to deliver. It doesn’t mean you’ve let anyone down.

2. Get advice from your celebrant about funeral reading placement, if possible

There are some parts of a funeral ceremony where it’s even are even harder to do a reading. Straight after the words of farewell can be the most emotional moment of the funeral, for example, so reading a poem there can be very difficult if you are grieving. 

Let your celebrant know if you are nervous and what would help you. Often, I find that readers would like to say their piece early in the funeral so that they are not distracted by their nerves through the rest of the ceremony. It’s all possible – if you let your celebrant know.

If you are not involved with the funeral arrangements and you only meet the celebrant on the day, make sure you introduce yourself (if it’s me, I’ll always come and find you) and ask whereabouts your reading will be in the funeral ceremony and what your cue will be. It will normally be fairly obvious, but being clear about it can really help with the nerves.

3. Practise your funeral reading until you know it well

Get to know what you’ll be reading. You don’t have to memorise it, but you do need to be very familiar with it, so that the words are comfortable in your mouth. Read it out loud at least 15 times. You don’t have to have an audience, if you don’t want to – read it to the wall, to the mirror, in the bath or to your cat – but do read it out loud.

If you are reading a tribute, eulogy or other long reading, there is the question of stamina too. You might be reading for several minutes and this could take some getting used to. It can be easy to lose momentum after the first few paragraphs, but you don’t want to lose the impact of the second half. Just like going to the gym to work your muscles, rehearsing your reading several times will give you the strength to keep packing a punch until your final sentence. 

Not only will rehearsing your funeral reading out loud be helpful to get comfortable with the words, but practising like this will also help you to notice the parts that feel most emotionally gnarly. This will be useful for on the day, when you’ll know exactly where in the script to slow down, take a breath and regather yourself.

4. Follow the phrases, not the lines

If you’re reading a poem, follow the phrases, not necessarily the lines – they’ll feel so much more natural that way. For example, most of the well-known funeral poem ‘Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep’ by (possibly) Mary Elizabeth Frye can be read line by line, but this beautiful phrase about halfway breaks the mould:

 ‘When you awaken in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.’

It would be quite jarring to stop after ‘rush’ and start with ‘of’ like it’s a new sentence, so try to see past the line breaks and find the meaning and sense in the phrases. When you read it like this, it makes so much more sense.

If you’re not quite sure how a poem should sound, it’s worth looking it up on YouTube and seeing how different people have read it for inspiration. And I say inspiration here on purpose – it’s not instruction!

5. Don’t ‘wing it’ with a tribute (or, at the very least, know how you’ll end)

I meet many people who say that they want to speak off the cuff when they are giving a tribute at a funeral. 

Please don’t do this!

Even if you are a very experienced public speaker, reading a funeral tribute is a whole different ball game from giving an after-dinner speech or making a presentation at work, especially if you are a close friend or relative. 

You might be fine of course, but I have seen it go very badly wrong for several people, who ended up going round and round in verbal circles, not knowing how to end, or forgetting to say the thing they most wanted to. 

Also, if the celebrant doesn’t know what you are going to say, you run the risk of that story you wanted to share as the centrepiece to your tribute being told before you stand up to walk to the lectern. And you may find yourself being gently asked to bring your eulogy to a close because the chapel time is running out – neither of these are good experiences!

If you absolutely must improvise your funeral tribute, make notes of three points or stories you want to share, and always have a closing sentence, as that’s the bit that trips many speakers up. And do please share these with the celebrant!

6. Vary your tone and pitch 

When you are getting to know your funeral reading by rehearsing it over and over, you will start to get a feel for its pace and for the parts you want to emphasise. 

You might, for example, want to linger over an important word or phrase that you feel captures your loved one perfectly. Or perhaps you’d like to share a funny anecdote that would benefit from a quicker pace and a raised voice as you relay the tale, slowing down later for a more reflective part.

Don’t be afraid to ‘colour in’ your funeral reading by varying your tone and pitch as fits the words that you are speaking. Record yourself doing your reading, if you like, and notice if there are any parts that need emphasising or the pace changing to make it have more impact. 

Which leads me to…

7. Have a clear, marked-up copy of your funeral reading 

Don’t attempt to read from a phone or from your handwritten first draft that is covered in crossings out and scribbles in the margin – you will find the visual stress distracting in the moment.

Print your funeral reading out in a large, double-spaced font and cover it with ‘stage directions’ to help you. Place a ‘//’ for example where you want to pause. Underline or highlight words you want to linger over for emphasis. Draw squiggles and marks in whatever way makes sense to you that show you to speed up, slow down, or watch out – there’s a tear triggering bit coming up. Keep rehearsing, using these notes to self to help you.

8. Visualise your funeral reading going well

A simple yet powerful thing you can do both to improve your reading on the day and to help to calm your nerves, is visualisation.

In the run-up to the day of the funeral, take a few minutes each day to sit or stand quietly with your eyes closed. Visualise yourself at the funeral, walking up to the lectern, and delivering your tribute, poem or reading clearly and confidently. ‘See’ yourself standing tall, and the grateful expressions on the faces of the other people there. ‘Hear’ those words you’ve been rehearsing coming out in just the way you want them to. ‘Feel’ how good it feels to be doing this for your loved one. 

I promise this will make a huge difference to the way you feel about your funeral reading, both beforehand and on the day.

9. Practice good self-care

Looking after yourself well is important at any time of course, and particularly when you are bereaved. But when you are preparing to read at a funeral, it makes a tangible difference.

If you can, make sure that you sleep well the night before the funeral, or at least rest if you can’t sleep. Keep well hydrated (preferably with water rather than lots of caffeine, which can make nerves worse), and have something light to eat before you set off. 

It’s best to avoid dairy if you can, as it can negatively affect the voice by coating the throat.

10. Warm up on the way

Warming up your face and your voice before your funeral reading can make a big difference to how it sounds (and to how your throat feels afterwards!)

Before you leave the house or in the car on the way to the funeral, it’s worth trying things like neck rolls, lip trilling, pulling big grins, yawning, singing scales and saying tongue twisters. But if you’re in a funeral car with lots of other people, this might not be so easy to do, so you might need to improvise a little!

Here’s a good article with tips and a video of how to warm up your voice ready for your moment at the lectern.

11. Stop and breathe

It’s the moment! The celebrant has introduced your reading and you’re making your way to the front…

Don’t be in a rush. You have time to get to the lectern, arrange your reading, and breathe. Stopping and taking a deep breath just for a second before you start will get your head in the right place. Use the time to remember that visualisation you did and ‘see’ yourself calm and collected.

12. Ground yourself

Another thing that some people find helpful when they’re about to read at a funeral is to mentally ground themselves. 

To do this, take a moment to become aware of the feeling of the floor beneath your feet. Focus on that place, feel ‘rooted’ into the ground, and take a breath, imagining it coming up through your feet. 

This is great to do before you start (yes, there’s still time and nobody is going to think badly of you if you take a couple of seconds to steady yourself before you read), and it’s also a good thing to do when you start to feel the emotions overtaking you. Imagine them flowing down into the ground through your feet, take another breath, and carry on…

Have you exhaled? Great! Let’s begin.

13. Slow down and enunciate each word

Nerves make people’s brains work faster, and that means they speak faster too. Slow down! Speak much slower than your instinct tells you. Your rehearsals will help with this, as will your annotated funeral reading. 

There’s no point in delivering a beautiful reading, poem or tribute if you do it so fast that people can’t hear it or absorb it properly. Take breaths between sentences, pause and focus on delivering each word without rushing or tripping over it.

14. Use the microphone but still speak clearly

On that note, the chances are that you will have a microphone built into the lectern if you are at a crematorium or a private chapel. These help a lot, but you will still need to slow down and speak clearly, as mentioned in my last point. 

If you don’t have a microphone, remember that your words need to be heard even at the back of the room. You don’t need to shout, but you will need to project as much as you can. This is especially important if you have anyone who is hard of hearing at the funeral. 

Fortunately, this is something else that can be worked on if you practice in advance! If you haven’t had the chance to, ask your celebrant or a loved one to give you signals about your volume if necessary!

15. Don’t worry about crying

Many people worry that they won’t be able to do a funeral reading without crying. Indeed, it puts a lot of people off even trying.

Please try not to worry about this. You’re at a funeral of a loved one after all, and if you can’t cry there then I don’t know where you can cry! Nobody should judge you for being emotional. Here are some things you can do if it feels too much:

• Remember that your celebrant will be on hand to take over if needed – having that safety net helps straightaway.
• Don’t be afraid to stop for a moment. Go back to your visualisation of you delivering the funeral reading calmly, take another breath, focus on the feeling of the ground beneath your feet, regroup and carry on.
• You could ask a loved one to come up to the lectern with you. Having someone there, perhaps with their hand on your back, really can help.
• Make sure you have a couple of tissues on hand before you begin.
• Take a small bottle of water up with you. Sometimes, pausing to have a quick sip will help you to gather yourself – and it will cure a nervous dry mouth too.
• Remember that it’s ok to cry. Not only is it ok for you to cry, but you might just give ‘permission’ for other people to let go as well. Whilst in Britain we tend to be very ‘stiff upper lip’ about these things, often crying is cathartic and good for us. There is absolutely no shame in it whatsoever.
• Remember that your celebrant can take over at any point (yes, I know I’ve said this already but it’s worth hammering home!)

16. Rescue Remedy

If you haven’t discovered it already, ‘Rescue Remedy’ is a Bach flower remedy which is designed to be sprayed or dropped on the tongue in anxious or nerve-inducing situations. Honestly, this stuff is like magic! I don’t know whether it’s the flower extracts or just the way that using it is like a pattern interrupt to the nervous thought spiral, but it really helps to calm you down. I recommend searching some out in your local chemist so you can have a quick spray before you deliver your funeral reading or face any other similarly difficult situation!

Good luck! Remember to breathe! You can do this! 

Let me know how it goes.

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I just wanted to say a huge thank you to you for M’s funeral – it was absolutely perfect.  A lot of friends have commented that it was as if you actually knew him.

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• What To Say At A Funeral

12 Quick Tips for Speaking with Confidence at a Funeral

Updated 06/6/2024

Published 10/30/2019

Cassie Barthuly, BA in English

Contributing writer

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

There’s a good reason that many people are terrified of public speaking. Communicating your thoughts in front of people is hard. It ranks high on a list of the most common fears.

It’s even harder when you’re trying to speak at a funeral. You’re not trying to give an informative presentation in front of your colleagues. Or present a research paper.

You’re trying to speak during what might be one of the most emotional and difficult times in your life. The stakes can seem so much higher. It’s hard to do justice to someone's memory, and not break down in front of an entire room of people. (Our post-loss checklist can help you through all of the tasks you might be facing after you lose a loved one, from writing a speech to seeking grief support.)

There’s plenty of articles about improving your public speaking skills. But what do you do when your public speaking debut occurs at a funeral?

Virtual funeral tip:  If you're speaking at a  virtual funeral  using a service like  GatheringUs , you can still share your thoughts or eulogy with your online guests. Coordinate with your planning team, make sure you have the right microphones and audio equipment, and send online guests digital funeral programs with the full speaking schedule.

Jump ahead to these sections:

• 1. Read the Situation

2. Don’t Just Read Aloud

3. practice your delivery, 4. focus on the positives.

• 5. Keep Your Humor Appropriate
• 6. More Tips

1. Read the Situation 

What circumstances did the deceased die under? How old were they? For instance, one of the most comforting facets of a grandparent’s death is that they lived a full life.

They experienced many things and had many loved ones. In the case of the sick and elderly, it may be comforting for those left behind to know they aren’t suffering anymore. In this case, a few humorous anecdotes might be appropriate. 

But what if the situation is on the other end of the scale? The untimely death of a loved one can be difficult to bear. It’s hard to find a comforting angle in this situation.

Their life and future were taken away from them. There’s not much for loved ones to find solace in. In this case, humorous anecdotes may come off as inappropriate. 

“ My grandmother, Jane Doe, was born in Italy in 1936. She married John Doe in 1961. They had two children. ” 

That kind of recitation is enough to make anyone’s eyes glaze over. It sounds like a page out of a history textbook. Reading straight from the page, even if the facts are true, is a sure way to bore your audience.

Writing down the facts is important. You don’t want to forget or misrepresent anything. But allow your story to flow naturally.

Do this by looking up from the page, making eye contact, and memorizing important details. These are all great ways to engage with your audience. 

The idea of practicing in front of a mirror seems silly. Everyone knows this public speaking tip, but almost no one does it. But this practice can be especially crucial when preparing to deliver a eulogy. 

The true challenge with sharing a eulogy is emotion. Family and friends are all gathered to get closure and memorialize the deceased. No one is there to judge your public speaking talents. And everyone will be struggling with their emotions. 

Are you worried about not being able to get through your speech without breaking down? A few tears are expected, but a full breakdown can make it impossible to finish your speech.

That’s where practice comes in. If you burst into tears the first time you try to read your eulogy, practice a few more times. No one expects you to be a robot, but you want to be able to deliver your speech in full, too. 

Even if you’re feeling confident, don't completely abandon your script. You don't want to forget important facts. There's a tried-and-true format for a eulogy, and abandoning it will make you hard to follow. Try to strike a balance between using your script as a crutch, and not using it at all. 

What if you had a difficult relationship with the deceased? In that case, it can feel excruciating, or even impossible, to stand up and deliver a glowing eulogy. If you had a difficult relationship, and can't deliver a truthful eulogy, it may be best to bow out.

Choosing someone else, or forgoing a eulogy altogether, might be the more honest route. Make sure you share your reasoning with the service organizers. They may feel that an honest eulogy, even if it isn’t “pretty,” still honors the deceased. 

What if your relationship wasn't difficult, but complicated? Try to shift the spotlight to their positive traits. For instance, they may have been difficult and rude. But what if they always offered to host family gatherings?

Don't focus on how miserable it was to attend those gatherings. Focus on their generosity for offering to host in the first place. If you’re worried your writing will come off too negative, share it with someone who knew the deceased. Let them tell you if they think it is inappropriate or needs to be reworked. 

5. Keep Your Humor Appropriate 

Jokes that reflect poorly on the deceased are never a good idea. They make you look tasteless, and have the potential to offend family members. Have someone proofread your eulogy to make sure your humor lands well. 

You don't have to include humor. It depends on the situation and the personality of the deceased. If they didn't have a sense of humor, and wouldn't appreciate fun anecdotes at their funeral, don't use them.

If they loved a good joke and their death wasn't tragic, consider including some jokes.

6. Short and Sweet

Have you ever had the misfortune of being part of the audience when a speaker wouldn’t wrap it up? Your eyes glaze over, you yawn, and you wish it was over. You don’t want this to be the case for your eulogy. But different public speaking engagements come with different expectations. 

Most eulogies run between three and five minutes. When you practice your speech aloud, you’ll realize that you can fit quite a few words into this time slot. To help make sure your eulogy isn’t too long, do a dress rehearsal. Time yourself as you read at a slow and steady rate.

Most people rush when public speaking, so practice reading slowly. It’ll help you get used to the feeling.

Create a free, interactive Cake end-of-life planning profile.

Share your health, legal, funeral, and legacy decisions with your loved ones.

7. Introduce Yourself

Great eulogies follow a pattern. They’re simple and easy for the audience to engage with. But keep in mind, people need to know who you are. Start your eulogy by introducing yourself and stating your relationship with the deceased.

For instance, you could say: “I’m Skye Grant, and Rosemary Lorraine Ward was my great-grandmother.”

Funerals can be packed events, and many people might not know you. They may know the deceased from somewhere you don’t. And even if you were introduced, it’s still difficult to put names to faces during such an emotional time. Introducing yourself before you start allows people to focus on what you’re saying. 

8. Write a Biography

Remember the mind-numbing biographical example we gave above? Yours doesn’t have to be like that. Especially for older people, a biography fills people in on the facts and details of their life.

But you’re not writing a speech to make sure that everyone can pass a pop quiz. You’re trying to tell a story. Weave childhood details and anecdotes in with the bones of the story. Remember to include date and place of birth, siblings, where they grew up, and so forth. 

For most relatives, you won't be able to Google this information. Ask other relatives to see if they remember certain details. If that's not an option, ask permission to go through the deceased’s mementos. You may find old diplomas, discharges from the military, or hometown mementos. 

9. Follow It Up

Focus the second half of your eulogy on positive takeaways. Doing so puts an emphasis on the legacy of the deceased. Show how the world was a better place because they were in it.

Try to include an anecdote that illustrates their positive impact. If they taught you about honesty and hard work share what they taught you.

Consider closing with that anecdote. It will leave a more lasting impression. And it can remind mourners of something they loved about the deceased.

10. Make Eye Contact

During emotional moments, it may be tempting to not make eye contact with your audience. You may want to look down at your notes, and not at the audience. You might do this so you can make it through your eulogy without breaking down.

But it can make your eulogy seem impersonal. It also forces your words to work twice as hard to connect with your audience, which may result in boredom.

Even if you’re feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, try to make eye contact with people. Share your grief with those who are mourning with you. It will be hard but will help remind you that you aren’t grieving alone. 

11. Think Ahead

What will you need up at the podium, besides your notes? Think ahead to items that you might want in the heat of the moment. Good standbys are a packet of tissues and a glass of water.

Tissues will help with any emotional moments you experience while delivering your speech. And a glass of water is a good way to allow you to pause and collect yourself. If you’re nervous about the speech, staying hydrated is also a good idea. 

12. Don’t Rush

Have you ever heard a public speaker bumble and charge through their words? It’s hard for the audience to follow meaningless babble, so they tune out. Slow down.

You can practice this while you rehearse your speech. You’ll be speaking slower than you would in normal conversation since a eulogy isn’t a two-way dialogue. Take the time to connect with your audience in a meaningful way. 

Delivering Your Eulogy

Writing a eulogy may be one of the most difficult things you will ever do. Delivering it in front of a crowd of loved ones, while struggling to keep your composure, is tough. Remember that it’s worth it. By stepping up to meet this challenge, you’re memorializing a loved one in the way that they deserve.

It’s one of the only meaningful gifts that you can give someone after they are gone. By following the tips above, you can deliver a heartfelt eulogy like a gifted public speaker. If you do that, you’ll have given a gift to those left behind as well.

Post-planning tip: If you are the executor for a deceased loved one, you have more than just the eulogy to think about. Handling their unfinished business can be overwhelming without a way to organize your process. We have a post-loss checklist  that will help you ensure that your loved one's family, estate, and other affairs are taken care of.

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How to write a eulogy - step by step

Guidelines to help prepare a loving funeral speech 

By:  Susan Dugdale  

Having a eulogy or funeral speech to write is a gift, and a privilege. Despite the circumstances. 

And perfectly understandable and reasonable questions like the two below can make the task seem extraordinarily difficult.

• Just how do you squeeze a lifetime's worth of memories into one six-minute speech?
• And make it a special, memorable, unique speech to capture the essence of a person?

However, there is a way through. If you follow the step-by-step guidelines below  you  can and will give a sincere and fitting funeral speech or tribute.

I understand about being caught in the maelstrom of feelings triggered by the death of someone you love. I know finding the clarity to make decisions about what to write in a eulogy can feel overwhelmingly impossible.

There is so much we want to say . Trying to compress a whole life into a few minutes seems ridiculous, almost an insult.

But you can do it, and do it well. Let me show you how to write a eulogy, step by step.

What's on this long page

You'll find:

• help to understand the importance of spending time carefully crafting a eulogy
• help to understand the purpose and value of a eulogy
• the background information you need before you begin to write
• what to include in a eulogy  (and what to leave out)
• how to collect the material you need to write it
• the step-by-step process of writing the eulogy
• a free printable fill-in-the-blanks eulogy planning template with examples. (It will guide you through the whole process of collecting material, structuring and writing: making it easier.)
• links to a diverse collection of 70+ sample eulogies to read to help inspire you and give you courage to begin
• how to rehearse and prepare yourself for delivering the eulogy as best you can
• People also ask | 13 FAQs about eulogies with answers (and examples) to set your mind at ease: e.g.,  how to start a eulogy , how to end a eulogy , what makes a powerful, heartfelt eulogy , do you read a eulogy , how to stop yourself from crying while giving the eulogy ...

Please don't rush. Take your time and, go gently. 

Why go through the process of writing a eulogy?

Some people question the need to go through the step-by-step process of writing a eulogy: organizing their thoughts and putting them down on paper or into a document.

They say they would prefer to stand up and speak spontaneously, from the heart, letting inspiration and love for the person they're talking about carry them through.

While that sounds fine, there is a very good reason to sidestep that temptation.

It's because, for many people, giving any type of speech without conscious careful preparation is a challenge. They tend to drift off topic or lose the thread connecting their ideas.

Now, add to that the pressure of the occasion and, understandably, feeling upset. Do you see what might happen?

Preparation will give your eulogy structure - a definite pattern, a beginning, middle and end. That structure will help you contain and express your feelings as you choose to, lessening the likelihood of being overwhelmed by them.

Without the safety of form your funeral speech may become a tearful ramble with no obvious purpose or direction. That is distressing for everybody: yourself as well as those listening.

Taking the time to fully prepare the speech is the best way to express all you want to, the way you want to.

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What is the value and purpose of a eulogy?

When you understand what a prepared eulogy can do you'll realize it's a gift to the living. Your words will help everyone, (yourself included), on their journey through the grief of loss.

A eulogy is a reflection

In many ways a good eulogy is like a mirror or a reflection. We listen to the stories told to hear and see in our imagination what the life of our loved one was all about. We want to understand, to have it make sense to us.

A eulogy may not provide answers to difficult questions, but it allows us to focus more clearly.

A memorable speech prepared with loving care celebrates the  whole person : their strengths, their joys, challenges and achievements.

At a time when many are emotionally fragile your courage to stand in front of friends and family and speak will be truly appreciated.

Take a deep breath and follow the steps.

How to write a eulogy: preparation

Before you actually begin writing anything down there are number things to think about and do. Considering each of them prior to starting will make the process easier and your eulogy more effective. 

1. Who are you writing for?

When you stand to give your eulogy, does what you say represent other people beside yourself?

For instance:

• Are you writing on behalf of the immediate family?
• Have you been asked to be the principal spokesperson, or will others be talking too?
• Are you writing as a work colleague, a close friend...?

The answers to those questions put you, the eulogy giver, in context which is important to those listening. If they don't know, they'll want to know how you fitted into the life of the person you are celebrating. It provides them with the background to what you share.

The answers also help you, the eulogy writer, because it defines the scope of what you talk about.

For example, if your relationship with the deceased was primarily work based, you'll reflect on achievements and events drawn from your time working together. You'll leave talking about close family relationships alone because they're not within your sphere. 

If you are the principal or only spokesperson your scope is much broader. You'll want to cover important relationships: family and significant friends, as well as major achievements, and life changing events, leavened with a few well-chosen stories.  

When doing the writing yourself is too difficult

We know life stories can be complicated. And grief can make them harder to tell. If you'd like help, talk to professional eulogy writer, Theresa Sjoquist .

2. How long is a eulogy expected to be?

The general rule is somewhere between 3 to 7 minutes. If you're unsure ask for guidance from the person conducting or organizing the service. It can change depending on the number speakers.

The time allowance governs how much material you can fit into your eulogy.

3. What to include in your eulogy

• A brief introduction of yourself and where you fitted in the person's life.
• Personal stories: anecdotes, songs, poetry, reflections ... Anything at all that speaks true.

4. Subjects to bypass

Be honest without dwelling on or re-living negativity.

The eulogy is not an occasion to 'get even', air unresolved conflicts  or expose private family secrets.

If the person was bowed down with unresolved challenges, talk about them compassionately, if you must. 

Remember a funeral speech is an opportunity to honor and even the most difficult personality or life will have aspects worthy of celebration.

(And while we're discussing what subject matter it's best or diplomatic to avoid: political opinions or religious differences don't belong in a eulogy either.  Neither do cliches: "Time will heal all wounds", "It was for the best", "Their suffering is over now" and so on.)

5. Make a special folder 

Set up a special folder on your computer to store all the material you need to write your eulogy. This is where you'll put your notes for stories you think you might use, scraps of poetry, and so on. Labelling everything clearly and putting it in one place will help when it comes time to write.

6. Ask for contributions

If you're speaking on behalf of others ask friends, family or work colleagues for their recollections and stories to add to your own.

Get them to write their ideas down in a document and send it to you which you can then file in your eulogy folder. If they can't do that, talk with them, and note their thoughts yourself.  

There is no need for you to carry the responsibility of putting together the eulogy alone. Let others share in the privilege of shaping the speech to honor your loved one's life.

7. Do you want to include a poem or a quotation?

Many people want a piece of poetry or a quotation to help them express what they wish to say.

Here are three possible sources to explore:

1. Browse through my collection of funeral poems and a large selection of widely diverse inspirational quotations . I've made recordings of a number of the most frequently read. Here's the link that will take you to them, including Funeral Blues by WH Auden: 8 readings of best-loved funeral poems .

2. In your quest for a quotation don't overlook the person whose life you're celebrating. Perhaps there are memorable phrases that were uniquely their own. May be it was a line from a song or a poem.

For example, my mother had a signature saying. "Let there be peace and let it begin with me"  inspired her throughout many years of a sometimes very difficult life.

3. What about writing your own poem? It's not as difficult as you may think and you'll have something very special and original to offer. You can find out here how to write a poem in free verse.

8. Writing the eulogy: tone

What tone do you want to use? Do you want it to be solemn? Do you want it to be lighter, perhaps even humorous? Or do you want a balance of both?

To help decide, ask yourself: what would your loved one have wanted? Be guided by your answer.

There are no "right" or "wrong" ways. This a decision for yourself, the family and friends.  A life contains joy as well as sorrow and laughing through tears can be a real reflection of that.

9. Please tell the stories!

Do resist the urge to list in chronological order achievements or milestones. These can be dry, dull facts.

Instead tell the stories about the achievements or milestones. They may have been heard many times but in their retelling the essence or life force of your loved one lives on. This is the real person who people want to hear about and remember. Lists don't give that.

10. Ordering the content you've collected

Once you've got everything together you think you need, go through the collection of reflections, stories, quotations and poem fragments etc., selecting what gives an accurate and balanced portrayal. You won't be able to include everything but what you do choose, you'll want to resonate with the 'truth' of the person.

Put your choices of material in the order you want them to come in when you write the eulogy.

(If it helps either print out all the documents in your folder or put the headings of each one on post-it notes and move them around until you are happy with how they are sequenced.)

The order might look this:

Introduction:

Statement of who I am and relationship to loved-one Verse or quotation

• Story one, or reflection, or poem or song or reading
• Story two, or reflection, or poem or song or reading
• Story three, or reflection, or poem or song or reading

Conclusion:

Restatement of main message or theme from body of eulogy Closing snippet of poetry or quotation

Where to start writing the eulogy

Begin with the body of the funeral speech.

This is where you will be sharing the stories you've selected and ordered making this person unique, special and loved.

If you have notes but can't get straight into writing, telling your story to yourself or to another person while recording it may help kick start the process.

Remember to go straight to the core of each story. Long preambles are not needed. Include enough to make sense and no more.

For example:

(This is a true story. I didn't use it for my Mother's eulogy but telling it here is a little like giving her another small one years later.)

Leaving home and the yellow blouse

"I'm going to tell you the story of the yellow blouse.

I was 18 and leaving home. We had very little money and certainly none for luxuries and that's what new clothes were. Ours were hand-me-downs from cousins. 

What money Mum got from her government paid widow's benefit each week was carefully placed in a series of jars in a cupboard above the sink in the kitchen. Each had a label. This was for 'Food', that for 'Electricity' etc. The jars were often empty but miraculously, our stomachs never were.

The day came for going. I had made 'new clothes' from old ones. They were folded, ready for packing. As I closed the lid on my suitcase, my mother gave me a parcel. Inside was a new store-bought yellow blouse, beautifully sewn and made of fine cloth. 'A girl must have at least one quality garment.' she said. It was extraordinary. I knew the path to that blouse had been 5 cents by 5 cents by 5 cents over months. I also knew this was love."

Link your stories/poems/songs/readings/quotes together so one leads into another. Think of them as beads you are threading to form a necklace. Each is part of the whole.

Write the conclusion

What enduring message do you want your listeners to carry away with them?

It may be a simple thank you for the life you've shared with your loved one or it could be a special quote expressing an idea or feeling you know is appropriate. As this is the last opportunity to pay tribute think carefully. You'll want to get it as "right" as you can.

Write the opening

Now you have the rest of your eulogy it will be easier to write the opening.

Unless you're being introduced by someone else be sure to include who you are at the very beginning.

Once that is done think about the major events, relationships  and general characteristics making up this life special.

"Sophie was my Mother but she was also Mother to four more: Fred, Isobel, Warren and Gwen. Many of you know her as aunt, cousin, friend and colleague but whatever the relationship, we all know her as the woman who played many roles.

She was the bright and beautiful young women who married my father after a war-time whirl wind romance. She was the determined young bride who taught herself to cook and sew.'  (And so on ...)

'We all have memories of Sophie. I want to share some of my most precious with you now ...":

This leads into the body of the speech comprised of the specific stories you plan to tell.

Would you like to read a few eulogy examples before you begin?

They may help you decide what you want to do, and give you the courage to start. Reading what others have done is a good thing to do. 

Here are two eulogy examples written by me and we also have a growing and wonderfully diverse collection of 70+ funeral speeches contributed by site visitors from all around the world.

Would a printable eulogy planning template help?

I've taken all the information on this page about the step by step process of writing a eulogy, and put it into a free 15 page printable.  You'll find instructions and examples alongside fill-in-the-blank slots for you to enter what you want to say. 

Complete it and you'll have a well structured first draft. Of course, you'll still need to edit, polish and rehearse it, but you'll be well on your way.

Make your task easier: get the eulogy planning template .

Writing a eulogy: practice & rehearsal

Use the record function on your phone and read your first draft out loud as if you were delivering it. This will help you make sure that what you've written makes sense. 

(It also helps if you have someone listen to you to give you feedback. A pair of independent ears will pick up things you might otherwise miss.)

Play back your recording and listen carefully.

• Does your material flow smoothly from one idea to the next?
• Are the opening and closing remarks fitting?
• Have you varied your language and sentence length to keep it interesting to listen to?
• If you hear yourself repeating the same phrases over and over again, either cut them out or find other language to express the idea.
• Listen to hear if you are rambling without real point or direction  or  you've repeated the same or a similar story without realizing it.
• Does your speech fit the time allowance? (If you've not been given a time allowance, approximately 3-7 minutes is about average. Although this may seem very brief, it does have advantages. Firstly, it gives other people who may be speaking time to do so. Secondly, it focuses your speech and helps you to decide what is important to say.)  

Now make any adjustments needed and write your second draft.

Go through the same recording/timing process again and if possible, get someone whose opinion you trust to listen and give you feedback. 

When you're satisfied, prepare your final copy.

You'll find comfort and support in this free series of inspirational messages. They're my gift to you.

Suggestions for delivering your eulogy

These will help ensure you give your eulogy the way you want to.

Prepare your notes for printing

If you've written your eulogy in a word document on your computer, BEFORE YOU PRINT IT OUT:

• Make sure the font is large enough to be easily read at a glance.
• Double space each line for easy reading.
• Number your pages clearly.
• Select single-side printing.
• If you're using a poem or reading include the text in the body of your notes.   It's simpler to deal with one item (your notes) rather than try to manage several under pressure.  But if you must use the original text, make sure you bookmark your place clearly, so you do not have the added pressure of trying to find the right page while everybody waits.

At the venue

• If it's available, use a lectern or stand for your notes rather than hold them. You can either stand to one side or behind it. When you hand-hold notes the temptation to rattle, or mask your face with them, might be too much to withstand.
• Practice breathing deeply before you stand to talk to calm yourself. You'll find more information on how to breathe to release tension here.
• Have a glass of water available.
• Do not worry if you "wobble" or falter. Tears and being unable to speak for a moment or two are natural. Do not fight them. Have a tissue handy. Blow your nose, wipe your eyes, have a sip of water and carry on. People will not judge you. Instead, they will admire your courage and a few tears are not a loss of dignity. 
• If you do have to stop, do not apologize. Nobody is expecting a flawless performance.   The British have a saying: " stiff upper lip" . It means concealing or keeping feelings under control. In the midst of great emotional or physical pain a " stiff upper lip"  hides the inner turmoil. This is not being asked of you and is expected less and less of the British too! Being able to acknowledge and show feeling openly is healthy and honest. The ideal is to  ride the wave  and continue.
• If you want to, take a support person to stand beside you. Their presence will be a steadying influence, and if you have to take a moment or two out, they'll give you the strength to carry on.
• If you have time, practice in the venue. There are fuller guidelines on  how to rehearse a speech  here.

People also ask: 13 FAQs about eulogies with answers

Below are some of people's most frequently asked questions about eulogies. I've answered each of them with examples and ongoing links to either pages of my own or others I found offering good useful information.

(N.B. Some of the questions have already been answered above.) 

How do you start a eulogy? Give me an example introduction.

There is more than one way to begin a eulogy. Have a look through these four example openings to see if can find one you’d like to adapt to fit the eulogy you are writing.

1. Use a habitual phrase or saying

Use a habitual phrase or saying that everyone who knows the person will immediately recognize.

As an example, my mother had, ‘Let there be peace and let it begin with me’ written out on numerous note cards. She placed them in prominent positions everywhere: on the dashboard of her car, the fridge door, on the kitchen windowsill, in her bag... That saying could easily be used as an opening. E.g.

‘Let there be peace, and let it begin with me’. That was Pauline’s signature saying. Those cards were everywhere: in any of her cavernous handbags, in the pockets of her coat, on the back of the toilet door...

I’m Susan, her eldest daughter. Thank you for coming together today to celebrate her life.’

2. Use a rhetorical question

Use a rhetorical question that you know will trigger happy memories in many of the people present.

‘Who can ever forget Aunt Mary’s special occasion cakes? Birthdays, Christmas, christenings, anniversaries and more. As she said, anything went better with cake.

Hers were off the scale good: good to taste, good to look at, good to share. Sublime.

I’m Henry Smith, Mary’s nephew. I was lucky to be on the receiving end of quite a few. And now it’s my privilege to give her eulogy.’

3. Use a list of qualities and habits

Use a list of qualities and habits that everybody will recognize as being true of the deceased. For example:

"Kind, lover of ridiculous hats – the sillier the better, fearless, honest, and for many of us, an inspiration. That’s my Uncle Andrew.

I’m Lucy. My Mother, Stephanie, is Andrew’s older sister.

4. Immediately establish your connection or relationship

Immediately establish your connection or relationship to the deceased. This is useful if you are talking to a very large group of people, many of whom don’t know you, or where you fitted in their life.

"My name is Robert Naido. I was extremely fortunate to work alongside Ben for many years at Timberlake High school. As a young inexperienced teacher, he was my mentor, and inspiration. He is why I am still teaching, and it’s also why I feel privileged to be asked to share my memories of him with you today."

What should I say in a good eulogy?

A ‘good’ eulogy is one that both satisfies and serves the people listening to it. As you speak your words allow them to connect with their own memories and feelings.

You’ll see them nodding their agreement, smiling, and perhaps wiping away a tear or two because what you’re saying is an honest, sincere, moving combination of humor and seriousness that genuinely reflects the person they knew and loved. It’s a careful selection stories and reflection, perhaps anchored around specific milestones, that will be particularly meaningful to everyone present.  That’s vastly different from a simple recitation of key milestones.

For example, something like this:

Amy was born in 1962 in Brooklyn, New York. She is the eldest child of Fred and Myrtle Black. The family moved to...etc., etc.

A good eulogy also has structure, a beginning, middle and end. It is not a shambling collection of hastily collected thoughts, and it is approximately 3 – 7 minutes long.

Following the guidelines above and using the printable eulogy planner will keep you on track.

What are some examples of a eulogy?

There are over 70 examples of eulogies on this site. They’ve been sent to me by people from all over the world: UK, USA, South Africa, Philippines, India, Australia, and more. There are eulogies for mothers, fathers, grandmothers and grandfathers, sons, sister, brothers, colleagues, and friends. Some are brief. Some are longer. Some are a poignant mix of humor and grief. All of them have been submitted by their writers to help people who had a eulogy to write. They understood having examples to read lessened the burden. Use this link to find them: examples of a eulogy .

What are the three parts of a eulogy?

The three main parts are a beginning, a middle section and an ending. This is the same three part structural format that underpins any successful speech.

In the beginning (introduction) you will acknowledge or greet everybody present, introduce yourself, state your relationship to the deceased, thank people for coming, and use a quotation/signature saying, rhetorical question or some other opener if you choose to.

In the middle section what you share will depend on whether you are the only person giving the eulogy, or one of several.

If you are the only person a brief biography covering date and place of birth, key childhood/birth family members and events, plus giving the names of the person’s spouse/partner, children and grandchildren is useful. This information provides context for the those who met the deceased outside of their immediate friends and family circle for example, in a workplace, as a member of a club etc.

Then add stories, memories, significant achievements, note talents, hobbies and passions, including any unique and special qualities.

If there are multiple people speaking, you can go straight to your stories and memories.

In the ending talk about what the deceased meant to you, what you gained and learned from them being in your life. If you choose to, add a brief reading or quotation before closing with a last farewell. *

* If you’re representing the whole family, or any other group of people, you will need to broaden what you say to make sure you include all the people who need to be. For instance, if it's family, what they meant to their partner, daughter, grandchild, and what was learned by those people. They need to see the importance of their relationship with the deceased reflected in what you say.

How to end a eulogy

Answer:   Here are four examples of ways to end a eulogy. Each is a heartfelt, sincere summary of the speaker’s loving regard for the deceased. They all come from eulogies their writers sent to me to share.

1. Eulogy for Dad by Byron Tweedy

This is the closing paragraph from Byrona Tweedy’s eulogy for her Dad.

“I’m so fortunate and grateful that I had a father so capable of expressing his love for our family and me. Although he will be forever missed, I feel comforted knowing that he accomplished more than he could have dreamed in life. I’ll hold you in my heart forever, dad; I love you.”

Read the whole of her eulogy for her father: Eulogy for Dad

2. Eulogy for my Grandmother Bertha

Here’s the last part of Craig Curran-Morton’s eulogy for his Grandmother.

“...Perfect She was perfect. Perfect in every respect. - Her laugh - Her smile - Her big kisses - Her hugs They were perfect and she was the perfect grandmother. And we are all a little closer to perfection to have had her in our lives. I love you grandma. You will be missed.”

Read Craig's funeral speech: Eulogy for my Grandmother 

3. Eulogy for my Grandad, my Friend

Corinne McPartland added some lines of a poem to the ending of her eulogy for her grandfather:

'Seeing as you loved a poem to fit an occasion, I will now leave you with a few lines of one I found, which I hope describes how you may have passed from death to eternal life:

"On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined; No sleep 'til morn, when youth and pleasure meet, to chase the glowing hours with flying feet." I love you, Granddad and am glad we have shared a friendship that has overlooked age, created so many wonderful memories and one that will last a lifetime - until we meet again.'

Read Corrine’s eulogy for her grandfather:  Michael McDonnell: my Grandad, my Friend

4. Eulogy for my co-worker Donna

James Lang wrote this as the ending to his eulogy for his colleague and friend of many years, Donna:

“Over the last year and a half of her life, whenever I saw Donna, on parting she would say, “Love you much”. Donna, I love you much. I am a better person for having you in my life. Thank you for everything that you did for me.”

Read eulogy for my co-worker Donna

What makes a powerful, heartfelt eulogy?

This is a similar question to the one above: What should I say in a 'good' eulogy?

A powerful, heartfelt, or good eulogy shares the same core characteristic. That is bringing the person to life in the imagination of listeners through telling carefully selected stories everyone can relate to. They can be funny, poignant, about significant milestones...Stories well told are much more powerful than a list of dry 'did this', 'did that' facts.

Have a look at these for examples of great storytelling. They’re each powerful eulogies in their own ways.

• Eulogy for My Mother-In-Law and her Lasagna   by Jo Lloyd-Davies
• Eulogy for my brother with Downs Syndrome by Cyprian Payne 
• Jimbo Bro - my wee brother  by Chery

What should you not put in a eulogy?

Answer: A eulogy is given in public: to anybody who decided to come along to the remembrance service.

What doesn’t belong in it are private matters concerning the deceased, their family members, your personal judgments about aspects of the deceased’s life, comments about differing philosophical, political or religious beliefs, cliches like ‘it was for the best’, their ‘suffering is over now’, and ‘time heals all wounds’, tales of raucous or bad behavior, accounts of unresolved conflict, or stories focusing on yourself.

What you say needs to be appropriate for everyone to hear which doesn’t mean minimizing or hiding from difficult truths. It means considering why you’re speaking (giving the eulogy) and choosing your words to fit the occasion: respectfully.

What are the steps to writing a eulogy?

Briefly, the 3 principal steps to writing a eulogy are:

• collecting the material you need: the stories, readings, poems...,
• writing it using a 3 part structure: introduction, body (middle) and conclusion,
• rehearsing it

The guidelines above will lead you through the entire process from beginning to end-delivery – giving the eulogy. 

Do download and use the eulogy planner. It will make the process less stressful, simpler and easier for you.

How long should a eulogy be? How long should a eulogy be at a celebration of life?

Whether it’s a celebration of life, or a funeral service, the optimum length for a eulogy is between 3 – 7 minutes. If you are the only person speaking that could perhaps be extended to 10 minutes.

To be sure, before you prepare the eulogy find out from the person organizing the celebration/service what time allocation has been put aside for your speech. Then use that as a guide.

For more see this article: How many words per minute in a speech . You’ll find a helpful quick reference guide for number of words required for a 1 through to 30 minutes, depending on whether you talk at a slow rate, a medium rate or a fast one.

Please note, it’s only by saying your speech out loud as if you were delivering it, and timing it as you do, that you’ll find out how long it actually takes.

Who usually gives, or says, a eulogy?

Answer: Who gives a eulogy at a funeral service varies hugely. Sometimes there is one speaker, and sometimes there are many. It depends entirely on the type of service it is, as well as how it’s being organized.

For a full answer please see: Who speaks at a funeral? Who gives the eulogy? 

What do you say at a celebration of life?

Answer: What you say depends on what’s fitting for the role and the relationship you had with the person who has died. You could, for instance, offer a short speech (eulogy), a poem, a song, an amusing story, or a favorite memory.

The key thing to remember about what you choose to say, is that the event is a celebration.

A celebration of life service is an opportunity to give thanks, to honor and acknowledge the positive presence of the deceased in your life. It’s about the special qualities and talents making them a unique person.

If you’ve been asked to speak, or want to speak, and don’t know what to say, or where to begin, ask the person organizing the event for more information. For example:

• How long to speak for - one minute?  Two minutes? Three minutes?
• What they’d like you to cover
• Where you come in the speaking order, if there is one.
• And then, read some eulogy examples to get an idea of the kinds of things people talk about.

Do you read a eulogy?

Answer: For many people the safest way to deliver a eulogy is to read it. That means having everything they want to say written out word-for-word in a document, and then printed off.

When they stand to speak, they’ll read from a copy of their eulogy placed on the lectern or pulpit in front of them. If they become temporarily overwhelmed by the enormity of the occasion, the complete text is a reassuring presence, enabling them to pick up from where they left off to take a breath, wipe their eyes, or blow their nose, relatively easily.

Opting to read rather than give the eulogy from either memory or extemporaneously using note, or cue, cards does not mean that you don’t need to practice. You will deliver your eulogy so much more effectively if you rehearse it. That means reading it out loud as many times as you can before you have to actually deliver it.

When you are familiar with the flow of the text, you’ll be far less likely to get flummoxed, overcome by emotion, when you come to particularly difficult passages to say, and if you do, you’ll recover more quickly.  Repeated practice helps a great deal.

For more on how to read a speech effectively

How do you get through a eulogy without crying?

Answer: The very first thing to acknowledge and accept is that tears at a funeral service are natural. They’re a very normal response to grief.

The fear lying behind the question is not so much will you shed a few quiet tears and have to pause to catch your breath before you go on.

It’s more along the lines of, will I stand up to give the eulogy and then be completely overwhelmed by grief? Will I sob uncontrollably, be unable to get any of the words out and have to sit down?

Feeling anxious about that happening is totally understandable. You want to do your very best to honor your loved one, and yet you feel so utterly vulnerable.

Here are a few suggestions I know will help.

• Remind yourself tears are part grieving. If you cry no one is going to think ill or less of you at all. Be kinder to yourself. There’s no need to bite back your emotions.
• Practice a lot out loud. Hearing yourself say the words makes them familiar. Even the difficult parts become easier to say. The shock you feel is a little less each time. It no longer sweeps you away. You may wobble a little, but you can recover and continue.
• Breathe. When we are tense or anxious, we hold our breath and unfortunately, that makes us feel even more anxious. To help yourself, as you are practicing reading aloud from your script, use the punctuation as an opportunity to take a breath. At the end of each sentence there is a period, or full stop. Use it to take a breath. When you see a comma, take a breath. Between paragraphs, take a breath. (My article How to use pauses effectively  explains the process in more detail.) And if you do feel the emotion rising, your eyes beginning to tear up and your throat tightening, stop. Take a moment to take a long slow in-breath, followed by a long slow out-breath. Repeat if necessary, and then, when you’re ready, pick up from where you left off. For more on breathing well and breathing exercises  
• Make sure the copy of your eulogy is very easily read. You don’t want to be scrabbling around trying to find your place if you had to stop for a moment. Each page needs to be printed single sided, numbered clearly, with 1.5 line spacing, and in a large clean font you can read at a glance.
• Either have a support person to stand beside you as you speak for reassurance or have one sit where you can see them. Their role is to encourage, to give you strength, to remind you to breathe. If absolutely necessary, they can take over from you.

What is the most comforting thing to say at a funeral?

Answer: Many of us struggle to find the right words to say to those who are recently bereaved. It’s not because we don’t care, but because we do.

So what can you say, that is genuinely comforting?

For examples of what not to say, and what to say please see: Funeral words: examples of comforting things to say at funerals .

You'll find out how to avoid using platitudes and to say something meaningful, honest, and kind.

In conclusion:

Remember having a eulogy to write is both a gift and a privilege.

It's a gift twice over. Once because you are giving your energy, time and love to honor the life of your loved one. And secondly because it will aid the healing process for everybody including yourself.

Giving a eulogy is a privilege because it signifies your value or importance in the life of the loved one and in the lives of family and friends. Being asked to speak shows trust and respect. You are being trusted to encapsulate a life fittingly and deliver the unique essence of the person everyone loved publicly.

I hope these notes are of service to you. If you have questions, ask them through my contact form here. I would be happy and honored to assist.

The quote above is widely attributed to Goethe. Despite disagreement over its origin, the sentiment expressed is fitting for your task. Have courage, and begin.

Sharing your writing

If these pages helped you to write - the sample eulogies in particular, please consider sharing what you wrote.

People are always searching for eulogy examples to help them begin their own writing process. If you could share, it would be very much appreciated.

Your eulogy would feature in a special section - free sample eulogies It would have its own page and appear just how you want it to.

Do think about it. If you have any questions, please ask them.

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Professional Eulogy Writing

Eulogy writing guide, funeral speeches for a work colleague, tribute speech to dad from daughter, funeral speech writing advice, how to deliver an eulogy without breaking down.

• February 17, 2024

Losing a loved one is never easy, and having to deliver a eulogy during such an emotionally charged time can feel overwhelming. But fear not, we understand how stressful this task can be, and we're here to help. In this article, we will explore some effective strategies for delivering a heartfelt eulogy while maintaining your composure.

Are you struggling to write a meaningful eulogy during this difficult time?  Our professional eulogy writing service can help you honour your loved one in less than 48 hours, with no additional stress. We help you preserve the legacy of a cherished life, in your time of grief. Find out more →

Table of Contents

1. Prepare and Practice

Write your eulogy ahead of time, practice makes perfect, 2. focus on your breath, 3. set a proper pace, 4. have a backup plan, 5. share the responsibility, 6. remember the purpose of the eulogy, 7. take care of yourself, frequently asked questions.

To make the delivery process as smooth as possible, give yourself plenty of time to write and revise your eulogy. By starting well in advance, you can make sure your speech adequately honors your loved one and feels authentic to your emotions.

Rehearsing your eulogy multiple times will help you become more comfortable with the content. Practice in front of a mirror, and consider recording yourself to gain a better understanding of your tone, pace, and delivery.

Deep, controlled breaths can help relieve anxiety and promote emotional stability. In the days leading up to the funeral, practice mindfulness exercises that focus on breathing techniques to help calm your nerves.

Need a Eulogy? Get a Personalized Professional Eulogy Written For Your Loved One

Writing a eulogy for a loved one you have just lost, can be both challenging and painful. Alongside the pressure of delivering a meaningful tribute in front of other funeral guests.

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Slow down your speaking pace to allow for emotional pauses and to give yourself time to collect your thoughts. Remember, it's okay to take a moment to breathe and compose yourself during the speech.

Having a friend or family member on standby, ready to step in if needed, can provide comfort and reassurance. Let them know about your concerns, so they can be prepared to support you.

Consider sharing the task of delivering the eulogy with another friend or family member. This can lessen the pressure and allow for a broader range of perspectives and memories to be shared.

The eulogy serves as a tribute to your loved one and an opportunity to share their legacy. Focus on this purpose and let it guide you through the speech. It's okay to show emotion, but remember that the audience is there to support you and celebrate the life of the deceased.

Ensure you're well-rested, hydrated, and nourished before the funeral. Self-care can help make the eulogy delivery more manageable and reduce the risk of feeling overwhelmed.

How To Deliver An Eulogy Without Breaking Down Example:

Julie stands at the podium, clutching her carefully prepared eulogy. Taking a deep breath, she begins to speak slowly and deliberately, sharing memories of her beloved grandmother. As she feels tears welling up, she pauses, focusing on her breath and reminding herself of the love and support filling the room. Calmed, she continues to recount stories of her grandmother's life, honoring her memory and celebrating her legacy, giving herself and those present the opportunity to properly grieve and say goodbye.

What is a eulogy?

A eulogy is a speech given during a funeral service that pays tribute to the deceased, reflecting on their life, virtues, and the impact they had on family, friends, and communities. It's a way to honor their memory and say goodbye.

Who is typically responsible for delivering a eulogy?

Often, a close family member or friend is chosen to deliver a eulogy, but it can be anyone who felt a strong connection to the deceased and is willing to speak about their life and legacy.

Is it okay to write the eulogy in advance?

Yes, it’s recommended to write the eulogy in advance. This will give you time to reflect on what you want to say, practice your delivery, and make any necessary revisions.

How long should a eulogy be?

A typical eulogy is between 5 to 10 minutes. It’s important to be concise and respectful of the audience's time while providing a meaningful tribute to the deceased.

What if I become too emotional while delivering the eulogy?

It’s natural to feel emotional when delivering a eulogy. If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to pause, take a deep breath, or have a moment of silence. The audience will understand.

Can I use humor in a eulogy?

Yes, appropriate humor can be a touching way to reflect on the personality of the deceased and shared happy memories, as long as it's respectful and fits the tone of the service.

How do I start the eulogy?

Begin with an introduction that includes your relationship to the deceased and possibly a thank you to the attendees for coming to share in the remembrance. Then, transition into storytelling or personalized reflections.

How do I cope with stage fright or nervousness?

It’s common to feel anxious about public speaking. Practice your speech multiple times, familiarize yourself with the venue in advance, and remember to breathe deeply. Focusing on the purpose of honoring the deceased can also help.

Should I share personal stories in the eulogy?

Yes, personal stories can be very powerful in a eulogy, as they can illustrate the character and spirit of the deceased. Make sure the stories are appropriate and inclusive, reflecting the person's impact.

How do I end the eulogy on a positive note?

Conclude with words of comfort, a positive reflection on their legacy, a message of hope, or a moment of celebration of their life. This can leave the audience with a feeling of gratitude for having known the deceased.

What if I'm not a good writer?

Writing a eulogy is less about literary skill and more about speaking from the heart. If you're unsure, you can ask a friend to help you or use resources online as a guide for structure and inspiration.

Are there topics I should avoid in the eulogy?

Yes, avoid controversial, divisive, or overly personal issues that might not be appropriate for all attendees. The focus should be on celebrating and honoring the life of the deceased.

Should I memorize the eulogy?

While memorizing the eulogy can offer a more personal touch, it’s not necessary. It’s perfectly acceptable to read from a paper or note cards, especially since emotions may make it difficult to recall everything.

How can I engage with the audience during the eulogy?

Maintain eye contact with the audience as much as possible to create a connection and use a conversational tone to help engage and resonate with them.

Is it okay to ask for help or have a backup speaker?

Absolutely. Knowing you have a designated person to step in if needed can provide a sense of security. It's also fine to ask someone to read the eulogy on your behalf if you’re unable to do so.

How should I rehearse the eulogy?

Rehearse the eulogy several times, aloud, and if possible, in the setting where the funeral will take place. This way, you can become comfortable with the flow of your speech and manage your emotions.

Can I bring a support person with me to the podium?

Yes, if having someone stand with you will lend comfort and strength during the delivery, it's perfectly acceptable to have a support person by your side.

Is it important to incorporate religious or cultural elements into the eulogy?

If religion or culture was important to the deceased and their family, it may be appropriate to include elements of these in the speech. However, it's essential to remain inclusive and respectful of all attendees.

How do I handle my emotions in the days leading up to the eulogy?

Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Speak to friends or family about your feelings, get plenty of rest, and don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional for support if needed.

How can I ensure I’m honoring the wishes of the deceased?

Whenever possible, incorporate elements that the deceased might have wanted, such as certain anecdotes, readings, or themes. Consulting with other close family members or friends can also ensure a eulogy that aligns with their wishes.

What should I do after I’ve delivered the eulogy?

After completing the eulogy, you can return to your seat and participate in the service as an attendee. Take time to reflect, mourn, and connect with others who are also grieving.

How can the eulogy serve as a healing tool for those in mourning?

By sharing memories and highlighting the positive impact the deceased had on the world, a eulogy can provide comfort and can be a part of the healing process for grieving individuals, helping them to remember and celebrate a life well-lived.

Even though delivering a eulogy during such a difficult time can seem like a daunting task, remember that it is an opportunity to pay tribute to your loved one and share their life story with those who loved them. By preparing, practicing, and ensuring you have the support you need, you can deliver a heartfelt eulogy without breaking down. Feel free to share this article with others who may be facing this challenge and explore our other guides at Eulogy Assistant for more helpful advice and resources.

Looking For Examples? Here Are Some of The Best Eulogies

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How to Not Cry at a Funeral

Last Updated: August 8, 2022

This article was co-authored by wikiHow Staff . Our trained team of editors and researchers validate articles for accuracy and comprehensiveness. wikiHow's Content Management Team carefully monitors the work from our editorial staff to ensure that each article is backed by trusted research and meets our high quality standards. This article has been viewed 99,588 times. Learn more...

While it's natural to cry at funerals, it's also normal to want to try to contain your tears as much as possible. There are several things you can do physically, such as focusing on your breathing and sipping water, that will help prevent you from crying. Refocusing your thoughts is also a helpful way of stopping tears, which is best done by thinking about positive things.

Making Physical Adjustments

• For example, try inhaling for 5 seconds, holding your breath for 5 seconds, and then exhaling your breath for 5 seconds until you feel more calm.

• Plan ahead and bring a small bottle of water with you if you think you might get emotional during the funeral.

• If you feel your facial muscles tensing up, take a couple deep breaths and relax your shoulders. Relaxing other parts of your body will help you relax your face as well.

• These distractions shouldn't be incredibly painful—they're just meant to distract you.

• You don't need to pinch your nose so hard that it hurts, but create slight pressure with your fingers.

• If you've already started crying, this method won't work as well since the tears have likely already spilled.

Focusing on Other Thoughts or Things

• For example, maybe the person gave you a funny birthday present or you both attended a hilarious play. Focus on these fun memories to help lift your spirits.

• For example, maybe you helped a friend out recently and they were very appreciative, or you heard an uplifting song on the radio earlier in the day.

• If you find yourself starting to cry during the eulogy, try to focus on a corner of the podium or the back of a stranger's head to help you calm down.
• If necessary, you can also focus on an item super close to you, such as your handbag, fingernail, or jacket sleeve.

• You can also recite poetry in your head or list the things you need to do in the upcoming week.

Expert Q&A

• Remember that crying at a funeral is completely natural, so don't be afraid to let a few tears flow. Thanks Helpful 18 Not Helpful 5
• Consider using props to help distract you, such as a stress ball or keychain. Thanks Helpful 15 Not Helpful 4
• If you can't get your crying under control, excuse yourself from the room politely. Thanks Helpful 15 Not Helpful 5

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319778.php
• ↑ http://www.oprah.com/spirit/how-to-stop-crying-controlling-your-emotions/all
• ↑ https://www.mannersmentor.com/social-situations/the-etiquette-of-visitations-and-funerals
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/laugh-cry-live/201603/10-easy-steps-breathing-calm-your-anxious-brain

About This Article

While it’s completely understandable and okay if you need to cry at a funeral, there are a few tricks you can try to avoid crying if you want to. Try concentrating on your breathing to calm yourself down and keep your mind busy. For example, you can inhale for 5 seconds, hold your breath for 5 seconds, and then exhale for 5 seconds, focusing on counting your breaths. Other ways you can distract yourself from your grief include clenching your fists and pinching your skin. The small amount of pain will give your mind something else to focus on. If tears do start to well up in your eyes, try blinking your eyes and tilting your head back to keep them from falling. But remember, nobody will mind if you do need to cry. For tips about how to focus on positive thoughts to keep from crying at a funeral, keep reading. Did this summary help you? Yes No

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Nervous about speaking at a funeral try these celebrant-approved tricks 0.

Standing up to speak at a funeral can be rewarding … and terrifying. 

But in a situation where the advice ‘imagine everyone in the audience naked’ is deeply unhelpful, how do you overcome nervousness and say what you need to say? We asked four celebrants for their advice. 

To prepare…

1) write your speech down.

“Unless you’re really accomplished and used to speaking in public, it’s absolutely essential to write your words down,” says Clive Pashley from Premier Celebrants. Not only will the script keep you on track, but it can be comforting to read your words later on. Otherwise, “you often don’t remember much of it.”

“Do not ad lib,” stresses Yorkshire-based celebrant Adrienne Hodgson-Hoy, citing a vicar who, despite all his experience, repeatedly got the widow’s name wrong during a eulogy. “That’s when things go to pot.” 

2) Practise before the funeral

Practice makes perfect. “But not too much,” warns Adrienne, “because you want it to sound natural, rather than stilted.” 

This has two benefits. The first, explains Clive, is emotional. Reading the piece through a few times can take some of the sting out of them.  “The more you read it, the more you deal with those emotions. Then it’s not such a shock on the day.”

The second is to simply rehearse your delivery, and make any last edits. “Get somebody to listen to you practise,” advises Adrienne. “They can give you tips about which points you need to emphasise and when to stop and breathe.”

3) Type your final draft out 

“If you’ve got just a massive solid body of text, you can easily lose your place,” he explains. “It really hinders the flow of the delivery.”

His final tip? Gobbledegook. “Often, the end of the speech is when you get overcome by emotion. But if you type out a few lines of gobbledegook after your final paragraph, it can trick your brain into thinking there’s more to come, so you don’t well up. I promise you it works!”

When the time comes for your funeral speech…

4) breathe in, breathe out.

All our celebrants agreed on this: after each full stop, remember to breathe. And take a longer, slower breath at the end of each six line paragraph. Start as you mean to go on:

“Take a deep breath and drop your shoulders,” suggests Kate Mitchell, who acts as a celebrant in the South East. “Then, fix your eyes at the back of the hall – but low, so you’re not looking above people’s heads. The main doors are usually a good point to focus on.

“Place your finger on where you are – if your eyes are blurry it’s easy to lose your place – then look up, smile, take another deep breath and begin.”

“Try to deliberately speak slowly. You might feel like it’s too slow, but it’s really going to be a normal pace.”

5) Pace yourself

“Take your time,” says Kate. When a natural pause comes, use it. “One very good suggestion is to sweep your eyes around everybody regularly,” she adds.

Adrienne agrees, warning against fast, “monotonous” speaking. “At the end of a paragraph when you are taking your breath, look up and make eye contact.”

“When people are anxious and nervous, they speak faster than usual,” explains Clive. “Stand close to the microphone and try to deliberately speak slowly. You might feel like it’s too slow, but it’s really going to be a normal pace.”

6) Don’t worry about getting upset

If you do break down, don’t beat yourself up, says Adrienne. “It is emotional and it is difficult – and people will understand that. Just say you’re sorry, take a moment and then continue when you’re ready.”

Kate agrees. “No one’s expecting you to find this easy.  If you start to feel upset, or that you need to stop, do stop. Just take a deep breath and say, ‘I’m finding this very hard.’ Be honest.”

It’s also perfectly normal to ask someone else to step in and finish your speech for you if you do become overwhelmed. “Never be afraid to ask for help,” says Melanie.

7) Remember, it’s worth it

Speaking at a funeral can be stressful, but it’s also very rewarding, says Melanie. “If someone thinks that they’d like to do it, then I always encourage them, because I think it can help. It can even be a healthy part of the grieving process.”

Once you’ve made up your mind, “don’t let anyone talk you out of it!” she adds. “If it’s important to you, do it. 

“You’ll never, ever regret it.”

And for more inspiration…

Not yet written your funeral speech? Check out our guide on what to say in a eulogy or tribute here . And for inspiration, you can’t beat our piece on funeral speech examples . It’s filled with touching and even funny eulogies from real people.

Meet the celebrants

Clive Pashley  started Premier Celebrants with his friend, James Greely, in 2016. They were later joined by Rachel Nussey. He and his team offer professional and bespoke funeral service planning across the Midlands.

Rev. Melanie Sopp  is a celebrant and interfaith minister, working across the Midlands and the South coast. Melanie runs the excellent Celebrant Academy, which trains celebrants to create ceremonies and lead services of all kinds.

Adrienne Hodgson-Hoy  was inspired to become a celebrant after losing her husband. Now, she leads unique, personal funeral services across Hull and East Yorkshire. With a friend, Adrienne runs Memories of Me, a service that allows people to plan their own funeral services.

Kate Mitchell  is a creative independent celebrant working in the South East: her stomping grounds include Kent, Surrey and Sussex. As well as funerals, Kate leads thoughtful wedding and baby-naming ceremonies.

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9 Creative Ways to Remember Someone Who Has Died 0

When you lose someone, one of the scariest things about it is the idea that you might forget them. Or that the memory of losing them will overshadow the happier times you spent together.  The good news is this: you won’t forget them, ever. We promise. And there are ways of remembering someone who has died that can help you celebrate all the great things about them. Here are some suggestions…

9 special things to do to remember someone who has died

Not sure how to remember someone who has died ? We hope you’ll find some inspiration here.

Start a tradition for their birthday

Find something that helps you feel close to them, and do it each year. For example, you could:

• Do something your loved one liked to do
• Take a trip to a place that meant something to you both
• Have a big family dinner and raise a toast – and invite their close friends
• Light a candle for them in the evening

Build on what you know about them. Take a class in something they knew well. Go on their favourite dog walk. Take the day off and make all their favourite foods.

“My sister and I go to a 40s event on Mum’s birthday each year,” explains Rachel, a funeral arranger at our Aylesbury branch. “She was a child of the 40s, and it helps us remember how life would have been for her growing up.”

Talk to them

While this might feel a little odd at first, a lot of people find comfort in these talks. After the 2011 tsunami in Japan, one bereaved relative set up a disconnected ‘wind telephone’ in his garden so that he could talk to the family he lost. Since then, people from all over the area have come to talk to their loved ones.

Take a trip 

Go somewhere your loved one always wanted to go, do something they always wanted to do. A once-in-a-lifetime trip can be a fantastic way for a family to heal together after a rough year.

Keep something of theirs close by

Another (slightly more unusual) way of remembering someone special who has died is to get their ashes made into jewellery. Specialist craftspeople can suspend the ashes in glass or resin beads and place them in pendants, earrings, bracelets or rings. 

Go big with a firework display

A memorial fireworks display can be a lovely way to remember someone special. Team it with plenty of friends and family, some of your loved one’s favourite music, and some toasty hot drinks for a unique and cosy celebration of life.

The important thing here is safety. Always buy your fireworks from a registered seller or licenced shop and check that they are suitable for home use. Make sure bystanders are standing back as far as is recommended for that firework. You can find more safety advice here.

What about balloon, lantern, butterfly and dove launches? Here, it’s important to do your research to minimise the impact on local wildlife and pets. Always use biodegradable materials.

Get something dedicated to them

Not sure if the traditional park bench is the best way of remembering someone who has died ? There are all kinds of alternatives…

• For lovers of the performing arts, you can dedicate theatre, opera, or concert hall seats
• Football ground seats are a great way to remember fans of the beautiful game
• For music lovers, you can call in to your local radio station and dedicate their favourite song to them on their birthday
• You can get a rose named in memory of someone special , and give cuttings to family and friends
• Or dedicate a tree (or an acre of woodland ) to them with the Woodland Trust

Write to them

Not much of a letter writer? You’re not alone. When writer Rax King tweeted about the emails she sent her dad after he died, thousands of other people came forward to say that they did the same. Or sent texts, or g-chat messages.  While it’s best not to actually press ‘send’ on these (numbers can be reallocated to other people, email accounts closed) just the act of writing can bring comfort. 

Support a cause that mattered to them

Is there a cause your loved one cared deeply about that you could support? Or would you like to raise money for a charity that fights their final illness, or supports families like yours?

One of the best ways to remember someone who has died is to build something positive with their legacy. You could…

• Set up an online crowdfunding obituary that asks friends and family to donate
• Organise a fundraiser or do a charity run to raise money
• Sign up to donate a small amount each month in their memory
• Set up a scholarship or endowment at their old school, college or uni
• Launch a charitable trust or foundation of your own to lobby for a cause
• Sponsor a child (or even an animal) through a charity

Visit their grave or scattering place

If you like, you can also bring a wreath, bouquet or (land owner permitting) something to plant.  In Victorian times, people would often use flowers to send messages: each one had a special meaning. This old mourning custom is still a lovely way to express how you feel. E.g. rosemary for remembrance, white periwinkle for happy memories, an oak-leaved geranium for true friendship or marigolds for grief. 

Then again, a bouquet of your loved one’s favourites is an equally thoughtful gesture. At natural burial grounds, where planting rules are strict, a scattering of native wildflowers can also be a beautiful way to remember someone who has died.

Share your favourite ways to remember someone who has died

How do you remember the special people you’ve lost? Share your suggestions with other bereaved families in the comment section below. We’d love to hear your stories.

10 Funny Funeral Poems for an Uplifting Service 0

‘Funny funeral poems’ might sound like a bit of a contradiction. But humour isn’t always out of place at a farewell. When we celebrate someone’s life, we celebrate all of it, all of the best things about them — and that can mean laughter as well as sadness.

Here, we’ve gathered together 10 popular funny funeral poems to inspire you. We hope you’ll find something your loved one would have giggled at.

Pardon Me For Not Getting Up by Kelly Roper

There’s puns galore in this poem by Kelly Roper, writer and hospice volunteer. It’s a popular light-hearted reading, especially in funerals for people who were always taking care of others.

Told from the perspective of someone who has died, Pardon Me For Not Getting Up asks funeral guests to excuse them from hosting this time — and asks them to go ahead and celebrate their life nevertheless.

  A Long Cup of Tea by Michael Ashby

Is this the most British funeral poem of all time? Perhaps. Full of sly jokes (‘Please pick the biggest mug you can find / Size really does matter at this time’) Michael Ashby’s funeral poem is perfect for someone who loved to kick back with a cuppa. And who doesn’t?

The Busman’s Prayer by Anon

You can, of course, also write your own. Simply swap out the London locations for local landmarks with a similar sound.

Death by Joe Brainard

This wry, matter-of-fact poem by Joe Brainard has a lot of simple truth in it. And some very black humour. Noting that visualising death might help us not to be afraid, he adds:

“Try to visualize, for example, someone sneaking up behind your back and hitting you over the head with a giant hammer.”

If your friend or relative was a straightforward sort of person with an appreciation for the darker variety of jokes, this could be the one.

Warning by Jenny Joseph

It’s also an excellent message for us all: don’t let respectability get in the way of doing all the (silly) things that make you happy.

On a Tired Housewife by Anon

This anonymous poem has something of a dark backstory. But it’s now one of the nation’s favourite comic poems.

In it, the reader explains that after a lifetime of hard work, she’s actually looking forward to a restful eternal sleep. This makes it one of the more fitting funny funeral poems for a friend or parent who was always busy looking after their family.

Untitled jisei by Moriya Sen’an

Death by Sean Hughes

This poem, which describes Sean Hughes’ idea of a good funeral, is ideal for any ‘celebration of life’ style funeral service.

With free drinks and new friendships being forged, it actually does sound like a great way to send someone off. The poem was in fact read at Hughes’ own funeral.

I Didn’t Go To Church Today by Ogden Nash

Although light-hearted, the poem does have comfort for those at a funeral. As Nash shares, God will likely understand. After all, ‘He knows when I am said and done / We’ll have plenty of time together’.

Last Will and Testament by Will Scratchmann

One last note on funny funeral poems…

Giving a ‘funny’ reading at a funeral can be a bit nerve-wracking. What if it goes down badly? The best thing to ask yourself is what the person who has died would have thought. Does the poem sound like them? Is it something they might have found funny? After all, the day is all about them. And if you need advice on public speaking, take a look at our top tips from funeral celebrants.

Didn’t find the right funeral poem today? Not to worry. We have a round up of 33 beautiful non-religious funeral poems here to help you in your search.

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Tips for reading a eulogy without caving in?

JoyceDivision · 16/05/2017 22:19

Can anyone help? DF passed away last week after a short illness. We knew it was terminal and were fortunate to be with him when he passed away and have open conversations before he died. We have written a eulogy that we hope we can read at his funeral. Other than being flinty hearted, how can we try to prepare and do this without sobbing away and wailing through it? We're planning to visit him at the chapel of rest, we've been reading it out aloud athome,and if we can read it in churcgh we'll ask the parish priest if we can go into church one eve to read it from the pulpit. Any other helpful tips?

thank you blue, I amsharing t with a sibling, we have written it and it is about our dad,so has very silly stories in it, not maudlin, but just hope I can do it as df had good life, he had a good death and feel I should help him have good final ceremony

I knew I wouldn't manage a eulogy, but I did a reading at my df's funeral. The way I looked at it was that it was the last thing I'd ever be able to do for him, so I was determined not to mess it up. I also practised it over and over (on my own) so that I knew it off by heart. And I deliberately didn't look out into the congregation and make eye contact with anyone.

I didn't read the eulogy at my mum's recent funeral, because it's customary for the priest to do so at her parish. However, emotionally I could have, because I'd sank so much valium my emotions were more or less completely blunted and I made it through the service w/o a single tear. The mother of one of my friends took some valium (far less than me) before delivering her sister's eulogy and said it really took the edge of it and she was able to get through it without dissolving into tears. Hopefully other posters may be along with more suggestions, but realistically speaking, I think you would need to have supreme willpower to read a eulogy for a close family member and not break down without the help of drugs.

Definitely second not making eye contact with anyone. Take big deep breaths and don't worry if you start to wobble - I would have a sip of water, a breath and carry on. If you can't carry on, could you have a back up plan, say your DH came and carried on for you?

thank you everyone Ishall steer clear ofvalium, however may just havea wee tot of gin to take off the edge... The tipabout gettibg words to lose their meaning huge breath slowly released to deal with catch in voice is good thanks

I know it's hard and emotions are running high but try not to focus on the eulogy. It's a bit like not looking down, if you think about it you end it making it worse. And I forgot to say there is absolutely no shame in breaking down. Crying is always ok. If you were at a funeral and someone cried during a eulogy you'd think no less of them.

I read the eulogy at my Grandad's funeral a few weeks ago. I went over and over it in my head. Practicing being there mentally. When there I just focussed on telling Wveryone present how awesome he was. Like a party to celebrate him. I made it to the last line.

I cry very easily and I know I would dissolve into tears. I think I would probably ask someone who was less emotionally involved to act as a back-up, so if I couldn't go on they could come up and take over reading it out, while I stayed there too. But a bit of crying (that you can still speak through) is fine. The last funeral I went to had a lovely eulogy from the daughter of the person, she had to stop a few times and had a cracked voice but she got through it. Sorry

I wrote the eulogy for my mum. But I was too much of a mess to read it. My uncle did.

For a reading, I found it helpful to practise out loud in front of someone who would be there in the front row and then make eye contact just with them.

I too wrote & read a eulogy at my dear Dad's service last year; I cried & cried while we found the words to say what we did, & every practice seemed even worse. Our celebrant (is this the right word ??) suggested I go in early & read our piece - with my DSis & DBro - to Dad, but by the time we got sorted & Mum OK there were others already at the funeral home. In the end it was OK, there were a few moments I wavered but I read it to Dad & told his story. Sis & Bor hadnt been keen to talk either, but the 3 of us there were all able to share special memories. The worst bit was when they played the Last Post at the end (he was a Returned Serviceman) & I totally wasnt expecting that, & lost it completely. Good luck - its a truly honourable speech for the man who was your Dad, a very special last gesture.

My and my sister wrote the eulogy for my dad in march and I read it. I read it lots and lots the day before so I knew it pretty much off by heart. I agree with trying not to make eye contact (I knew if I'd looked at my DM I wouldn't have managed it) Take long pauses if you need to recompose yourself, they won't seem that long to the rest of them (just ages to you). My voice broke a couple of times, but I did make it. I'm sorry for your loss

Thanks everyone, lots of good tips, am practising at the mo and we are able to go into church one day to read through from lecturn so we are used to the view. Keepthinking 'flinty heart' to numb myself til we get through our bit. Herethere.... that sounds very emotional, but a huge hats off to all of you that have attempted a reading x

I did this for my grandmother, and I've been an organist at lots of funerals so seen a huge variety. Give a copy of the words to the celebrant; they can continue if needed. Think about where you will be in relation to the coffin. At my grandmothers funeral, the space was quite limited and it physically took up a lot of space. I avoided eye contact with it until I was done as I found it too hard otherwise. Rehearse. No one will mind if you cry. If you can say something to lift the mood, that's good, but not essential. I'm sorry for your loss.

I have no tips for you OP as it is not something I have done. DBro read the Eulogy at both my DF's and then DM's funeral. I managed to read a prayer at each but that isn't the same. At my DD's funeral a few month's ago, DH and I wrote the Eulogy and then one of DD's Uncles added his own thoughts to it and read it out. Even he wasn't sure he was going to get through it - but he did. One thing the Vicar did advise us to do though was to give him (the vicar) a copy of all the poems/readings/eulogies so that if anyone did break down, he could take over if needed. DBil found this a great comfort - knowing that if he struggled, someone was on the sidelines ready to take over if needed.

I read at my dad's funeral and took DH up with me to hold his hand. I'd practiced over and over, so I didn't have to think too much about the words and somehow made it through. Nobody except my mum, brother and DH knew I was speaking (in case I chickened out), but I just kept reminding myself that I'd only have one chance to say something about dad in front of all the people who cared about him and that he deserved a special goodbye. Thinking of you

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A Guide to Writing a Funeral Speech: 8 Heartfelt Examples

By: Author Camila Steinfeld

Posted on Last updated: October 20, 2023

Categories Writing Prompts

With the passing of a loved one comes the responsibility of making arrangements for their funeral. This includes deciding who will be saying a funeral speech at the funeral service.

Saying a funeral speech is not something that should be undertaken unprepared. It requires some forethought and planning.

A funeral is an emotional occasion and delivering a speech, unprepared, in front of the congregation is a recipe for disaster = one that will not soon be forgiven.

The ‘Do’s and Don’ts’ of a Funeral Speech

When you sit down to decide what you’re going to say in your eulogy speech, there are a few factors you need to take into consideration.

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In writing your speech , it’s important to demonstrate the personal relationship you shared with the deceased. It’s necessary that you give the congregation an insight into the person’s life as it related to your own.

If you want to relate a situation or event that occurred in the deceased’s life, do so tastefully.

Your aim is not to deliver a stand-up comedy routine, but rather, a poignant and potentially somewhat humorous view of who the deceased was and what they meant to you.

A funeral speech is difficult to deliver if you’re feeling over-emotional. You cannot afford to break down and cry in the moment.  

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That’s not to say that you cannot show your emotions and grief. But you must be able to get through the speech you have prepared.

Finally, don’t use a funeral speech as an opportunity to settle old scores or tell others about unfinished business between yourself and the deceased.

Outline: How to build a funeral speech

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Here are some examples of a funeral speech that celebrates the deceased’s life but at the same time expresses the grief of the speaker.

A Eulogy for a Mother

The last thing I imagined myself doing today was delivering the eulogy at my mother’s funeral.

Despite the fact that she was ill, and we knew her passing was inevitable, it has still come as a shock to us as a family.

My mother was a phenomenal woman who possessed reserves of strength and patience that seemed to be infinite.

We, her children, were her pride and joy; she regarded us as the greatest accomplishment of her life. That doesn’t mean that raising us was easy, nor always enjoyable.

My siblings and I gave her a lot of gray hairs along the way. But, regardless of our misdeeds, she would always find it in her heart to forgive us.

And not only that, she would have enough faith in us to believe that we would not transgress again.

One of my fondest memories of my mother is watching her sit down and relax after a long day. She worked hard at her job and came home to run her household. That meant that she had very little time to herself.

And even with the little ‘me time’ she had, she never used it for herself. She’d always be knitting or sewing or making something that we needed.

What our family lacked in money, my mother more than made up for with love.

My mother was the heart of our home, the center of our universe, and the greatest example of unconditional love we could’ve hoped to have.

A Eulogy for a Father

My father was a quiet man. He seldom said much. That’s why, when he did have something to say, we listened.

That may make him sound like he was distant, but nothing could be further from the truth.

He was always interested in what was going on in our lives and was extraordinarily proud of our achievements.

Whether it was scoring a home run in a Little League baseball game or getting a bursary for a university, he delighted in our successes.

As a child, one of the places I felt the safest was in the arms of my father. In fact, right now, that’s the place I wish I was more than anything else.

He was a hardworking man who set a great example for my siblings and me. We learned from him that, regardless of the task, it was not worth doing if you didn’t want to do it properly.

My father had an incredibly dry sense of humor. It took us a while to grasp it because, as children, we didn’t get it.

But as we grew up, we began to understand his wit and laugh at the things he said.  

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He presided over family dinners with a quiet dignity that spoke of a patriarch who took that responsibility seriously.

He was the mediator in our disputes as siblings and always took the high road, refusing to take sides.

He’s left a gap in our lives that we can’t even begin to contemplate filling.

A Funeral Speech for a Best Friend

Jennifer and I met, two gap-toothed first-grader’s, on the first day of school – ever.

Something drew us to each other though. We could never quite figure out what it was, but it’s lasted a lifetime.

As children, we would spend hours with each other without talking that much.

We just understood each other. Even if you put us on either side of a big room full of people, Jennifer and I would always find our way back to each other immediately.

We survived high school together. I’m not sure if either of us would’ve made it without the other. We laughed and cried together so many times.

There were crushes and boyfriends that caused heartache and heartbreak. But, throughout it all, we were always there for each other, no matter what – no matter how many times I needed a shoulder to cry on, Jennifer was there.

We went to different colleges after high school and the careers and lives we pursued after our studies were poles apart. We lived far away from each other and I’ll be honest, we sometimes went for long periods without talking, which I regret.

I’ll be honest, we sometimes went for long periods without talking, which I regret.

But every time we spoke or saw each other though, we picked up where we left off, and it felt like we’d never been apart.

It’s that mutual love and respect that makes me know Jennifer was the best friend I could ever have had.

A Eulogy for a Wife

I don’t know where to begin to tell you about the enormous gaping hole that Samantha’s passing has left in my life.

It feels like half of me has vanished in an instant, and I’m not sure I’ll ever feel whole again.

Samantha was an amazing woman. She had such an infectious zest for life that she could always find the humor or a silver lining of any situation, regardless of the gravity. Anything seemed possible with her attitude.

The way she attacked the obstacles she encountered with such strength and determination was inspirational.

Samantha and I met quite by accident. I walked into her office in error – and there she was: the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She seemed to radiate some kind of magnetic attraction.  

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I knew there and then that I would never be able to stay away from her, and that my life would not be complete without her in it. She didn’t make it easy.

I had to ask her out several times before she agreed. But when I look back on the life we’ve shared, it was more than worth it.

Our children were the center of Samantha’s world. She took her role as a mother seriously and did an amazing job of raising them to be the adults they are today.

I wish I’d had more time with her, I really do. But I will treasure the years I had with her in my heart for the rest of my life.

A Funeral Speech for a Husband

The thing that made me fall in love with Stephen was his sense of humor. He always made me laugh, even when all I wanted to do was cry.

Whenever I’d get angry or upset with him – for whatever reason – I’d always wind up laughing because he could always make me see the funny side of it.

As a husband, Stephen was supportive of everything I did.

Like when I decided that the patio needed to be refurbished. He was right by my side working so hard to help me, even though I’m sure the last thing he felt like doing was revamping the patio.

In fact, I know he would have preferred to spend his weekend resting and relaxing. But he never let me down. Tired or not, he’d help me with all my ‘projects’.

Stephen endeared himself to me even more when we became parents. He was so proud to be a father and a wonderfully hands-on partner.

I couldn’t have asked for a better father for my children. In fact, there were times I had to ask him to be a bit more hands-off so that I could get to my babies!

The lives of our children and their achievements gave Stephen an enormous amount of satisfaction.

He supported them every step of the way. He picked them up when they fell or failed.

He encouraged them to keep going. And he showed them how to be the resilient adults they have become.

My life was better that I could have ever imagined, and fuller that I ever dreamed because of Stephen’s presence by my side.

A Eulogy for a brother

I’m not going to stand up here and tell you that it was all sunshine and roses between David and myself growing up.

There were times I wished he wasn’t my brother. And I’m sure there were times he wished I wasn’t his sister.

We seemed to have a knack for pushing each other’s buttons, sometimes with some amusing consequences, sometimes not.

From the outset, David stood out as an individual. He did not march to the beat of society’s drum. He had his own internal drumbeat, and he remained committed to it.

One of my favorite memories of David is the one-and-only time my mother asked him to water her indoor plants. True to form, David came up with a plan to make the job easier.

He brought the hose and sprinkler indoors and turned it on. I’ll never forget the look on my mother’s face and the mischievous grin on David’s.

As we grew older, I began to see David for what he truly was. He was a caring brother who’d do anything to protect me.

He let me cry on his shoulder when I went through my first break-up. He was the only one who understood my hurt and confusion when our parents divorced.

David was a loyal and kind person who’d never let you down.

He’d have given anyone the shirt off his back. I’m proud to have called this incredibly special man my brother.

A Funeral Speech for a Sister

My sister Janet never met a challenge she didn’t conquer.

Even as a baby, she showed an exceptional amount of determination. She would turn her mind to an obstacle and work on it until she’d overcome it.

Of course, she drove me crazy. Having a little sister who wanted to tag along was, at times, infuriating.

She would go through the things in my room and leave a mess. When she was about ten years old, she got into my makeup drawer and went completely overboard.

When I caught her, she had rainbow-colored eyelids, forehead and cheeks. Her lips and teeth were full of lipstick, and there was mascara everywhere. I was furious at the time. When she saw how angry I was, she began to cry.

Anytime she’d open those beautiful big brown eyes of hers, silently reminding me that she was my flesh and blood, I couldn’t stay angry with her.

She’d open those beautiful big brown eyes and remind me that she was my flesh and blood. And I couldn’t stay angry with her.

Janet was an exemplary student. She had an incredible work ethic. If she didn’t understand something, she’d work at it until she did.

Losing my sister is so heartbreaking. She had so much left to offer the world.

But wherever she is, I know that she’s looking down on me now with those gorgeous brown eyes and that beautiful smile.

A Funeral Speech for a Close Acquaintance (e.g., a teacher, boss, coworker)

I’d like to start by offering John’s family my sincerest condolences.

Your loss is so great. You had a special man in your midst, and I’m can’t imagine the depth of loss you must feel.

John was my high school English teacher, so you might wonder why I refer to him as John and not as Mr. Robinson; it was at his insistence, as soon as I graduated.

When I first called him Mr. Robinson after graduation, he’d turned around and said, “Is my father standing behind me?” When I replied in the negative, he’d said, “Then why are you saying his name?”

John taught me so much more than English. He taught me how to think critically, and not to take things at face value.  

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He showed me the value of questioning that which was placed before me as fact. Thanks to him, I developed analytical skills that I continue to use today.

John’s work ethic influenced me greatly. He would always show us the value of hard work and diligence. I took those lessons to heart.

His passion for teaching English was contagious. I fell in love with the language on a different level thanks to him. He made the written word come alive in class.

He may not have known it, but John fulfilled an important role in my life. He was like a father, an uncle, and a big brother all rolled into one.

He shaped me into the man I am today. There are no words I can use to express my gratitude, which I know would disappoint John. After all, he made sure he taught us a wide vocabulary

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How do you get through an emotional speech without crying?

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