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THE ART OF GATHERING

How we meet and why it matters.

by Priya Parker ‧ RELEASE DATE: May 15, 2018

Useful to those whose job it is to plan meetings, conferences, and the like and a worthy survival manual for consumers of...

Wherever two or more of you gather, you’re probably doing it wrong.

The reason that most of us hate meetings is that meetings are so hateful: They’re too often aimless and endless, poorly conducted and seldom meaningfully concluded. Parker—founder of a company that specializes in “transformative gatherings” and a sort of Martha Stewart of the conference table—identifies the common errors that go into gathering, which she helpfully, if perhaps obviously, glosses as “the conscious bringing together of people for a reason.” The “for a reason” bit is key, for the act of bringing people together can seem like an afterthought, seldom planned through from beginning to end and a font of missed opportunities. The first step, writes the author, is “committing to a bold, sharp purpose,” with milestones along the way that include plenty of reminders for why the attendees are there in the first place. Parker nicely explores and sometimes explodes conventions: Must a baby shower be the exclusive turf of women? Can people who hate meetings be persuaded that they’re something other than a “Massive Exciting Opportunity for a Panic Attack”? To the detriment of a book that focuses on sharp significance, the author sometimes allows her anecdotes on successful and unsuccessful gathering to run on until they’re out of steam, violating her own principle: “If you are going to hold your guests captive, you had better do it well.” And readers who detest business jargon won’t be happy with phrases like, “we didn’t gauge their buy-in.” Fortunately, such lapses are outweighed by Parker’s enthusiastically delivered formulas for better get-togethers, from “sprout speeches” to accepting that time is fleeting and that the good planner will strive to make a meeting different and memorable.

Pub Date: May 15, 2018

ISBN: 978-1-59463-492-5

Page Count: 320

Publisher: Riverhead

Review Posted Online: March 19, 2018

Kirkus Reviews Issue: April 1, 2018

PSYCHOLOGY | BUSINESS | SELF-HELP | LEADERSHIP, MANAGEMENT & COMMUNICATION | GENERAL BUSINESS

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THINKING, FAST AND SLOW

by Daniel Kahneman ‧ RELEASE DATE: Nov. 1, 2011

Striking research showing the immense complexity of ordinary thought and revealing the identities of the gatekeepers in our...

A psychologist and Nobel Prize winner summarizes and synthesizes the recent decades of research on intuition and systematic thinking.

The author of several scholarly texts, Kahneman (Emeritus Psychology and Public Affairs/Princeton Univ.) now offers general readers not just the findings of psychological research but also a better understanding of how research questions arise and how scholars systematically frame and answer them. He begins with the distinction between System 1 and System 2 mental operations, the former referring to quick, automatic thought, the latter to more effortful, overt thinking. We rely heavily, writes, on System 1, resorting to the higher-energy System 2 only when we need or want to. Kahneman continually refers to System 2 as “lazy”: We don’t want to think rigorously about something. The author then explores the nuances of our two-system minds, showing how they perform in various situations. Psychological experiments have repeatedly revealed that our intuitions are generally wrong, that our assessments are based on biases and that our System 1 hates doubt and despises ambiguity. Kahneman largely avoids jargon; when he does use some (“heuristics,” for example), he argues that such terms really ought to join our everyday vocabulary. He reviews many fundamental concepts in psychology and statistics (regression to the mean, the narrative fallacy, the optimistic bias), showing how they relate to his overall concerns about how we think and why we make the decisions that we do. Some of the later chapters (dealing with risk-taking and statistics and probabilities) are denser than others (some readers may resent such demands on System 2!), but the passages that deal with the economic and political implications of the research are gripping.

Pub Date: Nov. 1, 2011

ISBN: 978-0-374-27563-1

Page Count: 512

Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux

Review Posted Online: Sept. 3, 2011

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 15, 2011

BUSINESS | LEADERSHIP, MANAGEMENT & COMMUNICATION | PSYCHOLOGY

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BOOK REVIEW

by Daniel Kahneman & Olivier Sibony & Cass R. Sunstein

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IN THE NEWS

THE CULTURE MAP

Breaking through the invisible boundaries of global business.

by Erin Meyer ‧ RELEASE DATE: May 27, 2014

These are not hard and fast rules, but Meyer delivers important reading for those engaged in international business.

A helpful guide to working effectively with people from other cultures.

“The sad truth is that the vast majority of managers who conduct business internationally have little understanding about how culture is impacting their work,” writes Meyer, a professor at INSEAD, an international business school. Yet they face a wider array of work styles than ever before in dealing with clients, suppliers and colleagues from around the world. When is it best to speak or stay quiet? What is the role of the leader in the room? When working with foreign business people, failing to take cultural differences into account can lead to frustration, misunderstanding or worse. Based on research and her experiences teaching cross-cultural behaviors to executive students, the author examines a handful of key areas. Among others, they include communicating (Anglo-Saxons are explicit; Asians communicate implicitly, requiring listeners to read between the lines), developing a sense of trust (Brazilians do it over long lunches), and decision-making (Germans rely on consensus, Americans on one decider). In each area, the author provides a “culture map scale” that positions behaviors in more than 20 countries along a continuum, allowing readers to anticipate the preferences of individuals from a particular country: Do they like direct or indirect negative feedback? Are they rigid or flexible regarding deadlines? Do they favor verbal or written commitments? And so on. Meyer discusses managers who have faced perplexing situations, such as knowledgeable team members who fail to speak up in meetings or Indians who offer a puzzling half-shake, half-nod of the head. Cultural differences—not personality quirks—are the motivating factors behind many behavioral styles. Depending on our cultures, we understand the world in a particular way, find certain arguments persuasive or lacking merit, and consider some ways of making decisions or measuring time natural and others quite strange.

Pub Date: May 27, 2014

ISBN: 978-1-61039-250-1

Page Count: 288

Publisher: PublicAffairs

Review Posted Online: April 15, 2014

Kirkus Reviews Issue: May 1, 2014

BUSINESS | PSYCHOLOGY

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"The Art of Gathering" taught me how to make the most out of group hangouts after a year and a half of missing them

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• " The Art of Gathering " is a 2018 book by Priya Parker , a facilitator and strategic advisor.
• The book shares insightful tips on how to make group meetings and activities more meaningful.
• I read the book and it's helped me become a better manager and even plan a birthday trip.

Like many people, staying at home more during the pandemic made me realize some important things about myself. First, that I thrive from a slower-paced, quieter lifestyle, and second, that I crave more meaningful connections when I do hang out with other people.

But as vaccines rolled out and more face-to-face opportunities presented themselves, I also felt nervous about taking the lead in organizing more get-togethers. I always assumed people who host big dinners or backyard parties possessed the kind of extroverted, chill personalities I just don't have.

Thankfully, I read " The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters ," a 2018 book by professional facilitator and strategic advisor Priya Parker , which told me to toss everything I thought about group events out the window.

According to Parker, the best kinds of gatherings actually require a good deal of thought, from pre-planning the event to finding the best way to end it. What's more, you don't have to be naturally talkative or charismatic to bring people together: These are skills and tips anyone can learn to have stronger (and way more satisfying) connections with friends, family, coworkers, and even strangers.

Here are 4 things I loved learning from " The Art of Gathering ":

Find the deeper purpose of your event, even if it's just a party..

I'll admit: Trying to find some deeper meaning to my upcoming birthday weekend in the Poconos felt challenging at first. Wasn't I just trying to have fun with my friends?

But as I dug a little more, I realized that if that were solely the case, I would have just hosted a casual celebration at a bar like I usually do. Instead, I chose something new for myself: Booking an Airbnb, inviting a few friends from different friend groups, and planning the whole weekend, which felt like a huge (but significant) leap for me. 

Knowing the true purpose of the trip helped me realize that I couldn't just be lax about this if the goal was to learn how to take charge more. It meant I had to be decisive and communicative about what we were all doing together instead of hoping someone else would do it for me.

It also helped me narrow down my choices: In deciding whether we went out to eat or cooked at the Airbnb, I chose cooking because it was an activity we could all do together and wouldn't require us all to drive back and forth to a restaurant.

As a result, the weekend felt a lot more easygoing, and my friends separately told me how relaxed they felt the whole time.

This advice holds true even with virtual meetings at work: I recently came up with and prepared a brainstorm activity for my team and now also make it a point to jot down pre-meeting talking points for every call I have, even if I already have a loose agenda in mind. 

Embrace rules and structure — within reason.

In the book, Parker highlights two extremes of event planning: Having zero rules (where guests feel aimless) and having too many (where every minute feels stressfully scheduled out).

Where having structure comes in handy is alleviating potential stress. For my birthday, I sent out a group email a few weeks in advance that outlined all the necessary information (Airbnb location, costs) while also inviting people to vote on what we did on Saturday: Tubing, hiking, or hanging out by the lake (Tubing won!)

As I learned from the book, the email didn't just preemptively answer any questions people might have (and spare me from texting nine different people the day of): It helped hype everyone up because they knew what to expect.

Think carefully about who you include.

At one point in the book, Parker drops a stunning quote from Barack Obama's aunt: "If everyone is family, no one is family."

Inclusivity doesn't mean inviting everyone to everything all the time; Parker argues that selecting your guests carefully can actually allow for greater group closeness and vulnerability (depending on the event, of course). 

For example, if you invite a perfectly sweet (but less-close) acquaintance to an annual trip with your closest friends, the dynamic can be thrown off if your best friend is going through a painful breakup but doesn't feel comfortable divulging in front of someone she doesn't know.

It's made me feel a lot less guilty about keeping some of my friend groups separate or often preferring smaller gatherings (like dinners with no more than six people) that let me spend ample time with each person.

Abandon the need to be "chill."

Successful gatherings, whether parties or work brainstorms, often look very chill on the surface, but the best ones usually require some degree of thinking ahead. 

Abandoning the need to be chill is treating yourself and your guests with dignity. It's saying that your friends, family, coworkers, or party guests are worth the effort it takes to think about making your time together a fun, positive experience for everyone. 

After a pandemic that's made many of us realize how important our connections are, it's a privilege to gather in the first place. I look forward to doing it better.

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Book review: The Art of Gathering

29 July 2021 | August 2021

by Elizabeth Spiegel AE

The Art of Gathering: How we meet and why it matters, by Priya Parker

We humans gather a lot. We get together for dinner parties, school reunions, weddings, funerals, workplace bonding activities … and conferences. Gatherings can be boring or invigorating, frustrating or uplifting, lacklustre or productive.

Parker is a professional organiser with advice for anyone who organises — or attends — a gathering and wants to spend their time effectively. She doesn’t offer task lists, but rather asks us to think about why we’re gathering and what we want to achieve. Even when the event is as small as having a few friends around for dinner, she argues that it will be more memorable — in a good way — if we have taken the time to consider, in advance, our purpose, our guest list, how we will open and close the event, how we can keep our guests engaged. 

She encourages the use of explicit rules, despite — or perhaps because of — having spent three years as a teenager, attending Junior Cotillion in Virginia. She describes the experience as one where she learned ‘random knowledge of how old rich people want you to behave’. The rules of etiquette assume a monoculture, so when you work with diverse groups, it makes sense to clearly set out rules like ‘turn up on time’ or ‘leave your phone switched off’. 

The copy I’ve been reading is from the library, but I’m about to purchase my own, since it’s a book I expect to revisit many times. 

I really wish I had read this book two years ago, and I’d encourage the organisers of future conferences to read it, but even if you never organise a gathering more significant than coffee with a bunch of friends, you can draw something valuable from it. 

Make your next gathering matter.

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters, Review by Jessica Pfeiffer, Wayne State University

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters. (2018). Priya Parker. New York, NY: Riverhead Books. 320 pp. $28. ISBN: 9781594634925, https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/319055/the-art-of-gathering-by-priya-parker/9781594634925/ .

Jessica Pfeiffer, EACPHS Office of Student Affairs, Wayne State University, [email protected]

Priya Parker is a strategic facilitator who focuses on creating meaningful, purpose-driven communities and transformative gatherings. Trained in conflict resolution, she has worked across several disciplines with activists, educators, business leaders, philanthropists, and politicians. In her book, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters , she outlines how to organize gatherings of all sizes to be both relevant and memorable through personal stories and real-world applications.

Parker begins by explaining ways to understand the true purpose of a gathering and provides practical tips for doing so; she then dives into the ‘who’ and ‘where’ of an event. When discussing the ‘who’, she emphasizes that exclusion is not necessarily a bad thing as the guest list should be just as purpose driven as the event itself. As she describes, there is a way to exclude kindly to activate diversity among the group. She also goes on to explore the size of gatherings and shares her magic number of guests for various events in order to reach established goals. The ‘where’ of the gathering is equally important, not only its physical size, but also the concept of keeping certain situations on neutral territory, such as a business merger. She later touches on the idea of physically moving rooms during different parts of the day for longer events, such as conferences or workshops. This can reinvigorate attendees by giving them a new environment.

After logistics, Parker takes a deeper look at elements related to the gathering such as how to be generous host and authority, engaging guests prior to the event, developing a proper welcome, facilitating realness, creating good controversy, and preparing an intentional closing. For example, she sends out a short questionnaire to all attendees prior to an event in order to guide her itinerary based on the responses. This not only engages guests prior to attendance, it also includes them as active participants in the planning process. Additionally, she facilitates realness by encouraging guests to keep their best self out of her gathering. By this, she means that most often individuals tend to build themselves up in new situations; however, she would rather guests have a sense of vulnerability to speak about what is real. Instead of talking about a new successful program just launched, talk about one of the challenges and ask for feedback to find a solution. Parker also believes in good controversy to stir up dialogue. She is against the no religion or politics in conversation rule and believes these topics are acceptable with an open-mind and mutual respect for everyone in the group.

As advisors, we often plan events and programs meant to increase involvement, ease the transition to college, explore major and career opportunities, embrace inclusivity and diversity, and recruit prospective students. By implementing just a few of these concepts, we can create unique experiences that encompass our institution’s mission and bring out the full potential of students. Furthermore, many advisors are involved with professional organizations and the planning of annual conferences. These tips can provide professional growth by sparking new ideas for innovative experiences that advisors can bring to the table at those planning meetings and take back to their home institutions. 

Parker’s philosophy on gatherings aligns with the NACADA core value of inclusivity by emphasizing the importance of diversity and openness. Her thoughts on how to foster good controversy and interesting conversation supports a core objective of higher education to advance the knowledge of students. The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters details how advisors can practically apply NACADA’s conceptual core competency on how equitable and inclusive environments are created and maintained. It provides advisors with a guide to transform ordinary events into meaningful gatherings for both students and colleagues.

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The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters Paperback – 17 May 2018

We spend our lives gathering - first in classrooms and then in meetings, weddings, conferences and away days. Yet so many of us spend this time in underwhelming moments that fail to engage us, inspire us, or connect us. We've all sat in meetings where people talk past each other or go through the motions and others which galvanize a team and remind everyone why they first took the job. We've been to weddings that were deeply moving and others that were run-of-the-mill and simply faded away. Why do some moments take off and others fizzle? What's the difference between the gatherings that inspire you and the ones that don't? In The Art of Gathering , Priya Parker gets to the heart of these questions and reveals how to design a transformative gathering. An expert on organizing successful gatherings whether in conference centres or her living room, Parker shows us how to create moving, magical, mind-changing experiences - even in spaces where we've come to expect little.

• Print length 320 pages
• Language English
• Publisher Portfolio Penguin
• Publication date 17 May 2018
• Dimensions 15.3 x 2.3 x 23.4 cm
• ISBN-10 9780241973837
• ISBN-13 978-0241973837
• See all details

Product description

About the author, product details.

• ASIN ‏ : ‎ 024197383X
• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Portfolio Penguin (17 May 2018)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Paperback ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780241973837
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0241973837
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 15.3 x 2.3 x 23.4 cm
• 423 in Language Communication Reference
• 2,769 in Business Life (Books)
• 6,081 in Applied Psychology (Books)

About the authors

Crawford, meriah.

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Q. & A.

Tell Us 5 Things About Your Book: Turning Routine Meetings Into Memorable Events

By John Williams

• May 13, 2018
• Share full article

Like many others, I’m celebrating Mother’s Day with my family this weekend. The following weekend, I’m attending a significant birthday party. Priya Parker would have strong opinions about these events. In “The Art of Gathering,” she sets out to invigorate the way we meet — at birthdays, weddings, funerals, negotiation tables and elsewhere. Trained in conflict resolution, Ms. Parker has worked on issues including the fate of NGOs in Zimbabwe and the peace process in the Middle East. On a more personal level, she has helped friends with questions about how to sit shiva or throw a dinner party. Much of Ms. Parker’s advice is provocative, sometimes counterintuitive, with chapter titles like “Cause Good Controversy” and “Don’t Be a Chill Host.” (“Many people who go to the serious trouble of hosting aspire to host as minimally as possible,” she writes. “But who wants to sail on a skipperless ship?”) Below, she discusses Martha Stewart’s “greatest crime,” how not to end an event and more.

When did you first get the idea to write this book?

It wasn’t one moment per se, but many over a period of time — every time I was at a dinner party with amazing people who would go home after a beautiful night of food having never connected in a meaningful way, or at a meeting with attention paid to the whiteboards or the PowerPoint font but not to gripping people or reminding them why they do the work they do. I kept thinking, all this time and effort was clearly put into these gatherings. So what is actually happening and why aren’t we connecting?

I like to tell people that Martha Stewart’s greatest crime wasn’t insider trading, it was telling a generation of hosts that gathering is about fish knives, flowers and canapés; that if you get the things right, magic will happen. One of the documents I found that illustrated this for me was a party-planning guide on Stewart’s website. It’s a 29-item checklist and only three of the items focused on people. I wanted to write a book that shifted the focus away from the crudités and on to what actually creates magic between people.

What’s the most surprising thing you learned while writing it?

I learned so many amazing things from the people I met with. I interviewed over a hundred gatherers — my language, not theirs. I talked to a very thoughtful dominatrix, and from her I learned how important it was to create space for people to show a different side of themselves, sometimes a darker side. A pair of Buddhist monks taught me that it’s essential to make your gathering decisively end rather than peter out. We plan when something will stop from a time perspective, and we hope the striking of the clock means it’s over. But studies show that the beginning, the end and the peak experience is what most people remember. There are a lot of things you can do to close an experience, from reminding people of what happened, to connecting them one last time, to making them think about how they want to re-enter the world. But don’t end with logistics; for example, saying, “Thank you all for coming, your coats are in the checkout room and the last shuttle is waiting outside to take you to the airport.” It’s not that you don’t have to convey that information; just don’t do it as the last thing.

In what way is the book you wrote different from the book you set out to write?

The book I wrote is radically different. I started writing a book that told the stories of the gatherers I interviewed, about their lives and backgrounds and what led them to gather in the way they do. When I met the dominatrix, a lot of the talk was about her childhood, and a lot of the first draft was about that. I shared this with a friend, and he was fascinated by the story, but he was irritated that I couldn’t tell him how it related to his life. I think in trying to avoid this book being a cheap how-to, I didn’t give people enough information.

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The Art of Gathering

How We Meet and Why It Matters

Priya Parker | 4.24 | 4,877 ratings and reviews

Ranked #35 in Tribal , Ranked #84 in Conversation

Reviews and Recommendations

We've comprehensively compiled reviews of The Art of Gathering from the world's leading experts.

Anita Zielina Just finished "The Art of Gathering" (thanks @CFahrenbach) - a fascinating book on how and why humans gather and how we might make gatherings better. Worth the read! (Source)

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Reading Ladies

The art of gathering: how we meet and why it matters [book review] #nonfiction.

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters by Priya Parker explores the benefits, purpose, and power of a variety of gatherings. Please indulge me as I add personal reflections to this book review!

The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker

Genre/Categories: Nonfiction, Essays, Planning and Organization, Leadership, Group Dynamics

*This post contains Amazon affiliate links.

My Summary of The Art of Gathering

Although the content in these essays is geared heavily toward business gatherings, the author provides some applications to personal social gatherings as well. She goes into detail about the specific purpose of a gathering and the overall organization.

My Thoughts:

What I loved: The concept I love most about the book is Parker’s emphasis on PEOPLE not THINGS. While Martha Stewart might focus on food presentation, place cards, and centerpieces, Parker’s focus is on the experience of her guests…their comfort, enjoyment, connection, and satisfaction.

Generally Applicable: The concepts in this book can be applied to any type of gathering, but I think they offer a great deal of insight for professionals. I love books that cause me to think of ordinary things in new ways. I cannot attend a wedding, conference, or party again without thinking of the elements of gathering that Parker presents.

Related: It seems that books like The Little Book of Hygge (the Danish secrets to living well) and Joyful  (principles of design) might pair nicely with this book for those that are most interested in “family and friends” type social gatherings.

Purpose, Venue, and Guests: A Personal Application

In reflecting about the Covid-19 Pandemic, I think most of us might agree that “gathering” is what we missed most and had taken for granted all our lives. It was especially meaningful for me to attend a family reunion this summer that had been postponed/cancelled for two consecutive years! I couldn’t help thinking about my reunion and relating it to the book’s content. Please indulge me as I share some personal pictures!

Purpose: In The Art of Gathering , Parker devotes a great deal of content to helping organizers identify and develop a purpose (which guides all other decisions). She passionately believes that all decisions made about the gathering stem from purpose.

In July I attended a family reunion. In hindsight, I was thrilled that one of the first communications from my aunt (the organizer) clearly defined, a specific purpose for our reunion: to create memories for the younger generations so they might want to continue reunions in the future for their children. With memory making as the purpose, we enjoyed easy yet “crowd pleasing” meals, campfires every night, yummy smores, a festive sunset hayride, long and leisurely chats around the table (one night it was a book discussion!), friendly volleyball games and corn hole competitions, afternoon skeet shooting, an afternoon pie social (with all homemade pies of course), spectacular prairie sunsets, homemade cookies and bars, star gazing at night, joining hands (and hearts) in a large circle before every meal to sing table grace (Lutheran tradition), and a magically large tent……treasured memories to last a lifetime and ones to inspire the next generation.

Gathering for homemade pie.

Gathering for volleyball

Gathering around the campfire

Some enthusiasts gathering for skeet shooting

Gathering for a hayride (pulled by a John Deere tractor)

Gathering in awe of sunset

Gathering in a circle to sing table grace (similar to this first verse)

Be present at our table, Lord Be here and everywhere adored Bless these mercies and grant that we Might feast in paradise with thee. ~Amen~

How many of you have sung some version of this table grace?

Venue: Parker emphasizes finding the right venue for your gathering. The venue for our reunion was my cousin’s farm in northeastern South Dakota , and more specifically a very large tent! Our family roots are in this rural area of South Dakota. We can drive around the countryside to see the farms that my parents and grandparents lived on, and we can walk through country cemeteries and find the names of family and friends. Folks from the city can breath in the fresh country air and appreciate all the space and peacefulness. The perfect venue for us is the land where our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents lived and loved, toiled and farmed. I know they were all there in spirit.

Gathering at the family farm

Parker also insists that your gathering space has a defined perimeter. Our tent provided the perimeter that protected, blessed, and enhanced our conversations and held the laughter and joy. “Visiting” is a sport in the Midwest and we are the champions.

Gathering under the large, magical tent

Guests: Parker insists on a well-defined and wisely-chosen guest list for a successful gathering. For us, if you are a descendant of the three Anderson siblings, you scored an invite. In fact, you were a VIP guest….you BELONG. Is there a better feeling than belonging? Is there anything more treasured and precious than “your people”? My daughter and I couldn’t help but comment several times how happy and privileged we are to belong to a group of such likable, kind, generous, and inclusive, people!

Gathering the first generation of Anderson cousins…we’re not the kids any more! (I’m 3rd from the right)

Parker’s Focus in on People: In the beginning of this post I mention what I love most about this book ….it’s focus on PEOPLE. Every decision by the organizers of our reunion had the people in mind. From the welcome and prayer (which set the purpose), to the home-style meals, to the family-friendly activities, to the heartwarming conversations, to including children, the younger generation, and the seniors in all activities and conversations, to the moving concluding remarks, we felt loved and not “organized.” The spirit of Hygee naturally inhabited the family reunion (a nod to our Danish heritage) and added to the warmth.

Gathering for a 2022 reunion photo

Recommending The Art of Gathering:

The Art of Gathering is especially recommended for professionals as they organize conferences, classrooms, and staff meetings; however, the concepts here also apply to family gatherings and celebrations. If you want to add more nonfiction to your TBR and love thinking about the “behind the scenes” of a gathering, you might enjoy this book .

My Rating:  4 Stars

More Information Here

Meet the Author of The Power of Gathering, Priya Parker

Do you plan many gatherings? Did you miss small and large gatherings during the Pandemic?

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11 comments.

Interesting concept for a book – like you I’ve attended thousands of business meetings over the years, many of them entirely pointless. If only people had done what this book recommends and identified a clear purpose, they would have been more worthwhile.

Reflecting how how to gather more effectively is always worth pondering!

I love your photos Carol and hearing how the book related so well to your family reunion.

Thanks Nicki! 🙌💖

This sounds like an interesting book. I love the way you applied it to your family reunion and loved seeing the pictures you shared. I have sung that table grace before at a friend’s home. You are right that visiting is a sport in the Midwest! I don’t plan many events, but this sounds like a helpful book.

Thanks for commenting Gretchen! I think I’ll experience every gathering from now on through the lens of this book!

What a Fun Fun post Carol!! What a joy to have a reunion like that with all the big family. I am really interested in the topic of gathering– mostly in the context of the church, women I meet with for different groups. Will have to track this book down and see how it applies. thanks!

Thanks Rhonda! You could write your own book I think! This book will validate all you do!

What a great post, Carol. I loved all your pictures and enjoyed seeing how this book related to your reunion.

Thanks Carla! 💖

[…] For “Why,” I need to find the word in the subtitle ofThe Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters by Priya Parker […]

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The Art of Gathering: Summary and Review

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters by Priya Parker

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This book opened the door to making me realize there is so much more to organizing communities than I realized, and is responsible for giving me the confidence to develop my identity as a community builder.

1. Decide why you’re really gathering

• Define the purpose of your gathering. Everything you do speaks to that purposes, even what you do before the gathering has officially begun, like how you frame your invites, and how you describe who the gathering is for.
• This sets the tone and frame for the rest of what you do. “Just hanging out” is not a purpose. “To inspire people to be proactive in making connections” is a purpose.

2. Close doors

• Don’t be afraid to exclude people from the gathering if they are not a good fit for the purpose. Don’t feel like you have to invite everyone out of politeness.

3. Don’t be a chill host

• Being “chill” is the fear of being a leader, and taking responsibility for how the gathering goes. You shouldn’t abdicate responsibility for your role as a leader of the gathering, that just leads to a vaccum where the most chatty people dominate the gathering.
• People want an organized leader to create structure for the gathering, otherwise it’s too overwhelming to be the protagonist of the entire gathering (most people are afraid of standing out too much in a crowd).

On the first day of his class on Adaptive Leadership, he begins in the most peculiar way. Instead of walking into the room and taking attendance or launching into a lecture, he sits in a black swivel chair in the front of the classroom and stares at the ground with a blank, slightly bored look on his face. Dozens of students sit in front of him. He doesn’t welcome any of them. He doesn’t clear his throat. He doesn’t have one of his assistants introduce him. He just sits there in silence, staring blankly, not moving an inch. Without the professor leading the way, the students must deal with one another. Any of the hundred of them is, technically, free to speak (or yell or dance or laugh or attempt to take charge). No one is stopping them. But there are unspoken norms discouraging them from doing so. And even when those norms are put to the test, as Heifetz is doing by hanging back, each student has no idea how the others will react. Will one of them be strong enough, charismatic enough, or logical enough to convince the others what to do with the time? Or will they endlessly argue?

4. Create a temporary alternative world

Having rules of engagement and being explicit about norms helps foster a more tight-knit sense of belonging, that this gathering is an oasis from the normal world.

5. Never start a funeral with logistics

Your first words are a privileged moment, use it to reinforce your purpose, don’t squander it by talking about logistics (those can come later).

6. Keep your best self out of my gathering

Enforce guardrails around attendee’s “normal” identities, this just leads to exhausting posturing of social status common elsewhere (see Part 4: Create a temporary alternative world). For example, instruct attendees that they are not allowed to talk about their job title or brag about what they’ve accomplished.

7. Cause good controversy

Provide structure and examples for talking about “taboo” topics (sex, politics, religion), to encourage people to be vulnerable in the conversation, while avoiding it from turning into an emotional fight.

8. Accept that there is an end

Close on a high note, don’t let people just trail off and leave the gathering without having a privileged moment to send them off (e.g. taking a photo at the end of Learning Night ). Make a “last call” moment to emphasize the purpose of the gathering. If you want to extend a gathering, transition the tone/environment in some way to demarcate the main gathering from a distinct secondary gathering that has now commenced.

Brief Book Review: The Art of Gathering

The art of gathering: how we meet and why it matters by priya parker.

Why is this book useful? Although the author’s examples primarily relate to the business world or personal gatherings, a thoughtful reader will be able to make connections with life in the church—both liturgical gatherings and those outside the liturgy. For example, her principle (“the kindness of exclusion”) in chapter 2 is primarily for “secular” gatherings, but in the Protestant world of “y’all are welcome at the table,” Parker’s cautions against “over-including” people could give parishes and denominations wrestling with this eucharistic trend some food for thought. [Pun intended.] When making the case to exclude some, she returns to the original purpose of the gathering, pointing out ways in which inclusivity can erode that purpose.

What will get you thinking? To illustrate the principle (and title of chapter 4), “Create a temporary alternative world,” Parker describes in detail the phenomenon of Dîner en Blanc , an annual event in many major cities around the world. That the Eucharist is the Church’s way of creating a temporary alternative world will not be lost on the reader, and the author’s commentary can open up the reader’s thinking about ways in which we’ve made this holy meal into something mundane and meaningless by obsessing over efficiency, hygiene, or narrow theological thinking. Keep in mind her mantra—that gatherings ought be unforgettable and meaningful—but don’t push the Dîner en Blanc analogy too far.

Applications: Parker uses some pithy phrases that translate well into an ecclesial world. For example, in chapter 3, she encourages hosts to practice “generous authority,” that is, to “run [a gathering] with a strong, confident hand, but … [to] run [it] selflessly, for the sake of others” (81). Such language can easily be applied to presiding at worship, to organizing a funeral lunch, and to leading all types of church meetings. The author also articulates three goals of the host which are easily applicable to Christian community: “protect your guests” (from boredom and technology); “equalize your guests”; and “connect your guests.”

For readers involved in adult catechumenate ministry, Parker’s language of “ushering” and “crossing thresholds” in chapter 5 will resonate deeply. Recognizing that some religious rituals function to “transition from one state to another” (167), her interlocutor on this subject is a performance artist, and Parker considers both physical and psychological ways that a host can “usher” guests across a threshold to a new experience. The chapter’s title, “Never start a funeral with logistics,” has made me rethink those ubiquitous announcements prior to a special/occasional liturgy.

In chapter 6, “Keep your best self out of my gathering,” the author makes a case for establishing a process in groups that encourages people to be authentic, to be their “real” selves. To accomplish an authentic ethos within a group, Parker encourages structuring an initial gathering in a way that allow people to be vulnerable with one another. She writes, “the whole point of this dinner is to try out another way of being together …” (221). Her words describe what living together as the Body of Christ means, that is, showing those obsessed with worldly success (wealth, beauty, youth, perfect job, family, etc.) the grace and freedom of “another way of being together”—as flawed and sinful people, yet redeemed and forgiven by Christ, who strive to honor the dignity of every person and serve their neighbor in need.

Parker, Priya. The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters . New York: Riverhead Books, 2018. 304 + xvi pages. $17.00. ISBN: 9781594634920.

REVIEWER: Rhoda Schuler Professor Emerita, Concordia University, St. Paul, Minnesota

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One response to “Brief Book Review: The Art of Gathering ”

I heard an interview with her on WNYC. Thanks for the fuller description of what the book is about.

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The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

"Hosts of all kinds, this is a must-read!" (Chris Anderson, owner and curator of TED)

From the host of the New York Times podcast Together Apart , an exciting new approach to how we gather that will transform the ways we spend our time together - at home, at work, in our communities, and beyond.

In The Art of Gathering , Priya Parker argues that the gatherings in our lives are lackluster and unproductive - which they don't have to be. We rely too much on routine and the conventions of gatherings when we should focus on distinctiveness and the people involved. At a time when coming together is more important than ever, Parker sets forth a human-centered approach to gathering that will help everyone create meaningful, memorable experiences, large and small, for work and for play.

Drawing on her expertise as a facilitator of high-powered gatherings around the world, Parker takes us inside events of all kinds to show what works, what doesn't, and why. She investigates a wide array of gatherings - conferences, meetings, a courtroom, a flash-mob party, an Arab-Israeli summer camp - and explains how simple, specific changes can invigorate any group experience.

The result is a book that's both journey and guide, full of exciting ideas with real-world applications. The Art of Gathering will forever alter the way you look at your next meeting, industry conference, dinner party, and backyard barbecue - and how you host and attend them.

• Listening Length 9 hours and 21 minutes
• Author Priya Parker
• Narrator Bernadette Dunne
• Audible release date May 15, 2018
• Language English
• Publisher Penguin Audio
• ASIN B07B4HV9K7
• Version Unabridged
• Program Type Audiobook
• See all details

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Customers find the book has good insights and things they will use. However, opinions are mixed on the writing style, with some finding it fabulous and others saying it's long-winded and boring.

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Customers find the book has good insights and engaging material on helping people connect. They also say it's a fabulous guide with practical help for making the most of gatherings. Customers also say the book is eye opening and admired the author's work.

"This book is incredibly valuable for anyone whose professional or personal goals include bringing people together in a positive, intentional way...." Read more

"Parker has some interesting ideas for gathering your people , in both professional and personal settings...." Read more

"...All in all, The Art of Gathering is definitely worth the read if one is looking to be a better organizer of or participant in meetings, conferences,..." Read more

"...guide to creating gatherings that are memorable, effective and way more meaningful . Never settle for a dud party (or business meeting) again...." Read more

Customers find the book simple to implement and understand. They also say it's a beautiful, readable, and accessible guidebook.

"...Filled with clear examples and stories that make it easy to absorb and follow ." Read more

"...It's amazingly simple to bring a conversation to a whole new level with her approach...." Read more

"...meaningful friendships, it's all here in a beautiful, readable, accessible guidebook ." Read more

"This is a fresh take on how to deliberately and consciously gather people...." Read more

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The Art of Gathering

45 pages • 1 hour read

A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Introduction-Chapter 1

Key Figures

Index of Terms

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Discussion Questions

Summary and Study Guide

Priya Parker’s book The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters (2018) is a series of chapter-length essays that provide a guide to organizing effective gatherings as well as a persuasive argument for thinking about them as tools for social transformation. As a highly experienced group facilitator, advisor, podcast host, and expert in conflict resolution, Parker brings a specialist’s insight to her topic. At the same time, she organizes and presents the book as a practical, hands-on guide to help everyone from business people to community leaders to groups of friends organize purposeful gatherings. The Art of Gathering touches on a huge range of event types, from funerals to political summits. In addition, it incorporates an array of anecdotal evidence from Parker’s own experience as well as from numerous experts in professional fields including business, community organizing, entertainment, politics, and more.

This guide uses the 2018 ebook edition published by Riverhead Books, Penguin Random House. The book’s first chapter, “Decide Why You’re Really Gathering ,” lays out what Parker considers to be the most fundamental part of a successful gathering: its purpose . No gathering can be effective without a well-defined, specific purpose. Purpose, as Parker defines it, is distinct from category. While a gathering might have an obvious category, such as dinner party, business meeting, or networking event, its purpose should describe what is unique to that gathering—what makes it unlike any other.

In the next chapter, “Close Doors,” Parker makes the potentially controversial claim that gatherings should not be as inclusive as possible. When organizers choose a select group of guests/participants with care and intention, and exclude those who are not relevant to or will detract from the gathering’s purpose, then there are greater opportunities for the attendees to engage meaningfully with that purpose. Acknowledging that this perspective goes against common practice, Parker argues that being exclusive also allows for a greater effective diversity of voices within a gathering, since those who might dominate or take away from its purpose will not be present.

The third chapter, “Don’t Be a Chill Host,” challenges another commonplace recommendation. Instead of assuming that the host’s role is to stay out of the way and let a group magically congeal, Parker urges organizers to take an active role in leading gatherings. Parker deems this generous authority , since it is always conducted with an eye toward improving the experience of attendees and upholding the gathering’s purpose. In the chapter that follows, “Create a Temporary Alternative World,” Parker introduces the concept of pop-up rules . Whereas the traditional guidelines of etiquette restrict behavior, are fixed, apply to all situations, and set groups apart from others, pop-up rules apply only to the context of a gathering and are meant to encourage broad participation.

In the fifth chapter, “Never Start a Funeral with Logistics,” Parker provides some practical tips on effectively opening a gathering. She advises organizers to start with a gesture or activity that encapsulates the gathering’s purpose, rather than procedural information or generalized introductions. Parker continues these practical tips in Chapter 6, “Keep Your Best Self Out of My Gathering,” which introduces a technique she invented: 15 Toasts . This activity encourages participants in a gathering to share honest, personal insights on a theme relevant to the event’s purpose. Parker describes how she has successfully applied the 15 Toasts technique to gatherings of all kinds and sizes.

Chapter 7, “Cause Good Controversy ,” argues that introducing disagreement and debate into a gathering’s discussion can actually result in a meaningful engagement with the event’s purpose, contrary to the general rules of etiquette. Parker concedes that controversy is not necessary or appropriate for every kind of gathering, but for those attempting to solve a problem or resolve an issue, it can be a powerful tool. In the final chapter, “Accept That There Is an End,” Parker advises that closing a gathering carefully is as important as opening it with intention. An ending is the last opportunity to affirm and seal a gathering’s purpose. The chapter provides additional practical tips for doing so, such as not ending with logistical details or a long list of thank-yous.

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Book Review-The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters

Home Book Review Relationships Book Review-The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters

• May 22, 2023
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• Robert Bogue
• Book Review , Relationships

Humans have gathered since our first dawn as a species.  We did so to share our resources and to protect one another.  We’re better together than we are alone, and it’s this togetherness that has allowed us to become successful.  However, because we’re so used to being together, we hardly give gathering a thought.  Occasionally, when we think about gathering a few more people than normal or people who don’t know each other, we’ll ponder it a bit, but it’s more accidental than intentional.  In The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters , Priya Parker explains that if we want to have successful gatherings, we need to put a bit of thought into it.

There’s an old African proverb (the specific source of which can’t be traced) that says, “If you want to go faster, go alone.  If you want to go further, go together.”  It’s at the heart of why we gather.  It’s not faster.  It allows us to reach further heights.  Of course, there are a number of enabling conditions that must be just right for this to take place – but without the initial “together,” we can’t get there.

Conditions might include those that Kantor proposes in Reading the Room , those from William Isaacs’ work Dialogue , or the psychological safety proposed by Amy Edmondson in The Fearless Organization .  Efficacy may be found best using Scott Page’s approach in The Difference or Richard Hackman’s guidance in Collaborative Intelligence .

One of the most striking ways that people were brought together was in Florence, Italy, when the Medici family gathered people with different skills and interests and allowed them to work and interact with one another.  (See The Medici Effect for more.)  Their efforts to bring people together kicked off the Renaissance period.  We discovered that there were ways of teaming up and sharing that were effective at driving creativity and productivity.  (See Team Genius for more.)

Finding Purpose

Organizations which were once plagued by ineffective meetings and who have now encountered an enlightened leader require that meetings have agendas.  The agenda spells out why people are gathering, what the desired outcome is, and which items will lead to the desired outcome – at least, good agendas do this.  “Wasteful meetings” is a common disdain that comes from both internal and external large corporate surveys.  Too much time is wasted in meetings where there is no objective or agenda.  People meet because they believe they’re supposed to meet rather than to get something specific done – or to coordinate on a specific project.

Simon Sinek in Start with Why encourages us to find the purpose before everything else.  Steven Covey describes it as “first things first” in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People .

The Law of Numbers

The size of the group matters.  Small groups of around six offer intimacy.  Groups of 12 can build trust – and some intimacy.  Groups of 30 start to create buzz and electricity.  Groups of 150 are about the limit to the number of people that can feel like a single group.  These numbers are consistent with Robin Dunbar’s research.  (See High Orbit – Respecting Grieving .)

When planning a gathering, planning for the number of people is key to designing for the purpose of the gathering.  While you may want to invite more people, sometimes those additional people can disturb the goal.

Venue Vectors

Venues come with scripts, patterns that tend to play out over and over.  They’re expected, and that expectation drives more of the same.  Sometimes, the patterns are so ingrained that we don’t even see they’re happening.  Meet at a college, and people will expect to be lectured to – rather than engaging in a discussion.  Meet in a library, and people will expect to stay quiet.  (See The Public Library for more on library culture.)  The coffee shop implies a casual meeting rather than one with a drive through an aggressive agenda.

When you pick the venue, you’re necessarily shaping how the interactions will happen.  More than just the traffic flows and the catering options, venues veer us towards or away from our purpose.

Don’t Leave Me Alone

As the host of the gathering, there’s a tension between over-controlling the event and failing to let things spontaneously emerge and under controlling the event and leaving the participants to fend for themselves.  (See On Dialogue for emergence.)  There’s the idea that, if you don’t structure the time, people will be left to themselves.  The truer response is that they’ll be left to the mercy of the other participants – and that can have some embarrassing results.

Parker recounts an event where too much freedom was given to participants, and despite the small talk, they had managed to not get introduced to one another – and, as a result, the conversation was strained.

Social Contracts

All gatherings are social contracts.  People give up something – most notably, their precious time – and they want to know what they’ll get for it.  Sometimes, it’s the opportunity to meet someone new, hold interesting discussions, or have a new experience.  However, there’s always some implicit contract about what they’re giving and what they’ll be getting – or, at least, what they might get.  After all, in most situations when we attend a gathering, we don’t know for sure what we will get.  We get a raffle ticket and hope that our number is picked for a prize.

Failure to articulate the value proposition – or potential value proposition – for the group is a surefire way to have people fail to accept the invitation and fail to show.  With group dynamics being what they are, there’s no telling what not having the right – or enough – people may do to your gathering.

Strange Confessions

Sometimes, the groups that come together can share honestly because they don’t know each other – not despite their lack of relationship.  Sometimes, the things that people must share are too heavy to be borne inside of a long-term, caring relationship.  They must first be tested in the waters with relative strangers to provide comfort that they may be shared with closer relationships without fear of recrimination.  The strange thing about the group in which these things are shared is that they invariably end up feeling like sacred spaces.  People bond and connect quickly – even if those bonds turn out to be fleeting.

Hot or Cold

For most people, the conflict in a new group is anxiety producing.  Most people are conflict avoidant, and the sometimes candid and direct feedback that evolves between two or more participants in a meeting can make others duck and cover.  Clearly, this doesn’t allow everyone to bring their best selves.  On the other extreme, there’s the problem of groups who are too conflict avoidant, and the conflicts that the group needs to have never happen.  As a result, the group gets stuck being nice and getting nothing done.  Even in gatherings, we need to consider how the group dynamics are playing out, which conflicts need to happen to get out in the open, and which conflicts can be safely avoided because they can’t serve any purpose.  (See Radical Candor for more.)

Turning an End into a Closing

Kahneman explains how the Peak-End rule guides what we think of events.  (See Thinking, Fast and Slow .)  His research showed that the ending of any experience mattered more than it should.  While endings are often left to chance, they need to be an integral part of your planning.  Parker suggests that you not end with thank yous – those can be second to last.  Instead, end with the thing that you want people to most remember or experience.  If you do it just right, you may find that everyone has a powerful and moving experience in The Art of Gathering .

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4ir applications in the transport industry: systematic review of the state of the art with respect to data collection and processing mechanisms.

1. Introduction

2. methodology, 2.1. search key/string approach, 2.2. source/database selection, 2.3. selection of closely related articles (inclusion and exclusion criteria), 3. related works, 3.1. general literature review, 3.2. specific literature review, 4. identified gaps, 5. discussion of findings, 6. conclusions and recommendation, author contributions, institutional review board statement, informed consent statement, data availability statement, acknowledgments, conflicts of interest.

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Ajayi, O.O.; Kurien, A.M.; Djouani, K.; Dieng, L. 4IR Applications in the Transport Industry: Systematic Review of the State of the Art with Respect to Data Collection and Processing Mechanisms. Sustainability 2024 , 16 , 7514. https://doi.org/10.3390/su16177514

Ajayi OO, Kurien AM, Djouani K, Dieng L. 4IR Applications in the Transport Industry: Systematic Review of the State of the Art with Respect to Data Collection and Processing Mechanisms. Sustainability . 2024; 16(17):7514. https://doi.org/10.3390/su16177514

Ajayi, Olusola O., Anish M. Kurien, Kareem Djouani, and Lamine Dieng. 2024. "4IR Applications in the Transport Industry: Systematic Review of the State of the Art with Respect to Data Collection and Processing Mechanisms" Sustainability 16, no. 17: 7514. https://doi.org/10.3390/su16177514

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